Fic: "Once and Only" (2/5)
Title: Once and Only - 2/5
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Beta:
bluejbird
Raiting: R (very soft)
Summary: Passing over a beer bottle, Rodney stated, “So you’re a miracle child for you parents.”
Notes: This is part of the Finding Emily series that I am currently writing. Once and Only is a 5 part chapter that is nearing completion (thank god). It's being cross-posted all over the place, so if I am spamming your Flists -please don't shot me. A big thank you to
bluejbird for the beta-ing of this chapter.
Once and Only - 1/5 can be found here.
Once and Only - 2/5
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone you care about to reflect the same kind of trust that you place in them, baby,” she told him, a serious expression on her face.
“I know,” John answered and grimaced. “It’s not like I want him to stop writing to her. I know he needs that connection, and I wouldn’t take that from him. Everyone needs someone or something that they can tell everything to, and for him the letters to Emily are exactly that. And for me it’s Rodney. I don’t tell him everything-everything, but I don’t really have to either because he already knows or understands. But it… hurts that he can’t rely on me like that.”
John set his mug down on the table and fiddled with the handle as the silence stretched. He was trying to remember the theory he’d worked up about the hot chocolate and what she did to it to make him spill his guts like this all over the kitchen table. Because it was only when she stuck a mug of hot chocolate in his hands that he would let his guard down and just talk.
“How long have you known each other?” she asked.
John looked up again before answering. “Two and a half, almost three years.”
“And in that time you have both seen and done horrible things.” She held up her hand to stall his protests about not being able to talk about it. “I know you can’t tell me about what you’ve been doing these last few years, and I got plenty of practice in not asking questions while I was still married to your father.” She smiled a little at him before going on. “But in all that time you’ve known each other, how many times have you experience those horrible things alone?”
John blinked and thought, leaning back in his chair and bringing his mug of hot chocolate with him. Frowning he answered, “Once, maybe twice.”
~*~*~
They had a two night layover before their final flight.
Using the time to relax and catch up on missed sleep, John and Rodney took a hotel room in the city to escape the bustling crowds in the street. It was the first real bit of alone time they’d gotten in a long time and John had every intention of enjoying it to the fullest. And apparently Rodney thought the same way because once they were in their hotel room, he’d sprawled out on the bed and watched John follow him over.
They were on leave, on vacation really. John stretched out next to Rodney and turned on his side so he could face the scientist. When they touched it was slow and careful, something they hadn’t really had time for back on Atlantis.
After the near perfect first time, every encounter had been a little awkward, a little clumsy. They got bumped noses, and scratch marks where they shouldn’t be. Too much teeth grazing in far too delicate areas, not enough lube or stretching. Whatever could fall under either category had so far happened. But now they had time. They could take their time and make this right, or at least not so clumsy.
When Rodney’s lips brushed his in a chaste kiss, John sighed softly. Rodney’s hand was already working under his t-shirt, smoothing up his side and down his back. Just a soft touch, but John’s body arched into it. He missed being touched. As isolated as he made himself, physical contact - skin to skin - was still something he craved. And Rodney was a tactile person.
John pulled back a little and asked, “Naked?”
Rodney blinked at him, as though trying to figure out what the hell was going on. But the lack of urgency in John’s voice and whatever Rodney saw on his face had him nodding in agreement.
They both crawled out of bed on their own sides and began to strip. It wasn’t meant to be a show, but Rodney couldn’t help watching John as he pulled off one article of clothing at a time. Watching the responsibilities slip from John’s shoulders had been a relief. It was like seeing a new person living in the same skin. He was more carefree, laughed a little more often, and had a readier smile. But it was the body that reminded him that this was the same Lt. Colonel John Sheppard he had known for almost three years.
The thin white lines of scars told him it was the same man. And while scarring was a type of flaw, possibly a deformity, on John Sheppard each and every thin line only enhanced what Rodney saw as beautiful. Seeing the muscles work on his back as he pulled his shirt off made Rodney’s hands itch to touch.
Shedding his own clothing quickly, Rodney got back on the bed and waited for John to finish pushing his jeans down long legs before he joined him.
