FIC: Not Exactly a Flux Capacitor, But Pretty Damm Close, PG-13 by rsharpe
TITLE: Not Exactly a Flux Capacitor, But Pretty Damm Close
AUTHOR: rsharpe
PAIRING: McKay/Sheppard (Pre-Slash)
RATING: PG-13
WORD COUNT: 4,612
SUMMARY: Rodney loses a bet to John, but they both eventually win.
A/N: A "Thank You" fic written with very little skill but with great love and gratitude to CHKC, the master of SGA Chibis.
Rodney McKay was a busy man. As Chief Scientist of the Atlantis Expedition and the self-proclaimed smartest man in two galaxies, he was always working at least ten times harder than anyone else. But today, he’d been even busier than usual. It was well after the time that he should have been shutting down his laptops and stopping for the evening, but with the number of projects he had spread out on the benches and tables surrounding him, stopping or even slowing down for a break hadn’t seemed important.
Unfortunately, besides his important work, he was also responsible for supervising “The Idiots“, the ones on night shift now since the day shift had slunk off earlier after he‘d berated them within an inch of their lives for, once again, not following protocol when handling unstable materials. Honestly, he’d written the rules and posted them himself, anyone could follow them. He would rather be thought of as an asshole (well, he *was* an asshole) than risk any more of his people being hurt. How both groups, with the notable exceptions of Radek and Miko, dared to call themselves scientists he couldn’t fathom.
In his opinion, all they did was take up space and valuable resources in *his* labs, and constantly interrupt him while he was working on Ancient artifacts or occasionally his own theories. His work alone on wormhole physics and ZedPMs was so groundbreaking that very few people on Earth would even be able to follow the written portions, much less the math. These were theories for papers that would likely never be published in his lifetime. But if and when declassification of the Stargate program occurred and he was still toiling away here, he’d be ready. The elusive Nobel Prize would finally be his to hold in triumph over the heads of his inferiors. (Which was practically every scientist on Earth, except Jeannie and Sam.) Sighing, he could picture Sam Carter gazing adoringly at him, one of his favorite fantasies, as he held his Nobel while dressed in a tailor-made tux.
Eluding “The Idiots” and their inane questions was why Rodney had retreated to one of the inner labs where he could gain as much privacy as possible. This lab also allowed him to spread out whatever he was working on and gave him plenty of room for his laptops. Unfortunately, once he was ensconced here he tended to lose all track of time, but he knew it must have been hours since lunch. His stomach was rumbling occasionally, his hands were shaking slightly and he felt a headache coming on. These were precedents of his hypoglycemia kicking in. Rodney was contemplating what sustenance other than power bars, MREs, lemon-laced desserts or day-old plastic wrapped sandwiches he might be able to scrounge from the mess hall at this late hour and typing on three laptops while programming a power consumption simulation on another.
And if “The Idiots” in the lab weren’t enough to cause him to contemplate pulling out his thinning hair, he was being harassed at least five times a day by an extremely irritating Lt. Colonel who was trying to collect on a bet that he claimed he’d won. Sheppard had obviously cheated somehow. He just hadn’t figured out how yet. Rodney had worked for hours on his remote controlled car, adding improvements that were perfectly legal. Hours! No way could Sheppard have beaten him to the finish line by one full second.
After letting Sheppard bait him all day that his car was obviously the fastest, he’d foolishly bet that he’d build Sheppard anything he wanted if his car could beat Rodney’s. (He’d wisely nixed a light saber before Sheppard could even open his mouth to ask.) Now he was going to have to make good on the bet. If he tried to renege or change the terms, he’d never hear the end of it and Sheppard wasn’t above telling the whole expedition about it either. That would be just what he needed. Radek especially would hound him unmercifully and he couldn’t let the aggravating Czech get anything on him.
Luckily, he’d almost completed a small (in size, not in scope) secret project that, if he was forced to ante up, would not only pay off his debt to Sheppard but would keep him in his team leader’s good graces for just about forever. It had originally been meant for Sheppard‘s fortieth birthday, but this was an emergency if there ever was one. He only needed a few minutes of private uninterrupted time and one or two scavenged parts to complete it.
