(no subject)
This weekend I learned that:
- My apartment looks so much bigger when it's clean.
- I can name all the Metro stations between Shady Grove and Metro Center without looking at a Metro map.
- Frommer's lied about the helium, but not about the good eats at Capitol City Brewery.
- I should really find some hobbies of my own, rather than hobbies that I assume to impress boys.
- The down side of having a friend who you can tell anything is that your anything has a tendency to come back and haunt you.
- Skipping my long run and going to a wine festival seems to work well for me.
- Sometimes, it's not a matter of putting your mind to it. Sometimes, it's a matter of not letting down the people who put their minds to it.
* * * * *
WOW! What a weekend!
Friday
4:30 p.m.: Normally, would stay at office until 5:00 to make up for showing up late and taking long lunch, but leave the office since i have massive cleaning to do.
4:35 p.m.: I cleaned my kitchen last night. I don't want to mess it up just to cook dinner. Pick up Crispani pizza from Panera Bread.
8:00 p.m.: That took much less time than I thought! Fall asleep watching yesterday's Daily Show and Colbert Report.
9:30 p.m.: Look at clock - Christy said they were just leaving around 4:30. 4:30 plus six hours equals 10:30. Will see what's on TV.
10:00 p.m.: Nothing on TV - will see what's on Netflix online that I haven't seen before. Settle on a dramedy starring Cynthia Nixon (Miranda) from Sex in the City until C & C show up.
11:10 p.m.
cmmunchkin and
chipleduffknock on door. Chip has all the bags and Christy has a pizza flyer in her hand.
"This is for you, KImmie!" she says.
"Oh yes. It's Friday night."
"Friday night?" she says.
"Targeted marketing. The local restaurants hit all the doors of one bedroom apartments with takeout menus on Friday nights. I got three of them today."
"Are any of them sushi restaurants?"
11:45 p.m.: Get to talking about the race and of course about running -
"You just wait and see how fulfilled and accomplished you'll feel after finishing this race." Chip says. "Next thing you know, you'll be running the Marine Corps Marathon with me."
"Don't you have to be likw in shape to run a marathon?" I say.
"You have plenty of time to train." says Chip.
"Weren't you already a runner when you started training?" Christy asks.
"Yes, but you don't aspire to finish the marathon in less than four hours."
"But we do aspire to finish it before they raise the bridge and we can't get back."
"I'm not even a good enough runner to get into the Montgomery County Road Runners Marathon Training Program." I said.
"All you have to be able to do is run 3 miles without stopping."
"Who says I can do that!" I say
"You're running five on Sunday!" Chip says.
"I'm slotted to run five, at any rate."
Chip laughs. "All I'm saying is that I got YOU (pointing to Christy) running a 5K next weekend and YOU (pointing to me) have two issues of Runner's World magazine sitting on your coffee table. You are my little running puppets. Gwa ha ha ha."
"That's just a rouse. I actually change out the magazines depending on who I have as company."
"So when your work friends come over..."
"I pull out the Forbes and the Business Week."
"And when your Bible study friends come over, you pull out the Guideposts magazines?" Christy asks.
12:30 a.m: Conversation has moved to movies and how many movies each of us have in each of our collections.
"How excited am I for Enchanted to come out on DVD this week?" I ask.
"Wasn't that great?"
"I don't know. I didn't see it. I saw them perform two of the three Oscar nominated songs on the Academy Awards, though, and decided I needed to see it."
"Did it win?" Chip asked.
"Alas, no."
"They were nominated for three of the five songs and still lost." Christy added.
"Did you see 27 Dresses?" I asked.
"Did you?"
"Of course. That movie is autobiographical."
"We had a conversation about that!" Christy says. "It was the least bad choice of the movies showing on base one weekend and we couldn't bring ourselves to see it. I said 'That is a Kimmie kind of movie."
Apparently it is. BFF Melissa and her husband David had same conversation.
1:15 a.m.: "I'm going to bed," I say. "You're welcome to nose around the kitchen and see if there's anything intriguing in there. I have bread in the freezer and jam in the fridge, if you like strawberry."
"You keep your bread in the freezer?"
"Yes - I live by myself and I don't use it quickly enough to keep it out in the open before it goes bad."
Discuss the merits and demerits of frozen bread for another ten minutes before we all settle into bed.
Saturday
10:55 a.m.: My cell phone starts ringing. It's Tristan, calling to wish good luck at the race tomorrow, which take as a sign that he will not be showing up at the finish line tomorrow.
I sigh. "And that is why I will never get over you."
"Was that Tristan?" Christy asks.
"Alas, yes."
"Oh, Tristan. Tristan, you may be clueless, but you will never be as bad as Bad Ryan, who was a jackass."
11:05 a.m.: Arrive at Shady Grove Metro Station. Test Metro SmartTrip Card to make sure that it has escaped unscathed from its trip through the washing machine and proceed to help Chip and Christy buy Metro passes.
"If we're just making a round trip to/from one Metro station, I would recommend THIS kind of Metro pass," I say, pressing the "fare pass" button. Increase the quantity to two Metro fare passes and increase the value to $4.70. "So your bill is going to be $9.40," I announce.
"How did you do that in your head?" Chip asks, as we both watch Christy "quickly insert and remove" debit card from the machine.
"She's an accountant," Christy reminds him. "She likes numbers, remember." To me, she says, "Why is this not working?"
Watched her "quickly insert and remove card" as the machine instructs. "Wait until the machine tells you to take it out."
"Kimmie, you're a genius!" she says.
"No, I'm just used to buying Metro fare."
"Didn't the machine tell you to insert and quickly remove card?"
"Quickly is a relative term.
11:15 a.m.: Are sitting on Metro train. The conductor announces "Due to track work on the red line, this train will terminate at Friendship Heights."
"Oh no!" I say. "We need to get on the other one." I leap out of my seat as I hear the door start making noise. Chip and Christy follow after.
Good call on Kimmie's part - platform at Friendship Heights is PACKED with people who weren't smart enough to wait for the next train like we were.
12:00 p.m.: "Chippy!" says Christy. "Go look at the map and tell us how many more stops we have!"