Back on the bed they met in a soft kiss, hands moving everywhere, trying to touch every bit of revealed skin but still remaining light caresses. Careful teasing strokes of a hand down his back, only to curve over his hip and inch its way up to his shoulder, running over an erect nipple along the way. When John gently pushed him onto his back, Rodney didn’t fight the move. He only wrapped his arms around John’s torso and brought him atop his body.
~*~*~
Rodney woke up curled around John the next morning - head pressed between his shoulders, arm slung over his waist, fingers weaving senseless patterns on his abdomen. He knew that John was already awake; he could feel it in the way the muscles of his back moved against his forehead. Nuzzling against the back of his neck, Rodney stretched out behind John.
“Morning,” John said when he rolled over to face Rodney.
“Morning,” Rodney responded in a sleep rough voice. A surprisingly good night sleep and lack of coffee were Rodney’s only excuses when he asked, “Are you going to tell me why we’re making a side trip and not making hotel arrangements for tomorrow?”
John froze against him for a moment and Rodney was forced to wonder if they were going to have a repeat of the argument that had erupted just after John’s announcement of having found Emily. It would be for different reasons of course, but the end result would be the same. And they were supposed to be relaxing and enjoying the vacation while it lasted, even though they were going to have to get the ball rolling for custody arrangements and legal proceedings. Carson had ordered them to relax - before one of them developed an ulcer or had a mental breakdown from stress.
John relaxed after a moment, though Rodney wished he could think of a different word, because it just did not work. John had unfrozen, but he had remained tense and as close to still as he could get. “I figured that with trying to get custody of Emily, you wouldn’t want to look too stalkerish to your ex-in-laws,” John began and Rodney had to fight down the urge to make him get to the point. Sheppard would get there when he was good and ready to be there. “The place we’re going to be staying is within easy driving distance - but not too close - and in a good neighbourhood. It’s my mother’s house.”
It was Rodney’s turn to freeze. John didn’t talk about his past, or his family that much. Rodney had actually assumed that he had no family left alive to worry about him. Obviously that assumption had been wrong. And now he was almost willingly sharing the information.
“I haven’t seen her in years,” John admitted softly.
Rodney licked his lips and stated, “And you want to see her again.”
“Well… Yeah.”
“Does she know that we’re going to invade her home for like three weeks?” Rodney asked.
John shrugged against him. “I have an open invitation to go back whenever I feel like it,” he offered.
Rodney wanted to both laugh and cry at the uncertain tone of voice John was using. John was anything but uncertain. He was confidence personified most of the time, but when it came to his welcome in his mother’s house, he wasn’t so sure of himself. Instead of doing either Rodney reluctantly sighed and demanded, “She better be able to cook better than you.” Which got him a punch on the shoulder and a muffled oath.
~*~*~
They spent the better part of the afternoon haunting various electronic stores later that afternoon searching for the perfect digital camera and accessories. Finally ending up at a Best Buy store not too far from their hotel room in the early evening having failed completely at finding a decent camera shop that wasn’t trying to just suck their pockets dry.
While they were shopping, Rodney learned that John’s mother was not only a photographer but that she used to teach elementary school. Her full name was Eileen Joanna Gentry-Sheppard. She was an excellent cook, an amateur photographer that was really just this side of professional. She was in her mid 70’s. John was her only child.
“So why haven’t to seen or spoken to her in years?” Rodney finally asked, his curiosity getting the best of him. The undereducated sales person talking to them about various types of cameras stopped talking to stare at him.
John sort of shrugged and said, “Because she didn’t tell me why they got divorced.” He reached over to pick up the camera that they had been looking at and alarms started chirp at them.
“Sorry,” the sales person said. Rodney still couldn’t figure out if it was a young woman or a young man helping them. “The alarms are sort of sensitive.”
“So we gather,” Rodney groused.
While he/she/it went to call their manager to turn off the alarm and to unlock the case to get them one of the cameras to look at, Rodney turned back to John. He waited quietly with the annoying alarm sounding around them for John to continue with his explanation. It was never a good idea, Rodney had discovered, to push the other man for information he was reluctant to give.
John shifted his weight from one foot to the other before he went on. “My parents tried for years to get pregnant. And they got lucky a number of times, but mom miscarried every pregnancy except for me-”
“Obviously,” Rodney muttered, and got a glare in response.