And speaking of things he needed, other than sustenance, it had been at least an hour since he’d inhaled the last of the pitiful sludge that the others in the lab called coffee. That was what he really needed. Not just any coffee, but The Good Stuff. Sadly, it was at least two weeks before the Daedalus would be here and he and everyone he could bully into handing over their stash had long ago given up their Kona or any other halfway decent coffee beans. He missed it so much he’d even dreamed about it. Huh, he missed it so much he could almost imagine that he could smell it right now. That wonderful smell of freshly brewed Kona . . .
Rodney jerked in surprise as a huge ceramic coffee mug suddenly appeared in his line of sight. He was momentarily pleased that he hadn’t been hallucinating that delicious odor and he grabbed for the mug, only to have it pulled back out of his reach. Snarling and threatening to remove the offending hand (and the arm it was attached to) for denying him his fix, he looked up from his favorite laptop to discover that the hand was attached to an arm encased in the black sleeve of a uniform shirt worn by the offending Lt. Colonel he’d just been contemplating.
Rodney impatiently snapped his fingers and growled, “Give it!”
John Sheppard (Offending Lt. Colonel, USAF) smirked at Rodney and moved the steaming mug even further out of his reach.
“Why, Rodney, I’ll be more than happy to give you this fresh, hot, delicious cup of Kona coffee. After all, I understand that not only your supply but everyone else’s that you normally browbeat into giving you is completely gone. So you can have this, perhaps the last cup of Kona in Atlantis.”
Sheppard paused dramatically since he had a captive audience.
“Under one condition, that is.”
Rodney was almost quivering with anticipatory lust for the coffee, so he was unusually easy to manipulate.
“Anything! I’ll do anything, just GIVE ME THAT CUP!”
John cautiously stepped closer and put the coffee mug down on the lab table within Rodney’s reach. He was no fool. He’d seen the damage Rodney could inflict on anyone stupid enough to get between him and his drug of choice.
Rodney grabbed the cup and, pausing just long enough to inhale the luscious odor, sipped cautiously. He wasn’t completely convinced that this wasn’t either a trick or a coffee deprived hallucination. Finding that the Nectarfrom Heaven was, indeed real, he sighed in appreciation and took a much larger drink.
Through his haze of satisfaction as he drank the most delicious coffee he‘d had in at least two weeks, Rodney narrowed his eyes at Sheppard in suspicion and confusion.
John merely leaned on one corner of the lab table and attempted to look innocent. As usual, it didn’t work.
“Where did you get this? Have you been holding out on me? You don’t have any Kopi Luwak, do you?”
“No, Rodney. I do not have any coffee that’s made from cat shit. That’s disgusting! Where in hell would I get any of that stuff? It’s not like I can just run down to the corner store, is it?”
Rodney harrumphed at John’s totally uncivilized reference to the finest, most expensive coffee in the world. Well, in the Milky Way, that is.
“You may not have any Kopi Luwak, but you obviously have access to Kona. Where did you get it, how did you get it, can I get more of it and exactly how much do you have?”
By this time, Rodney’s cup was dry and John thought that Rodney would have licked it if he could have.
“My source is confidential. And before you start threatening or begging, there’s no way in hell I’m going to tell you where I got it. I brought it to you as encouragement to make good on our bet. The bet that *I* won. You so owe me and I fully intend to collect. Oh, and to sweeten the pot, so to speak, I also brought you your favorite sandwich, freshly made since I didn’t see you at lunch and I wouldn’t put it past you to just have a power bar for breakfast.”
Rodney opened his mouth to berate Sheppard for holding out on him, to claim that his genius (which had saved Atlantis as a whole and Sheppard personally around a million times) operated at maximum efficiency only when properly caffeinated with good coffee, to declare that no fluffy-headed flyboy could possibly have beaten him without cheating, to point out that he was much too busy to indulge said flyboy’s desire for toys, to . . . But then the knowledge that he’d already all but completed the perfect little projectto assuage Sheppard, pay off the debt (which he didn’t really owe because Sheppard *had* cheated) and probably wheedle the source of the Kona out of him as well.
“If I can produce something exceptional for you within oh, say an hour, is there a possibility that you could get me at least another cup?”
John appeared to think it over. Then it occurred to him that he’d never specified what he wanted Rodney to build for him. Just as he was about to point that out, Rodney interrupted.
“Yes, yes, I know you haven’t said what you wanted, other than a light saber which I already pointed out is out of the question, but I guarantee that if you come back here in about an hour, I’ll have an item for you that will satisfy the bet above and beyond anything you might have come up with on your own. Deal?”