"This is Cleveland Park," I say. "We have three more after this - well, two more after the one that we're on the way to."
"You know that by memory?"
"I do," I say. "I live on the Red Line. I can probably recite the station names for you in order...Shady Grove, Rockville, Twinbrook, White Flint, Grosvenor..."
"Well, haven't you become quite the Washingtonian!"
Wow. I guess I have.
12:10 p.m.: "Kimmie," says Christy. "Read us the book about where we're going. Can we see the Mayflower Pact there?"
"The what?" says Chip.
"The thing the Pilgrims brought with them."
Was, at time, busy trying to figure out my bib number so can avoid sounding like a complete idiot when we go to pick up our race packets. Drift back into conversation, "You mean the Mayflower compact."
"Yeah! Is it there?"
"I don't know. Let me consult my guide book."
Begin reading from guide book, which states that the Declaration, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights are all kept in helium on display at the U.S. archives.
The guy sitting next to me looks up from his newspaper. "Your guide book is wrong. They're not kept in helium any more."
"What? Has Frommer's mislead me?" I say.
He laughs. "It has."
"Well, it is the 2007 edition," I point out.
"You know what else is cool to see?" he continues. "Not to interrupt, but Nixon's resignation letter is on display in the archives, and you can see where Henry Kissinger signed the letter and then redacted the date and time the letter was signed."
12:30 p.m.: Have picked up our racing packets in the Old Post Office Building, lamenting entire time that I have forgotten my camera at home. Decide to go to ground floor and complete clock tower tour, since are in the buildling anyway. Find that clock tower is closed due to inclement weather, but find that there is a cookie shop in back corner of food court.
"Could y'all go for a cookie?" Christy asks.
"I could always go for a cookie," I reply. To the cashier, I say, "Do you take debit?"
She points to the sign on the register that reads "Cash Only" as though I'm a complete moron.
"It's okay, Kimmie," says Christy. "I've got cash. What kind of cookie do you want?"
Chip gets peanut butter chocolate chip cookie, which is exactly the kind that Christy and I were going to get. Christy gets the chocolate chip oatmeal cookie, which was the second choice for what I was going to get. I cave and get the chocolate chocolate chip cookie.
"You and Christy!" Chip says. "Christy can't get the same thing as me."
"Well, with something like cookies, it makes sense...we can swap those easily enough if we want to taste one anothers."
Cookie rankings:
Christy: (1) Double chocolate, (2) Oatmeal chocolate, (3) Peanut butter chocolate
Chip: (1) Oatmeal chocolate, (2) Peanut butter chocolate, (3) Double chocolate.
Kimmie: (1) Oatmeal chocolate, (2) Double chocolate, (3) Peanut butter chocolate
12:40 p.m.: Walk by Fogo de Chao, a world class incredibly expensive Brazilian all-you-can-eat-meat place, on way to Capitol City Brewery. Watch Chippy peer into the windows, just like a little kid in a toy store.
"It is remarkably good," says CHristy. "I just get the salad bar, but it's a really good one. Worth every penny of the $20. There's Fogo in Houston, which is a lot closer to where we'll be."
"I know," says Chip. "But there are only like 13 of these in the world."
"We have a spin off in Albuquerque. Two, actually. The cheap, bad one - Asado - and the expensive good one...ummm...ummm...ummm...."
"Yes?" says Christy.
"I don't remember. I worked practically across the street from it every day for two years. I can picture the street corner in my mind - it's right next to the movie theater - but I can't remember its name!"
It's Tucano's, by the way. And it only took me 48 hours to remember that.
1:00 p.m.: Arrive at Capital City Brewery. Chip and Christy order matching salads. I have ordered crab cake sandwich.
"Kimmie, are you getting a beer?"
"No, I'm not a beer drinker."
"Still? No?"
"Still no. Much to the chagrin of Scott, Stacy, and Eric back home."
Chip reappears and Christy asks him if he will be enjoying a beer.
"I almost feel as though I'm at a microbrewery. It would be an insult not to at least try a beer."
Christy ordered the Capital Kolsch. Chip orders one too.
"It was the one the tour book said is its signature."
"The tourbook also said that the Declaration of Independence is kept in helium, so it's reliability is questionable."
1:55 p.m.: We each make a pit stop before leaving the restaurant.
"What's the rule?" says Christy.
"Your rule or mine?" says Chip
"Mine."
"If you can go to the bathroom, go to the bathroom."
Not a bad rule.
2:30 p.m. Make our way to the National Archives by way of the house where Lincoln died and the Navy Memorial. Take entertaining pictures of us with the "lone sailor" in the plaza.
3:00 p.m.: After wandering through the Navy Memorial gift shop, we wander down the hall of awards, following a pregnant woman and her child into a theater. Takes us a minute to realize that the prayer we are listening to is not on the big screen but by an actual chaplain/ minister and that we have just walked into a Naval Retirement Party.
3:15 p.m.: Wait in line to enter the National Archives Experience so we can see the Declaration, the U.S. Constitution, and the Bill of Rights.
"Look at that fat little bird!" says Christy, pointing to a little sparrow who's chilling out on the bushes near the archives building.
"Fat is not the politically correct term. It's big boned."
"But he is fat" says Christy. "If a wild bird gets this close to people, it's because he wants some food."
"Don't listen to her," I say to the bird. "You're not fat. You're just fluffy."
Wonder why so many people are waiting in line.
"It's Spring Break week."
"Here in DC?" Christy asks.
"A lot of places."
"I guess the National Archives is a popular spring break destination?"
"DC is."
4:35 p.m.: Have seen the three great documents of American history in reverse chronological order and am waiting outside for Chip and Christy, who have waited in line to read the documents in the correct order. The security guard laughs at me when the fifteenth person asks "How do I get to see the..." and we both point in the same direction at the same time.
4:55 p.m.: Christy and Chip emerge. "What time does the Aquarium close?"
"I would guess 5. Let me consult my guide book."
5:15 p.m.: Walk back toward Metro station after spending some time and money in the Archives gift shop. Christy remembers that she has to call her mom back.
"We went to the Archives with the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of RIghts...Do you hear Chippy, Momma? He says hi. He added another amendment to the Bill of RIghts."
