Fic: A Land That I Heard Of (2/2) by bluejbird
Title: A Land That I Heard of (2/2)
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard; hints of others, but only if you squint and turn your head sideways
Rating: PG13 for bad language
Summary: Wizard of Oz, Atlantis style. John finds himself in a strange and mystical land, with a number of very familiar companions as he tries to find his way back home.
A/N: I started writing this almost a year ago, decided it was too weird, and tucked it away. Then I happened to watch the SG1 episode 200, and figured if Vala could do it, so could I. Unbetaed.
Disclaimer: I don’t own SGA, nor Wizard of Oz. Contains some lines from the movie.
Warning: I think my brain died from the crack.
Part 1 is here
John and Ford rematerialised in a large, open area near the dart bay. Before John could get any feeling back in his limbs, two large drones grabbed his arms and dragged him down winding corridors into a room where they dumped him in front of a throne.
Sitting on the throne was possibly the ugliest female John had ever seen in his life. He stared up at her in horror as she rose to her feet, baring her teeth at him.
“Who are you?” she asked, bending down to run a taloned finger along his cheek and under his chin, tipping his face up towards her.
“Colonel John Sheppard,” John said, shaking his head to dislodge her hand, and tried to stand up. “Serial number-“
“Silence,” the Wraith Queen said, pushing him back down onto his knees. “That is not important. I want you to tell me where you are from. You are not of this world, you are a stranger here. Tell me of your home, how to get there, of the people there. How many they number, how many there are to feast upon.”
John shook his head and tried to stand again. He tried to reach for his gun, but she snatched it from him, throwing it across the room, it slid into the shadows, out of reach.
“Tell me,” her voice echoed in his head, making it throb. “Tell me.”
John closed his eyes, sinking to the ground. "No," he said. “No, I won’t tell you.”
The Wraith Queen hissed. "You are strong," she said. "But perhaps-" she motioned to one of the drones, who snatched Ford up from where he had been tethered to the floor. Ford gave a squeal, and John clenched his jaw.
"Leave him alone," he ground out.
"Tell me," she said.
"No."
Ford whimpered, and John closed his eyes. Then there was a growl, and the Drone stumbled back as Ford lunged for him, teeth biting into his arm. He ripped out a piece of flesh and the Drone roared in pain, letting him go.
"Run!" John said, and Ford obeyed, disappearing.
The Queen bared her teeth. "You have five minutes," she said, motioning to a monitor behind her where what appeared to be a countdown in Wraith had begun. Two drones grabbed him and shoved him into a handy feeding alcove. The Wraith Queen waved her hand and tendrils of goop began to grow over his body, binding him in place. "Enough time to contemplate what will befall you, while we retrieve your pet. And then you will tell me everything I wish to know. Or you will die."
Her final word echoed in his head as she swept from the room, leaving John alone, struggling against his bonds.
~~~
“Are you sure this will work?” Teyla asked as they peered down on three Wraith Drones who were lounging against the rock beneath them.
“No,” Rodney said. “But we can’t leave Sheppard in there. We have to rescue him.”
Ronon grunted in agreement.
”So, on three,” Rodney said, sounding nervous. “One, Two-“
Ronon jumped over the edge, and Rodney scowled. “Typical!” he muttered, and he and Teyla followed.
There was a brief scuffle, and at one point Rodney screeched like a little girl. And then they emerged, triumphant, each of them wearing long dark leather coats and Drone face masks.
“What now?” Teyla asked, her voice muffled.
“Er,” Rodney said. “We…join in the end of that,” he said, pointing to where a line of Drones were marching into the hive.
“Are you serious?” Ronon asked. “This is never going to work.”
“That’s what I keep telling you,” Rodney replied impatiently. “But we have to try anyway.”
Ronon nodded, and straightened his shoulders. “Come on,” he said, and they hurried to catch up with the end of the line.
Inside, Ronon held back, letting the line of Drones carry on, and led them down a dark corridor.
“Okay,” he said. “Now what?”
Rodney pulled off the facemask and frowned. “Well, Sheppard would probably have been taken to the throne room, which, I believe, is that way,” he said, pointing. “Typically, the only area we can destroy the ship from is in that direction,” he added, pointing the opposite way.
Ronon nodded. “Think you can destroy the ship if you get there?”
“Well, it’s not quite as simple as pushing a button like Sheppard made out but…yes. Possibly.”
Ronon and Teyla exchanged a look. “Then go and do it,” Ronon said.
“Oh, sure, send the guy without a brain to destroy the ship. If I don’t get captured on the way, the chances of actually managing to do any damage with a head full of shredded paper is-“
“I shall accompany you,” Teyla said. “I will ensure you come to no harm.”
“Oh,” Rodney said, stopping mid rant. “That’s, er, nice. But what about Sheppard? Shouldn’t we get him first?”
“No time to do both,” Ronon said, and when Rodney opened his mouth to protest, added, “I’ll get him- you two make sure there’s going to be a really big explosion. And soon.”
“You’re going to go on your own?” Rodney asked, incredulously. “I thought you were scared of your own shadow!”
Ronon shrugged. “Needs must,” he said, and disappeared down the corridor.
Rodney and Teyla looked at each other.
“Well,” Rodney said eventually. “I guess we should go and vandalise their power supply.”
They stayed in the shadows, ducking out of sight whenever they heard the sounds of Wraith guards.
“It should be right around the next corner,” Rodney said to Teyla, and walked right into three Wraith.
He stumbled backwards, falling behind Teyla who punched the first Wraith in the face, sending him reeling back. She threw kicks and punches, the sound of metal grating on metal echoing down the corridor, but it was clear she was losing the fight.
“I cannot hold them back!” she gasped as she was thrown into the wall. “You must find Ronon and Sheppard, and an alternative way to destroy the ship.”
The Wraith advanced on Rodney, and he found himself being backed against the wall. “I’m not going to just leave you here for them to feed on!” he said, voice trembling as the Wraith thrust a hand towards his chest.
There was a loud bark, and a small bundle of fur flew through the air.
“Ford!” Teyla exclaimed, getting to her feet and hurrying over to Rodney. Together they watched as the small dog ripped apart the three Wraith with a fierceness that surprised them.
When the Wraith were dead, Ford trotted over to them, a manic gleam in his one good eye.
“Yip!”
“Um, good boy?” said Rodney, and Ford bared his teeth in what was either a smile or a warning and wandered back over to the pile of Wraith parts. He grabbed an arm and dragged it to one side, sinking his teeth into what appeared to be a fluid sac of some sort.
“Huh,” Rodney said. “It looks like Ford’s gotten a taste for the feeding enzyme the Wraith secrete.”
“Ew,” Teyla said, and Rodney nodded his agreement. “Shall we return to our task?” she asked, and Rodney tore his eyes away from Ford, who was lapping at fluid leaking from a second arm.
“Uh, sure,” he said, and followed her into the now empty control room.