Huffing out a breath before he continued, John went on. “Apparently after Mom got pregnant with me, dad started accusing her of having an affair when she didn’t miscarry by her fourth month. She told me he didn’t outright accuse her of cheating on him - at least not at first.” Glancing around John rubbed his face and asked, “Can we continue this conversation after we buy the camera?”
Rodney spied their androgynous sales clerk coming back with their manager in tow and nodded. “I’ll buy dinner,” he offered as a sort of peace offering for having forced the conversation in a public setting.
When they got the camera out and had picked up three of the largest memory cards available for the damn thing, a carry case, and random other accessories that Rodney had no clue what to do with John asked, “So how does she get the pictures off the memory cards? Just bring them to a photo lab?”
“All she has to do is put the memory cards into her computer to get the pictures off them,” their sex-ambiguous aide informed them. “Or she can just hook the camera up to computer directly.”
John blinked and stared blankly at the sales person. “I don’t know if she has a computer,” he finally admitted.
“Oh for the love of… We are not buying your Mother a computer,” Rodney snapped.
They ended up buying the camera, accessories, memory cards, carry case, photo printer with extra ink cartridges, and full-ride service plan. The only reason they didn’t leave the store with a computer in tow was because Rodney had demanded to know how John was planning on flying all that crap out to his Mother’s house and still have enough room to pack his clothing. As it was it was going to be a tight squeeze.
~*~*~
They settled on pizza for dinner that night.
Rodney sat back on the couch in their hotel room and watched John for a moment. He was sitting cross legged on the floor with things scattered all around him. Rodney still hadn’t figured out why John had bought the damn camera in the first place, but he was sure he would find out eventually. As it was, Rodney just filed away the sight of Atlantis’military commander carefully unfolding tissue paper with a few colourful sticky bows stuck to his chest.
Rodney was almost tempted to take a picture and sell it on the black market in Atlantis for a few extra rations of good coffee. He decided against it when the thought of being stuck to sleep on the couch entered his mind. He had plans for some great sex while they were on vacation.
Passing over a beer bottle, Rodney stated, “So you’re a miracle child for you parents.”
Hazel eyes snapped to his face. John had stopped mid-reach for the beer bottle. “I guess you could say that,” John answered carefully and snatched the beer out of Rodney’s hand.
Setting his beer aside, John reached for the memory cards and stacked them up on top of each other. Rodney blinked when he pulled out a roll of ribbon from somewhere and had to fight back the urge to take out a camera of his own all over again. He decided that John was doing either some serious ass kissing with the camera or he was trying to make an apology - both answers had too much proof to settle on one or the other.
“My parents got married young,” John told him, winding the ribbon - ribbon - around the memory cards. “They didn’t want to wait to have kids, so they started trying right away. They got pregnant a few months after they got married. Mom miscarried six months along - nearly died.” He was frowning at the ribbon as he tied it off carefully - making sure the knot didn’t come lose.
“The doctors told them it happened sometimes but they shouldn’t stop trying. So they kept trying. She miscarried seven times before the doctors told them to stop trying.”
John peeled one of the bows off his t-shirt and stuck it on the memory cards before putting them into the brightly colour splashed bag they had picked up while they had waited for the pizza. He had never told anyone about his parents or his family, or much of anything about his past. It kept him out of the rumour mill in Atlantis, and it kept the embarrassment to an absolute minimum. People left him alone because they all believed that they wanted to believe about him. They believed he was lazy and carefree, not taking anything seriously except for the Daedalus visits. He knew they thought he was shallow and thought a lot like Rodney had at first - that he was a womanizer with a girl on every planet they visited.
And he let them believe that because it was simpler than opening up to them. It meant he didn’t have to live up to peoples expectations of him. They carried around this lowly image of him, and he surprised them when he surpassed their expectations of him. There were only a handful of people who expected better of him - Rodney, Elizabeth, Teyla, Ronon, Carson - those who had survived that first year.
Those were the people he hated to disappoint. And now he wanted Rodney to understand, even just a little - though he couldn’t have said what he wanted Rodney to understand.
“I was an accident,” John announced as he stuck a bow hap hazardously onto the carry for the camera. “They had stopped trying for a kid years before. Mom was 35 when she found out she was pregnant. She was three months along before she even realized she was pregnant.”
