I am Jack's... wait I'm just a whore.
I feel this horrible mix of self pity, frustration and melancholy that seems to just turn me into a raging attention whore. I know I'm doing it, (I'm doing it now even) and I don't like it, but I like not linking it. Schadenfreude. Except its not, becuase its the misfortune of self, not others.
The bleak reaslisation that your future is pretty fucked, in one way or another, and that the little voice teeling you that you're different is a dirty fucking liar, that better people than you have failled, and that there is no happy ending. Whats worse is realising you don't care enough normally to make the most of the few chances at happyness you have and you only care after the fact or at midnight, so you can promptly forget how you felt once you wake up.
Better then to not wake up? to never rise and face the future, a future of certain toil and uncertain reward. A future that looks fit to burst, with nasty shit around each corner. To be not human, to not care for oneself and to cease to exist, in quiet bliss, unmarked and unregarded. Not to go out with a violent or poisonous end, but to just sleep, and never wake up.
Or to wake up and care.
Anything but this zombie state.
Give me emotion or give me statelessness and a endless sleep.
The bleak reaslisation that your future is pretty fucked, in one way or another, and that the little voice teeling you that you're different is a dirty fucking liar, that better people than you have failled, and that there is no happy ending. Whats worse is realising you don't care enough normally to make the most of the few chances at happyness you have and you only care after the fact or at midnight, so you can promptly forget how you felt once you wake up.
Better then to not wake up? to never rise and face the future, a future of certain toil and uncertain reward. A future that looks fit to burst, with nasty shit around each corner. To be not human, to not care for oneself and to cease to exist, in quiet bliss, unmarked and unregarded. Not to go out with a violent or poisonous end, but to just sleep, and never wake up.
Or to wake up and care.
Anything but this zombie state.
Give me emotion or give me statelessness and a endless sleep.