Jonathan kicked a leg up to rest his foot across the way and onto the seat opposite, further preventing any sudden dashes for freedom. He just gave a slight smile, then wordlessly handed over an unopened bottle of whiskey to Jonny Lee, leaving them with none left except for bottles of beer.
He frowned as he light up another cigarette, rolling down the window just enough to flick the burning match out before turning back to the others.
Assuming an air of forced calm, he pointed at him with his cigarette, "Don't be daft, Yorke. You're stranded and we've got a car. Common sense says you can't be offended by it, either. It's not like we're driving, you know." Throwing back a conspiritorial smile at Ewan and Jonny Lee, he took another long pull from his bottle and started chuckling as his eyes fell on the small box that couldn't be completely hidden from view.
Sitting up, satisfied that all qualms were effectively addressed in only the way a completely drunk person could be, he opened the little refrigerator and took out a bottle of stout, offering it to Thom. "Here, have one on us."
Thom, who had been sputtering like a wet hen as he was pulled into the car, surveyed the interior, sizing up the situation. He eyed the driver, unknown to him. "So you're saying that the bloke at the wheel there has had nothing to drink all night?" He then bent forward and began to cough heavily, waving the smoke out of his face. In between coughs, he gasped, "Could you please--a window."
He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Look, if you could be good enough to just drop me off at the nearest pay phone, that'd be quite enough, really."
Thom looked dubiously at the drink. A beer would taste good right now, but... "No, thank you, really. I'm fine." He sniffed the air. "What's that smell?"
Totally ignoring Thom’s request for departure, Ewan clapped Jonny Lee’s mouth with his hand after Miller had squealed, “HEHEHE WE’RE HERRRRREEEE!!!” With a slight laugh and a look at Thom Ewan arched a brow asking, “What smell” before instructing Marv to pull over. Moments later they were all standing outside, staring up at a corner house. The lights were off and there were no other inhabitants littering the street.
Nodding to Jonathan who had box in hand, Ewan grabbed one of the empty bags and made his way for a bush. Returning with a proud grin, he held the bag out for a moment proving that he actually had done the deed, and then set it down next to the post box. Ignoring Thom’s insistent pleas to be taken to a phone, he never offered the mobile in his pocket. Nodding seriously, but still drunkenly, he said, “Alright, mates. The target is in sight. Are you prepared to run as fast as you can in the face of danger?” When everyone but Thom gave a wide-eyed nod he said, “Right-o. Please grab your ammunition. Eggs are in the bottom…”
They all stared up at the house for a few minutes, the world seemingly pausing before everyone but Thom (yes even the lovely driver joined in) grabbed a projectile.
Glancing down at the egg in his hand, and quickly over to the right, he noticed a child's tricycle in the bushes. "A getaway device!" he snickered, making a mental note. Still waiting for the cue to toss. Seeing Thom's obvious discomfort, he nudged him gently in the ribs, "S'alright mate, if anything you can blame us. Or Oasis. Works like a charm."
Ewan let out a little Indian holler, and the eggs and shitbags flew, hitting the side of the house with a splat. A light came on in an upstairs window and they all made a mad dash for the street. Jonny Lee grabbed the tricycle, setting it on the downward slope. "Oi oi oi, wait up!" he sat on the seat, his knees up to his neck, and tried to pedal. But as luck would have it, he couldn't pedal and was very very stuck. "Oh fucking hell. Hey guys? A hand here? I'm fucking.. caught." he rocked awkwardly, the trike rolling at about 1km/hr down the sidewalk towards the others.
Jonathan had been swaying where he stood right before they all launched whatever it was they had in hand. He stumbled forward and shook a can of shaving cream, clumsily spelling out "We blame you" in shaky child-like cursive before tossing his cigarette butt to the ground. Taking careful aim, he threw his AAA grade eggs all along the ground level windows, wincing when one of them broke from the impact. "Shit," he laughed out, quickly backpeddling to the car when the lights started coming on.