"In crayon."
"In crayon." she says.
"They kept it." he says.
"They kept it." she says.
"It says 'Honor thy father and mother in law." he says.
"Did you hear Chippy, Momma? Honor thy father and mother in law."
Oh, Chippy. I think you're thinking of the Ten Commandments.
"We saw the house where Lincoln died. No, they cleaned up the blood...No, we didn't get to see where Lincoln was shot. It's under renovation...We're running the 8K...5 miles...No, I haven't run that far yet...We ran 4 1/2 miles last weekend in about 52 minutes - 53 minutes? - 53 something, anyway. We should be done in about an hour tomorrow."
Ha ha...I must be the accountant in the crowd. My projected race time is 1:05:00, adjusting for the "Kimmie's a slow ass" factor..
"We're staying with Kimmie. She's running with us." Christy continues.
"Running is such a strong term." I say. Chip laughs.
"Did you hear Kimmie just now? She said 'running is such a strong term."
So true.
6:30 p.m.: Have navigated us to Kentlands Shopping Center, where Rachelle, the admin person for our department, has recommended a great sushi place.
"Do you remember its name?"
"No."
"Well, there can't be that many of them in this shopping center. right?"
"We can park and walk and find it."
Chip and Christy look at me in exasperation. "It's a big shopping center," says Christy.
"And it's cold out there." says Chip.
"We'll drive." says Christy.
It's called Titanium. Just like I said, I remembered the name when I heard it...today at work.
7:00 p.m.:
"Oh, Kimmie," says Christy, over dinner. "You and your boys. How many of the boy stories I've heard over the years."
"I don't know."
"First there was Aaron...and then there was Bad Ryan. Or do I have that backwards?"
"Umm...Aaron was tail end of sophomore year, and we met tail end of sophomore year after Neaux Frills."
"Neaux Frills. Uggh...Never mention those words ever again."
"And Ryan was fall of junior year, so yes. Aaron and then Ryan."
"That sounds right. That's when we really started talking online."
"Yes. Because Aaron said that if I had an AIM account, we could chat online some more."
"So you said, 'I'm signing up right now."
"To be fair, lots of conference people asked if I were on AIM."
"Do you remember Ryan and Aaron fawning over you the whole night?"
"Ohmigosh, the best night of my life."
"Do you remember Jose and I arguing over what a b**** your advisor was?"
"No, but it sounds like something you two would do."
"Oh, Aaron Champagne. I can see why you liked him. He's hard not to like."
"Indeed. We once talked on the phone while my parents were out of town from 9 pm to 5 am the next morning."
"One of those conversations. Did you ever have one of those conversations, Chippy?" Christy asked.
"Umm... no, I don't think so."
"Then, who came after Bad Ryan? Josiah, right?"
"Josiah."
"Do you still talk to him?"
"Every now and then. On AIM."
"There was that football player - right - some kind of jock for awhile, right?"
"A football player. Until his girlfriend dropped him off at the airport on the way to London."
"That's the one. And then, there was that boy- the philosopher - the one who read Ann Rand. Ain Rand? Ayn Rand."
"Andrew. He came with me once to a movie night, and my friend Robert was there with his girlfriend, and Robert and Andrew got started talking books. Andrew mentions something about reading Ayn Rand, and Robert says, 'Kim said something about Ayn Rand the other day. She wanted to start reading her to try to impress some - OH, BOY!"
"That's right...fit and fine for when Andrew arrives."
"Ha ha. That didn't happen."
"Andrew never arrived."
"Those kung fu lessons were such a waste."
"Kung fu?" says Chip, laughing.
"Yes, I took up kung fu to try to impress Andrew."
"Then, there was a succession of CDL boys - Tristan, Scott..."
"Eric, who we met through Scott."
"And a series of It's Just Lunch Boys."
"Yep."
"And, I think that brings us to your new boy."
"That's a lot of boys." Chip says.
"Yes, it is."
"You've had more boys than I've had girls." Chip says.
"Oh really? LIke who?" says Christy.
"No one." says Chip.
"The joke's on me. None of them have dated me."
It's kind of like that episode of the Office, wherein Jim says, "They're kind of not so funny when you hear them back to back."
Christy excuses herself to go to restroom.
"I've never picked up a hobby to try to impress a boy."
"I've tried and it's never helped to impress a boy."
"I find that if someone likes you, they'll like you regardless of your hobbies."
Christy returns. "I thought of another hobby you picked up to try to impress a boy."
"the LSAT examination to try to impress Tristan?"
"No - but I forgot about that one."
"The LSAT?" Chippy asks.
"Law School Admission Test. It didn't help me win Tristan and it didn't help me get into law school either."
"Your favorite hangout with Scott! Strip clubs."
"Oh. My. God."
The woman at the next table gives us the most evil look.
"That's what she gets for bringing her son to a sushi place at 8:00 p.m. on a Saturday night
9:00 p.m.: Get into pajamas while Chip and Christy debate which movie to watch. Christy loses, so Elf is on TV when I enter the room. Movie watching experience went like this:
CHIP: Laughs hysterically throughout movie.
CHRISTY: Sits watching the movie with disapproving amusement on her face. Occasionally, gives in and laughs at one liners or laughs at husband laughing at movie.
KIMMIE: Slept through second half of movie. Wakes up at end of movie to ask "Did Buddy save CHristmas again?"
Sunday
6:07 a.m.: Hit snooze on the alarm. Wow, it's early.
6:12 a.m.: Hit snooze.
6:17 a.m.: Hit snooze.
6:22 a.m.: Hit snooze.
6:27 a.m.: Close enough. Get out of bed and hear Chip and Christy moving around in the living room. Good. Guess they're up.
7:00 a.m.: After changing outfits three times, am really ready to go this time.
"Are you guys coming back here?" I ask.
"Aren't we? We have to bring you back."
"It'll be closer for you guys to leave directly from the race. I can take the Metro back."
"Oh right. You have the special computer chip card."
Wait for Chip and Christy to pick up their "janky trash" so we can head out the door.
8:00 a.m.: Arrive downtown DC and search fervently for parking spot.
