"Oy, that sign's in English! You messin' with me? ARE WE IN EPCOTT???"
Because you asked me, Lady U, forgetting that when you ask me for 15 icons, you get 50.
( follow the very fake cut... )
Also, because everyone needs to read long-winded psychoanalyses of fictional characters and my justification for their weirdness when I rp them... I mean, clearly...
A psychoanalysis of Anya Lame-Ass Made-Up Maiden Name Harris, and why she’s trying to get people to kill her at Landel’s.
Okay, think of it this way. You get used to a certain lifestyle. You’ve lived that way your whole life, or at least as long as you can remember, and you really like it. Then, with no warning and completely against your will, everything you care about is taken away and you have absolutely nothing left. You’re stranded in some place you don’t know or like, and the only people who know who you are… well, they’re morally opposed to everything you stand for.
Take that feeling, and multiply it by a kajillion. Anya’s been living as a vengeance demon for over a millennium. That’s a very long time to get used to a lifestyle. And then it all gets taken away, and she has nothing. No friends, no home, no method of even entry-level financial subsistence…
So what does she do? She gloms onto the first decent man she meets: Xander. He’s attractive, available, and is employed (at least as a construction worker and part-time ice cream man). She gloms onto him because that’s what she’s always done. In the 870’s/880’s, she was with Olaf, and that was a perfectly happy relationship, but then it fell apart (and it’s open to debate whether Olaf actually cheated on her or whether she just thought he did and turned him into a troll anyway… ‘cause in the flashback, he looked pretty in love with her). She turned to D’Hoffryn, and made vengeance her entire life. Hallie had an actual life apart from being a vengeance demon, or at least she enjoyed doing things other than eviscerating. Anya did not.
So now she’s got Xander, and she fixates on him. She fixates on other things too: capitalism, retail, patriotism. She fixates because she’s trying to distract herself from the fact that she was completely cut adrift when D’Hoffryn abandoned her. And she starts to form something of a life for herself, but it’s all built around Xander. She may not love him as much as she convinces herself she does, but she needs him. She finds other things to keep her occupied, but he’s the foundation that she built her new life on.
And suddenly he’s gone, too. And everything falls apart. She doesn’t have him, so all the things she built in her new Xander-based life are gone: she never really talks about capitalism or patriotism anymore, and even her shop is destroyed not long after their non-wedding.
So, for the second time in four years, Anya has absolutely nothing. But D’Hoffryn is willing to take her back, now. So she’s a demon again, and that’s all good. She figures she can go back to that life and pretend the last four years didn’t happen. She was never very close to any of the Scoobies besides Xander and Giles anyway, and now Giles is in England and Xander’s abandoned her (plus her shop’s gone), so she has nothing in her human life that’s worth anything.
Only, she finds that being a demon isn’t so great anymore. She doesn’t like murdering people anymore. And eventually she realizes she wants to go back to being human, only there’s nothing left for her as a human.
Hates being a demon, would be miserable and alone with no one to define herself by as a human. Classic damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t circumstances. So she decides to take the only other option she sees: get Buffy to kill her.
I mean, she could quite easily vanish into the ether and take up being a vengeance demon somewhere other than Sunnydale to avoid the Slayer’s wrath. Plus, Anya is rarely in a physical fight - from all the evidence we’ve seen, she doesn’t like it much. But she stays and takes Buffy on. Right before D’Hoffryn appears to break them up, Anya is actually lying on the ground not defending herself waiting for Buffy to run her through again.
Bottom line: girl’s suicidal.
Where I’ve taken her from in Landel’s, I don’t know how much of this she’s consciously realized yet, and how much of it is subconscious. Although as soon as she realizes that she doesn’t want to be a demon anymore, but is stuck that way at Landel’s… I see angst in her future. I also see her attacking Buffy in the future, so Buffy-mun had better watch out ;)
( follow the very fake cut... )
Also, because everyone needs to read long-winded psychoanalyses of fictional characters and my justification for their weirdness when I rp them... I mean, clearly...
A psychoanalysis of Anya Lame-Ass Made-Up Maiden Name Harris, and why she’s trying to get people to kill her at Landel’s.
Okay, think of it this way. You get used to a certain lifestyle. You’ve lived that way your whole life, or at least as long as you can remember, and you really like it. Then, with no warning and completely against your will, everything you care about is taken away and you have absolutely nothing left. You’re stranded in some place you don’t know or like, and the only people who know who you are… well, they’re morally opposed to everything you stand for.
Take that feeling, and multiply it by a kajillion. Anya’s been living as a vengeance demon for over a millennium. That’s a very long time to get used to a lifestyle. And then it all gets taken away, and she has nothing. No friends, no home, no method of even entry-level financial subsistence…
So what does she do? She gloms onto the first decent man she meets: Xander. He’s attractive, available, and is employed (at least as a construction worker and part-time ice cream man). She gloms onto him because that’s what she’s always done. In the 870’s/880’s, she was with Olaf, and that was a perfectly happy relationship, but then it fell apart (and it’s open to debate whether Olaf actually cheated on her or whether she just thought he did and turned him into a troll anyway… ‘cause in the flashback, he looked pretty in love with her). She turned to D’Hoffryn, and made vengeance her entire life. Hallie had an actual life apart from being a vengeance demon, or at least she enjoyed doing things other than eviscerating. Anya did not.
So now she’s got Xander, and she fixates on him. She fixates on other things too: capitalism, retail, patriotism. She fixates because she’s trying to distract herself from the fact that she was completely cut adrift when D’Hoffryn abandoned her. And she starts to form something of a life for herself, but it’s all built around Xander. She may not love him as much as she convinces herself she does, but she needs him. She finds other things to keep her occupied, but he’s the foundation that she built her new life on.
And suddenly he’s gone, too. And everything falls apart. She doesn’t have him, so all the things she built in her new Xander-based life are gone: she never really talks about capitalism or patriotism anymore, and even her shop is destroyed not long after their non-wedding.
So, for the second time in four years, Anya has absolutely nothing. But D’Hoffryn is willing to take her back, now. So she’s a demon again, and that’s all good. She figures she can go back to that life and pretend the last four years didn’t happen. She was never very close to any of the Scoobies besides Xander and Giles anyway, and now Giles is in England and Xander’s abandoned her (plus her shop’s gone), so she has nothing in her human life that’s worth anything.
Only, she finds that being a demon isn’t so great anymore. She doesn’t like murdering people anymore. And eventually she realizes she wants to go back to being human, only there’s nothing left for her as a human.
Hates being a demon, would be miserable and alone with no one to define herself by as a human. Classic damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t circumstances. So she decides to take the only other option she sees: get Buffy to kill her.
I mean, she could quite easily vanish into the ether and take up being a vengeance demon somewhere other than Sunnydale to avoid the Slayer’s wrath. Plus, Anya is rarely in a physical fight - from all the evidence we’ve seen, she doesn’t like it much. But she stays and takes Buffy on. Right before D’Hoffryn appears to break them up, Anya is actually lying on the ground not defending herself waiting for Buffy to run her through again.
Bottom line: girl’s suicidal.
Where I’ve taken her from in Landel’s, I don’t know how much of this she’s consciously realized yet, and how much of it is subconscious. Although as soon as she realizes that she doesn’t want to be a demon anymore, but is stuck that way at Landel’s… I see angst in her future. I also see her attacking Buffy in the future, so Buffy-mun had better watch out ;)