~~~
John struggled futilely against his bonds, and sighed. Even though he couldn’t read Wraith, he was pretty certain he had almost run out of time as the countdown on the wall began to flash red.
He only hoped that Ford had managed to escape the ship and would make his way back to Ronon and Teyla and Rodney.
Rodney.
John sighed wistfully, wondering at what point on their journey he’d started enjoying listening to Rodney’s complaints and bitching. He’d been trying to ignore his feelings, but there seemed little point in doing so now when he was about to be-
“Sheppard.”
John’s head snapped up. “Ronon! What are you doing here? Where’s Teyla? Where’s Rodney?”
“Carrying out your plan,” the Lion said, hurrying over to him. “Pushing the autodestruct button. Or something. I tuned Rodney out.”
John grinned, then his smile faded. “That’s great, but that means this ship is about to blow and I’m stuck in here. I can’t get free.”
“No problem,” Ronon said, grasping hold of his tail and drawing a knife out from the end.
John stared at him. “Well, you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”
Ronon grunted in reply and began to cut him free. He’d gotten all but the last few strands cut away, when footsteps echoed outside the room. They stared at each other with wide eyes.
“Go!” John said, urgently, and Ronon hesitated, before running across the room and melting into the shadows.
“Exactly where I left you,” the Wraith Queen gave him a toothy grin as she entered the room, alone this time, and made her way towards him. “I am afraid your time is up, although your pet still eludes us. So, now you will tell me about your home, or you will die.”
A surge of relief rose in John, hearing Ford hadn’t been captured. Summoning his strength, he tore through the last of his bindings, and stumbled out of the alcove.
The Wraith Queen hissed in surprise, and John looked around for a weapon. Finding none, he grasped his canteen, the only thing they’d left him with, pulled open the cap and tossed the water over her, followed by the canteen himself.
"No!" she screamed. "I'm melting! I'm melting!"
"Really?" John asked hopefully.
"No," she replied, wiping the water from her eyes and smiling. "But I appreciate your defiance. It will make feeding on you taste even sweeter."
She move towards him, reaching out her feeding hand as John sank unwillingly to his knees.
The staccato of gunfire echoed in the room and the Queen fell forward slowly.
Ronon stood behind her, holding John’s handgun.
"Thanks buddy," John said, letting Ronon help him to his feet. "You really saved the day."
Ronon just looked at him and shrugged. "It felt good.”
“Uh, great,” John said. “Sure she’s really dead?” he asked, as they stared down the Wraith Queen, body riddled with bullet holes.
“Oh my god, why are you standing around chatting when this whole place is going to explode in five minutes?”
John looked up in relief, seeing Rodney standing in the doorway, an annoyed expression on his face and his arms folded across his chest. Teyla stood beside him smiling, holding Ford in her arms.
“I’m fine, thanks for asking,” John said to Rodney, who rolled his eyes and made a ‘get moving’ gesture.
”I wasn’t joking about the giant explosion that will engulf the ship,” Rodney said. “Come on, we have to get out of here. 4 minutes, 40 seconds.”
Ronon moved towards the door.
“Wait,” John said. “Let me borrow your knife.”
Ronon handed it to him wordlessly, and they all watched as John knelt down beside the queen.
"I guess we should take back proof she’s dead. For the Liz," he said, and hacked the Wraiths feeding hand off.
The sound of claws scraping against metal made John look up in time to spot Ford fight his way out of Teyla’s arms and run across the floor towards him.
“Hey boy,” John said, reaching out to pat the dog, who ignored him and began to lick at the oozing wound on the arm, where it appeared John had punctured the fluid sac. “Gross,” John said, standing up and moving the arm out of the way. “Don’t do that.”
"Yip!" said Ford, bouncing. "Yip yupyup!"
“Ford appears to have developed a slight addiction to the feeding enzyme,” Teyla explained.
“Boom!” Rodney shouted, waving his hands wildly. “Do you understand the concept? Because that’s what’s going to happen to us in 3.4 minutes unless we leave now!”
“Coming,” John said, and followed his friends down the windy corridors and out of the Hive ship.
When they’d reached a safe distance they stopped and turned back to watch.
“Any moment…now!” Rodney said, and they stared at the ship.
There was a long pause. “Uh, Rodney?” John asked, “are you sure you-“
And then the ship exploded.
“Cool,” Ronon said.
~~~
John strode through the Sapphire city with a huge grin on his face. People cleared a path to let them through, although John wasn't sure if it was because of the lifeless Wraith arm flopping helplessly in his hands or Ronon's wordless glares.
The man guarding the entrance to the corridor popped his head out as they approached, shrugged and let them pass.
"We're back!" John shouted triumphantly, and the distorted face on the monitor flickered, the eyes glowing. "One hive ship destroyed. And one Wraith Queen hand to prove it, just in case you didn't feel the explosion." He held it out, and when he got no response, threw it towards the monitor. It skidded on the smooth floor, and Ford barked and ran after it, paws slipping in the slimy trail. John tried not to notice Ford's growl of delight as he lapped at the oozing fluid again.
"Yes, well done," The Liz said, eyes glowing again. "News of your success travelled fast. The people of Oz are free from the tyranny of the Wicked Wraith."
John smiled. "So, about our agreement."
"Ah," said the Liz. "Listen, about that-"
"You're not backing out, are you?" Ronon growled.
"No, no of course not," she said, and the eyes on the monitor flashed again. "It's just that at the moment, what with the overthrowing of the Wraith...I'm going to be very busy. Political business, ruling a land. You know how it is."
"You promised!" Rodney shouted. "You lying, cheating b-"
"Rodney," John said, warningly, and the scarecrow fell silent, scowling up at the monitor.
"We had a deal!" John shouted up at the screen. “We carried out our part of the bargain. You've got to deliver now."
"I'm very sorry," the Liz said. "Come back in a couple of weeks. Now if you'll excuse me...I have a lot of work to be getting on with. The great and powerful Lizzie of Oz has spoken.” The eyes blazed once more then the screen went black.
"Oh, come on!" Rodney exclaimed, flailing his arms and accidentally whacking John in the chest. Teyla's jaw was set and she was frowning up at the screen, metallic eyebrows drawn together. Ronon's lip was pulled up to show his teeth. John sighed, feeling defeated.
"Come on," he said, starting to turn away, ignoring Rodney's protests.
"Wait," Teyla said, and John turned back, shaking his head.
"There's no point-"
"Look," she said, cocking her head towards Ford, who was growling as he sniffed around a curtain to one side of the chamber.
"Ford!" John called, and the dog turned his head, baring his teeth.
"He's hopped up on whatever drug that arm secretes," Rodney reminded him. “I doubt he’s feeling like responding to orders.”
"Come on," John said, and Ford turned back, trying to grab the edge of the curtain with his teeth.
"I think he's found something," Ronon stated, as Ford grabbed hold of the material and pulled the curtain open, revealing a long panel of consoles, and a woman with short, dark curling hair and a red shirt.