8:15 a.m: Find parking spot - race starts between 13th and 14th and Pennsylvania Avenue. We're parked by 9th and E.
All three of us open doors and realize how IMMENSELY cold it and how naked our legs are in the seething cold. Make mad dash to race start, noticing just how few of the people around us are wearing shorts. I start counting. Realize how futile it is when I realize that I am beginning to count people twice...and I was still only counting on one hand.
8:30 a.m.: Chip and Christy use the restrooms, because they can. I, having had nothing to drink this morning and having a greater need to check my bag with the bag check people, feel a little like using the restroom, but am convinced that it is "jitter pee" more than anything else. Head toward the bag check.
8:45 a.m.: "The Sarge" starts warm up routine and stretching. I giggle through whole thing, occasionally catching glimpse of Chip's skinny body contorted in exactly the same way that the Sarge's is.
8:55 a.m.: Someone is singing National Anthem. Spend first half of song trying to decide which flag we should actually face and second half of song facing it.
Anthem ends. "Let's PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY BAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!" I say.
9:00 a.m.: Race caller has announced "On your mark! Get set! Go!"
Christy asks, "Should we move to the back of the playing field?"
All three of us look behind us. Probably not an issue - there's way more people in front of us than behind us - all the overachievers have already fought their way to the front.
9:03 a.m.: We've crossed the finish line! We're doing it!
9:06 a.m.: Not sure if Christy and Chip are matching my pace or if I'm matching theirs.
Christy says, "We've got to have gone at least 2 miles, right?"
Chip looks at his GPS watch. "Try 0.27. A little over one lap around the track."
9:10 a.m.: Turn first corner and can see all the overachievers already far ahead of us.
"See those guys?" I say.
"Yeah?" says Christy.
"Those are the overachievers who are eating all our bagels at the finish line."
9:15 a.m.: Pass mile marker 1. Fitness experts say that when you work out, you should barely be able to carry on a conversation. "Barely" is the correct modifier for the conversation I'm carrying on right now.
"Oh, Holy f***." I said. "They're vicious liars!"
Oh God. Should have used restroom before the race. This totally wasn't jitter pee. Is going to be a LONG race.
9:27 a.m.: "The Juggler" has caught up with us, this runner who juggles four red, round, bean bags the whole length of the track. He's running at a faster pace then we are, but he has to stop and pick up his juggling balls about every twenty feet.
"Oh bloody hell," I say. "I can barely run and run at the same time, let alone and try to JUGGLE."
9:33 a.m.: Chip announces "We're halfway done!"
"You're a vicious liar!" I say. "The water is supposed to be at the halfway point."
"It's supposed to be just PAST the halfway point." Christy says.
"Why do you people mock me so! This sucks."
9:40 a.m.: "All right you guys!" say some of the race peeps at the water booth. "You're more than halfway done."
"I'm going to choke them! There is a new rule. There will be no motivation."
"You girls are doing so great! We're more than halfway done."
"CHIPPY! What did we just say about motivation."
"No motivation."
"That's more like it."
9:44 a.m.: Christy says, "Kimmie, I know you don't want to hear any motivation, but I know tomorrow when you've lived through this, you'll be bragging about having survived it."
You win.
9:49 a.m.: Run by the Museum of American Indian History. People behind me say. "Look at the tipis! And wigwams! And I don't know what those other things are."
"They're called kivas, stupid." I mutter under my breath.
"What was that, Kimmie?" says Christy. "It sounded a little like motivation."
"No, it was me criticizing the stupidity of the people behind us who didn't know what a kiva is. Although, I might use the word 'stupid' in my self motivation."
Got to thinking about it - and think kivas might actually be underground dwellings. Who's stupid now, Kimmie?
9:52 a.m.: Turn onto Pennsylvania avenue.
"We're in the home stretch now!" I say. "Just ten blocks to go!"
"We can finish in under an hour!" Chip says.
"We can?"
"We're at 47:30 right now." says Chip. "We just have to pick up the pace a little."
"No deal. Not worth it."
Spend the last mile alternating between:
"Oh f--king hell."
"I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this." and
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
Yep. Realize the irony of that.
9:55 a.m.: Can see the balloons...we're at 10th street. We're almost done now.
WHAT THE HELL?!? WHY ARE THEY CONDUCTING ME BACK AROUND THIS STREET! I WILL KILL WHOEVER MAPPED OUT THIS ROUTE! THOSE DECEPTIVE F--KING WENCHES!!!
10:00 a.m.: We can finish in an hour. We have to run to the end. Come on, I know we can do it." says Chip.
"CHIP! WHAT WAS THE RULE ABOUT MOTIVATION?" I gasp between breaths as we pick up the pace.
"Come on! We're almost there!"
"CHIP! I AM GOING TO F--KING CHOKE YOU!"
Take off sprinting toward the finish line. Eff this shit.
Clock says 1:02:55. Oh well. I tried.
10:07 a.m.:
"Chippy and I were just talking," says Christy. "You really get a spring in your step when you get irritated enough."
"Do you feel self-fulfilled?" asked Chip after our bathroom run.
"No." I said. "I feel like I should go to church and repent for all the expletives I used particularly that last mile. That was miserable."
Hope Chip and Christy realized that was the closest to a public apology that I'll get.
"God understands, Kimmie. He knows how much running sucks too."
Excellent point. Jesus did walk every where He went.
"Chippy - what was our mile time?" asks Christy.
"Mathematically, it has to be under 12 minutes if we finished in under an hour."
"11:51."
"Good job, Kimmie! I kept my normal pace! I don't feel like I did any faster or slower than normal. Oh wait...no motivation."
"After the fact motivation is okay. Let's go see if those overachievers left us any bagels."
10:30 a.m.: Me, Chip, and Christy have parted ways halfway between the finish line, the Metro station, and their car. Is just as far to go BACK to watch the Irish dancers as it is to go back to the Metro station. Opt for the latter.
Overhear two women talking behind me. "That was a pathetic run," one of them said. "I'm an embarrassment to runners every where."
The other one says, "You did great. The difference between a jogger and a runner is a finish line."
Guess she's right. Guess that makes me a runner.