Rodney nearly choked on a mouthful of beer. “Three months!”
John made a face before he went on. “She had me, and apparently not long after dad started making comments.”
It was Rodney’s turn to make a face. “Way to be vague.”
John frowned and pointed his bottle at Rodney. “Ever consider that this is a story I haven’t told anyone before?” he asked. “Keep the comments to yourself until I’m done if you want to hear the rest of it.”
John waited until Rodney mimed zipping his mouth shut and took another swallow of beer. John snorted. “I remember he used to make little comments about me - comparing me to various relatives. I was a chubby kid, not really very active when was little. I wasn’t really into sports. I didn’t make friends easily and was a lot smarter than anyone else in the family. He’d point out the fact that he couldn’t find one physical resemblance between me and himself or anyone from his side of the family.
“It went on like that for years. Even after I lost all the baby fat and started to play sports. Mom ignored it, as far as I can remember, for years. The last straw was when she found out that dad had gotten a paternity test done.” Shrugging again, John leaned back against the arm chair and looked at Rodney when he said, “They got divorced when I was sixteen and mom and I moved into the beach house her parents had bought for her as a wedding present.”
“Your dad got a paternity test done?” Rodney asked incredulously.
John knew the tone and comment to be another unasked question. “Yeah, it kind of shut him up fast when he it confirmed the fact I was his kid.”
~*~*~
“You’re nervous,” Rodney said.
“Yes, Mr. I-am-a-genius-but-will-state-the-obvious, I’m nervous.”
Looking across the street at the nice little two floor house, Rodney was silent for a moment. They had been sitting in their rented SUV for almost five minutes now. John had been fiddling with the brightly colour splashed bag for almost the entire time. “We can still get a hotel room,” he offered. Because if the situation were reversed and they were sitting across the street from Jeanie’s house, Rodney knew John would offer the same escape.
From the corner of his eye, Rodney watched John take in a deep breath and settle. “No,” he finally said. “We’re here.”
Getting out of the SUV was like the point of no return. He was out and walking towards his mother’s house, he couldn’t just go back and leave without at least seeing if she were home. But the car in the driveway had already told him that she was.
“Maybe she’s not home,” Rodney suggested.
“Yeah, maybe,” John responded as they walked up the walkway. Little purple and pink flowers lined the walk on both sides - just like they always had. John was surprised at how comforting the lack of change was. He’d planted the two rose bushes at the head of the walk the fall they had moved into the house after the divorce. There was a dent on the door jam that they had made when they’d moved in - they’d been forced to get rid of the couch because it hadn’t fit through the door.
Ringing the door bell, John could hear the fluttery musical sound dimly behind it. They‘d changed the door bell tone when he was eighteen and they hadn’t been able to stand the sound of what amounted to a fire alarm going off.
When the door swung open, John pulled out the brightest smile he had. Eileen Gentry-Sheppard stared wide eyed at him for a moment. She looked almost the same as she had the last time he had seen her, though there was more grey in her hair now.
“Hi, mom,” John said cheerfully, handing over the gift bag with the camera in it.
She looked took the bag in shock and looked inside automatically. When she looked back up at him, John could see the suspicion filtering behind hazel eyes. His own thoughts were confirmed when she asked, “What nice girl did you knock up?”
Rodney watched in fascination as John blushed. He was suppressing laughter when John wined out a “Mom” just before he added, “I didn’t get any woman pregnant.”
But he lost the battle with laughter when Mrs. Sheppard heaved out a disappointed sigh and said, not entirely under her breath, “Shame, I was hoping you were going to bring me home a grandbaby to play with.”
He could feel her watching him while he clutched at his sides, laughing. John turned a pout in his direction and Rodney only laughed harder. He’d expected a lot of things when he’d pictured Mrs. Sheppard, but the petite woman standing the door way was no where near close to his imaginings. When he looked up to meet the woman’s gaze, ready to snark out a comment, he saw amusement and approval in her hazel eyes and ended up grinning at her instead.
“Come in,” she finally told them, opening the door wider. “I just put a pot of coffee on. You can tell me how long you’ll be staying with me, and fill me in on when you are going to adopt a baby so I can start taking pictures of grandchildren.”