"Huh," said John, walked over, and tapped the woman on the shoulder.
She jumped, turned around with wide eyes and hastily pulled the curtain closed.
"Pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain!" The eyes on the screen blared to life.
John rolled his eyes and ripped the curtain off its rail.
"Hi," said the woman, her hand still pressed on a large button.
The eyes on the monitor blazed. "Hi," it said.
The woman’s shoulders slumped and she lifted her hand from the console. She turned and faced them, holding her chin up high.
"You're the great and powerful Liz?" Rodney scoffed. "You?"
"What's with the light show?" John asked.
The Liz sighed. "It impresses the locals. Look, I really am the leader of these people. And I really am grateful that you destroyed the Wraith. But I'm not great, and I'm not powerful. I'm just a Doctor. Elizabeth Weir," she said, and held out a hand for John to shake.
John stared at it for a moment, then took it. Elizabeth gave him a grateful look.
"So this was all a wild goose chase? Great," Rodney said, sitting down hard and resting his head on his knees. His hat flopped off and fell to the floor, where Ford started tearing at the rim with his sharp tiny teeth. "I'm going to be like this forever," he said morosely, tugging at some of the scraps of paper sticking out of the hole in the top of his head. "Brainless. Unable to form coherent thoughts. I could have been a genius. But no, we seek out the greatest power in the land and she turns out to be a fraud." He buried his face again and John resisted the urge to place a calming hand on the top of his head.
"I shall never understand the beauty of a sunset," Teyla said sadly, tears forming in her eyes. "Nor understand the love between a family." Tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Don't," John said soothingly. "You'll rust again."
"I'll never be king of the forest," Ronon growled, and Ford trotted over and looked up at him with a sympathetic look on his face.
He dropped the severed Wraith arm at Ronon’s feet. Ronon stared at it for a long moment, then picked it up and threw it across the room. Ford’s nails clattered on the floor as he ran after it and brought it back for Ronon to throw again.
John sighed and sank to the floor next to Rodney, leaning shoulder to shoulder without really thinking about it.
Elizabeth looked down at them. "I may not be the wonderful Lizzie of Oz," she said slowly, "but I don't think that's what you guys need."
"What do you mean?" Ronon asked, as John took the oilcan from his pocket and handed it to him. He squirted some onto Teyla’s face and she gave him a grateful smile.
"You faced the Wraith!" Elizabeth said to him. "You walked into a Wraith Hive, you killed the queen, you blew up the ship and walked away. You don't need me to give you courage. You already have it in spades."
Ronon looked sceptical. "I don't feel any different," he said. "I can't see it."
Elizabeth pursed her lips for a moment, then turned around and rifled underneath the console. She pulled out a small duffle bag, and dug her hand inside.
"Here," she said, and pulled out a big gun. She handed it to Ronon who stared at it for a long moment.
"It's a...a ray gun," Elizabeth said with a shrug. "It's powerful. I think you have to be pretty brave to use it. I think it screams courage."
"Cool," John breathed.
Ronon grunted, held it up as if lining up a shot, then twirled it in his fingers. "Cool," he echoed, and smiled. Elizabeth blushed a little, then reached back into the bag, turning to a freshly oiled Teyla.
"You say you desire a heart," Elizabeth said. "Your companions have become your friends, haven't they? You have learned to care for them, to worry about them. You have become a family."
"Yes," said Teyla thoughtfully. "I suppose we have," she smiled at John and Ronon, then looked down fondly at Rodney, who still had his head in his arms.
"Then this is for you," Elizabeth said, and handed her a delicate heart shaped locket. "A heart, for you to carry. And it opens, look...you can place pictures of loved ones inside, and carry them with you always."
Teyla bowed her head, pressing her forehead to Elizabeth's in thanks.
"And Scarecrow," Elizabeth said.
There was a long pause. John elbowed Rodney sharply where his ribs should have been.
"What?" Rodney said, his head snapping up. "Oh, yes, that's me," he said glumly.
“When I earned my doctorate, I was presented with this,” Elizabeth said, drawing a scroll from her bag. “It is only presented when the recipient shows outstanding mental prowess.”
“A piece of paper?” Rodney asked, taking it from her and unrolling it. “How is that supposed to make me smart? I mean, wait until the crows in my field get an eyeful of this. They’ll definitely do what I tell them then,” he added sarcastically. He got the paper unfurled and stared at it. “Actually,” he said, thoughtfully, “I suppose it would look rather fetching on my wall…” he wandered over to show Teyla and Ronon who were investigating their own gifts.
"Rodney says thanks," John translated, rolling his eyes as Rodney wandered off to stare lovingly at his diploma.
"So, I'm thinking you don't have anything in that little bag to send me home," John said, trying to sound casual, and Elizabeth shook her head.
"I'm sorry," she said, and Rodney glanced up, his attention caught.
"You're not sending him home?" Rodney said. "We get what we came for but Sheppard is stuck here?" John thought Rodney didn't look particularly disappointed by the news. "You can stay with me, if you like," he added, giving John a hopeful look.
"In your field?" John asked, quirking an eyebrow and Rodney scowled.
"Actually," Elizabeth said slowly. "I think I can send you home."
Everyone stared at her.
"Really?" John said, his pulse speeding up.
Elizabeth nodded. "I came to Oz several years ago," she said. "I was an explorer, seeking out new worlds. I came here through something called a Stargate, but there was a malfunction. It uses great amounts of power, and there was only enough for one trip back. I decided to stay, to experience life here. The people of Oz were in need of a leader, and I was in need of a people to lead. But there's always been that one, single chance of going home. I came from a place called Atlantis," she said. "I believe you came from the same place?" John nodded and Elizabeth gave him a small smile. "Then we'll go together."
John grinned, then grabbed her and swung her around in a circle. "Thank you!" he exclaimed when he set her down. Elizabeth looked quite flushed, and Ronon and Rodney shared identical sour expressions.
John looked over his companions, his team, his family, of sorts. "Could- could they come too?" he asked, hopefully, and Elizabeth nodded. "Yes, it doesn't matter how many people step through the 'Gate."
"How ‘bout it, guys?"
Teyla shook her head. "I cannot, John," she said sadly. "Oz is my home. I was built by the Athosians, and I think it is my place to return to them."
John nodded in understanding. "Ronon?"
Ronon was staring at Elizabeth. "I should stay here," he said. "With this gun...forget King of the forest, I'm going to be Emperor. There's a couple of tigers and bears I'm going to enjoy sorting out." He gave Elizabeth a regretful shrug, and went back to staring lovingly at his gun.
"Rodney?"
Rodney was staring at him. "I..." he brandished his scroll, and sighed.
"Oz will need someone to lead them, when I have returned home," Elizabeth said. "You would be perfect."
Rodney puffed his chest out and smiled. "Yes, well, I've always thought I was born to lead- made to lead, rather. I expect it takes a lot of brains to lead a land, doesn't it? Someone with a degree, perhaps?"