- My apartment looks so much bigger when it's clean.
- I can name all the Metro stations between Shady Grove and Metro Center without looking at a Metro map.
- Frommer's lied about the helium, but not about the good eats at Capitol City Brewery.
- I should really find some hobbies of my own, rather than hobbies that I assume to impress boys.
- The down side of having a friend who you can tell anything is that your anything has a tendency to come back and haunt you.
- Skipping my long run and going to a wine festival seems to work well for me.
- Sometimes, it's not a matter of putting your mind to it. Sometimes, it's a matter of not letting down the people who put their minds to it.
* * * * *
WOW! What a weekend!
Friday
4:30 p.m.: Normally, would stay at office until 5:00 to make up for showing up late and taking long lunch, but leave the office since i have massive cleaning to do.
4:35 p.m.: I cleaned my kitchen last night. I don't want to mess it up just to cook dinner. Pick up Crispani pizza from Panera Bread.
8:00 p.m.: That took much less time than I thought! Fall asleep watching yesterday's Daily Show and Colbert Report.
9:30 p.m.: Look at clock - Christy said they were just leaving around 4:30. 4:30 plus six hours equals 10:30. Will see what's on TV.
10:00 p.m.: Nothing on TV - will see what's on Netflix online that I haven't seen before. Settle on a dramedy starring Cynthia Nixon (Miranda) from Sex in the City until C & C show up.
11:10 p.m.
cmmunchkin and
chipleduffknock on door. Chip has all the bags and Christy has a pizza flyer in her hand.
"This is for you, KImmie!" she says.
"Oh yes. It's Friday night."
"Friday night?" she says.
"Targeted marketing. The local restaurants hit all the doors of one bedroom apartments with takeout menus on Friday nights. I got three of them today."
"Are any of them sushi restaurants?"
11:45 p.m.: Get to talking about the race and of course about running -
"You just wait and see how fulfilled and accomplished you'll feel after finishing this race." Chip says. "Next thing you know, you'll be running the Marine Corps Marathon with me."
"Don't you have to be likw in shape to run a marathon?" I say.
"You have plenty of time to train." says Chip.
"Weren't you already a runner when you started training?" Christy asks.
"Yes, but you don't aspire to finish the marathon in less than four hours."
"But we do aspire to finish it before they raise the bridge and we can't get back."
"I'm not even a good enough runner to get into the Montgomery County Road Runners Marathon Training Program." I said.
"All you have to be able to do is run 3 miles without stopping."
"Who says I can do that!" I say
"You're running five on Sunday!" Chip says.
"I'm slotted to run five, at any rate."
Chip laughs. "All I'm saying is that I got YOU (pointing to Christy) running a 5K next weekend and YOU (pointing to me) have two issues of Runner's World magazine sitting on your coffee table. You are my little running puppets. Gwa ha ha ha."
"That's just a rouse. I actually change out the magazines depending on who I have as company."
"So when your work friends come over..."
"I pull out the Forbes and the Business Week."
"And when your Bible study friends come over, you pull out the Guideposts magazines?" Christy asks.
12:30 a.m: Conversation has moved to movies and how many movies each of us have in each of our collections.
"How excited am I for Enchanted to come out on DVD this week?" I ask.
"Wasn't that great?"
"I don't know. I didn't see it. I saw them perform two of the three Oscar nominated songs on the Academy Awards, though, and decided I needed to see it."
"Did it win?" Chip asked.
"Alas, no."
"They were nominated for three of the five songs and still lost." Christy added.
"Did you see 27 Dresses?" I asked.
"Did you?"
"Of course. That movie is autobiographical."
"We had a conversation about that!" Christy says. "It was the least bad choice of the movies showing on base one weekend and we couldn't bring ourselves to see it. I said 'That is a Kimmie kind of movie."
Apparently it is. BFF Melissa and her husband David had same conversation.
1:15 a.m.: "I'm going to bed," I say. "You're welcome to nose around the kitchen and see if there's anything intriguing in there. I have bread in the freezer and jam in the fridge, if you like strawberry."
"You keep your bread in the freezer?"
"Yes - I live by myself and I don't use it quickly enough to keep it out in the open before it goes bad."
Discuss the merits and demerits of frozen bread for another ten minutes before we all settle into bed.
Saturday
10:55 a.m.: My cell phone starts ringing. It's Tristan, calling to wish good luck at the race tomorrow, which take as a sign that he will not be showing up at the finish line tomorrow.
I sigh. "And that is why I will never get over you."
"Was that Tristan?" Christy asks.
"Alas, yes."
"Oh, Tristan. Tristan, you may be clueless, but you will never be as bad as Bad Ryan, who was a jackass."
11:05 a.m.: Arrive at Shady Grove Metro Station. Test Metro SmartTrip Card to make sure that it has escaped unscathed from its trip through the washing machine and proceed to help Chip and Christy buy Metro passes.
"If we're just making a round trip to/from one Metro station, I would recommend THIS kind of Metro pass," I say, pressing the "fare pass" button. Increase the quantity to two Metro fare passes and increase the value to $4.70. "So your bill is going to be $9.40," I announce.
"How did you do that in your head?" Chip asks, as we both watch Christy "quickly insert and remove" debit card from the machine.
"She's an accountant," Christy reminds him. "She likes numbers, remember." To me, she says, "Why is this not working?"
Watched her "quickly insert and remove card" as the machine instructs. "Wait until the machine tells you to take it out."
"Kimmie, you're a genius!" she says.
"No, I'm just used to buying Metro fare."
"Didn't the machine tell you to insert and quickly remove card?"
"Quickly is a relative term.
11:15 a.m.: Are sitting on Metro train. The conductor announces "Due to track work on the red line, this train will terminate at Friendship Heights."
"Oh no!" I say. "We need to get on the other one." I leap out of my seat as I hear the door start making noise. Chip and Christy follow after.
Good call on Kimmie's part - platform at Friendship Heights is PACKED with people who weren't smart enough to wait for the next train like we were.
12:00 p.m.: "Chippy!" says Christy. "Go look at the map and tell us how many more stops we have!"
