My lemon is emo.... like me right now.
My neighbors are banging on the walls and talking so load it seems like they're on the street below my dorm but thats besides the point. The last few days have been really strange. Wed. i was just drained and felt like total crap. I went to rehearsal for Tartuffe, and if i may say so, it is coming along quite well, actually I think its awesome. But we started at 8 and didn't finish the 1st act until 10:30. Needless to say i got back very tired and frazzled. I just felt so out of it, i went up to say hi to the guys upstairs, dave was sleeping cause he was sick. I guess I even looked fried but i felt emotionally and mentally drained and totally out of it. I had an attack that night. A mild one at that but an attack nonetheless. I went into owens room and just chilled, tried to relax but i just wanted to cry. He was studying german so i just lay there and cried for a good half hour. Then i couldn't stop crying and the only control i had was on how loud the sobs got. It was terrible, i hated it. I felt like shit for putting him in that position. I still feel terrible. Its my problem, i should be able to deal with it. I'm really annoyed at myself but owens awesome like that and took care of me. Thursday we played pool and watched Oh brother where art thou. I love the music from that show. Again I felt really out of it.. just kind of jumbled up inside. Today my food run went really well, we finished super early so i went to the gsu to get lunch. Met up randomly with dave and warren. Ate and talked for a surprisingly long time about lifeguarding. Walked back with dave, informed him that I was awake while he and becca hooked up last weekend. He informed me that he knew... and that was just creepy/uncool. Ended up going over to warren to see meg it was fun. I enjoyed having another fun TUS chick around. Me and bunky don't make much sense to people. Walked back to West with owen. Chilled, got dinner at T Anthonys, took an INSANELY crowded T back to Warren. Waited around for people on Mikes floor to get ready to go. Got a T back over to West to begin looking for a party. All of our leads fell through I was out of it but playing the cheerful, excited, party loving, character even though i just wanted to be alone. I don't liek playing parts but i always feel the compulsion to. Its annoying on my part. We ended up back in owen and daves dorm hanign out watching family guy as always. Marc had like a 4th of a bottle of rum left so we split it up between the group of us. I couldn't even get a buzz, nor do i really like rum so I took about half of a king shot and gave the rest to dave. He came in with becca and this girl amy who was entirely wasted. A couple of other peopel were there too. Amy was just gone though. I don't know I didn't want to be social but I didn't want to leave so I just stayed. I was quite all night for the most part. Everyone probably just thought I was tired but I just felt like I didn't have anything of value to say.. so I was quiet. Now I'm getting ready to leave to go home for 24 hours to see the FP play and I'm excited about that. I was supposed to hang out with jeff but i don't know if thats going to happen anymore. I miss my drama friends. I just feel out of place right now. I feel like an imposter to the college world. I just feel strange, and I don't like it.