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Beta:
bluejbird
Raiting: R (very soft)
Summary: Passing over a beer bottle, Rodney stated, “So you’re a miracle child for you parents.”
Notes: This is part of the Finding Emily series that I am currently writing. Once and Only is a 5 part chapter that is nearing completion (thank god). It's being cross-posted all over the place, so if I am spamming your Flists -please don't shot me. A big thank you to
bluejbird for the beta-ing of this chapter.
Once and Only - 1/5 can be found here.
Once and Only - 2/5
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone you care about to reflect the same kind of trust that you place in them, baby,” she told him, a serious expression on her face.
“I know,” John answered and grimaced. “It’s not like I want him to stop writing to her. I know he needs that connection, and I wouldn’t take that from him. Everyone needs someone or something that they can tell everything to, and for him the letters to Emily are exactly that. And for me it’s Rodney. I don’t tell him everything-everything, but I don’t really have to either because he already knows or understands. But it… hurts that he can’t rely on me like that.”
John set his mug down on the table and fiddled with the handle as the silence stretched. He was trying to remember the theory he’d worked up about the hot chocolate and what she did to it to make him spill his guts like this all over the kitchen table. Because it was only when she stuck a mug of hot chocolate in his hands that he would let his guard down and just talk.
“How long have you known each other?” she asked.
John looked up again before answering. “Two and a half, almost three years.”
“And in that time you have both seen and done horrible things.” She held up her hand to stall his protests about not being able to talk about it. “I know you can’t tell me about what you’ve been doing these last few years, and I got plenty of practice in not asking questions while I was still married to your father.” She smiled a little at him before going on. “But in all that time you’ve known each other, how many times have you experience those horrible things alone?”
John blinked and thought, leaning back in his chair and bringing his mug of hot chocolate with him. Frowning he answered, “Once, maybe twice.”
~*~*~
They had a two night layover before their final flight.
Using the time to relax and catch up on missed sleep, John and Rodney took a hotel room in the city to escape the bustling crowds in the street. It was the first real bit of alone time they’d gotten in a long time and John had every intention of enjoying it to the fullest. And apparently Rodney thought the same way because once they were in their hotel room, he’d sprawled out on the bed and watched John follow him over.
They were on leave, on vacation really. John stretched out next to Rodney and turned on his side so he could face the scientist. When they touched it was slow and careful, something they hadn’t really had time for back on Atlantis.
After the near perfect first time, every encounter had been a little awkward, a little clumsy. They got bumped noses, and scratch marks where they shouldn’t be. Too much teeth grazing in far too delicate areas, not enough lube or stretching. Whatever could fall under either category had so far happened. But now they had time. They could take their time and make this right, or at least not so clumsy.
When Rodney’s lips brushed his in a chaste kiss, John sighed softly. Rodney’s hand was already working under his t-shirt, smoothing up his side and down his back. Just a soft touch, but John’s body arched into it. He missed being touched. As isolated as he made himself, physical contact - skin to skin - was still something he craved. And Rodney was a tactile person.
John pulled back a little and asked, “Naked?”
Rodney blinked at him, as though trying to figure out what the hell was going on. But the lack of urgency in John’s voice and whatever Rodney saw on his face had him nodding in agreement.
They both crawled out of bed on their own sides and began to strip. It wasn’t meant to be a show, but Rodney couldn’t help watching John as he pulled off one article of clothing at a time. Watching the responsibilities slip from John’s shoulders had been a relief. It was like seeing a new person living in the same skin. He was more carefree, laughed a little more often, and had a readier smile. But it was the body that reminded him that this was the same Lt. Colonel John Sheppard he had known for almost three years.
The thin white lines of scars told him it was the same man. And while scarring was a type of flaw, possibly a deformity, on John Sheppard each and every thin line only enhanced what Rodney saw as beautiful. Seeing the muscles work on his back as he pulled his shirt off made Rodney’s hands itch to touch.
Shedding his own clothing quickly, Rodney got back on the bed and waited for John to finish pushing his jeans down long legs before he joined him.