"This is Cleveland Park," I say. "We have three more after this - well, two more after the one that we're on the way to."
"You know that by memory?"
"I do," I say. "I live on the Red Line. I can probably recite the station names for you in order...Shady Grove, Rockville, Twinbrook, White Flint, Grosvenor..."
"Well, haven't you become quite the Washingtonian!"
Wow. I guess I have.
12:10 p.m.: "Kimmie," says Christy. "Read us the book about where we're going. Can we see the Mayflower Pact there?"
"The what?" says Chip.
"The thing the Pilgrims brought with them."
Was, at time, busy trying to figure out my bib number so can avoid sounding like a complete idiot when we go to pick up our race packets. Drift back into conversation, "You mean the Mayflower compact."
"Yeah! Is it there?"
"I don't know. Let me consult my guide book."
Begin reading from guide book, which states that the Declaration, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights are all kept in helium on display at the U.S. archives.
The guy sitting next to me looks up from his newspaper. "Your guide book is wrong. They're not kept in helium any more."
"What? Has Frommer's mislead me?" I say.
He laughs. "It has."
"Well, it is the 2007 edition," I point out.
"You know what else is cool to see?" he continues. "Not to interrupt, but Nixon's resignation letter is on display in the archives, and you can see where Henry Kissinger signed the letter and then redacted the date and time the letter was signed."
12:30 p.m.: Have picked up our racing packets in the Old Post Office Building, lamenting entire time that I have forgotten my camera at home. Decide to go to ground floor and complete clock tower tour, since are in the buildling anyway. Find that clock tower is closed due to inclement weather, but find that there is a cookie shop in back corner of food court.
"Could y'all go for a cookie?" Christy asks.
"I could always go for a cookie," I reply. To the cashier, I say, "Do you take debit?"
She points to the sign on the register that reads "Cash Only" as though I'm a complete moron.
"It's okay, Kimmie," says Christy. "I've got cash. What kind of cookie do you want?"
Chip gets peanut butter chocolate chip cookie, which is exactly the kind that Christy and I were going to get. Christy gets the chocolate chip oatmeal cookie, which was the second choice for what I was going to get. I cave and get the chocolate chocolate chip cookie.
"You and Christy!" Chip says. "Christy can't get the same thing as me."
"Well, with something like cookies, it makes sense...we can swap those easily enough if we want to taste one anothers."
Cookie rankings:
Christy: (1) Double chocolate, (2) Oatmeal chocolate, (3) Peanut butter chocolate
Chip: (1) Oatmeal chocolate, (2) Peanut butter chocolate, (3) Double chocolate.
Kimmie: (1) Oatmeal chocolate, (2) Double chocolate, (3) Peanut butter chocolate
12:40 p.m.: Walk by Fogo de Chao, a world class incredibly expensive Brazilian all-you-can-eat-meat place, on way to Capitol City Brewery. Watch Chippy peer into the windows, just like a little kid in a toy store.
"It is remarkably good," says CHristy. "I just get the salad bar, but it's a really good one. Worth every penny of the $20. There's Fogo in Houston, which is a lot closer to where we'll be."
"I know," says Chip. "But there are only like 13 of these in the world."
"We have a spin off in Albuquerque. Two, actually. The cheap, bad one - Asado - and the expensive good one...ummm...ummm...ummm...."
"Yes?" says Christy.
"I don't remember. I worked practically across the street from it every day for two years. I can picture the street corner in my mind - it's right next to the movie theater - but I can't remember its name!"
It's Tucano's, by the way. And it only took me 48 hours to remember that.
1:00 p.m.: Arrive at Capital City Brewery. Chip and Christy order matching salads. I have ordered crab cake sandwich.
"Kimmie, are you getting a beer?"
"No, I'm not a beer drinker."
"Still? No?"
"Still no. Much to the chagrin of Scott, Stacy, and Eric back home."
Chip reappears and Christy asks him if he will be enjoying a beer.
"I almost feel as though I'm at a microbrewery. It would be an insult not to at least try a beer."
Christy ordered the Capital Kolsch. Chip orders one too.
"It was the one the tour book said is its signature."
"The tourbook also said that the Declaration of Independence is kept in helium, so it's reliability is questionable."
1:55 p.m.: We each make a pit stop before leaving the restaurant.
"What's the rule?" says Christy.
"Your rule or mine?" says Chip
"Mine."
"If you can go to the bathroom, go to the bathroom."
Not a bad rule.
2:30 p.m. Make our way to the National Archives by way of the house where Lincoln died and the Navy Memorial. Take entertaining pictures of us with the "lone sailor" in the plaza.
3:00 p.m.: After wandering through the Navy Memorial gift shop, we wander down the hall of awards, following a pregnant woman and her child into a theater. Takes us a minute to realize that the prayer we are listening to is not on the big screen but by an actual chaplain/ minister and that we have just walked into a Naval Retirement Party.
3:15 p.m.: Wait in line to enter the National Archives Experience so we can see the Declaration, the U.S. Constitution, and the Bill of Rights.
"Look at that fat little bird!" says Christy, pointing to a little sparrow who's chilling out on the bushes near the archives building.
"Fat is not the politically correct term. It's big boned."
"But he is fat" says Christy. "If a wild bird gets this close to people, it's because he wants some food."
"Don't listen to her," I say to the bird. "You're not fat. You're just fluffy."
Wonder why so many people are waiting in line.
"It's Spring Break week."
"Here in DC?" Christy asks.
"A lot of places."
"I guess the National Archives is a popular spring break destination?"
"DC is."
4:35 p.m.: Have seen the three great documents of American history in reverse chronological order and am waiting outside for Chip and Christy, who have waited in line to read the documents in the correct order. The security guard laughs at me when the fifteenth person asks "How do I get to see the..." and we both point in the same direction at the same time.
4:55 p.m.: Christy and Chip emerge. "What time does the Aquarium close?"
"I would guess 5. Let me consult my guide book."
5:15 p.m.: Walk back toward Metro station after spending some time and money in the Archives gift shop. Christy remembers that she has to call her mom back.
"We went to the Archives with the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of RIghts...Do you hear Chippy, Momma? He says hi. He added another amendment to the Bill of RIghts."