Elizabeth nodded, and Rodney's smile grew wider. And then he looked over at John and his smile slipped.
"But this Atlantis place," he said. "It...it sounds nice. I'd quite like to see it. It would be...interesting."
John beamed at him. "How soon can we leave?"
~~~
People gathered around the giant ring, whispering among themselves.
"We're ready," Elizabeth said, and began to press symbols arranged on a round device near to the 'gate. "Let's hope this works- we only get one chance at this."
A roaring whoosh filled the room, and a bubble of water shot out of the gate.
Everyone gasped, and then ‘ah’ed in amazement as it drew back and formed a shimmering puddle inside the ring.
"There it is," Elizabeth said. "Goodbye, everyone," she called, moving up to the gate. "I'll never forget you," she added, and stepped through, disappearing. Ford followed closely at her heels.
John and Rodney exchanged a look.
"Ronon, Teyla," John said. "This is..."
"Goodbye, John," Teyla said, pressing her forehead to first his, and then Rodney's brow. "I shall always remember you fondly. Here," she demonstrated, tapping her chest where her heart would have been.
"It was fun," Ronon grunted, nodding at each of them in turn.
John grinned, and glanced at Rodney. "Ready?"
"No," Rodney said. "I'm still coming though."
"Good," John said, and they walked towards the 'Gate.
There was a loud metallic groan, and a shower of sparks rained down on them. John grabbed Rodney and pushed him to the ground, covering him with his body. He looked up, seeing the puddle in the 'gate flickering.
"We need to go, now," John said, and hauled Rodney up bodily and shoved him towards the gate. Before they could reach it, there was a metallic sighing sound, and the gate was suddenly empty.
"No," John said, stumbling back and jabbing at the device, pressing the symbols Elizabeth had pressed. But the device didn't light up.
"It's out of power," Rodney said, moving to stand beside John. "I'm sorry, Sheppard" he said. "I'm really sorry. There’s no way for you to get home."
John turned away, pressing his lips tightly together. Ignoring the crowd, which was slowly starting to thin, he sank to the ground and drew his knees up to his chest. He swallowed and tried very hard not to cry.
"Sheppard," Rodney said. "John, I-"
"Look!" someone remaining in the crowd shouted, and John glanced up, despite himself, and saw a glowing white light travelling slowly down towards them. He scrambled to his feet, running a hand through his hair as the glow became Chaya.
"Hi," John said.
"John Sheppard," Chaya said. "I am sorry the 'Gate closed before you could return home."
"Yeah," John said, his shoulders slumping. "I guess I'm stuck here," he added, not trying to sound too downhearted- this was the home of the large number of people surrounding him, and if he was going to be spending the rest of his life here, it was probably a good idea not to anger the natives.
"You will return home," Chaya said.
"I will?" John asked. "How exactly? Will I grow wings and fly myself home?" he frowned, thinking that maybe Rodney had been rubbing off on him a little too much. That thought made him swallow hard and he bit his lip and focused on Chaya instead.
"You have had the power to send yourself home all along," Chaya said, and pointed at the ruby sneakers.
"These?" John said in disbelief. "Then why didn't you say something earlier? You could have saved me a lot of trouble!"
Chaya smiled serenely. "Then you would have not learned what you came here to learn. You would not have made these friends," she said, sweeping a hand that included a glaring Rodney.
"You could have sent him home and you didn't?" Rodney burst out. "This is why I don't like Ancients," he said, turning to John. "I can’t believe you trusted her."
John shook his head. "It's okay," he said. "She’s right. I would never have met any of you if I’d gone home immediately. Tell me how," he said to Chaya. "Tell me how I can go home now."
"It is simple," Chaya said. "You just click your heels together three times and say 'there's no place like home'."
"That's it?" John asked, and she nodded.
John glanced down at his sneakers, then back up at Chaya. "I do that and it will transport us home?"
Chaya smiled and shook her head. "No, just you," she said. "It can only take one person. The Scarecrow must remain."
John's eyes flew wide. "Leave Rodney here? But-"
"It's okay," Rodney said quickly, and John looked at him in surprise.
"No, really," Rodney said. "You...you belong in Atlantis. And I think I might take up Elizabeth's offer of replacing her here in Oz."
John noticed a couple of people in the crowd give each other uneasy looks at this pronouncement.
"Rodney, I-"
"Go," Rodney said. "Go home."
"I'll miss you," John said, and Rodney laughed, his mouth pulling down into a sad smile.
"I'm sure you will. Now, get on with it. I don't have all day you know. A new land to rule and all that."
John grinned, then closed his eyes and tapped his heels together once, twice, three times.
"There's no place like home," he muttered, feeling a bit stupid. "There's no place like home. There's no place like home..."
~~~
“There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…”
“What the hell are you muttering about?” Rodney sharp voice washed over John and he struggled to open his eyes. When he did he found he was in the infirmary, with everyone standing over him. “No place like a psych ward, which is where you belong, throwing yourself into danger and muttering strange things.”
“I’m back in Atlantis?” John asked, pushing himself into a sitting position. Carson’s hands were on his arms suddenly, helping him.
Rodney rolled his eyes. “Of course you are. Where else would you be?”
“The storm-“
“Passed us by. Missed us by miles,” Elizabeth said. “You had us worried though. You bumped your head pushing Rodney out of the way.”
John shot Rodney a look.
”Yeah, thanks for that,” Rodney said. “I, uh, appreciate it.”
“How long have I been out?”
“About a week,” Carson said. “We were pretty worried, except you kept muttering things.”
“I had a dream,” John said. “You were there. And you and you.”
They all exchanged glances.
Carson gave a small smile. “Well, Colonel, you seem fit and healthy. I think you can return to your own quarters. I won’t sign you back onto active duty yet, but you probably prefer home comforts.”
“Are you sure he’s alright?” Elizabeth asked. “Perhaps the bump on the head was harder than we’d thought.”
“I’m fine,” John insisted, pulled back the sheets and swung his legs out to dangle off the side of the bed.
“Huh,” he said, staring at the bright red sneakers laced to his feet. “Did any of you-“
“No,” Rodney said. “Funnily enough, we’ve all got far better things to do than tie your shoes for you. Why were you wearing them in bed?”
John shrugged and jumped down.
“Doesn’t it bother you?” Rodney persisted. “Not knowing why you’re wearing them?”
John shook his head as he left the infirmary, Rodney trailing behind. “Nah. This is Atlantis. Weird things happen.”
He paused and glanced up and down the corridor, before running one hand over a nearby wall. “It’s good to be back,” John said, ignoring Rodney’s look of disgust as the wall lit up at his touch. “There really is no place like home,” he added, before stepping into his quarters.
After a minute he stuck his head back into the corridor. “Well?” John said. “Aren’t you going to come in and help me recuperate?”
Rodney grinned. “Now I definitely know that blow to the head did some damage,” he said, but stepped inside. The door slid shut behind him.