Back on the bed they met in a soft kiss, hands moving everywhere, trying to touch every bit of revealed skin but still remaining light caresses. Careful teasing strokes of a hand down his back, only to curve over his hip and inch its way up to his shoulder, running over an erect nipple along the way. When John gently pushed him onto his back, Rodney didn’t fight the move. He only wrapped his arms around John’s torso and brought him atop his body.
~*~*~
Rodney woke up curled around John the next morning - head pressed between his shoulders, arm slung over his waist, fingers weaving senseless patterns on his abdomen. He knew that John was already awake; he could feel it in the way the muscles of his back moved against his forehead. Nuzzling against the back of his neck, Rodney stretched out behind John.
“Morning,” John said when he rolled over to face Rodney.
“Morning,” Rodney responded in a sleep rough voice. A surprisingly good night sleep and lack of coffee were Rodney’s only excuses when he asked, “Are you going to tell me why we’re making a side trip and not making hotel arrangements for tomorrow?”
John froze against him for a moment and Rodney was forced to wonder if they were going to have a repeat of the argument that had erupted just after John’s announcement of having found Emily. It would be for different reasons of course, but the end result would be the same. And they were supposed to be relaxing and enjoying the vacation while it lasted, even though they were going to have to get the ball rolling for custody arrangements and legal proceedings. Carson had ordered them to relax - before one of them developed an ulcer or had a mental breakdown from stress.
John relaxed after a moment, though Rodney wished he could think of a different word, because it just did not work. John had unfrozen, but he had remained tense and as close to still as he could get. “I figured that with trying to get custody of Emily, you wouldn’t want to look too stalkerish to your ex-in-laws,” John began and Rodney had to fight down the urge to make him get to the point. Sheppard would get there when he was good and ready to be there. “The place we’re going to be staying is within easy driving distance - but not too close - and in a good neighbourhood. It’s my mother’s house.”
It was Rodney’s turn to freeze. John didn’t talk about his past, or his family that much. Rodney had actually assumed that he had no family left alive to worry about him. Obviously that assumption had been wrong. And now he was almost willingly sharing the information.
“I haven’t seen her in years,” John admitted softly.
Rodney licked his lips and stated, “And you want to see her again.”
“Well… Yeah.”
“Does she know that we’re going to invade her home for like three weeks?” Rodney asked.
John shrugged against him. “I have an open invitation to go back whenever I feel like it,” he offered.
Rodney wanted to both laugh and cry at the uncertain tone of voice John was using. John was anything but uncertain. He was confidence personified most of the time, but when it came to his welcome in his mother’s house, he wasn’t so sure of himself. Instead of doing either Rodney reluctantly sighed and demanded, “She better be able to cook better than you.” Which got him a punch on the shoulder and a muffled oath.
~*~*~
They spent the better part of the afternoon haunting various electronic stores later that afternoon searching for the perfect digital camera and accessories. Finally ending up at a Best Buy store not too far from their hotel room in the early evening having failed completely at finding a decent camera shop that wasn’t trying to just suck their pockets dry.
While they were shopping, Rodney learned that John’s mother was not only a photographer but that she used to teach elementary school. Her full name was Eileen Joanna Gentry-Sheppard. She was an excellent cook, an amateur photographer that was really just this side of professional. She was in her mid 70’s. John was her only child.
“So why haven’t to seen or spoken to her in years?” Rodney finally asked, his curiosity getting the best of him. The undereducated sales person talking to them about various types of cameras stopped talking to stare at him.
John sort of shrugged and said, “Because she didn’t tell me why they got divorced.” He reached over to pick up the camera that they had been looking at and alarms started chirp at them.
“Sorry,” the sales person said. Rodney still couldn’t figure out if it was a young woman or a young man helping them. “The alarms are sort of sensitive.”
“So we gather,” Rodney groused.
While he/she/it went to call their manager to turn off the alarm and to unlock the case to get them one of the cameras to look at, Rodney turned back to John. He waited quietly with the annoying alarm sounding around them for John to continue with his explanation. It was never a good idea, Rodney had discovered, to push the other man for information he was reluctant to give.
John shifted his weight from one foot to the other before he went on. “My parents tried for years to get pregnant. And they got lucky a number of times, but mom miscarried every pregnancy except for me-”
“Obviously,” Rodney muttered, and got a glare in response.