Another reason John had decided to bribe Rodney with the coffee and his favorite sandwich was that he was bored. His team was on stand-down until Teyla returned from the mainland where she was required to officiate over some Athosian rituals concerning harvests or building new houses or blessing babies or something. With Teyla gone, there was no one to practice Bantosrods with.
He’d been so bored during the long day that even his evil paperwork was up to date. Lorne had almost had a heart attack when he’d observed that John’s in box was completely empty. He’d walked out of John’s office muttering that something was very badly wrong and he didn’t want to be in the area when it all went to hell.
Then he’d gotten the, on further reflection, not-so-bright idea that he and the Marines could use more training in hand-to-hand combat. Wisely on the part of the Marines, no one but him would pick Ronon as a partner for the demonstrations. He and Ronon had sparred, which consisted of John landing forcefully and ungracefully all over the mat more times than he cared to count. John was sure he had bruises on top of bruises and would pay dearly for it in the morning.
With Rodney immersed in all his projects, there wasn’t anybody to hang around with. Earlier, he couldn’t even get Rodney out of the lab to watch his bootlegged copy of “Wolverine”. So if Rodney really could produce something really cool for him within an hour, he was all for it.
“Deal.”
Rodney rubbed his hands together in gleeful anticipation of more coffee and then proceeded to shoo John out of the lab.
“Okay. I need privacy for this. I’ll radio you when I’m ready. Start brewing a pot of the liquid gold. It’ll be worth it, I promise.”
John pointedly looked at his watch, then wisely retreated. An hour should give him just enough time to sweet talk Dr. Barnes (Julia, he corrected himself) into brewing one more cup of the precious liquid. Since Julia didn’t even like coffee, she kept her supply to use for trade. A secret he’d accidentally overheard two of the botanists discussing. He’d already promised her a jumper trip to the mainland and all the time she wanted to study plants or trees or whatever it was she was so interested in. He’d have to up the ante somehow . . . without risking his virtue.
Most of the time he really never saw it coming, but when he’d stopped by to pick up the coffee for Rodney, even he could tell that there had been some mild flirting. Well, he’d think of something to discourage her. Maybe since she was from England he could plead a military vow of celibacy.
Before John had even cleared the doorway, Rodney had wolfed down thesandwich and felt much better. His head was clear from the shot of caffeine and his stomach had calmed down. Rodney’s physical well-being kicked in right along with his genius. He settled down to work, mindful of the time but first he had to retrieve the box that held his project and “acquire” one or two spare Ancient parts that weren’t strictly legal but being the Head Scientist sometimes had it’s perks.
Going two corridors over to the lab section reserved for Ancient artifacts that were either not being worked on, found to be out of power or useless, and a very large heavy carton labeled “DANGEROUS - DO NOT TOUCH - THIS MEANS YOU”. Rodney carefully moved the labeled box. Underneath that one that everyone was deathly afraid of, Rodney had hidden a smaller box that was unlabeled. Anyone casually observing it would assume that it was part of the dangerous artifacts and would leave it alone. It made the perfect hiding place for what Rodney was working on.
Rodney couldn’t hide it in his room because Sheppard spent too much time there watching movies or just hanging out and reading while Rodney worked. And to Rodney’s surprise, when John wasn’t in military mode he had a lot in common with a cat. Not just the sprawling all over Rodney when he was working so he could get Rodney to scritch his head, but he was just as curious as a cat as well. Any unmarked box in Rodney’s quarters would have been too much temptation for John to ignore.
Rodney opened the box and examined the work he’d been doing off and on for the last few months. The main body was completely finished. All the electronics and the engine were installed and had been tested. There was nothing more to do with this section.
He picked up the smaller black box and began to examine it for design flaws, but found none. Opening the small compartment and calibrating the dials and the viewscreen didn’t take long at all. He still had plenty of time to get to the secure lab and retrieve the power supply that was the perfect size he’d noticed last week and pointedly moved to the end of the testing line. Throwing a handy opaque dust cover over all the components, he set off humming happily to obtain the last part of the project. Sheppard’s face would be priceless! Wonder if he could find a camera.