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard; hints of others, but only if you squint and turn your head sideways
Rating: PG13 for bad language
Summary: Wizard of Oz, Atlantis style. John finds himself in a strange and mystical land, with a number of very familiar companions as he tries to find his way back home.
A/N: I started writing this almost a year ago, decided it was too weird, and tucked it away. Then I happened to watch the SG1 episode 200, and figured if Vala could do it, so could I. Unbetaed.
Disclaimer: I don’t own SGA, nor Wizard of Oz. Contains some lines from the movie.
Warning: I think my brain died from the crack.
Part 1 is here
John and Ford rematerialised in a large, open area near the dart bay. Before John could get any feeling back in his limbs, two large drones grabbed his arms and dragged him down winding corridors into a room where they dumped him in front of a throne.
Sitting on the throne was possibly the ugliest female John had ever seen in his life. He stared up at her in horror as she rose to her feet, baring her teeth at him.
“Who are you?” she asked, bending down to run a taloned finger along his cheek and under his chin, tipping his face up towards her.
“Colonel John Sheppard,” John said, shaking his head to dislodge her hand, and tried to stand up. “Serial number-“
“Silence,” the Wraith Queen said, pushing him back down onto his knees. “That is not important. I want you to tell me where you are from. You are not of this world, you are a stranger here. Tell me of your home, how to get there, of the people there. How many they number, how many there are to feast upon.”
John shook his head and tried to stand again. He tried to reach for his gun, but she snatched it from him, throwing it across the room, it slid into the shadows, out of reach.
“Tell me,” her voice echoed in his head, making it throb. “Tell me.”
John closed his eyes, sinking to the ground. "No," he said. “No, I won’t tell you.”
The Wraith Queen hissed. "You are strong," she said. "But perhaps-" she motioned to one of the drones, who snatched Ford up from where he had been tethered to the floor. Ford gave a squeal, and John clenched his jaw.
"Leave him alone," he ground out.
"Tell me," she said.
"No."
Ford whimpered, and John closed his eyes. Then there was a growl, and the Drone stumbled back as Ford lunged for him, teeth biting into his arm. He ripped out a piece of flesh and the Drone roared in pain, letting him go.
"Run!" John said, and Ford obeyed, disappearing.
The Queen bared her teeth. "You have five minutes," she said, motioning to a monitor behind her where what appeared to be a countdown in Wraith had begun. Two drones grabbed him and shoved him into a handy feeding alcove. The Wraith Queen waved her hand and tendrils of goop began to grow over his body, binding him in place. "Enough time to contemplate what will befall you, while we retrieve your pet. And then you will tell me everything I wish to know. Or you will die."
Her final word echoed in his head as she swept from the room, leaving John alone, struggling against his bonds.
~~~
“Are you sure this will work?” Teyla asked as they peered down on three Wraith Drones who were lounging against the rock beneath them.
“No,” Rodney said. “But we can’t leave Sheppard in there. We have to rescue him.”
Ronon grunted in agreement.
”So, on three,” Rodney said, sounding nervous. “One, Two-“
Ronon jumped over the edge, and Rodney scowled. “Typical!” he muttered, and he and Teyla followed.
There was a brief scuffle, and at one point Rodney screeched like a little girl. And then they emerged, triumphant, each of them wearing long dark leather coats and Drone face masks.
“What now?” Teyla asked, her voice muffled.
“Er,” Rodney said. “We…join in the end of that,” he said, pointing to where a line of Drones were marching into the hive.
“Are you serious?” Ronon asked. “This is never going to work.”
“That’s what I keep telling you,” Rodney replied impatiently. “But we have to try anyway.”
Ronon nodded, and straightened his shoulders. “Come on,” he said, and they hurried to catch up with the end of the line.
Inside, Ronon held back, letting the line of Drones carry on, and led them down a dark corridor.
“Okay,” he said. “Now what?”
Rodney pulled off the facemask and frowned. “Well, Sheppard would probably have been taken to the throne room, which, I believe, is that way,” he said, pointing. “Typically, the only area we can destroy the ship from is in that direction,” he added, pointing the opposite way.
Ronon nodded. “Think you can destroy the ship if you get there?”
“Well, it’s not quite as simple as pushing a button like Sheppard made out but…yes. Possibly.”
Ronon and Teyla exchanged a look. “Then go and do it,” Ronon said.
“Oh, sure, send the guy without a brain to destroy the ship. If I don’t get captured on the way, the chances of actually managing to do any damage with a head full of shredded paper is-“
“I shall accompany you,” Teyla said. “I will ensure you come to no harm.”
“Oh,” Rodney said, stopping mid rant. “That’s, er, nice. But what about Sheppard? Shouldn’t we get him first?”
“No time to do both,” Ronon said, and when Rodney opened his mouth to protest, added, “I’ll get him- you two make sure there’s going to be a really big explosion. And soon.”
“You’re going to go on your own?” Rodney asked, incredulously. “I thought you were scared of your own shadow!”
Ronon shrugged. “Needs must,” he said, and disappeared down the corridor.
Rodney and Teyla looked at each other.
“Well,” Rodney said eventually. “I guess we should go and vandalise their power supply.”
They stayed in the shadows, ducking out of sight whenever they heard the sounds of Wraith guards.
“It should be right around the next corner,” Rodney said to Teyla, and walked right into three Wraith.
He stumbled backwards, falling behind Teyla who punched the first Wraith in the face, sending him reeling back. She threw kicks and punches, the sound of metal grating on metal echoing down the corridor, but it was clear she was losing the fight.
“I cannot hold them back!” she gasped as she was thrown into the wall. “You must find Ronon and Sheppard, and an alternative way to destroy the ship.”
The Wraith advanced on Rodney, and he found himself being backed against the wall. “I’m not going to just leave you here for them to feed on!” he said, voice trembling as the Wraith thrust a hand towards his chest.
There was a loud bark, and a small bundle of fur flew through the air.
“Ford!” Teyla exclaimed, getting to her feet and hurrying over to Rodney. Together they watched as the small dog ripped apart the three Wraith with a fierceness that surprised them.
When the Wraith were dead, Ford trotted over to them, a manic gleam in his one good eye.
“Yip!”
“Um, good boy?” said Rodney, and Ford bared his teeth in what was either a smile or a warning and wandered back over to the pile of Wraith parts. He grabbed an arm and dragged it to one side, sinking his teeth into what appeared to be a fluid sac of some sort.
“Huh,” Rodney said. “It looks like Ford’s gotten a taste for the feeding enzyme the Wraith secrete.”
“Ew,” Teyla said, and Rodney nodded his agreement. “Shall we return to our task?” she asked, and Rodney tore his eyes away from Ford, who was lapping at fluid leaking from a second arm.
“Uh, sure,” he said, and followed her into the now empty control room.
