Fic: Five tattoos John Sheppard doesn’t have
Title: Five tattoos John Sheppard doesn’t have
Author: rosiepaw
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,142
Note: I'm working on something longish and angsty. In the middle of that my brain went on vacation and wrote perpetrated this instead.
Five tattoos John Sheppard doesn’t have
(1) The one he tried to get when he was 15. He hadn’t even thought about what he wanted, he just knew that a tattoo would really piss his father off. The guy who ran the tattoo shop didn’t agree that this was a good reason to get one. He more or less threw John out of the shop, told him to come back when he was 18.
(2) The Navier-Stokes equations. John’s not sure he wants to reveal that much of his inner geek.
(3) Anything excessively large that couldn’t be covered by an USAF uniform. John wants to fly. Also anything on his chest, because unless he wanted to keep it shaved, what would be the point?
(4) A heart with Nancy’s name in it. John thought about it while they were dating, but never got around to having it done. Then they got married. And then they got divorced.
(5) His favourite aircraft. John’s really thought about this one. He’s even done some sketches just in case. The problem is trying to figure out which aircraft is his absolute favourite of all time, forever, because a tattoo is kind of a permanent thing. Yeah, you can get them removed, but John’s already been though one divorce.
***
John never told anyone about the tattoos he doesn’t have until the day he told Rodney. And he only told Rodney because Rodney was freaking out. The folks on PZ8-194 had been highly insulted to discover that Atlantis had sent them a team without a married couple to provide a strong, trustworthy foundation. Insulted to the point of expressing themselves with weapons.
After considerable diplomatic efforts on Teyla’s part, the PZ8-194ers grudgingly agreed to overlook the insult if two of the team members got married on the spot. Being insulted and grudging and generally pissed off, they set the bar high: the marriage had to bind the two team members whom they had observed to cause the most discord. In other words, John and Rodney.
But that’s not what Rodney was freaking out about. Hell, marrying various team members in various ceremonies, that was pretty much SOP in the Pegasus galaxy.
No, Rodney’s problem was that marriage on PZ8-194 included matching tattoos in traditional designs for the happy couple. Not excessively large or embarrassingly placed - a pattern of lines and swirls on the upper arm, just below the shoulder. No citrus in the inks (John asked), and the PZ8-194ers even had a fairly good grasp of sterilization procedures.
Rodney continued to freak out. When he started going into detail on the long-term effects of various blood-borne diseases, John took him aside and told him about the not-tattoos. John’s thinking was that maybe if Rodney knew he’d considered getting a tattoo before, Rodney would see that the idea wasn’t so weird after all.
"Right, because if even a suicidal flyboy considers doing something and then decides not to, that’s such a ringing safety endorsement!"
"McKay, I am not suicidal, getting a tattoo is not fatal, and you can always get it removed back in Atlantis."
"Which involves pain and scarring."
"Fine, you want to talk about pain and scarring? Did you see the spears those guards were carrying? Think about it."
Rodney thought about it. He agreed to get a tattoo and marry John.
***
John kind of liked his tattoo. When he caught sight of it in the mirror, it made him think of Rodney and how Rodney freaked out about the little things but could always be trusted to come through when it counted. That made John smile and feel a bit warm inside, so he kept the tattoo.
He figured that Rodney would get his own tattoo removed as soon as possible. But for months after the trip to PZ8-194, every now and then John would notice Rodney rubbing his sleeve over the spot where the tattoo had been. He wondered if the scarring irritated Rodney. When Rodney caught John watching, he’d flush and look away, so John never asked.
***
The people on MJ4-726 really liked John. They liked him so much that they wanted him to marry their high priestess and stay with them. They objected strongly to his refusal. Knives, spears, the usual sort of strong objection.
"Look, I’m sure you’re a really fine person," said John to the priestess, "But I can’t marry you because…"
"Because it would be bigamy!" growled Rodney.
"Dr. McKay is correct," Teyla supplied, "Among his and Lt. Colonel Sheppard’s people, only two people are allowed to be married to each other at any given time."