"In crayon."
"In crayon." she says.
"They kept it." he says.
"They kept it." she says.
"It says 'Honor thy father and mother in law." he says.
"Did you hear Chippy, Momma? Honor thy father and mother in law."
Oh, Chippy. I think you're thinking of the Ten Commandments.
"We saw the house where Lincoln died. No, they cleaned up the blood...No, we didn't get to see where Lincoln was shot. It's under renovation...We're running the 8K...5 miles...No, I haven't run that far yet...We ran 4 1/2 miles last weekend in about 52 minutes - 53 minutes? - 53 something, anyway. We should be done in about an hour tomorrow."
Ha ha...I must be the accountant in the crowd. My projected race time is 1:05:00, adjusting for the "Kimmie's a slow ass" factor..
"We're staying with Kimmie. She's running with us." Christy continues.
"Running is such a strong term." I say. Chip laughs.
"Did you hear Kimmie just now? She said 'running is such a strong term."
So true.
6:30 p.m.: Have navigated us to Kentlands Shopping Center, where Rachelle, the admin person for our department, has recommended a great sushi place.
"Do you remember its name?"
"No."
"Well, there can't be that many of them in this shopping center. right?"
"We can park and walk and find it."
Chip and Christy look at me in exasperation. "It's a big shopping center," says Christy.
"And it's cold out there." says Chip.
"We'll drive." says Christy.
It's called Titanium. Just like I said, I remembered the name when I heard it...today at work.
7:00 p.m.:
"Oh, Kimmie," says Christy, over dinner. "You and your boys. How many of the boy stories I've heard over the years."
"I don't know."
"First there was Aaron...and then there was Bad Ryan. Or do I have that backwards?"
"Umm...Aaron was tail end of sophomore year, and we met tail end of sophomore year after Neaux Frills."
"Neaux Frills. Uggh...Never mention those words ever again."
"And Ryan was fall of junior year, so yes. Aaron and then Ryan."
"That sounds right. That's when we really started talking online."
"Yes. Because Aaron said that if I had an AIM account, we could chat online some more."
"So you said, 'I'm signing up right now."
"To be fair, lots of conference people asked if I were on AIM."
"Do you remember Ryan and Aaron fawning over you the whole night?"
"Ohmigosh, the best night of my life."
"Do you remember Jose and I arguing over what a b**** your advisor was?"
"No, but it sounds like something you two would do."
"Oh, Aaron Champagne. I can see why you liked him. He's hard not to like."
"Indeed. We once talked on the phone while my parents were out of town from 9 pm to 5 am the next morning."
"One of those conversations. Did you ever have one of those conversations, Chippy?" Christy asked.
"Umm... no, I don't think so."
"Then, who came after Bad Ryan? Josiah, right?"
"Josiah."
"Do you still talk to him?"
"Every now and then. On AIM."
"There was that football player - right - some kind of jock for awhile, right?"
"A football player. Until his girlfriend dropped him off at the airport on the way to London."
"That's the one. And then, there was that boy- the philosopher - the one who read Ann Rand. Ain Rand? Ayn Rand."
"Andrew. He came with me once to a movie night, and my friend Robert was there with his girlfriend, and Robert and Andrew got started talking books. Andrew mentions something about reading Ayn Rand, and Robert says, 'Kim said something about Ayn Rand the other day. She wanted to start reading her to try to impress some - OH, BOY!"
"That's right...fit and fine for when Andrew arrives."
"Ha ha. That didn't happen."
"Andrew never arrived."
"Those kung fu lessons were such a waste."
"Kung fu?" says Chip, laughing.
"Yes, I took up kung fu to try to impress Andrew."
"Then, there was a succession of CDL boys - Tristan, Scott..."
"Eric, who we met through Scott."
"And a series of It's Just Lunch Boys."
"Yep."
"And, I think that brings us to your new boy."
"That's a lot of boys." Chip says.
"Yes, it is."
"You've had more boys than I've had girls." Chip says.
"Oh really? LIke who?" says Christy.
"No one." says Chip.
"The joke's on me. None of them have dated me."
It's kind of like that episode of the Office, wherein Jim says, "They're kind of not so funny when you hear them back to back."
Christy excuses herself to go to restroom.
"I've never picked up a hobby to try to impress a boy."
"I've tried and it's never helped to impress a boy."
"I find that if someone likes you, they'll like you regardless of your hobbies."
Christy returns. "I thought of another hobby you picked up to try to impress a boy."
"the LSAT examination to try to impress Tristan?"
"No - but I forgot about that one."
"The LSAT?" Chippy asks.
"Law School Admission Test. It didn't help me win Tristan and it didn't help me get into law school either."
"Your favorite hangout with Scott! Strip clubs."
"Oh. My. God."
The woman at the next table gives us the most evil look.
"That's what she gets for bringing her son to a sushi place at 8:00 p.m. on a Saturday night
9:00 p.m.: Get into pajamas while Chip and Christy debate which movie to watch. Christy loses, so Elf is on TV when I enter the room. Movie watching experience went like this:
CHIP: Laughs hysterically throughout movie.
CHRISTY: Sits watching the movie with disapproving amusement on her face. Occasionally, gives in and laughs at one liners or laughs at husband laughing at movie.
KIMMIE: Slept through second half of movie. Wakes up at end of movie to ask "Did Buddy save CHristmas again?"
Sunday
6:07 a.m.: Hit snooze on the alarm. Wow, it's early.
6:12 a.m.: Hit snooze.
6:17 a.m.: Hit snooze.
6:22 a.m.: Hit snooze.
6:27 a.m.: Close enough. Get out of bed and hear Chip and Christy moving around in the living room. Good. Guess they're up.
7:00 a.m.: After changing outfits three times, am really ready to go this time.
"Are you guys coming back here?" I ask.
"Aren't we? We have to bring you back."
"It'll be closer for you guys to leave directly from the race. I can take the Metro back."
"Oh right. You have the special computer chip card."
Wait for Chip and Christy to pick up their "janky trash" so we can head out the door.
8:00 a.m.: Arrive downtown DC and search fervently for parking spot.
