I worked this Saturday (1 year 1 day later)
I didn't get paid for it, that is one of the downfalls of being management, but it was something that really needed to be done. I was so behind on things that I had to bring another guy in and catch up on things. I have free range to grant overtime, part of my job description allows me to do that, so I used it so I could get some things done today. I didn't get as much done as I would have wished to do, but I did get enough done to warrant it well worth going it. Really that is all that matters. I did not go in to kiss ass to the president of the company, I did not go in to make money because I know I do not get paid for anything extra, I went in because it would serve me good, it would mean less I have to do during the week. It would make my life easier. Some might ask, well why didn't I do the things I needed to during the week. Trust me, it is not always that easy, you can only do so much even if you work your ass off. There is only so much time in the day to get things done, and everything takes time. The real thing is balance, what do I do and what do I wait to do. You try to make a few phone calls and push things off and gauge what needs to be done now and what can wait. Friday I figured out what could be done on Saturday, and tada, I got a days work out of it, and am still backed up. Thing is, I am not as backed up as I was before and that is all that matters to me. I cut out at least a dozen things I needed to do during the week just by going in on Saturday.
That brings me to another train of thought. How many of you are 9 to 5er's? I mean you get there when you have to and leave the second you can. I don't know about you, but from doing what I do now I can tell you one thing, you come when you have to come and leave when you are supposed to leave even if you would be needed if you stayed, then you would never in a million years get a raise in my book. I am old school that way. Show me what you got, work after you are done, do what you know needs to be done before it is asked for, offer to help and not look for any gain. Those are things in my book that will get someone a raise. Being there when you are do to arrive and leaving as soon as you can, to me, means you are a worthless shitty worker. If you can't give something to your company, even a few minutes here or there, how can you ever expect to get something in return.
I am sorry for ranting about this but it is something that seems to bug me some. I put myself out all the way doing everything that needs to be done and some more that is not even asked for from me and I have people around me that won't even do their own job without a fight about it. While the fact might remain I can grant overtime as I see fit or cut it as I see fit, I can not hire and fire as I see fit. I have to run that through the president. I have issues with those that would take advantage of the system but I guess there is nothing I can really say about that. They might be management as well, but I make more then them and maybe that is a reason I shouldn't really care but either way, I wish the dead weight would be cut and people that are willing to work and are capable of doing what needs to be done could be added to the team. A team of clock watchers and sick day abusers are not what we need. We need a team of workers. Any business that wants to succeed needs people that are willing to work. Again, I do what I do because I want too not because I want something. I do what I do because I was taught to be a good worker and give my all. That is all I ask from the people around me. Sadly I see that lacking lately. That is one of the reasons I feel I can't go on vacation. It would add undo pressure on the president of the company because he is the only one willing, or even remotely capable of doing what I do while I have two people directly under me that are capable of doing what I do even to some extent that I have tried to train but whom I have little to no trust in. Perhaps I have not tried hard enough the teach them but that is only because they have showed no effort to learn and thus trying to teach is like pulling teeth.
So here I am, set to go on vacation on Aug 25th, and I do not want to go about as much as I can't wait to go. I have not been on vacation since 2002, I think, with exception of one Thanksgiving day four day weekend vacation. I want my vacation, I want something I have never done before, I want to spend a lot of money and to owe it to my credit cards, I want to spend like there is no tomorrow and just have a good time because I know I can pay it off by years end and I know this might be the last chance I get for a while. I want to get away, I feel I need it. The one year Anniversary of Charlie's death was Friday, and that has had me a bit in the dumps, along with many other things going on, so I need a bit of time to go away. I try what I can to cope with my pressures, like I went out Friday and spent a few bucks on clothing, new clothes make me feel good sometimes. It helped some, but could not help knowing it has been a year since my dear friend died. I might be a mental fuck up lately, in the last year I have been worse then I could have ever imagined, but that doesn't mean I do not deserve some relaxation. That is why I have to go on vacation even if I would prefer not to. This weekend I am booking the hotel no matter what, and worst cause scenario would be I waste a few grand on a nice hotel hotel room for a week. I've wasted money before, tickets to see Shannon, tickets to see Jenn, tickets to a Broadway play or two here and there, over all, I really do not care about the money, I care about the chance I have. I want the hotel just in case I really take that trip. I can wait up to the last moment to get the plane tickets if I go, but I have to get the hotel sooner than later, I have to get it now. I want to go on vacation, I hope I do. I hope, for once since Charlie died, I can forget about work and think about myself again. But it is so hard. Charile was work, and work is now my friend in his place, and I hate to leave, even if I want to. Leaving work is like leaving him and he left me a year ago yesterday, I am not quite sure if I am able to leave him just now even if I really want to.
