In response to the wash of magic over him, Remus felt a brief tightness in his chest, and then a squeezing sensation down his arm. Dark spells must be at work on him, but Remus held still to let Severus continue.
One moment, Severus was calm, casting intensely, and the next his black eyes showed white in surprise as Remus' cardigan began to expand and writhe over his body. The suddenly animated garment appeared to be trying to both strangle Remus and swallow him whole at the same time, billowing and contracting, trying to engulf his entire body. Remus made a choking noise and clawed at his throat until the fabric at his arms snaked up and around his neck, covering his head completely.
"S'vur'sss!"
Quickly, the dark man switched gears, casting every curse removal spell he could remember as Remus fell to the floor, rolling back and forth as his cardigan billowed in and out, the peaks of fabric diving back toward his body as if it were beating him senseless. All Severus could see of the other man now was a great tuft of gray hair escaped at the very top of his head where the arm-wrapping ended. He was growing desperate, searching for a way to stop the carnivorous cardigan before it killed Remus, for surely Potter and the others would blame Severus for their beloved Aunt Werewolf's death merely because he was there. His spells became more simple as he ran out of ideas, Remus now twitching limply on the floor as the cardigan continued its assault.
Remus lay gasping on the floor, naked but alive, and Severus' relief overwhelmed any prurient leering he might have indulged in if Remus had not been close to becoming cloth pork pie. As he sank to his knees beside the other man, Severus did have the presence of mind to note that Remus' hair had returned to a shorter length, more light brown than gray again, and his pot-belly appeared to be gone. Remus sat up with a groan and spotted the hairy mole himself, tumbling end-over-end as if to make an escape. One angry blast of wandless magic later, and the bit of flesh was a black stain on his best rug, but Remus couldn't be arsed to care.
"I didn't know Tonks could be so vindictive," Remus said, staring at the now-dormant cardigan, a gift from his would-be lover, if only he weren't so very, very gay.
Severus rubbed his chin with his hand. "Clever girl. I knew when she survived the war that she was more capable than I ever gave her credit for, but to turn you into a spinster aunt rather than share you with anyone else -"
Remus saw Severus' eyes glaze over, and he shuddered, summoning a blanket from the sofa to cover himself. "So...We're not going to kiss or anything?"
"I rather think not," Severus said airily, climbing to his feet.
"Any reason why?"
"Your manky cardigan just tried to eat you, Lupin. It fuels my desires, but not for you."
With a soft pop, Severus Disapparated, appearing on the doorstep of a certain spiteful, purple-haired Auror he wanted to turn himself over to, pardoned or not.
Severus being the one to finally break it to Remus just had me rolling. A carnivorous cardigan? Oh, whatever dark recesses of the mind you inhabit, I love 'em.
"Your manky cardigan just tried to eat you, Lupin. It fuels my desires, but not for you."
OMG< Can I tell you I love this. It's such a cleverly written Snonks!!!! Only Severus would get so turned on by her vindictiveness. I like that. Woah, you made me like Snonks over Snupin...heeee!!!! I guess it's all about the bat for me!! Love this, love this!!!
LOL! This is fantastic, even though poor Remus is left out in the cold (...because yeah, Severus being Severus, he would go for the nasty girl instead of the Cardigan appetizer. *G*)
I know! I got the man laying naked at his feet and he still went off to seduce Tonks. I think it was all the blue-faced gasping that turned Snape off - Poor, poor Remus! ;) *hug*
That is perfect! That... wow. That is exactly what I had been hoping for. And Snape/Tonks! I'm sorry, I'm so incoherent! Eeeeee! You are so brilliant. I can't believe you wrote me 1100 words based on one frivolous request.
You're very welcome! It was quite the challenge as I always tell people how bad I am at humour when I try to write it. Thank you for such wonderful inspiration! <3 <3 <3
One moment, Severus was calm, casting intensely, and the next his black eyes showed white in surprise as Remus' cardigan began to expand and writhe over his body. The suddenly animated garment appeared to be trying to both strangle Remus and swallow him whole at the same time, billowing and contracting, trying to engulf his entire body. Remus made a choking noise and clawed at his throat until the fabric at his arms snaked up and around his neck, covering his head completely.
"S'vur'sss!"
Quickly, the dark man switched gears, casting every curse removal spell he could remember as Remus fell to the floor, rolling back and forth as his cardigan billowed in and out, the peaks of fabric diving back toward his body as if it were beating him senseless. All Severus could see of the other man now was a great tuft of gray hair escaped at the very top of his head where the arm-wrapping ended. He was growing desperate, searching for a way to stop the carnivorous cardigan before it killed Remus, for surely Potter and the others would blame Severus for their beloved Aunt Werewolf's death merely because he was there. His spells became more simple as he ran out of ideas, Remus now twitching limply on the floor as the cardigan continued its assault.
"Finite Incantatem! Anapneo! Scourgify! Evanesco!"
Remus lay gasping on the floor, naked but alive, and Severus' relief overwhelmed any prurient leering he might have indulged in if Remus had not been close to becoming cloth pork pie. As he sank to his knees beside the other man, Severus did have the presence of mind to note that Remus' hair had returned to a shorter length, more light brown than gray again, and his pot-belly appeared to be gone. Remus sat up with a groan and spotted the hairy mole himself, tumbling end-over-end as if to make an escape. One angry blast of wandless magic later, and the bit of flesh was a black stain on his best rug, but Remus couldn't be arsed to care.
"I didn't know Tonks could be so vindictive," Remus said, staring at the now-dormant cardigan, a gift from his would-be lover, if only he weren't so very, very gay.
Severus rubbed his chin with his hand. "Clever girl. I knew when she survived the war that she was more capable than I ever gave her credit for, but to turn you into a spinster aunt rather than share you with anyone else -"
Remus saw Severus' eyes glaze over, and he shuddered, summoning a blanket from the sofa to cover himself. "So...We're not going to kiss or anything?"
"I rather think not," Severus said airily, climbing to his feet.
"Any reason why?"
"Your manky cardigan just tried to eat you, Lupin. It fuels my desires, but not for you."
With a soft pop, Severus Disapparated, appearing on the doorstep of a certain spiteful, purple-haired Auror he wanted to turn himself over to, pardoned or not.
fin.
love, lore
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Show off. ;)
Hee! Just kidding! This was great, lore.
"Your manky cardigan just tried to eat you, Lupin."
I gigglesnorted at that. :D Very vivid and well described!
*thumbs up*
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*hugs* Thanks for reading! :D
love, lore
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love, lore
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Severus being the one to finally break it to Remus just had me rolling. A carnivorous cardigan? Oh, whatever dark recesses of the mind you inhabit, I love 'em.
"Your manky cardigan just tried to eat you, Lupin. It fuels my desires, but not for you."
And then he goes to TONKS!!!
You = BRILLIANT!!!
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Thank you so much for commenting, I really appreciate it! <3
love, lore
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Only Severus would get so turned on by her vindictiveness. I like that.
Woah, you made me like Snonks over Snupin...heeee!!!! I guess it's all about the bat for me!!
Love this, love this!!!
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love, lore
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love, lore
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You have confirmed my suspicion that those cardigans are Up To No Good. :-D
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love, lore
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That is perfect! That... wow. That is exactly what I had been hoping for. And Snape/Tonks! I'm sorry, I'm so incoherent! Eeeeee! You are so brilliant. I can't believe you wrote me 1100 words based on one frivolous request.
THANK YOU!!
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love, lore
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Wow, I needed that. *g* So awesome...
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