8:15 a.m: Find parking spot - race starts between 13th and 14th and Pennsylvania Avenue. We're parked by 9th and E.
All three of us open doors and realize how IMMENSELY cold it and how naked our legs are in the seething cold. Make mad dash to race start, noticing just how few of the people around us are wearing shorts. I start counting. Realize how futile it is when I realize that I am beginning to count people twice...and I was still only counting on one hand.
8:30 a.m.: Chip and Christy use the restrooms, because they can. I, having had nothing to drink this morning and having a greater need to check my bag with the bag check people, feel a little like using the restroom, but am convinced that it is "jitter pee" more than anything else. Head toward the bag check.
8:45 a.m.: "The Sarge" starts warm up routine and stretching. I giggle through whole thing, occasionally catching glimpse of Chip's skinny body contorted in exactly the same way that the Sarge's is.
8:55 a.m.: Someone is singing National Anthem. Spend first half of song trying to decide which flag we should actually face and second half of song facing it.
Anthem ends. "Let's PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY BAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!" I say.
9:00 a.m.: Race caller has announced "On your mark! Get set! Go!"
Christy asks, "Should we move to the back of the playing field?"
All three of us look behind us. Probably not an issue - there's way more people in front of us than behind us - all the overachievers have already fought their way to the front.
9:03 a.m.: We've crossed the finish line! We're doing it!
9:06 a.m.: Not sure if Christy and Chip are matching my pace or if I'm matching theirs.
Christy says, "We've got to have gone at least 2 miles, right?"
Chip looks at his GPS watch. "Try 0.27. A little over one lap around the track."
9:10 a.m.: Turn first corner and can see all the overachievers already far ahead of us.
"See those guys?" I say.
"Yeah?" says Christy.
"Those are the overachievers who are eating all our bagels at the finish line."
9:15 a.m.: Pass mile marker 1. Fitness experts say that when you work out, you should barely be able to carry on a conversation. "Barely" is the correct modifier for the conversation I'm carrying on right now.
"Oh, Holy f***." I said. "They're vicious liars!"
Oh God. Should have used restroom before the race. This totally wasn't jitter pee. Is going to be a LONG race.
9:27 a.m.: "The Juggler" has caught up with us, this runner who juggles four red, round, bean bags the whole length of the track. He's running at a faster pace then we are, but he has to stop and pick up his juggling balls about every twenty feet.
"Oh bloody hell," I say. "I can barely run and run at the same time, let alone and try to JUGGLE."
9:33 a.m.: Chip announces "We're halfway done!"
"You're a vicious liar!" I say. "The water is supposed to be at the halfway point."
"It's supposed to be just PAST the halfway point." Christy says.
"Why do you people mock me so! This sucks."
9:40 a.m.: "All right you guys!" say some of the race peeps at the water booth. "You're more than halfway done."
"I'm going to choke them! There is a new rule. There will be no motivation."
"You girls are doing so great! We're more than halfway done."
"CHIPPY! What did we just say about motivation."
"No motivation."
"That's more like it."
9:44 a.m.: Christy says, "Kimmie, I know you don't want to hear any motivation, but I know tomorrow when you've lived through this, you'll be bragging about having survived it."
You win.
9:49 a.m.: Run by the Museum of American Indian History. People behind me say. "Look at the tipis! And wigwams! And I don't know what those other things are."
"They're called kivas, stupid." I mutter under my breath.
"What was that, Kimmie?" says Christy. "It sounded a little like motivation."
"No, it was me criticizing the stupidity of the people behind us who didn't know what a kiva is. Although, I might use the word 'stupid' in my self motivation."
Got to thinking about it - and think kivas might actually be underground dwellings. Who's stupid now, Kimmie?
9:52 a.m.: Turn onto Pennsylvania avenue.
"We're in the home stretch now!" I say. "Just ten blocks to go!"
"We can finish in under an hour!" Chip says.
"We can?"
"We're at 47:30 right now." says Chip. "We just have to pick up the pace a little."
"No deal. Not worth it."
Spend the last mile alternating between:
"Oh f--king hell."
"I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this." and
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
Yep. Realize the irony of that.
9:55 a.m.: Can see the balloons...we're at 10th street. We're almost done now.
WHAT THE HELL?!? WHY ARE THEY CONDUCTING ME BACK AROUND THIS STREET! I WILL KILL WHOEVER MAPPED OUT THIS ROUTE! THOSE DECEPTIVE F--KING WENCHES!!!
10:00 a.m.: We can finish in an hour. We have to run to the end. Come on, I know we can do it." says Chip.
"CHIP! WHAT WAS THE RULE ABOUT MOTIVATION?" I gasp between breaths as we pick up the pace.
"Come on! We're almost there!"
"CHIP! I AM GOING TO F--KING CHOKE YOU!"
Take off sprinting toward the finish line. Eff this shit.
Clock says 1:02:55. Oh well. I tried.
10:07 a.m.:
"Chippy and I were just talking," says Christy. "You really get a spring in your step when you get irritated enough."
"Do you feel self-fulfilled?" asked Chip after our bathroom run.
"No." I said. "I feel like I should go to church and repent for all the expletives I used particularly that last mile. That was miserable."
Hope Chip and Christy realized that was the closest to a public apology that I'll get.
"God understands, Kimmie. He knows how much running sucks too."
Excellent point. Jesus did walk every where He went.
"Chippy - what was our mile time?" asks Christy.
"Mathematically, it has to be under 12 minutes if we finished in under an hour."
"11:51."
"Good job, Kimmie! I kept my normal pace! I don't feel like I did any faster or slower than normal. Oh wait...no motivation."
"After the fact motivation is okay. Let's go see if those overachievers left us any bagels."
10:30 a.m.: Me, Chip, and Christy have parted ways halfway between the finish line, the Metro station, and their car. Is just as far to go BACK to watch the Irish dancers as it is to go back to the Metro station. Opt for the latter.
Overhear two women talking behind me. "That was a pathetic run," one of them said. "I'm an embarrassment to runners every where."
The other one says, "You did great. The difference between a jogger and a runner is a finish line."
Guess she's right. Guess that makes me a runner.