~~~
John struggled futilely against his bonds, and sighed. Even though he couldn’t read Wraith, he was pretty certain he had almost run out of time as the countdown on the wall began to flash red.
He only hoped that Ford had managed to escape the ship and would make his way back to Ronon and Teyla and Rodney.
Rodney.
John sighed wistfully, wondering at what point on their journey he’d started enjoying listening to Rodney’s complaints and bitching. He’d been trying to ignore his feelings, but there seemed little point in doing so now when he was about to be-
“Sheppard.”
John’s head snapped up. “Ronon! What are you doing here? Where’s Teyla? Where’s Rodney?”
“Carrying out your plan,” the Lion said, hurrying over to him. “Pushing the autodestruct button. Or something. I tuned Rodney out.”
John grinned, then his smile faded. “That’s great, but that means this ship is about to blow and I’m stuck in here. I can’t get free.”
“No problem,” Ronon said, grasping hold of his tail and drawing a knife out from the end.
John stared at him. “Well, you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”
Ronon grunted in reply and began to cut him free. He’d gotten all but the last few strands cut away, when footsteps echoed outside the room. They stared at each other with wide eyes.
“Go!” John said, urgently, and Ronon hesitated, before running across the room and melting into the shadows.
“Exactly where I left you,” the Wraith Queen gave him a toothy grin as she entered the room, alone this time, and made her way towards him. “I am afraid your time is up, although your pet still eludes us. So, now you will tell me about your home, or you will die.”
A surge of relief rose in John, hearing Ford hadn’t been captured. Summoning his strength, he tore through the last of his bindings, and stumbled out of the alcove.
The Wraith Queen hissed in surprise, and John looked around for a weapon. Finding none, he grasped his canteen, the only thing they’d left him with, pulled open the cap and tossed the water over her, followed by the canteen himself.
"No!" she screamed. "I'm melting! I'm melting!"
"Really?" John asked hopefully.
"No," she replied, wiping the water from her eyes and smiling. "But I appreciate your defiance. It will make feeding on you taste even sweeter."
She move towards him, reaching out her feeding hand as John sank unwillingly to his knees.
The staccato of gunfire echoed in the room and the Queen fell forward slowly.
Ronon stood behind her, holding John’s handgun.
"Thanks buddy," John said, letting Ronon help him to his feet. "You really saved the day."
Ronon just looked at him and shrugged. "It felt good.”
“Uh, great,” John said. “Sure she’s really dead?” he asked, as they stared down the Wraith Queen, body riddled with bullet holes.
“Oh my god, why are you standing around chatting when this whole place is going to explode in five minutes?”
John looked up in relief, seeing Rodney standing in the doorway, an annoyed expression on his face and his arms folded across his chest. Teyla stood beside him smiling, holding Ford in her arms.
“I’m fine, thanks for asking,” John said to Rodney, who rolled his eyes and made a ‘get moving’ gesture.
”I wasn’t joking about the giant explosion that will engulf the ship,” Rodney said. “Come on, we have to get out of here. 4 minutes, 40 seconds.”
Ronon moved towards the door.
“Wait,” John said. “Let me borrow your knife.”
Ronon handed it to him wordlessly, and they all watched as John knelt down beside the queen.
"I guess we should take back proof she’s dead. For the Liz," he said, and hacked the Wraiths feeding hand off.
The sound of claws scraping against metal made John look up in time to spot Ford fight his way out of Teyla’s arms and run across the floor towards him.
“Hey boy,” John said, reaching out to pat the dog, who ignored him and began to lick at the oozing wound on the arm, where it appeared John had punctured the fluid sac. “Gross,” John said, standing up and moving the arm out of the way. “Don’t do that.”
"Yip!" said Ford, bouncing. "Yip yupyup!"
“Ford appears to have developed a slight addiction to the feeding enzyme,” Teyla explained.
“Boom!” Rodney shouted, waving his hands wildly. “Do you understand the concept? Because that’s what’s going to happen to us in 3.4 minutes unless we leave now!”
“Coming,” John said, and followed his friends down the windy corridors and out of the Hive ship.
When they’d reached a safe distance they stopped and turned back to watch.
“Any moment…now!” Rodney said, and they stared at the ship.
There was a long pause. “Uh, Rodney?” John asked, “are you sure you-“
And then the ship exploded.
“Cool,” Ronon said.
~~~
John strode through the Sapphire city with a huge grin on his face. People cleared a path to let them through, although John wasn't sure if it was because of the lifeless Wraith arm flopping helplessly in his hands or Ronon's wordless glares.
The man guarding the entrance to the corridor popped his head out as they approached, shrugged and let them pass.
"We're back!" John shouted triumphantly, and the distorted face on the monitor flickered, the eyes glowing. "One hive ship destroyed. And one Wraith Queen hand to prove it, just in case you didn't feel the explosion." He held it out, and when he got no response, threw it towards the monitor. It skidded on the smooth floor, and Ford barked and ran after it, paws slipping in the slimy trail. John tried not to notice Ford's growl of delight as he lapped at the oozing fluid again.
"Yes, well done," The Liz said, eyes glowing again. "News of your success travelled fast. The people of Oz are free from the tyranny of the Wicked Wraith."
John smiled. "So, about our agreement."
"Ah," said the Liz. "Listen, about that-"
"You're not backing out, are you?" Ronon growled.
"No, no of course not," she said, and the eyes on the monitor flashed again. "It's just that at the moment, what with the overthrowing of the Wraith...I'm going to be very busy. Political business, ruling a land. You know how it is."
"You promised!" Rodney shouted. "You lying, cheating b-"
"Rodney," John said, warningly, and the scarecrow fell silent, scowling up at the monitor.
"We had a deal!" John shouted up at the screen. “We carried out our part of the bargain. You've got to deliver now."
"I'm very sorry," the Liz said. "Come back in a couple of weeks. Now if you'll excuse me...I have a lot of work to be getting on with. The great and powerful Lizzie of Oz has spoken.” The eyes blazed once more then the screen went black.
"Oh, come on!" Rodney exclaimed, flailing his arms and accidentally whacking John in the chest. Teyla's jaw was set and she was frowning up at the screen, metallic eyebrows drawn together. Ronon's lip was pulled up to show his teeth. John sighed, feeling defeated.
"Come on," he said, starting to turn away, ignoring Rodney's protests.
"Wait," Teyla said, and John turned back, shaking his head.
"There's no point-"
"Look," she said, cocking her head towards Ford, who was growling as he sniffed around a curtain to one side of the chamber.
"Ford!" John called, and the dog turned his head, baring his teeth.
"He's hopped up on whatever drug that arm secretes," Rodney reminded him. “I doubt he’s feeling like responding to orders.”
"Come on," John said, and Ford turned back, trying to grab the edge of the curtain with his teeth.
"I think he's found something," Ronon stated, as Ford grabbed hold of the material and pulled the curtain open, revealing a long panel of consoles, and a woman with short, dark curling hair and a red shirt.
