Untitled, pt 1
I started!!
Untitled
Snape/Lupin
Will be rated NC17 eventually
Snape and Lupin find themselves trapped in each other's bodies, forced to assume each other's lives as well. Antics ensue.
Word count: 1413
When Severus came to, he felt as if someone was trying to plunge white hot spikes into his eye sockets. He was aware of being sprawled on the floor, the chill of the stones seeping through his robes, but other than lifting his hands to grind his palms against his closed eyes, he couldn’t quite manage to move yet.
“Severus, are you all right?”
That was Albus’ voice, his tone one of concern, and as Severus lay there, body aching and throbbing, his memory came flooding back.
Mission to recruit a large pack of werewolves in the Highlands. Lupin was the diplomat, Severus was there to explain the Wolfsbane potion and how it worked since that was being used as Albus’ bargaining point to sway them to the side of the Order. He’d got into a shouting match with the pack alpha, who was a bad-tempered and stubborn bastard in Severus’ opinion, and Lupin had intervened. Albus had given them a Portkey to bring them back to the school. They both touched it, and - nothing. The next thing Severus remembered was waking up with his head feeling like an over-ripe pumpkin about to burst.
“I’m fine,” he growled, forcing himself to sit up and fighting off the accompanying wave of disorientation. For some reason, he felt… wrong. As if his limbs weren’t entirely under his control. “Just give me a minute.”
“Er.” Albus sounded puzzled now, and Severus shot him an annoyed glare.
“For God’s sake, Albus, why are you staring at me like I’ve sprouted a second head?” he snapped.
“Not a second head, Severus, but close,” Albus replied, fishing a sweet out of his pocket as if to fortify himself. “Tell me, did anything usual occur while you were with the werewolves?”
Reluctant to confess to his confrontation with the alpha unless it became necessary, Severus shook his head - a mistake he realized instantly when he felt the hot spikes again. “No. Why?”
“Look down at yourself.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to demand why, but the look on Albus’ face was somber enough to get his attention, and so he looked down.
At faded, patched blue robes.
“My clothes! Someone took my clothes!”
“It’s more than that, Severus.” A new voice entered the conversation - a deep, smooth voice that was oddly familiar, but which he couldn’t quite place - and Severus instinctively glanced in the direction from which it came only to see himself sitting on the floor nearby.
His lower jaw unhinged as he stared at what was undoubtedly his face and his body, albeit with an expression of calm that his face hadn’t worn in decades, if ever.
“What is this?” he sputtered, his hands flying up to his own face. The nose was smaller and straighter, the hair was shorter, and - was that a mustache? “What the bloody hell is going on here?”
“I believe we would all like an answer to that question, Severus,” Albus replied amiably as he offered a hand to the person - Lupin, presumably - in Severus’ body to help him up. “I assume you were both in your proper bodies before you returned to the school?”
“We were, yes.” Lupin sank into the nearest chair, rubbing his forehead as if he too felt the stabbing pain in his head that Severus did. “Nothing out of the ordinary happened, Albus. This must have occurred in transit after we touched the Portkey, but I can’t think how.”
Waving away Albus’ offer of assistance, Severus hauled himself up and into a chair, scowling fiercely at both of them. No wonder he felt wrong; he was accustomed to controlling a taller body with longer limbs, and being inside Lupin’s shorter body was throwing off his sense of balance. “Something must have gone wrong with the Portkey. Who charmed it?”
“I did,” Albus replied, a glint in his eyes that dared Severus to question his ability, and Severus glanced away, grumbling under his breath. “However, that does not rule out the possibility of it having been tampered with either before or after I gave it to you.”
“Yes, but who would do this to us?” Lupin said, sounding bewildered. “There is nothing to be gained from causing us to switch bodies, is there?”
“It could be an unfortunate prank,” Albus said. “It could be deliberate, malicious tampering from one of Voldemort’s operatives - in which case, we should all be doubly alarmed, as your mission was not known beyond a few key members of the Order. Should this prove to be the case, then it would seem we have a traitor and a spy in our midst, one who is very close to the inner workings of the Order.” Albus’ voice was as somber as his expression, and Severus felt a finger of ice trail down his spine. If someone was close enough to learn of their mission and sabotage it, they were also close enough to learn that he was a spy for the Order.
“We shall have the Portkey examined, of course,” Albus continued, and Lupin handed over the crushed aluminum can. “Bill Weasley will check it for curses, and I have a few tests to run myself.”
“What are we supposed to do in the meantime?” Severus demanded.
“I suggest that you both go about your lives as usual - or rather, each other’s lives as usual,” Albus said, earning stunned looks from both of them.
“What?” Severus half-lunged out of his chair, outraged. “I don’t want to pass myself off as him!”