"It would be bigamy, which is a crime, which would insult your gods. It would be sacrilegious!" John had never noticed before that Rodney worried too much about insulting other people’s gods, but hey, if it worked…
The priestess - quite beautiful if you liked that sort of thing - eyed John suspiciously. "You are married to someone else? Prove it."
Oh, hell. Maybe this wasn’t going to work.
"No problem," Rodney snapped. "Colonel, if you’ll show her your left shoulder? ...Thank you."
"It is a nice design," agreed the priestess, "But how do I know it signifies that he is married?"
Rodney bared his right shoulder. John started to gape, remembered he was supposed to be familiar with the territory and shut his mouth. The priestess didn’t gape, she glared. Rodney glared right back. "Now, if you’ll tell your guards to stop pointing sharp objects at my husband, we’ll be leaving."
***
"Your husband, McKay?"
"Shut up and pass the popcorn, Sheppard. And it wasn’t like I was lying. That’s what the tattoos are supposed to mean."
"I thought you’d’ve gotten yours removed by now."
"Well, uh, I’ve been busy! Really busy!" Yeah, Rodney flushing was definitely cute. "City, missions, morons. Some of us have work to do. Anyway, why didn’t you get yours removed?"
"I never objected all that much to getting it in the first place. I kind of like it. It reminds me of how you freak out about things."
"Oh, thank you."
Rodney always came through when it counted, so John took a chance. "Does yours remind you of anything?"
"Yes, it reminds me that you’re a closeted-geek flyboy with a hairy chest. Happy now?"
"Yeah. Actually, I am. And you know something, McKay?" John watched carefully as Rodney aimed a handful of popcorn for his mouth. Wait for it, wait… now! "You have really nice shoulders."
John grinned as he helpfully pounded Rodney on his back to dislodge stray bits of popcorn from his windpipe. He was happy. He could work with this situation. If they’d been married for months and Rodney hadn’t divorced him yet, there was still hope of persuading Rodney that sometime - sometime soon? - they should have a wedding night.
- 30 -
Author: rosiepaw
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,142
Note: I'm working on something longish and angsty. In the middle of that my brain went on vacation and wrote perpetrated this instead.
Five tattoos John Sheppard doesn’t have
(1) The one he tried to get when he was 15. He hadn’t even thought about what he wanted, he just knew that a tattoo would really piss his father off. The guy who ran the tattoo shop didn’t agree that this was a good reason to get one. He more or less threw John out of the shop, told him to come back when he was 18.
(2) The Navier-Stokes equations. John’s not sure he wants to reveal that much of his inner geek.
(3) Anything excessively large that couldn’t be covered by an USAF uniform. John wants to fly. Also anything on his chest, because unless he wanted to keep it shaved, what would be the point?
(4) A heart with Nancy’s name in it. John thought about it while they were dating, but never got around to having it done. Then they got married. And then they got divorced.
(5) His favourite aircraft. John’s really thought about this one. He’s even done some sketches just in case. The problem is trying to figure out which aircraft is his absolute favourite of all time, forever, because a tattoo is kind of a permanent thing. Yeah, you can get them removed, but John’s already been though one divorce.
***
John never told anyone about the tattoos he doesn’t have until the day he told Rodney. And he only told Rodney because Rodney was freaking out. The folks on PZ8-194 had been highly insulted to discover that Atlantis had sent them a team without a married couple to provide a strong, trustworthy foundation. Insulted to the point of expressing themselves with weapons.
After considerable diplomatic efforts on Teyla’s part, the PZ8-194ers grudgingly agreed to overlook the insult if two of the team members got married on the spot. Being insulted and grudging and generally pissed off, they set the bar high: the marriage had to bind the two team members whom they had observed to cause the most discord. In other words, John and Rodney.
But that’s not what Rodney was freaking out about. Hell, marrying various team members in various ceremonies, that was pretty much SOP in the Pegasus galaxy.
