fic
Title: Nostalgia
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
Author: mcrnut
Rating: R
P.O.V: Third, Gerard centered
Disclaimer: Don't own them etc.
Warnings: Non-graphic sex
Summary: The term nostalgia describes a yearning for the past, often in idealized form. The word is a learned formation of a Greek compounds, consisting of νόστος, nóstos, "returning home", a Homeric word, and ἄλγος, álgos, "pain" or "ache".
A/N: This is for slashxyouxup and xoxxblitz7, ilu both!
Gerard has his red nose pushed down into his scarf and his hands deep in his pockets as he walks down the main street in his old home town. Moving home will be good, he thinks. He's tired, and he's done finding himself or whatever. He had thought he needed to get away from everything he knew to be able to grow as an artist and a person. It wasn't like that though, he missed home, his roots, there was so much of him and what had come to define him as a person in this town, in the people here.
Every street lamp and park bench carries a memory, and for now, Gerard needs to surround himself with what he knows.
He sniffs and looks up, and that's when he sees him. He startles and comes to a halt for a second.
He recognizes Frank's silhouette even though he's barely visible, huddled in his coat at the far end of the street. Gerard hasn't seen him in years, hasn't thought about him in months, but he almost jolts at how powerful it is watching him walk towards him with his head ducked, rubbing his hands together for warmth. Gerard thinks, for a wild second, about spinning on his heel and running into one of the alleys before Frank sees him and hide behind a dumpster.
It's like listening to an old Smokie ballad. The person he is today would scream and turn off the radio, but the notes and lyrics are woven into someone else.
A person he forgot he was.
He curls his hands into fists in his pockets to distract himself from the sneaking melancholy burning in his stomach. He doesn't look away from Frank's calm form and he holds his breath as a car roars by and Frank is bathed in yellow lights for a moment. He doesn't look up, though.
It washes though him and he remembers the feeling of Frank's hair between his fingers, the way his pillow smelled in the morning and the row of light freckles on his lower back. He remembers the laughter, the secrets. The promises and plans that still lie years ahead of him.
His chest tightens as he gets a glimpse of a life he'll never live.
People he will never know, places he'll never see and children he'll never have. He swallows down the heavy feeling in his throat as Frank looks up, close enough now that Gerard can see the reflecting street lights in his eyes. He doesn't look away, keeping his pace slow, and it takes no more than locking eyes with Frank before the unbearable feeling of nostalgia swells in him again, edging out to the tips of his fingers and curling around his throat.
Frank smiles, quick and beautiful, and he's exactly the same, he looks exactly the same, but Gerard can feel it to the core of his bones. He's different, too. He doesn't belong to Gerard anymore, he lives a life and surrounds himself with people Gerard doesn't know, and an intense feeling of regret flares through him.
And just like that, Frank passes him, giving him a quick nod.
Gerard wonders, for a moment, if it's not a tragedy that two people who have planned a life together meet four years later and greet each other with nothing but a nod.
As the scratching sounds of Frank's footsteps fade into the night behind him he lets himself breathe properly, the cold air stinging in this throat.
~
He's staying with his parents until he can find an apartment, and he thinks it's going to take a while to get used to sleeping in his old bedroom again.
He drops his jacket on a chair in the corner of the room and drags in the smell. There's something about houses and their smells, it's like they never change. Gerard is flooded with memories again, from when he used to sit bent over his desk, drawing, to the first time he and Frank smoked pot on his bed. Frank would sneak out and climb in his window, covered in sticky leaves and dark thorns from the bushes in the Way garden.
Gerard shrugs out of his clothes and pulls on a pair of loose slacks and a thin t-shirt from his messy suitcase and wraps his arms around himself, sitting down on his bed. He snorts at the old Star Wars sheets, but can't help smoothing a hand over the covers fondly.
He jumps when his phone beeps in the quiet room.
He's gotten a text from a number he doesn't know and it reads "look out yr window". Gerard stares at the text for a second before he twists his head, fingers clamped around his phone.
At first all he sees is the row of thorny, overgrown bushes and the outline of the Iero house across the lawn, but then a light clicks on. Gerard jumps again, dropping his phone on the mattress and getting to his feet so fast his head spins.
And there Frank is, standing in his bedroom, giving him a dorky wave. It feels like he's been pulled back in time, because it doesn't feel like it's been four years since Frank stood there, looking exactly the same, and fiddling with the lock on his window. Gerard laughs into the back of his hand as he watches Frank climb out his window and slide down against the wall, one leg awkwardly bent up against the frame as he desperately flails and falls to the ground. Gerard almost thinks he can hear him cursing.
He hurries over to his own window and pushes it open, leaning against the window sill.
Frank crosses the lawn and more or less gracefully jumps over the bushes and the he's there, taking a hold of the window frame with tattooed fingers, almost eye level with Gerard.
"Hey." He says, a little breathless.
Gerard smiles and rakes a hand through his hair, pushing it back. "Hi. I, wow." He can't think of one single relevant thing to say and he isn't sure, but he thinks it has something to do with the soft lines next to Frank's eyes when he smiles. "So..uh..You still live at home?"
"Just for the weekend." Frank says dismissively and takes a careful hold of Gerard's chin, guiding his mouth to his own.
Gerard inhales sharply through his nose and tries desperately to organize his thoughts and feelings as Frank slides his chilly hand up under his jaw and to the side of his neck. He makes a soft noise and Gerard shudders.
Frank's body against his feels familiar, safe, scary and new at the same time, and he spends a long time sliding the tips of his fingers over the new pieces of ink on his skin. Frank pushes into every touch on the single bed and smiles, he looks happy and Gerard has to lean in and kiss him every other second, or he thinks he'll burst. He wonders why this is happening and if he wants it, if it's for him to want, but then Frank pushes him into the mattress and digs his fingers into the skin under Gerard's knee, holding his legs apart with a firm grip, and Gerard doesn't think anymore.
~
The room is bathed in moonlight, giving Frank's skin a pearly glow, the thin layer of sweat glistening on his body.
Gerard touches again, he can't not touch everywhere he sees that looks unfamiliar, and he feels like he needs to slide his palm over every stretch of skin on Frank's body to claim him again, he has to drag his lips up his chest and set his teeth into the arch where his shoulder meets his neck.
Frank is humming peacefully, hands in Gerard's hair. He makes noise when Gerard pushes his nose up under his jaw, giving a content sigh. "You know, " he starts, tracing the shape of Gerard's ear with a finger. "I thought I didn't wait for you."
Gerard tenses. "I.." he says, but Frank cuts him off.
"I didn't wait for you." He says, pulling back enough so he can look Gerard in the eye. "I don't think it matters though, because I belong with you anyway."
"Wow, shakespeare." Gerard blurts. "That's quite the declaration of love." Stupid, Gerard thinks, stupid, stupid but he can't stop himself from smiling so wide his jaw hurts.
Frank punches him in the shoulder. "Don't be an asshole, I'm trying to be romantic and shit." He leans in a bites his nose carefully, making Gerard squirm. "You know, I missed you, stay, let's try again, all that jazz."
Gerard feels like all the air is drawn from his lungs and he rolls over on his back, taking Frank with him and dragging him down for a kiss. He can't help the little whine at the back of his throat. "Okay." He says in between kisses, Frank moaning happily into his mouth, hard against him, like they didn't just come. Some things never change.
"Welcome home." Frank whispers into the crook of Gerard's neck. Gerard thinks moving home will be good.