"Huh," said John, walked over, and tapped the woman on the shoulder.
She jumped, turned around with wide eyes and hastily pulled the curtain closed.
"Pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain!" The eyes on the screen blared to life.
John rolled his eyes and ripped the curtain off its rail.
"Hi," said the woman, her hand still pressed on a large button.
The eyes on the monitor blazed. "Hi," it said.
The woman’s shoulders slumped and she lifted her hand from the console. She turned and faced them, holding her chin up high.
"You're the great and powerful Liz?" Rodney scoffed. "You?"
"What's with the light show?" John asked.
The Liz sighed. "It impresses the locals. Look, I really am the leader of these people. And I really am grateful that you destroyed the Wraith. But I'm not great, and I'm not powerful. I'm just a Doctor. Elizabeth Weir," she said, and held out a hand for John to shake.
John stared at it for a moment, then took it. Elizabeth gave him a grateful look.
"So this was all a wild goose chase? Great," Rodney said, sitting down hard and resting his head on his knees. His hat flopped off and fell to the floor, where Ford started tearing at the rim with his sharp tiny teeth. "I'm going to be like this forever," he said morosely, tugging at some of the scraps of paper sticking out of the hole in the top of his head. "Brainless. Unable to form coherent thoughts. I could have been a genius. But no, we seek out the greatest power in the land and she turns out to be a fraud." He buried his face again and John resisted the urge to place a calming hand on the top of his head.
"I shall never understand the beauty of a sunset," Teyla said sadly, tears forming in her eyes. "Nor understand the love between a family." Tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Don't," John said soothingly. "You'll rust again."
"I'll never be king of the forest," Ronon growled, and Ford trotted over and looked up at him with a sympathetic look on his face.
He dropped the severed Wraith arm at Ronon’s feet. Ronon stared at it for a long moment, then picked it up and threw it across the room. Ford’s nails clattered on the floor as he ran after it and brought it back for Ronon to throw again.
John sighed and sank to the floor next to Rodney, leaning shoulder to shoulder without really thinking about it.
Elizabeth looked down at them. "I may not be the wonderful Lizzie of Oz," she said slowly, "but I don't think that's what you guys need."
"What do you mean?" Ronon asked, as John took the oilcan from his pocket and handed it to him. He squirted some onto Teyla’s face and she gave him a grateful smile.
"You faced the Wraith!" Elizabeth said to him. "You walked into a Wraith Hive, you killed the queen, you blew up the ship and walked away. You don't need me to give you courage. You already have it in spades."
Ronon looked sceptical. "I don't feel any different," he said. "I can't see it."
Elizabeth pursed her lips for a moment, then turned around and rifled underneath the console. She pulled out a small duffle bag, and dug her hand inside.
"Here," she said, and pulled out a big gun. She handed it to Ronon who stared at it for a long moment.
"It's a...a ray gun," Elizabeth said with a shrug. "It's powerful. I think you have to be pretty brave to use it. I think it screams courage."
"Cool," John breathed.
Ronon grunted, held it up as if lining up a shot, then twirled it in his fingers. "Cool," he echoed, and smiled. Elizabeth blushed a little, then reached back into the bag, turning to a freshly oiled Teyla.
"You say you desire a heart," Elizabeth said. "Your companions have become your friends, haven't they? You have learned to care for them, to worry about them. You have become a family."
"Yes," said Teyla thoughtfully. "I suppose we have," she smiled at John and Ronon, then looked down fondly at Rodney, who still had his head in his arms.
"Then this is for you," Elizabeth said, and handed her a delicate heart shaped locket. "A heart, for you to carry. And it opens, look...you can place pictures of loved ones inside, and carry them with you always."
Teyla bowed her head, pressing her forehead to Elizabeth's in thanks.
"And Scarecrow," Elizabeth said.
There was a long pause. John elbowed Rodney sharply where his ribs should have been.
"What?" Rodney said, his head snapping up. "Oh, yes, that's me," he said glumly.
“When I earned my doctorate, I was presented with this,” Elizabeth said, drawing a scroll from her bag. “It is only presented when the recipient shows outstanding mental prowess.”
“A piece of paper?” Rodney asked, taking it from her and unrolling it. “How is that supposed to make me smart? I mean, wait until the crows in my field get an eyeful of this. They’ll definitely do what I tell them then,” he added sarcastically. He got the paper unfurled and stared at it. “Actually,” he said, thoughtfully, “I suppose it would look rather fetching on my wall…” he wandered over to show Teyla and Ronon who were investigating their own gifts.
"Rodney says thanks," John translated, rolling his eyes as Rodney wandered off to stare lovingly at his diploma.
"So, I'm thinking you don't have anything in that little bag to send me home," John said, trying to sound casual, and Elizabeth shook her head.
"I'm sorry," she said, and Rodney glanced up, his attention caught.
"You're not sending him home?" Rodney said. "We get what we came for but Sheppard is stuck here?" John thought Rodney didn't look particularly disappointed by the news. "You can stay with me, if you like," he added, giving John a hopeful look.
"In your field?" John asked, quirking an eyebrow and Rodney scowled.
"Actually," Elizabeth said slowly. "I think I can send you home."
Everyone stared at her.
"Really?" John said, his pulse speeding up.
Elizabeth nodded. "I came to Oz several years ago," she said. "I was an explorer, seeking out new worlds. I came here through something called a Stargate, but there was a malfunction. It uses great amounts of power, and there was only enough for one trip back. I decided to stay, to experience life here. The people of Oz were in need of a leader, and I was in need of a people to lead. But there's always been that one, single chance of going home. I came from a place called Atlantis," she said. "I believe you came from the same place?" John nodded and Elizabeth gave him a small smile. "Then we'll go together."
John grinned, then grabbed her and swung her around in a circle. "Thank you!" he exclaimed when he set her down. Elizabeth looked quite flushed, and Ronon and Rodney shared identical sour expressions.
John looked over his companions, his team, his family, of sorts. "Could- could they come too?" he asked, hopefully, and Elizabeth nodded. "Yes, it doesn't matter how many people step through the 'Gate."
"How ‘bout it, guys?"
Teyla shook her head. "I cannot, John," she said sadly. "Oz is my home. I was built by the Athosians, and I think it is my place to return to them."
John nodded in understanding. "Ronon?"
Ronon was staring at Elizabeth. "I should stay here," he said. "With this gun...forget King of the forest, I'm going to be Emperor. There's a couple of tigers and bears I'm going to enjoy sorting out." He gave Elizabeth a regretful shrug, and went back to staring lovingly at his gun.
"Rodney?"
Rodney was staring at him. "I..." he brandished his scroll, and sighed.
"Oz will need someone to lead them, when I have returned home," Elizabeth said. "You would be perfect."
Rodney puffed his chest out and smiled. "Yes, well, I've always thought I was born to lead- made to lead, rather. I expect it takes a lot of brains to lead a land, doesn't it? Someone with a degree, perhaps?"