“This won’t be easy for either of us, Severus,” Lupin replied in a damnably calm and reasonable tone that made Severus want to strike him. “But I believe I understand why Albus wants us to pretend: so that whoever did this to us will think they failed.”
“Precisely.” Albus beamed at Lupin as if he’d just answered a difficult question in class and was about to be awarded House points. “Besides, think of the confusion if the truth got out. It’s better and safer if you both assume each other’s lives and duties.”
Severus sagged into his chair again, dropping his head in his hands and groaning. Pretend to be Lupin? But that meant he would have to be - nice! To his students! The same slack-jawed, spotty-faced, attention-deficient dunderheads whom he wanted to hex into oblivion on a daily basis! Oh, God…
The only good thing was that he would finally be able to teach Defense, since Lupin had returned after Potter’s influence had helped to get the anti-werewolf employment laws repealed and convinced the Board of Governors that the school - and Potter in particular - would benefit from having a teacher on staff who was able to prepare the students and teach them to defend themselves against the Dark Lord and his followers, and who would be a living example of the wizarding world’s attempt to reach out to formerly disenfranchised races.
It was, Severus knew, all a part of the Ministry’s attempt to clean house after the scandals of the year before when all the corruption and incompetence had been brought to light - and into the public eye. Fudge was out and Diggory was in as Minister, and Diggory understood the need of reaching out to werewolves, goblins, and the like if they wanted any hope of defeating the Dark Lord.
Hence Lupin’s reappointment to the position, and hence their mission to recruit the werewolves.
“Why don’t the two of you have a cup of tea and nice lie-down and then meet with each other after dinner to practice each other’s mannerisms and such,” Albus suggested, although from the tone of his voice, it sounded more like a thinly disguised order.
“Fine.” Severus growled as he pushed himself out of the chair and headed for the door. He would go along with this nonsensical charade for now, until they got some answers or a better idea occurred to him. For now, however, it seemed he was stuck in Lupin’s body, forced to live Lupin’s nice, which would be a strain at best. At worst, he might very well find himself in a padded cell next to Lockhart’s in Saint Mungo’s by Christmas.
But he would be damned if he didn’t get something out of this arrangement! Reaching up, he stroked above his mouth lightly, coarse hair prickling his fingertips, shuddering. God, what an ugly thing.
As soon as he got back to his - Lupin’s - quarters, he shaved off the damned mustache.
Untitled
Snape/Lupin
Will be rated NC17 eventually
Snape and Lupin find themselves trapped in each other's bodies, forced to assume each other's lives as well. Antics ensue.
Word count: 1413
When Severus came to, he felt as if someone was trying to plunge white hot spikes into his eye sockets. He was aware of being sprawled on the floor, the chill of the stones seeping through his robes, but other than lifting his hands to grind his palms against his closed eyes, he couldn’t quite manage to move yet.
“Severus, are you all right?”
That was Albus’ voice, his tone one of concern, and as Severus lay there, body aching and throbbing, his memory came flooding back.
Mission to recruit a large pack of werewolves in the Highlands. Lupin was the diplomat, Severus was there to explain the Wolfsbane potion and how it worked since that was being used as Albus’ bargaining point to sway them to the side of the Order. He’d got into a shouting match with the pack alpha, who was a bad-tempered and stubborn bastard in Severus’ opinion, and Lupin had intervened. Albus had given them a Portkey to bring them back to the school. They both touched it, and - nothing. The next thing Severus remembered was waking up with his head feeling like an over-ripe pumpkin about to burst.
“I’m fine,” he growled, forcing himself to sit up and fighting off the accompanying wave of disorientation. For some reason, he felt… wrong. As if his limbs weren’t entirely under his control. “Just give me a minute.”
“Er.” Albus sounded puzzled now, and Severus shot him an annoyed glare.
“For God’s sake, Albus, why are you staring at me like I’ve sprouted a second head?” he snapped.
“Not a second head, Severus, but close,” Albus replied, fishing a sweet out of his pocket as if to fortify himself. “Tell me, did anything usual occur while you were with the werewolves?”
Reluctant to confess to his confrontation with the alpha unless it became necessary, Severus shook his head - a mistake he realized instantly when he felt the hot spikes again. “No. Why?”
“Look down at yourself.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to demand why, but the look on Albus’ face was somber enough to get his attention, and so he looked down.
At faded, patched blue robes.
“My clothes! Someone took my clothes!”
“It’s more than that, Severus.” A new voice entered the conversation - a deep, smooth voice that was oddly familiar, but which he couldn’t quite place - and Severus instinctively glanced in the direction from which it came only to see himself sitting on the floor nearby.
His lower jaw unhinged as he stared at what was undoubtedly his face and his body, albeit with an expression of calm that his face hadn’t worn in decades, if ever.