Huffing out a breath before he continued, John went on. “Apparently after Mom got pregnant with me, dad started accusing her of having an affair when she didn’t miscarry by her fourth month. She told me he didn’t outright accuse her of cheating on him - at least not at first.” Glancing around John rubbed his face and asked, “Can we continue this conversation after we buy the camera?”
Rodney spied their androgynous sales clerk coming back with their manager in tow and nodded. “I’ll buy dinner,” he offered as a sort of peace offering for having forced the conversation in a public setting.
When they got the camera out and had picked up three of the largest memory cards available for the damn thing, a carry case, and random other accessories that Rodney had no clue what to do with John asked, “So how does she get the pictures off the memory cards? Just bring them to a photo lab?”
“All she has to do is put the memory cards into her computer to get the pictures off them,” their sex-ambiguous aide informed them. “Or she can just hook the camera up to computer directly.”
John blinked and stared blankly at the sales person. “I don’t know if she has a computer,” he finally admitted.
“Oh for the love of… We are not buying your Mother a computer,” Rodney snapped.
They ended up buying the camera, accessories, memory cards, carry case, photo printer with extra ink cartridges, and full-ride service plan. The only reason they didn’t leave the store with a computer in tow was because Rodney had demanded to know how John was planning on flying all that crap out to his Mother’s house and still have enough room to pack his clothing. As it was it was going to be a tight squeeze.
~*~*~
They settled on pizza for dinner that night.
Rodney sat back on the couch in their hotel room and watched John for a moment. He was sitting cross legged on the floor with things scattered all around him. Rodney still hadn’t figured out why John had bought the damn camera in the first place, but he was sure he would find out eventually. As it was, Rodney just filed away the sight of Atlantis’military commander carefully unfolding tissue paper with a few colourful sticky bows stuck to his chest.
Rodney was almost tempted to take a picture and sell it on the black market in Atlantis for a few extra rations of good coffee. He decided against it when the thought of being stuck to sleep on the couch entered his mind. He had plans for some great sex while they were on vacation.
Passing over a beer bottle, Rodney stated, “So you’re a miracle child for you parents.”
Hazel eyes snapped to his face. John had stopped mid-reach for the beer bottle. “I guess you could say that,” John answered carefully and snatched the beer out of Rodney’s hand.
Setting his beer aside, John reached for the memory cards and stacked them up on top of each other. Rodney blinked when he pulled out a roll of ribbon from somewhere and had to fight back the urge to take out a camera of his own all over again. He decided that John was doing either some serious ass kissing with the camera or he was trying to make an apology - both answers had too much proof to settle on one or the other.
“My parents got married young,” John told him, winding the ribbon - ribbon - around the memory cards. “They didn’t want to wait to have kids, so they started trying right away. They got pregnant a few months after they got married. Mom miscarried six months along - nearly died.” He was frowning at the ribbon as he tied it off carefully - making sure the knot didn’t come lose.
“The doctors told them it happened sometimes but they shouldn’t stop trying. So they kept trying. She miscarried seven times before the doctors told them to stop trying.”
John peeled one of the bows off his t-shirt and stuck it on the memory cards before putting them into the brightly colour splashed bag they had picked up while they had waited for the pizza. He had never told anyone about his parents or his family, or much of anything about his past. It kept him out of the rumour mill in Atlantis, and it kept the embarrassment to an absolute minimum. People left him alone because they all believed that they wanted to believe about him. They believed he was lazy and carefree, not taking anything seriously except for the Daedalus visits. He knew they thought he was shallow and thought a lot like Rodney had at first - that he was a womanizer with a girl on every planet they visited.
And he let them believe that because it was simpler than opening up to them. It meant he didn’t have to live up to peoples expectations of him. They carried around this lowly image of him, and he surprised them when he surpassed their expectations of him. There were only a handful of people who expected better of him - Rodney, Elizabeth, Teyla, Ronon, Carson - those who had survived that first year.
Those were the people he hated to disappoint. And now he wanted Rodney to understand, even just a little - though he couldn’t have said what he wanted Rodney to understand.
“I was an accident,” John announced as he stuck a bow hap hazardously onto the carry for the camera. “They had stopped trying for a kid years before. Mom was 35 when she found out she was pregnant. She was three months along before she even realized she was pregnant.”