Elizabeth nodded, and Rodney's smile grew wider. And then he looked over at John and his smile slipped.
"But this Atlantis place," he said. "It...it sounds nice. I'd quite like to see it. It would be...interesting."
John beamed at him. "How soon can we leave?"
~~~
People gathered around the giant ring, whispering among themselves.
"We're ready," Elizabeth said, and began to press symbols arranged on a round device near to the 'gate. "Let's hope this works- we only get one chance at this."
A roaring whoosh filled the room, and a bubble of water shot out of the gate.
Everyone gasped, and then ‘ah’ed in amazement as it drew back and formed a shimmering puddle inside the ring.
"There it is," Elizabeth said. "Goodbye, everyone," she called, moving up to the gate. "I'll never forget you," she added, and stepped through, disappearing. Ford followed closely at her heels.
John and Rodney exchanged a look.
"Ronon, Teyla," John said. "This is..."
"Goodbye, John," Teyla said, pressing her forehead to first his, and then Rodney's brow. "I shall always remember you fondly. Here," she demonstrated, tapping her chest where her heart would have been.
"It was fun," Ronon grunted, nodding at each of them in turn.
John grinned, and glanced at Rodney. "Ready?"
"No," Rodney said. "I'm still coming though."
"Good," John said, and they walked towards the 'Gate.
There was a loud metallic groan, and a shower of sparks rained down on them. John grabbed Rodney and pushed him to the ground, covering him with his body. He looked up, seeing the puddle in the 'gate flickering.
"We need to go, now," John said, and hauled Rodney up bodily and shoved him towards the gate. Before they could reach it, there was a metallic sighing sound, and the gate was suddenly empty.
"No," John said, stumbling back and jabbing at the device, pressing the symbols Elizabeth had pressed. But the device didn't light up.
"It's out of power," Rodney said, moving to stand beside John. "I'm sorry, Sheppard" he said. "I'm really sorry. There’s no way for you to get home."
John turned away, pressing his lips tightly together. Ignoring the crowd, which was slowly starting to thin, he sank to the ground and drew his knees up to his chest. He swallowed and tried very hard not to cry.
"Sheppard," Rodney said. "John, I-"
"Look!" someone remaining in the crowd shouted, and John glanced up, despite himself, and saw a glowing white light travelling slowly down towards them. He scrambled to his feet, running a hand through his hair as the glow became Chaya.
"Hi," John said.
"John Sheppard," Chaya said. "I am sorry the 'Gate closed before you could return home."
"Yeah," John said, his shoulders slumping. "I guess I'm stuck here," he added, not trying to sound too downhearted- this was the home of the large number of people surrounding him, and if he was going to be spending the rest of his life here, it was probably a good idea not to anger the natives.
"You will return home," Chaya said.
"I will?" John asked. "How exactly? Will I grow wings and fly myself home?" he frowned, thinking that maybe Rodney had been rubbing off on him a little too much. That thought made him swallow hard and he bit his lip and focused on Chaya instead.
"You have had the power to send yourself home all along," Chaya said, and pointed at the ruby sneakers.
"These?" John said in disbelief. "Then why didn't you say something earlier? You could have saved me a lot of trouble!"
Chaya smiled serenely. "Then you would have not learned what you came here to learn. You would not have made these friends," she said, sweeping a hand that included a glaring Rodney.
"You could have sent him home and you didn't?" Rodney burst out. "This is why I don't like Ancients," he said, turning to John. "I can’t believe you trusted her."
John shook his head. "It's okay," he said. "She’s right. I would never have met any of you if I’d gone home immediately. Tell me how," he said to Chaya. "Tell me how I can go home now."
"It is simple," Chaya said. "You just click your heels together three times and say 'there's no place like home'."
"That's it?" John asked, and she nodded.
John glanced down at his sneakers, then back up at Chaya. "I do that and it will transport us home?"
Chaya smiled and shook her head. "No, just you," she said. "It can only take one person. The Scarecrow must remain."
John's eyes flew wide. "Leave Rodney here? But-"
"It's okay," Rodney said quickly, and John looked at him in surprise.
"No, really," Rodney said. "You...you belong in Atlantis. And I think I might take up Elizabeth's offer of replacing her here in Oz."
John noticed a couple of people in the crowd give each other uneasy looks at this pronouncement.
"Rodney, I-"
"Go," Rodney said. "Go home."
"I'll miss you," John said, and Rodney laughed, his mouth pulling down into a sad smile.
"I'm sure you will. Now, get on with it. I don't have all day you know. A new land to rule and all that."
John grinned, then closed his eyes and tapped his heels together once, twice, three times.
"There's no place like home," he muttered, feeling a bit stupid. "There's no place like home. There's no place like home..."
~~~
“There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…”
“What the hell are you muttering about?” Rodney sharp voice washed over John and he struggled to open his eyes. When he did he found he was in the infirmary, with everyone standing over him. “No place like a psych ward, which is where you belong, throwing yourself into danger and muttering strange things.”
“I’m back in Atlantis?” John asked, pushing himself into a sitting position. Carson’s hands were on his arms suddenly, helping him.
Rodney rolled his eyes. “Of course you are. Where else would you be?”
“The storm-“
“Passed us by. Missed us by miles,” Elizabeth said. “You had us worried though. You bumped your head pushing Rodney out of the way.”
John shot Rodney a look.
”Yeah, thanks for that,” Rodney said. “I, uh, appreciate it.”
“How long have I been out?”
“About a week,” Carson said. “We were pretty worried, except you kept muttering things.”
“I had a dream,” John said. “You were there. And you and you.”
They all exchanged glances.
Carson gave a small smile. “Well, Colonel, you seem fit and healthy. I think you can return to your own quarters. I won’t sign you back onto active duty yet, but you probably prefer home comforts.”
“Are you sure he’s alright?” Elizabeth asked. “Perhaps the bump on the head was harder than we’d thought.”
“I’m fine,” John insisted, pulled back the sheets and swung his legs out to dangle off the side of the bed.
“Huh,” he said, staring at the bright red sneakers laced to his feet. “Did any of you-“
“No,” Rodney said. “Funnily enough, we’ve all got far better things to do than tie your shoes for you. Why were you wearing them in bed?”
John shrugged and jumped down.
“Doesn’t it bother you?” Rodney persisted. “Not knowing why you’re wearing them?”
John shook his head as he left the infirmary, Rodney trailing behind. “Nah. This is Atlantis. Weird things happen.”
He paused and glanced up and down the corridor, before running one hand over a nearby wall. “It’s good to be back,” John said, ignoring Rodney’s look of disgust as the wall lit up at his touch. “There really is no place like home,” he added, before stepping into his quarters.
After a minute he stuck his head back into the corridor. “Well?” John said. “Aren’t you going to come in and help me recuperate?”
Rodney grinned. “Now I definitely know that blow to the head did some damage,” he said, but stepped inside. The door slid shut behind him.