Arriving at the secure lab, he palmed the door open. Only he, Radek and Sheppard were keyed to this door for excellent reasons. There were power sources stored here that, if initiated, could conceivably cause explosions. Rodney went straight to the section where he’d hidden the small power device and wrapped it in a cloth cover for transporting delicate equipment before heading for the door. No one even challenged why he was accessing a secure lab at this time of evening. Huh, he was kind of disappointed that he hadn’t passed even one guard. Maybe he should talk to John about the lack of security.
He was back in his lab and installing the last element of his creation within half an hour. Now all he had to do was check that each section of the device responded to the small controller box and he’d be finished and waiting for the look on John’s face when he realized what Rodney had done for him.
(-) (-) (-)
John stepped out of Dr. Barnes’ (Julia’s) quarters with a carafe of Kona and two coffee mugs on a tray. If anyone had attempted to describe his expression, they’d probably have picked dumbstruck with a slight side of disappointment and embarrassment.
He’d had no trouble at all convincing her that he needed more of the Kona to talk Dr. McKay into something. He probably should have elaborated what that something was but he’d been temporarily struck dumb by the fact that Julia had answered her door in a bathrobe and apparently nothing else, obviously fresh out of the shower. That fact alone wasn’t what had caused him to flush in embarrassment. It was the other person wearing a matching bathrobe who had apparently shared the shower with her. Julia may have been flirting a bit with him, but her true feelings shone through as her companion helped out with the coffee, cups and tray before wishing him luck with “his” scientist. He would have tried to explain, but both Julia and Kate Heightmeyer were giggling too hard to listen to him.
John had recovered by the time Rodney radioed him that he was needed in the lab. He’d used the command channel and the request was nothing unusual. Chuck liked to keep track of John when possible since he was responsible for transmitting any problems from the Gateroom directly to John. John assured Rodney that he was on his way and also let Chuck know that he’d probably be busy there for a while.
So, he and Rodney were both covered by whatever Rodney had come up with as John’s prize for winning the bet. Rodney had driven him crazy trying to explain how John’s car couldn’t conceivably have beaten his. John knew that Rodney had modified his car by adding extra power somehow, worked on it for hours, and he’d have a fit if he knew what John had done. Knowing Rodney would try to improve the car’s performance John decided that sometimes the simplest way was the best. All he had done was remove enough unnecessary weight to make the car run faster.
By the time John had made it to Rodney’s lab, he was completely over his reaction to Julia and Kate. They, of course, knew that he’d never say anything. And they’re being together wasn’t exactly against any regulations. Both were civilians and Kate wouldn’t break any confidentially issues. If Julia were to have to see someone in Kate’s area of expertise, Kate would work it out.
But, John was still amazed that they’d both assumed that he and Rodney were together as something other than friends. John having a male companion was certainly against the rules, though DADT had been rumored to be on it’s way out. Certainly it was ridiculous to have an American rule in an international expedition. But . . . John and Rodney? Sure, they were the best of friends, but . . . Rodney? John gave it up and resumed his anticipation of whatever Rodney had waiting for him.
When John entered the lab, Rodney had that look he wore when he wanted to show John something really, really cool. And this time the look wasn’t concentrated on the carafe and mugs that John carried in.
“Okay. Now, I know this is going to literally blow your little mind, so please pay attention so that I know you’re going to follow instructions. This is really made for use outside but this lab is large enough to use as a testing facility. Just don’t, for God’s sake, get too enthusiastic about it and ram it into a wall or the ceiling or anything else valuable like my head.”
After that little speech, John couldn’t honestly remember even setting the tray down, he just stared at Rodney in shock. Because on one end of the lab table was a puddle jumper. Not a full-sized one, of course, but a puddle jumper all the same. It was sitting next to a small black box with dials and an antenna and what looked like a small viewscreen on it. John was immediately drawn to it until Rodney stepped in front of him.
“I knew you’d be like this. Just . . . you need to listen to me for a minute, okay? There are things you need to know before you get your grubby little hands on my creation.”
“It’s a puddle jumper. A miniature puddle jumper.”
“Yes, yes it is. And the box beside it is the controller. I tried to make it as gene user friendly as I could, but if it doesn’t respond quite the way a full sized jumper does, the box contains all the necessary controls so that you can still fly it just like you do the real ones”.
“It’s a puddle jumper.”
“Yes, yes, you said that already. Has your brain gone off line or something?”