He almost tripped over Jonny Lee, and when he turned around to see what he really stumbled over, he bust out into a cackle, "For fuck's sake, Miller, we don't have time for this shit." He reached down, planting the heel of his foot on the back foot rest and grabbed Jonny Lee's arm, trying to pull him out of the jam. "Shit," he bit out, giving another vicious tug to Miller's protestations that he liked his arm and he'd like to keep it for a bit longer. "McGregor," he called out, still yanking on Jonny's arm, "I can't get him to budge. Give us a hand yeah?"
After a few seconds of combined pulling, they just gave each other a look and hooked arms under Jonny Lee's shoulders, lifted him up and ran awkwardly to the car. Marv was frantically waving them to move faster and Thom was outright refusing to get in. With a last shove to get Jonny Lee avec tricycle in the backseat, Jonathan turned to Thom, "Look mate, you can stay if you like, but in about 30 seconds, a very irate Gallagher is going to run through that door and you'll be the only one here with the evidence. Stop arguing and get in now." With that, he climbed in after and reclaimed his whiskey bottle, never once stopping his constant cackle.
Thom had watched aghast as the bombardment had been underway. "What in hell are you all doing? Are you all bloody daft?" he yelled. "You're going to get arrest--" Just then, one of the projectiles had spun some debris off from its original course, and caught Thom full in the face. He wiped it off in disgust. "What on earth--" He broke off, sniffing it, then horror dawned on his face. "Oh bloody Chr--" Before he could finish the exclaimation, he lurched forward and unleashed a bombardment of his own on the blacktop, clutching his stomach as he heaved. When he finished, he staggered to his feet, walking unsteadily down the road.
His head snapped up as he heard Jonathan calling to him. He looked back at the house anxiously, then to the car again, and then with a jerk, broke and began running pell-mell down the road. He made a sharp left onto the nearest front lawn, and within seconds had disappeared behind the house adjacent to it.
Unphased by the lights in the house going on, Ewan continued chucking eggs, throwing the paper chunks everywhere, and then walked toward a car he knew the inhabitants of the house owned and smashed a few eggs onto the bonnet. He drew a few quick designs into the goo before registering that Jonny Lee was stuck. “Oh good fuck, we cannae take you anywhere!” After securing Jonny lee, trike and all into the car, Ewan had to go back, there was one last thing to be done.
Letting Marv and Jonathan deal with attempting to unstick Jonny Lee, Ewan lit up a fag and sauntered back toward the carnage, pausing to view the destruction. Eggs all over the windows and doors, paper chunks littering the yard, the contents of Thom’s stomach, and one finally bag of shit…
Picking up the bag gingerly, Ewan stared up at the house watching through the windows as the owner started down the stairs. Taking a drag off the cigarette, he held it to the bag in one of his finest moves yet, watching as the paper started to burn before chucking it to the front steps and taking off in a mad dash. He started cracking up upon hearing the raging sounds coming from the people living at the house they just destroyed and made a dive for the car with an, “ON DRIVER!” to let them know he was indeed ready to go.
After his breath was caught he sat back against the seat looking to all of his cackling mates, “Well, I dare say we’ve out done ourselves. Next time I suggest that we take on brighter enemies, what do you say?” With a wide grin, Ewan leaned back, continuous laughter pouring out of each of them. Suddenly he looked around very concerned, “Hey, where’s Thom?”
He frowned as he light up another cigarette, rolling down the window just enough to flick the burning match out before turning back to the others.
Assuming an air of forced calm, he pointed at him with his cigarette, "Don't be daft, Yorke. You're stranded and we've got a car. Common sense says you can't be offended by it, either. It's not like we're driving, you know." Throwing back a conspiritorial smile at Ewan and Jonny Lee, he took another long pull from his bottle and started chuckling as his eyes fell on the small box that couldn't be completely hidden from view.
Sitting up, satisfied that all qualms were effectively addressed in only the way a completely drunk person could be, he opened the little refrigerator and took out a bottle of stout, offering it to Thom. "Here, have one on us."