No, Rodney’s problem was that marriage on PZ8-194 included matching tattoos in traditional designs for the happy couple. Not excessively large or embarrassingly placed - a pattern of lines and swirls on the upper arm, just below the shoulder. No citrus in the inks (John asked), and the PZ8-194ers even had a fairly good grasp of sterilization procedures.
Rodney continued to freak out. When he started going into detail on the long-term effects of various blood-borne diseases, John took him aside and told him about the not-tattoos. John’s thinking was that maybe if Rodney knew he’d considered getting a tattoo before, Rodney would see that the idea wasn’t so weird after all.
"Right, because if even a suicidal flyboy considers doing something and then decides not to, that’s such a ringing safety endorsement!"
"McKay, I am not suicidal, getting a tattoo is not fatal, and you can always get it removed back in Atlantis."
"Which involves pain and scarring."
"Fine, you want to talk about pain and scarring? Did you see the spears those guards were carrying? Think about it."
Rodney thought about it. He agreed to get a tattoo and marry John.
***
John kind of liked his tattoo. When he caught sight of it in the mirror, it made him think of Rodney and how Rodney freaked out about the little things but could always be trusted to come through when it counted. That made John smile and feel a bit warm inside, so he kept the tattoo.
He figured that Rodney would get his own tattoo removed as soon as possible. But for months after the trip to PZ8-194, every now and then John would notice Rodney rubbing his sleeve over the spot where the tattoo had been. He wondered if the scarring irritated Rodney. When Rodney caught John watching, he’d flush and look away, so John never asked.
***
The people on MJ4-726 really liked John. They liked him so much that they wanted him to marry their high priestess and stay with them. They objected strongly to his refusal. Knives, spears, the usual sort of strong objection.
"Look, I’m sure you’re a really fine person," said John to the priestess, "But I can’t marry you because…"
"Because it would be bigamy!" growled Rodney.
"Dr. McKay is correct," Teyla supplied, "Among his and Lt. Colonel Sheppard’s people, only two people are allowed to be married to each other at any given time."
"It would be bigamy, which is a crime, which would insult your gods. It would be sacrilegious!" John had never noticed before that Rodney worried too much about insulting other people’s gods, but hey, if it worked…
The priestess - quite beautiful if you liked that sort of thing - eyed John suspiciously. "You are married to someone else? Prove it."
Oh, hell. Maybe this wasn’t going to work.
"No problem," Rodney snapped. "Colonel, if you’ll show her your left shoulder? ...Thank you."
"It is a nice design," agreed the priestess, "But how do I know it signifies that he is married?"
Rodney bared his right shoulder. John started to gape, remembered he was supposed to be familiar with the territory and shut his mouth. The priestess didn’t gape, she glared. Rodney glared right back. "Now, if you’ll tell your guards to stop pointing sharp objects at my husband, we’ll be leaving."
***
"Your husband, McKay?"
"Shut up and pass the popcorn, Sheppard. And it wasn’t like I was lying. That’s what the tattoos are supposed to mean."
"I thought you’d’ve gotten yours removed by now."
"Well, uh, I’ve been busy! Really busy!" Yeah, Rodney flushing was definitely cute. "City, missions, morons. Some of us have work to do. Anyway, why didn’t you get yours removed?"
"I never objected all that much to getting it in the first place. I kind of like it. It reminds me of how you freak out about things."
"Oh, thank you."
Rodney always came through when it counted, so John took a chance. "Does yours remind you of anything?"
"Yes, it reminds me that you’re a closeted-geek flyboy with a hairy chest. Happy now?"
"Yeah. Actually, I am. And you know something, McKay?" John watched carefully as Rodney aimed a handful of popcorn for his mouth. Wait for it, wait… now! "You have really nice shoulders."
John grinned as he helpfully pounded Rodney on his back to dislodge stray bits of popcorn from his windpipe. He was happy. He could work with this situation. If they’d been married for months and Rodney hadn’t divorced him yet, there was still hope of persuading Rodney that sometime - sometime soon? - they should have a wedding night.
- 30 -