Last Saturday
jahrfest was pretty good. the weather was pretty shitty. in the morning it seemed to only be us walmart people.vanessa has video and pics of me and andy trying to hide behind eachother. bret and diane got to wrestliing and diane won. one he was down kelly got on top of him and started sayig that she won cuz she could outdrink him. he passed out so we moved him by the fire pit, covered him up and keep an eye on him. joan got stuck talkiing kelly home. vanessa left around 4 brittany around 6ish. she was all over andy:( puke!!! later in the afternoon me and ryan were talking about who was going to sleep in the middle of the tent. he said bahlize would be cuddling with him i said fuck no i already told bahlize that i was going to cuddle with him. around then bahlize came over and we put him inbetween us and starting grinding on him. jess has pictures. adam q came to it for a little while. when he got there i was under on the the tents with balhize and jess, ryan, and claude. q came over and said hi to all of them but he couldnt say hi or look at me. which made me feel like shit. balhize asked if i was going to be okay i told him yes and walked off to see what the haight boys were doing with andy. naomi came over by me and asked if i was okay. i told her i was getting there. that it just hurt that he wouldn't even look at me. she said there was a cure for that it was called doing a jagerbomb with her. so i did than her and her daughter tia danced around me in a circle. then all three of us danced around ryan adam and claude. diane came over and helped us out. after that i was fine for awhile i just hung out with diane and her husband. q came over by them when i was with them and told them good bye that he had to work in the morning so he was leaving. again he didn't even look at me even though i was right in front of him. that set me off again. ryan came over and try to analyze me. i opened up to him about not being good enought, not wanting people to get to close cuz then they hurt you and my cutting. we are pretending that convo never happened. around 9:30 i helped balhize to the tent, before we got there he layed in the grass for about ten minutes than i finally got him in the tent. around 11 i got to take ryan to the tent. once they were both in i closed it and went back to the party. i mostley hung around andy and his friends, mark and the haight boys. we finally got everyone up the house around 12:50am. claudia and i had to watch als friend house who passed out on the steps to the house, while al went and killed the fire. they asked if i wanted to sleep in the house i told them no i will be fine in the tent. i got in the tent and bahlize and ryan were close to eachother so i laid down on the opposite side of the tent. about 10 minutes later ryan woke up and started cuddling up to me cuz he was close. so i put my blanket on both of us. he still got closer to me i said fuck it and cuddled with him. but we were still cold so we woke bahlize up and had him cuddle ryan from the back. bahlize asked if i was ontop of ryan i told him no but it was pretty close cuz ryan had his arms around me and was burrowing into me.after about five minutes of all us cuddling ryan just looked up and kissed me right after he did that bahlized asked if we are warm enough so i couldn't kiss him back. after bahlize layed back down i kissed ryan back. we ending up kissing and grabbing eachothers asses under our jeans and rubbing under our shirts on the back. everytime bahlize made a sound we would lay still in case he got up. ryan almost woke him up by bitting my neck and making me moan. time he did get up and went outside. after he left ryan said he had something i could touch i being a smartass asked what could i touch? he took my hand and said i'll show you. so he put my hand down his pants and i started stroking his cock while he was rubbing my ass. we both froze at the sound of the zipper on the tent being open so we made it look like we were still sleeping and cuddling. as soon as he was back down we started back up. we started making out, ryan got on top of me he asked if i was clean i said yes he said he was too. so we started having sex which was really good. but halfway into it he realized that it we probably shouldn't be doing it so he said he was sorry and got off of me. i told him it was fine good idea but bad planning since bahlize was sleeping next to us. so we went back to cuddleing and eventually fell asleep. i asked him before he left if he remembered anything he said not really. he remembered something about 3am and that fact that he started having sex with me. i asked what was that about he said it was a combo of being buzzed and a bad idea. oh well atleast i finally got to kiss him. i thin bahlize is right i should focus on guys not sex it would probably be better for me if i did that. no one knows what happened with me and ryan last night. i told nikkie and chuck what happened. thursday Bahlize saw me and said that he needed to talk to me. he said honey i wasn't completly asleep Saturday night. i turned really red and yelled fuck im sorry and hugged him. now his gf Rikki knows but she isn't going to tell anyone.