(no subject)
So I am back!!! And right now I don't even have any friends but it feels so good to write and not have to hold back!!
So my life is great right now!! I am just trying to work on me right now! I want to lose weight so i am back on weight watchers and it feels great!!
I am also paying off my credit cards with the help of Matt!
The only thing that i can't really fix is i can't go to sleep!!!!!!
I sit up all night thinking about the past, the present, the future, what i can look up on youtube, how much debt i am, did i lock the door, does Gizmo have food, what should i do today, i wonder if the other care givers are being nice to Mr. Gerber, i wonder what such and such is doing, i wish i could play magic again, what if, and so on and so on. Things are great on the outside but somethings in the inside need some tweeking. I have not cut for almost a year now i think which is amazing!!! Some things went down with an old boyfriend of mine... James. mutha fucking Aulby. It feels so good to talk about this. He was the worst person i have ever meet. He cheated on me, he hit me, he called me things i never dreamed of, and he used me!!! Worst of all we had to go through something i hope i never have to go through! He lived in a Frat house ( he hated it when i called it that) and it was fun. But i was not allowed to be myself. I forgive him for all the horrible things he did but i can't talk about it so i am writing it!!!! It feels so good to let it out. Any who i am going to try and write almost everyday so i can let everything out!!!!! I would keep a journal but i don't want Matt to find it if i have something crazy or embarrassing in it you know, not that he would care it just feels good to have freedom!