(no subject)
Haven't posted here for ages but what happened to me this week is so crazy it needs to be documented. Went to the museum party on Tues and got really drunk on wine coz I never drink it and it was £1. I hit my colleague Jo in the face and laughed about it for too long while he was standing there. Joanna (my employee) and I were more drunk than everyone else and I told my other new employee that I loved her. I also texted my friend in IT an abusive text message because he was a no show. Trouble was it took me so long to text it, I kept interspersing insults between nuggets of news about the night because I forgot i'd already done so.
Was going to vomit on the train home so got a newspaper ready; then a man sat down near me so I really tried to hold it in through clutching the chair in front and doing heavy breathing. He then came over … and asked me out! He said “what do you do when not puking, do you go out with guys like me”. I should have said “no you creepy weirdo” but of course I didn’t, I said “yeah sure here’s my card”.
Now he has emailed me, see below...
Hi Marie,
You may not remember me but we met on the train last night. I don't usually make a habit of trying to chatting up strangers on trains, but in my defence I was pretty drunk.Though evidently not as drunk as you, who had a newspaper ready to protect yourself from potential vomit.
(Yeah - I'm laughing as I type this email)
To recap, I asked if you, when not getting in such a state, fancied going for a drink with me. You said yes and gave me your business card as you got off at Blackheath.
So here we are. It is entirely possible you regret doing this and don't fancy linking up, in which case, no sweat. It's also possible you're thinking, "hmm, maybe but I can't remember what you look like and don't fancy meeting some dodgy old minger", in which case, I can send a pic of me not looking quite so disheveled should you wanna see one. OK, you still might think, "oh dear," but still.
Finally, you may actually remember me and think, yeah, why not? If this is the case... when are you free? Saturday night any good?
Cheers
Lou
Funnily enough I do remember you - I wasn’t so drunk that I lost my memory.
To be honest, I am not concerned that you make a habit of chatting up strangers on trains or that you are “some dodgy old minger”, I am more concerned that you chatted up someone who was about to vomit! I’ve never come across someone whose type is “drunken vomitters” therefore can only conclude that you are a bit of weirdo - can you convince me otherwise?
I would also like it noted that I rarely get so drunk I need to vomit (that was only the 2nd time in my life) so if you are attracted by the prospect of being covered in sick, you are going to be disappointed. I was returning home from the museum’s Christmas Party (yes, I know it’s January) and now understand why office Christmas parties have a reputation! One of my staff didn’t even make it in today!
I think you should send me a photo - not just to refresh my memory but also so a concerned friend can send it to the police if my hypothesis that you must be a weirdo turns out to be justified and you end up kidnapping me.
Marie
It took me a while to find one that wasn't a mug shot but here we are. It's not the greatest pic of all time, but you get the idea. I should add I've had a shave since then and wear pretty discreet glasses now. Maybe print it out and draw some on to get the desired effect.
I'm not sure what I can do to convince you I'm not a weirdo not-so-secretly harbouring some twisted vom fetish. I've got a normal job (journalist/copywriter). I like all the usual things like tunes, films, football, books and pubs. And I've not made a lampshade from human skin in ages.
Oh. Have I ruined it?
Lou
And there was me thinking that 2010 couldn't possibly be as crazy as 2009!
Was going to vomit on the train home so got a newspaper ready; then a man sat down near me so I really tried to hold it in through clutching the chair in front and doing heavy breathing. He then came over … and asked me out! He said “what do you do when not puking, do you go out with guys like me”. I should have said “no you creepy weirdo” but of course I didn’t, I said “yeah sure here’s my card”.
Now he has emailed me, see below...
Hi Marie,
You may not remember me but we met on the train last night. I don't usually make a habit of trying to chatting up strangers on trains, but in my defence I was pretty drunk.Though evidently not as drunk as you, who had a newspaper ready to protect yourself from potential vomit.
(Yeah - I'm laughing as I type this email)
To recap, I asked if you, when not getting in such a state, fancied going for a drink with me. You said yes and gave me your business card as you got off at Blackheath.
So here we are. It is entirely possible you regret doing this and don't fancy linking up, in which case, no sweat. It's also possible you're thinking, "hmm, maybe but I can't remember what you look like and don't fancy meeting some dodgy old minger", in which case, I can send a pic of me not looking quite so disheveled should you wanna see one. OK, you still might think, "oh dear," but still.
Finally, you may actually remember me and think, yeah, why not? If this is the case... when are you free? Saturday night any good?
Cheers
Lou
Funnily enough I do remember you - I wasn’t so drunk that I lost my memory.
To be honest, I am not concerned that you make a habit of chatting up strangers on trains or that you are “some dodgy old minger”, I am more concerned that you chatted up someone who was about to vomit! I’ve never come across someone whose type is “drunken vomitters” therefore can only conclude that you are a bit of weirdo - can you convince me otherwise?
I would also like it noted that I rarely get so drunk I need to vomit (that was only the 2nd time in my life) so if you are attracted by the prospect of being covered in sick, you are going to be disappointed. I was returning home from the museum’s Christmas Party (yes, I know it’s January) and now understand why office Christmas parties have a reputation! One of my staff didn’t even make it in today!
I think you should send me a photo - not just to refresh my memory but also so a concerned friend can send it to the police if my hypothesis that you must be a weirdo turns out to be justified and you end up kidnapping me.
Marie
It took me a while to find one that wasn't a mug shot but here we are. It's not the greatest pic of all time, but you get the idea. I should add I've had a shave since then and wear pretty discreet glasses now. Maybe print it out and draw some on to get the desired effect.
I'm not sure what I can do to convince you I'm not a weirdo not-so-secretly harbouring some twisted vom fetish. I've got a normal job (journalist/copywriter). I like all the usual things like tunes, films, football, books and pubs. And I've not made a lampshade from human skin in ages.
Oh. Have I ruined it?
Lou
And there was me thinking that 2010 couldn't possibly be as crazy as 2009!