(no subject)
The other day I realized that livejournal is kind of a silly thing to have because firstly it is a journal in which you would usually pour all your hopes dreams and despairs into but sadly it is also online and available for everyone to read and comment on. I know I can be an overly personal person but this just strikes me as odd. Isn't the purpose of a journal to be private at least for the time being. Once you are rich and the stupid people you met on your way to the top no longer matter then you can let them know what fucking dicks they are and publish your journals but while they are still able to find you and place physical harm on you you don't want to say anything to them. So what do you do? You could only write nice things. That might be an interesting idea but sadly when we are ecstatic we probably won't need a vent especially not to a computer(we're far too busy cooking elaborate meals with our hot Asian cellist girlfriends or buying thoughtful gifts for our thousands of friends.) And besides if we did actually want to write about such things no one would care to read them. People like to read about peoples suffering that is why people go on livejournal and read other people's profiles if they even do. Now there is a thought: Maybe people aren't reading people's journals at all and they really are private so we shouldn't worry about people reading our most personal and private and frankly embarrassing thoughts and feelings. If that is the case though why do we put it online?
Also, I want to apologize to Ben Rumer for eating all his food. It was wrong of me but I was hungry and it was so good.......mmmmmmm.
Perhaps you would like to hear a whimsical tale from my youth that could even be true. Well, about a mile from our house back home was a old dam. Now it was built sometime during the 1800's and so it is not the safest place in the world to be frank. Well, my mother always told my sister who is five years my senior that we were not to play around that old dam. It was not so much the fact that the damn was on private property that bothered my mother as much as the fact that playing around the dam might cause one of us most likely me to get hurt and my mother hates going to the doctors much less the hospital. Well, one fine summer morning and by morning I do mean at like nine because such times exist before college. I don't know what happens to them after that but when you are seven they most certainly exist. Anyways we decided to go on a little adventure down to the old dam to have a picnic. We went down there and set up and had our delicious ham sandwiches and of course our drink of choice in the early nineties Fresca then I decided to play flash which was a game I came up with after watching the early nineties television show "flash."
The game consisted of running as fast as I could which as a seven year old was extremely fast and then yelling I'm the flash, I'm the flash while swinging my arms runner style as fast and as wildly as I can. This was in fact before I came up with my revolutionary idea that if you put your arms straight out like a bird while you ran you could run infinitely faster although my theorem might have been inspired by the Flash game. Anyways the game might not seem much to the observer but to the one being propelled by their wild arm swinging it is perhaps the most consuming activity on earth short of running down a hill with your arms out like an airplane which I can attest is just as entertaining at 23 as it was at seven. I was playing the flash game when suddenly I recalled an episode when Flash runs over water and because he is running so fast he actually runs on top of the water. Now seven year olds can be very naive about some things: Santa Clause, the Easter bunny universal health care but even a seven year old will not believe some things. I knew I could never be as fast as the Flash or the actor who portrayed him mainly because he had been training for years and I had only been "flashing" for a few weeks.
Then a brilliant idea occurred to me. What if I were to run along the tip of the dam. To any simple minded person who had been drugged it would appear as if I was running on water. That surely had been how the flash had started out! I prepared to run along the top of the dam wall while my sister was doing something. I don't know what. I am pretty sure she didn't have a cell phone since my parents most firm beliefs are against technology of any kind and especially technology that is expensive or cool. Anyways I began my run and I was flying. The rocks seemed slippery at first since they were most covered rocks covered in flowing water but I was wearing boat shoes and nothing could stop me. I flew along the wall and the view was breath taking. The whole tiny muddy creek was before me and I was master of it all high above the universe and I was traveling at a thousand miles a second. Moving so fast I was walking on water.
Then it happened. I heard it. First in my stomach and then in my throat and finally in my ears. What I heard is the singular most terrifying sound to a seven year old child. The sound was not loud just a rustle and a snap. The snap of an animal who is interrupted and from his restful state and chooses just that moment to inform the interrupter that they will never interrupt him or any of his friends ever again.