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He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Look, if you could be good enough to just drop me off at the nearest pay phone, that'd be quite enough, really."
Thom looked dubiously at the drink. A beer would taste good right now, but... "No, thank you, really. I'm fine." He sniffed the air. "What's that smell?"
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Nodding to Jonathan who had box in hand, Ewan grabbed one of the empty bags and made his way for a bush. Returning with a proud grin, he held the bag out for a moment proving that he actually had done the deed, and then set it down next to the post box. Ignoring Thom’s insistent pleas to be taken to a phone, he never offered the mobile in his pocket. Nodding seriously, but still drunkenly, he said, “Alright, mates. The target is in sight. Are you prepared to run as fast as you can in the face of danger?” When everyone but Thom gave a wide-eyed nod he said, “Right-o. Please grab your ammunition. Eggs are in the bottom…”
They all stared up at the house for a few minutes, the world seemingly pausing before everyone but Thom (yes even the lovely driver joined in) grabbed a projectile.
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Ewan let out a little Indian holler, and the eggs and shitbags flew, hitting the side of the house with a splat. A light came on in an upstairs window and they all made a mad dash for the street. Jonny Lee grabbed the tricycle, setting it on the downward slope. "Oi oi oi, wait up!" he sat on the seat, his knees up to his neck, and tried to pedal. But as luck would have it, he couldn't pedal and was very very stuck. "Oh fucking hell. Hey guys? A hand here? I'm fucking.. caught." he rocked awkwardly, the trike rolling at about 1km/hr down the sidewalk towards the others.
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He almost tripped over Jonny Lee, and when he turned around to see what he really stumbled over, he bust out into a cackle, "For fuck's sake, Miller, we don't have time for this shit." He reached down, planting the heel of his foot on the back foot rest and grabbed Jonny Lee's arm, trying to pull him out of the jam. "Shit," he bit out, giving another vicious tug to Miller's protestations that he liked his arm and he'd like to keep it for a bit longer. "McGregor," he called out, still yanking on Jonny's arm, "I can't get him to budge. Give us a hand yeah?"
After a few seconds of combined pulling, they just gave each other a look and hooked arms under Jonny Lee's shoulders, lifted him up and ran awkwardly to the car. Marv was frantically waving them to move faster and Thom was outright refusing to get in. With a last shove to get Jonny Lee avec tricycle in the backseat, Jonathan turned to Thom, "Look mate, you can stay if you like, but in about 30 seconds, a very irate Gallagher is going to run through that door and you'll be the only one here with the evidence. Stop arguing and get in now." With that, he climbed in after and reclaimed his whiskey bottle, never once stopping his constant cackle.
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His head snapped up as he heard Jonathan calling to him. He looked back at the house anxiously, then to the car again, and then with a jerk, broke and began running pell-mell down the road. He made a sharp left onto the nearest front lawn, and within seconds had disappeared behind the house adjacent to it.
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Letting Marv and Jonathan deal with attempting to unstick Jonny Lee, Ewan lit up a fag and sauntered back toward the carnage, pausing to view the destruction. Eggs all over the windows and doors, paper chunks littering the yard, the contents of Thom’s stomach, and one finally bag of shit…
Picking up the bag gingerly, Ewan stared up at the house watching through the windows as the owner started down the stairs. Taking a drag off the cigarette, he held it to the bag in one of his finest moves yet, watching as the paper started to burn before chucking it to the front steps and taking off in a mad dash. He started cracking up upon hearing the raging sounds coming from the people living at the house they just destroyed and made a dive for the car with an, “ON DRIVER!” to let them know he was indeed ready to go.
After his breath was caught he sat back against the seat looking to all of his cackling mates, “Well, I dare say we’ve out done ourselves. Next time I suggest that we take on brighter enemies, what do you say?” With a wide grin, Ewan leaned back, continuous laughter pouring out of each of them. Suddenly he looked around very concerned, “Hey, where’s Thom?”
[ftb]
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