Challenge 31# Future. 'BOOKENDS'
author: Alinea61
rating: pg
Challenge 31' future.
Disclaimer: not mine
genre: h/c, angst,friendship.
summary: its been nearly 40 years.
Two old men sat on a park bench, quietly. The late morning sun drizzled its way through the hurrying clouds. It didn’t warm them. The breeze blew the taller man’s hair and he swiped at it absentmindedly. It picked up a discarded Twinkies packet and swirled it in a hypnotic rhythm that they both followed until it settled on the other man’s suede shoe. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again.
They both continued to lift their eyes to the clouds, trailing the entanglement of grey wisp into white wisp. Then carefully lowering their gaze to the willow trees as they rustled and arched in the gusts. The collared doves’ noisy mating busyness, the tiny red spider idling on the hand rest, the motes of dust scurrying around their feet, all held their attention.
Each could hear the other’s breathing.
Each man had a vague feeling he should be saying something, but the morning ticked away, the world turned but they still sat, quietly.
Years of memories, of untold lives began to push against the breath of one man. He struggled uptight from his stooped position, shoulder joints cracking, hand pressed down to steady.
He looked at his companion. Still tall, hair mostly intact (damn him), posture straight (damn arthritis), but eyes cloudy, a harmless gaze now into the distance that made the watching man almost unbearably sad. And afraid.
“So, you made General after all.”
“Yes, finally managed to knuckle down and convince everyone I wasn’t gonna suborn the whole air force.”
He chuckled, a little heavily.
“What about you? Heard you got your Nobel. I was pleased. You always wanted it.”
“How did you know - you’ve been off the radar for, well, for ever.”
“Christmas card from Lorne, got it just before he died. Got one every year, even when I didn’t reply.”
“Lorne’s dead?”
“Heart.”
“Oh, that’s sad.”
“He made General too. Did well for himself, big family and all that.”
The General paused to cough, a little rasping and breathless. His companion shifted slowly on the bench, looking at the military man expectantly. He felt giddy, his mind starting to lurch and buck under the assault of memories he’d thought they’d shared. Longings, grief, joys…he’d thought they’d talk until they were hoarse….
“I’m Professor McKay now”, he blurted.
“Ah, well, good for you. It suits you. You look good.”
McKay’s breathing became more staccato as he tried to control his panic. He wanted…he’d forgotten what he wanted from this man. He kept staring and staring, willing him to say something, show something of meaning that would validate their lives together. Anything.
“You know, I’m on 8 different types of pills just to get up in the morning. Get fussed about at home. I think they think I’m an old man - imagine that, eh?”
Sheppard dry chuckled and looked at McKay. The scientist knew he was being given an opening for safe companionship here - ‘lets compare ailments, criticise the young…’
McKay let the silence fall between them again, lost in emotions he couldn’t turn into words or pictures.
The General started to stretch and began to clear his throat. The Professor stared straight ahead and spoke steadily.
“Do you ever think about Ronan and Teyla? About the others, do you know anything?”
His companion slumped back against the bench. The breeze caught his hair again but this time was ignored. His whole frame seemed to be taut and frozen as he slowly turned to answer:
“I think. I even dream sometimes. What’s the point? It’s all gone. I hope they’ve had good lives, long lives but I don’t know. I learned not to think in the end. Not to think about anything and anyone from, well, there…there’s no point, Rodney. Its another lifetime ago, we can’t get anything back. Anything.”
He expelled that last word as a command. McKay hesitantly reached out a hand; the General’s gaze flickered above it and to the right. McKay was dimly aware of a car pulling up somewhere nearby.
“Well, there’s my son in law come to round me up, they don’t like me out of their sight for too long. Think I’m delicate. Huh, damn thing is they’re right. Eh? We’re old, we need to live in the time we have, don’t you think?”
McKay looked at him and nodded slowly. All the things he’d wanted to say, the memories he’d wanted them to laugh and cry together over, the comfort he’d wanted to share, had all got lost in some kind of fog.
General John Sheppard rose and held out his hand. Professor Rodney McKay took it and they held each other’s gaze for what felt like minutes. Gradually, McKay saw the careful eyes brighten and glisten. Sheppard swallowed hard but continued to hold both McKay’s hand and gaze strongly as he said:
“You know, I was in love with you there, for a while.”
“Me, too.”
McKay watched as Sheppard made his way across the grass to the car idling near the park entrance. As Sheppard got in he could see teenage shapes in the back seat and hear inquiring voices.
McKay never knew if Sheppard waved goodbye. He was faintly aware of the sound of the car pulling away. He stayed, ignoring the thin stream of tears misting his vision. His mind was numb.
As the sun limped its way across the sky and the breeze chilled his joints, Rodney continued to sit on the park bench, quietly.