I don't remember seeing the water moccasin at all but I do vaguely remember the fastest and most desperate jump of my life. I was the flash and I could run thousands of miles in a second and I could run so fast I could run on water and that day I out jumped a infuriated hell-bent, lethargic reptile. Many people tell stories of falling off something and it everything goes in slow motion and they see every detail. Well, fuck that all I remember was my head hitting the bottom of the creek and everything seeming gray and a strange taste in my mouth that accompanies any knocking of the head. I remember that and I remember the my sister running towards me. That might have been in slow motion but I am probably just remembering what people have told me since. The single thing I do remember and I remember well from that moment is the sun glittering off the back of that ugly snake as it slid right past me in the water. I might not have been the flash but that day I had beat that snake and he knew it. Snakes don't wear hats. I don't know why but if he had been wearing one he would have tipped it as he passed.
Also, I want to apologize to Ben Rumer for eating all his food. It was wrong of me but I was hungry and it was so good.......mmmmmmm.
Perhaps you would like to hear a whimsical tale from my youth that could even be true. Well, about a mile from our house back home was a old dam. Now it was built sometime during the 1800's and so it is not the safest place in the world to be frank. Well, my mother always told my sister who is five years my senior that we were not to play around that old dam. It was not so much the fact that the damn was on private property that bothered my mother as much as the fact that playing around the dam might cause one of us most likely me to get hurt and my mother hates going to the doctors much less the hospital. Well, one fine summer morning and by morning I do mean at like nine because such times exist before college. I don't know what happens to them after that but when you are seven they most certainly exist. Anyways we decided to go on a little adventure down to the old dam to have a picnic. We went down there and set up and had our delicious ham sandwiches and of course our drink of choice in the early nineties Fresca then I decided to play flash which was a game I came up with after watching the early nineties television show "flash."
The game consisted of running as fast as I could which as a seven year old was extremely fast and then yelling I'm the flash, I'm the flash while swinging my arms runner style as fast and as wildly as I can. This was in fact before I came up with my revolutionary idea that if you put your arms straight out like a bird while you ran you could run infinitely faster although my theorem might have been inspired by the Flash game. Anyways the game might not seem much to the observer but to the one being propelled by their wild arm swinging it is perhaps the most consuming activity on earth short of running down a hill with your arms out like an airplane which I can attest is just as entertaining at 23 as it was at seven. I was playing the flash game when suddenly I recalled an episode when Flash runs over water and because he is running so fast he actually runs on top of the water. Now seven year olds can be very naive about some things: Santa Clause, the Easter bunny universal health care but even a seven year old will not believe some things. I knew I could never be as fast as the Flash or the actor who portrayed him mainly because he had been training for years and I had only been "flashing" for a few weeks.
Then a brilliant idea occurred to me. What if I were to run along the tip of the dam. To any simple minded person who had been drugged it would appear as if I was running on water. That surely had been how the flash had started out! I prepared to run along the top of the dam wall while my sister was doing something. I don't know what. I am pretty sure she didn't have a cell phone since my parents most firm beliefs are against technology of any kind and especially technology that is expensive or cool. Anyways I began my run and I was flying. The rocks seemed slippery at first since they were most covered rocks covered in flowing water but I was wearing boat shoes and nothing could stop me. I flew along the wall and the view was breath taking. The whole tiny muddy creek was before me and I was master of it all high above the universe and I was traveling at a thousand miles a second. Moving so fast I was walking on water.
Then it happened. I heard it. First in my stomach and then in my throat and finally in my ears. What I heard is the singular most terrifying sound to a seven year old child. The sound was not loud just a rustle and a snap. The snap of an animal who is interrupted and from his restful state and chooses just that moment to inform the interrupter that they will never interrupt him or any of his friends ever again.
I don't remember seeing the water moccasin at all but I do vaguely remember the fastest and most desperate jump of my life. I was the flash and I could run thousands of miles in a second and I could run so fast I could run on water and that day I out jumped a infuriated hell-bent, lethargic reptile. Many people tell stories of falling off something and it everything goes in slow motion and they see every detail. Well, fuck that all I remember was my head hitting the bottom of the creek and everything seeming gray and a strange taste in my mouth that accompanies any knocking of the head. I remember that and I remember the my sister running towards me. That might have been in slow motion but I am probably just remembering what people have told me since. The single thing I do remember and I remember well from that moment is the sun glittering off the back of that ugly snake as it slid right past me in the water. I might not have been the flash but that day I had beat that snake and he knew it. Snakes don't wear hats. I don't know why but if he had been wearing one he would have tipped it as he passed.