Rodney nearly choked on a mouthful of beer. “Three months!”
John made a face before he went on. “She had me, and apparently not long after dad started making comments.”
It was Rodney’s turn to make a face. “Way to be vague.”
John frowned and pointed his bottle at Rodney. “Ever consider that this is a story I haven’t told anyone before?” he asked. “Keep the comments to yourself until I’m done if you want to hear the rest of it.”
John waited until Rodney mimed zipping his mouth shut and took another swallow of beer. John snorted. “I remember he used to make little comments about me - comparing me to various relatives. I was a chubby kid, not really very active when was little. I wasn’t really into sports. I didn’t make friends easily and was a lot smarter than anyone else in the family. He’d point out the fact that he couldn’t find one physical resemblance between me and himself or anyone from his side of the family.
“It went on like that for years. Even after I lost all the baby fat and started to play sports. Mom ignored it, as far as I can remember, for years. The last straw was when she found out that dad had gotten a paternity test done.” Shrugging again, John leaned back against the arm chair and looked at Rodney when he said, “They got divorced when I was sixteen and mom and I moved into the beach house her parents had bought for her as a wedding present.”
“Your dad got a paternity test done?” Rodney asked incredulously.
John knew the tone and comment to be another unasked question. “Yeah, it kind of shut him up fast when he it confirmed the fact I was his kid.”
~*~*~
“You’re nervous,” Rodney said.
“Yes, Mr. I-am-a-genius-but-will-state-the-obvious, I’m nervous.”
Looking across the street at the nice little two floor house, Rodney was silent for a moment. They had been sitting in their rented SUV for almost five minutes now. John had been fiddling with the brightly colour splashed bag for almost the entire time. “We can still get a hotel room,” he offered. Because if the situation were reversed and they were sitting across the street from Jeanie’s house, Rodney knew John would offer the same escape.
From the corner of his eye, Rodney watched John take in a deep breath and settle. “No,” he finally said. “We’re here.”
Getting out of the SUV was like the point of no return. He was out and walking towards his mother’s house, he couldn’t just go back and leave without at least seeing if she were home. But the car in the driveway had already told him that she was.
“Maybe she’s not home,” Rodney suggested.
“Yeah, maybe,” John responded as they walked up the walkway. Little purple and pink flowers lined the walk on both sides - just like they always had. John was surprised at how comforting the lack of change was. He’d planted the two rose bushes at the head of the walk the fall they had moved into the house after the divorce. There was a dent on the door jam that they had made when they’d moved in - they’d been forced to get rid of the couch because it hadn’t fit through the door.
Ringing the door bell, John could hear the fluttery musical sound dimly behind it. They‘d changed the door bell tone when he was eighteen and they hadn’t been able to stand the sound of what amounted to a fire alarm going off.
When the door swung open, John pulled out the brightest smile he had. Eileen Gentry-Sheppard stared wide eyed at him for a moment. She looked almost the same as she had the last time he had seen her, though there was more grey in her hair now.
“Hi, mom,” John said cheerfully, handing over the gift bag with the camera in it.
She looked took the bag in shock and looked inside automatically. When she looked back up at him, John could see the suspicion filtering behind hazel eyes. His own thoughts were confirmed when she asked, “What nice girl did you knock up?”
Rodney watched in fascination as John blushed. He was suppressing laughter when John wined out a “Mom” just before he added, “I didn’t get any woman pregnant.”
But he lost the battle with laughter when Mrs. Sheppard heaved out a disappointed sigh and said, not entirely under her breath, “Shame, I was hoping you were going to bring me home a grandbaby to play with.”
He could feel her watching him while he clutched at his sides, laughing. John turned a pout in his direction and Rodney only laughed harder. He’d expected a lot of things when he’d pictured Mrs. Sheppard, but the petite woman standing the door way was no where near close to his imaginings. When he looked up to meet the woman’s gaze, ready to snark out a comment, he saw amusement and approval in her hazel eyes and ended up grinning at her instead.
“Come in,” she finally told them, opening the door wider. “I just put a pot of coffee on. You can tell me how long you’ll be staying with me, and fill me in on when you are going to adopt a baby so I can start taking pictures of grandchildren.”