You are in my thoughts Charlie, even one year ago yesterday, you are as vivid now as you were then, I will never forget you. You were then, and always will be even in death, a good friend, one of my best friends. You were a special person that made me feel good for as much grief as you gave me. I miss you, rest in peace my friend, one year gone, and not one moment forgotten. You remain in my heart.
TTFN
That brings me to another train of thought. How many of you are 9 to 5er's? I mean you get there when you have to and leave the second you can. I don't know about you, but from doing what I do now I can tell you one thing, you come when you have to come and leave when you are supposed to leave even if you would be needed if you stayed, then you would never in a million years get a raise in my book. I am old school that way. Show me what you got, work after you are done, do what you know needs to be done before it is asked for, offer to help and not look for any gain. Those are things in my book that will get someone a raise. Being there when you are do to arrive and leaving as soon as you can, to me, means you are a worthless shitty worker. If you can't give something to your company, even a few minutes here or there, how can you ever expect to get something in return.
I am sorry for ranting about this but it is something that seems to bug me some. I put myself out all the way doing everything that needs to be done and some more that is not even asked for from me and I have people around me that won't even do their own job without a fight about it. While the fact might remain I can grant overtime as I see fit or cut it as I see fit, I can not hire and fire as I see fit. I have to run that through the president. I have issues with those that would take advantage of the system but I guess there is nothing I can really say about that. They might be management as well, but I make more then them and maybe that is a reason I shouldn't really care but either way, I wish the dead weight would be cut and people that are willing to work and are capable of doing what needs to be done could be added to the team. A team of clock watchers and sick day abusers are not what we need. We need a team of workers. Any business that wants to succeed needs people that are willing to work. Again, I do what I do because I want too not because I want something. I do what I do because I was taught to be a good worker and give my all. That is all I ask from the people around me. Sadly I see that lacking lately. That is one of the reasons I feel I can't go on vacation. It would add undo pressure on the president of the company because he is the only one willing, or even remotely capable of doing what I do while I have two people directly under me that are capable of doing what I do even to some extent that I have tried to train but whom I have little to no trust in. Perhaps I have not tried hard enough the teach them but that is only because they have showed no effort to learn and thus trying to teach is like pulling teeth.
So here I am, set to go on vacation on Aug 25th, and I do not want to go about as much as I can't wait to go. I have not been on vacation since 2002, I think, with exception of one Thanksgiving day four day weekend vacation. I want my vacation, I want something I have never done before, I want to spend a lot of money and to owe it to my credit cards, I want to spend like there is no tomorrow and just have a good time because I know I can pay it off by years end and I know this might be the last chance I get for a while. I want to get away, I feel I need it. The one year Anniversary of Charlie's death was Friday, and that has had me a bit in the dumps, along with many other things going on, so I need a bit of time to go away. I try what I can to cope with my pressures, like I went out Friday and spent a few bucks on clothing, new clothes make me feel good sometimes. It helped some, but could not help knowing it has been a year since my dear friend died. I might be a mental fuck up lately, in the last year I have been worse then I could have ever imagined, but that doesn't mean I do not deserve some relaxation. That is why I have to go on vacation even if I would prefer not to. This weekend I am booking the hotel no matter what, and worst cause scenario would be I waste a few grand on a nice hotel hotel room for a week. I've wasted money before, tickets to see Shannon, tickets to see Jenn, tickets to a Broadway play or two here and there, over all, I really do not care about the money, I care about the chance I have. I want the hotel just in case I really take that trip. I can wait up to the last moment to get the plane tickets if I go, but I have to get the hotel sooner than later, I have to get it now. I want to go on vacation, I hope I do. I hope, for once since Charlie died, I can forget about work and think about myself again. But it is so hard. Charile was work, and work is now my friend in his place, and I hate to leave, even if I want to. Leaving work is like leaving him and he left me a year ago yesterday, I am not quite sure if I am able to leave him just now even if I really want to.
You are in my thoughts Charlie, even one year ago yesterday, you are as vivid now as you were then, I will never forget you. You were then, and always will be even in death, a good friend, one of my best friends. You were a special person that made me feel good for as much grief as you gave me. I miss you, rest in peace my friend, one year gone, and not one moment forgotten. You remain in my heart.
TTFN