“Rodney, you built me a miniature puddle jumper!”
“Yes, I did. I am brilliant, you know. I’m supposing your slack jawed look of lust means that the bet is fully paid for?”
“Rodney . . . “
John stepped forward and grabbed Rodney in a hug that seemed to go on forever. He finally stepped back with an adoring look at Rodney and then seemed to get himself under some kind of control.
“Okay, how does this work?”
Rodney was taken aback by the hug. John Sheppard didn’t hug. John Sheppard didn’t even touch people voluntarily. With the exception of the lazy Sunday afternoons when he did his cat imitation. But he’d hugged Rodney. A real hug, not the one-handed manly ones that most men used in times of extreme joy that they hadn’t been killed one more time by whatever the Pegasus Galaxy tended to throw at them.
Rodney pulled himself together and began explaining all the dials and the viewscreen on the controller until he was convinced that John understood what to do if the built-in user interface for an ATA gene carrier didn’t respond well enough for John to be able to control the jumper without using the small black box and the viewscreen.
“Okay, John. Just pretend that it’s a regular sized jumper and ask it nicely to turn on and lift straight up, not enough to hit the ceiling, just enough to see if the interface works.”
Swallowing in anticipation and holding onto the controller with shaking hands, John did as Rodney instructed.
The jumper responded as though it were a full sized one. It lit up on the inside as though there was a pilot at the controls and lifted up from the table about three feet, hovering there as if waiting for further instructions.
Both men were awestruck and grinning gleefully at the little jumper.
“Rodney, I can call up the HUDs on this viewscreen. They’re exactly like they are in the full size jumper. How in the hell did you do this? I know it took way more than an hour.”
Rodney ducked his head in embarrassment a little.
“Well, I’ve been working on this for months. It was going to be a birthday present, but it seemed like the perfect way to repay the bet we made about the remote controlled cars. And . . . and you deserve it.”
John ducked his head and would have done his usual rubbing the back of his neck thing if he hadn’t had both hands wrapped around the controller in a death grip.
“Rodney, I don’t know what to say.”
“Wait to say anything til you’ve tried some maneuvers. Take it through it’s paces. Just be very careful inside the lab. I can’t afford for it to damage anything. So don’t be too enthusiastic.”
John sent the little jumper up, around and finally through obstacles in the lab to see how it performed. He had it hover at random heights before shooting off at various speeds. Finally, after he realized how long he’d been at it, he gently landed it on the lab table again and powered it off.
“Uh, wow and thanks just don’t seem to cover it, Rodney. This has got to be the coolest thing I’ve ever gotten as a present. Even though it’s about three months early.”
“I told you it was *going* to be your birthday present. It’s the pay-off for the bet. The one I shouldn’t owe you because I *know* you cheated. I just don’t know how.”
John set the control box down carefully beside the jumper. He and Rodney had been so intent on the test runs that they’d completely forgotten the coffee. So John poured a cup for each of them and, luckily, the carafe had kept it hot.
“Let’s have a toast. To unspecified cheating on *both* our parts and to the smartest man in the galaxy.”
Rodney grabbed his cup to return the toast but couldn’t resist correcting John.
“The smartest man in two galaxies, I’ll have you know.”
“So, when can I test it outside?”
“Well, Teyla is still on the mainland, isn’t she? Can’t we come up with an excuse to go over there and see how she’s doing.”
“Cool. We can do that tomorrow if you can tear yourself away from the labs.”
“Oh, I think this project is much more important than anything I have going on here.”
“Then it’s a deal. I’ll clear some flight time and we’ll leave after breakfast. Can you pack everything up in a lab case so that it just looks like another experiment.”
“Yes, yes, I’ve already got that covered.”
John looked as though he hated to leave the little jumper, even just until breakfast, but he knew he had to tear himself away. But there was something he had to do first.
John walked over to where Rodney was just sitting down his coffee mug and turned him around to face him. Gently, as though he thought Rodney would resist, he pulled him closer, face to face. Then just as gently, he kissed him. Chastely, closed mouth, no tongue, but hard enough so that Rodney wouldn’t mistake it for anything but what it was.
John let him go and noticed that Rodney’s eyes were still closed and he looked completely wrecked.
“It isn’t exactly a flux capacitor, Rodney, but it’s pretty damm close.”
- end -