“What is this?” he sputtered, his hands flying up to his own face. The nose was smaller and straighter, the hair was shorter, and - was that a mustache? “What the bloody hell is going on here?”
“I believe we would all like an answer to that question, Severus,” Albus replied amiably as he offered a hand to the person - Lupin, presumably - in Severus’ body to help him up. “I assume you were both in your proper bodies before you returned to the school?”
“We were, yes.” Lupin sank into the nearest chair, rubbing his forehead as if he too felt the stabbing pain in his head that Severus did. “Nothing out of the ordinary happened, Albus. This must have occurred in transit after we touched the Portkey, but I can’t think how.”
Waving away Albus’ offer of assistance, Severus hauled himself up and into a chair, scowling fiercely at both of them. No wonder he felt wrong; he was accustomed to controlling a taller body with longer limbs, and being inside Lupin’s shorter body was throwing off his sense of balance. “Something must have gone wrong with the Portkey. Who charmed it?”
“I did,” Albus replied, a glint in his eyes that dared Severus to question his ability, and Severus glanced away, grumbling under his breath. “However, that does not rule out the possibility of it having been tampered with either before or after I gave it to you.”
“Yes, but who would do this to us?” Lupin said, sounding bewildered. “There is nothing to be gained from causing us to switch bodies, is there?”
“It could be an unfortunate prank,” Albus said. “It could be deliberate, malicious tampering from one of Voldemort’s operatives - in which case, we should all be doubly alarmed, as your mission was not known beyond a few key members of the Order. Should this prove to be the case, then it would seem we have a traitor and a spy in our midst, one who is very close to the inner workings of the Order.” Albus’ voice was as somber as his expression, and Severus felt a finger of ice trail down his spine. If someone was close enough to learn of their mission and sabotage it, they were also close enough to learn that he was a spy for the Order.
“We shall have the Portkey examined, of course,” Albus continued, and Lupin handed over the crushed aluminum can. “Bill Weasley will check it for curses, and I have a few tests to run myself.”
“What are we supposed to do in the meantime?” Severus demanded.
“I suggest that you both go about your lives as usual - or rather, each other’s lives as usual,” Albus said, earning stunned looks from both of them.
“What?” Severus half-lunged out of his chair, outraged. “I don’t want to pass myself off as him!”
“This won’t be easy for either of us, Severus,” Lupin replied in a damnably calm and reasonable tone that made Severus want to strike him. “But I believe I understand why Albus wants us to pretend: so that whoever did this to us will think they failed.”
“Precisely.” Albus beamed at Lupin as if he’d just answered a difficult question in class and was about to be awarded House points. “Besides, think of the confusion if the truth got out. It’s better and safer if you both assume each other’s lives and duties.”
Severus sagged into his chair again, dropping his head in his hands and groaning. Pretend to be Lupin? But that meant he would have to be - nice! To his students! The same slack-jawed, spotty-faced, attention-deficient dunderheads whom he wanted to hex into oblivion on a daily basis! Oh, God…
The only good thing was that he would finally be able to teach Defense, since Lupin had returned after Potter’s influence had helped to get the anti-werewolf employment laws repealed and convinced the Board of Governors that the school - and Potter in particular - would benefit from having a teacher on staff who was able to prepare the students and teach them to defend themselves against the Dark Lord and his followers, and who would be a living example of the wizarding world’s attempt to reach out to formerly disenfranchised races.
It was, Severus knew, all a part of the Ministry’s attempt to clean house after the scandals of the year before when all the corruption and incompetence had been brought to light - and into the public eye. Fudge was out and Diggory was in as Minister, and Diggory understood the need of reaching out to werewolves, goblins, and the like if they wanted any hope of defeating the Dark Lord.
Hence Lupin’s reappointment to the position, and hence their mission to recruit the werewolves.
“Why don’t the two of you have a cup of tea and nice lie-down and then meet with each other after dinner to practice each other’s mannerisms and such,” Albus suggested, although from the tone of his voice, it sounded more like a thinly disguised order.
“Fine.” Severus growled as he pushed himself out of the chair and headed for the door. He would go along with this nonsensical charade for now, until they got some answers or a better idea occurred to him. For now, however, it seemed he was stuck in Lupin’s body, forced to live Lupin’s nice, which would be a strain at best. At worst, he might very well find himself in a padded cell next to Lockhart’s in Saint Mungo’s by Christmas.
But he would be damned if he didn’t get something out of this arrangement! Reaching up, he stroked above his mouth lightly, coarse hair prickling his fingertips, shuddering. God, what an ugly thing.
As soon as he got back to his - Lupin’s - quarters, he shaved off the damned mustache.