MERLIN AND THE CASE OF THE EVIL SMIRK
SO, WHO IS READY FOR A RECAP?
~MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN WALES~
The Oxford English Dictionary's definition of "bad idea" is "landing party consisting entirely of redshirts"
Merlin: Careful, if the wind changes your face will stay that -- too late.
Gaius: So I think it's about time you went and played King, and stopped being a Nigel No-Friends over here.
Uther: Tell me what to do again and I'll break your hip.
Merlin: Remember that time last year I called you 'clotpole'? I've been thinking, and you're really more of a 'dollop head'.
Arthur: I weep for the future of the arts if you're what's considered a great bard.
About two things Arthur was absolutely certain:
1. It was a suspicious looking camp; and
2. It was a trap.
But he went in anyway for lack of anything better to do.
You can tell they're working for the enemy because they're unfortunate looking.
Knights of Camelot: No Fuglies.
To be honest, Merlin isn't even trying to keep the magic secret any more.
A WILD MORGANA APPEARS!
Gwen: Gaius, do you actually know what you're doing?
Gaius: Nope. Looks good and doctory though, doesn't it?
Morgana: I know what you did last summer, Merlin. I only wish I'd thought of it first. Friends?
Merlin: Great, now you've ruined my nice, freshly scrubbed floor.
Arthur: Don't worry, I'll help you fix it.
Merlin:...you will?
Arthur: Lesson One: How to use a cloth.
Arthur: You did really well! Lesson Two: How to use a bucket.
Merlin: That is not how you use a bucket.
Morgana expected to be agitated, and Uther tried to cry.
Morgause: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a cave like this?
Morgana: *titters* Oh, Morgause! Flattery will get you everywhere.
Morgause: Hey, want to see something awesome?
Neville: WHY AREN'T THEY WEARING EARMUFFS!?
USE THE FORCE, YOUNG PENDRAGON
Merlin: Obi-Wan Kenobi never had to put up with this rubbish.
Uther: I'M TOTALLY WASTED YOU GUYS, HAHAHA. Going to get some air, brb.
Well: Move along, move along, nothing to see here.
Uther: QUICK! SOMEONE CALL LASSIE!
Arthur & Morgana: You guys go, we've got this.
Merlin: Shouldn't the King's manservant be doing this?
Gaius: Not everybody is as clingy as you, Merlin.
Merlin: Arthur, you do know Gaius always wins eyebrow competitions, right?
Gaius: You want to try that again, kid?
Arthur: ...no, sir. Sorry, sir.
Gwen: Hi Morgana!
Morgana: Gwen, you know the rules. Lavender is for Thursdays.
Gwen: But this is the only dress I own.
Morgana: Sorry Gwen, no excuses. You can't lady-in-waiting me today.
~BLUE STEEL~
Arthur: We can't keep losing our best knights like this, so as you can see, we've upgraded Leon to 'Browncoat' status.
Leon: Eff yeah, shiny.
Ghost Boy: ~OoOoOoh~ look, I'm ectoplasming all over your floor, ~oOoOoOoh~
Uther: But I just had that cleaned! Kids these days, no respect. I mean, the nerve of that boy, look at him!
Ghost Boy: Also, you're a dollop head.
Uther: Nobody calls me a dollop head! DON'T MAKE ME DROWN YOU TWICE!
Just to prove that blood isn't always invisible, the props team have kindly smeared some on this redcoats hand.
But not his wound.
(In case you've lost count, this is the third med!fail so far)
Leon: So...why isn't he dead yet?
Gaius: What do I look like, a doctor?
Arthur: So...why isn't he dead yet?
Gaius: WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME THESE THINGS? Fine, he's not dead yet because he will be
inexplicably recovered from a serious penetrating wound to the abdomen, done by a blade that is a good seven
inches long or more, by this time tomorrow.
Morgana: THOSE MEDDLING KIDS! Poison Ivy will solve all my problems.
Gaius: He's dead, Jim.
Merlin: Who the hell is Jim?
Merlin is nicer than Robin.
Merlin: Why do I get the feeling that none of these shenanigans would have happened if Uther's manservant had
done his job and cleaned under the bed like he's supposed to?
~QUEUE MERLIN HIDING BEHIND THINGS LIKE A BAMF SPAM~
Morgana: I know you're there, Merlin. Singing the theme to 'Mission Impossible' isn't really helpful if you're trying to
sneak around like that.
Merlin: ...balls.
Gaius: Time to put on your Big Girl's Knickers and run the kingdom while you're father's busy flying over a cuckoo's nest.
Arthur: But -- but! Pretending nothing was wrong was working so well for me!
Morgause: Now Merlin, these chains cost me $10 a metre at Bunnings, so if they're a little tight, it's because I didn't
want to waste money on a lowly servant.
Merlin: Well, that makes sense I suppose.
Merlin: My magic never works at convenient times, never.
Arthur: I'm not crying. It's just raining! Indoors! On my face!
Morgana: Yes, dear, whatever you say.
~The hills are aliiiiiive with the sound of GIANT SCORPIONS~
Merlin: ...friends?
Merlin: YOU COULD HAVE JUST CLICKED YOUR PINCERS TWICE FOR 'NO, THANK YOU, MY SOCIAL CALENDER IS TOO FULL AS IT IS'!
Merlin: By my powers combined...with my powers...I am --- A DRAGONLORD!
(a miles better power than heart, seriously)
MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE IN WALES, SHIT IS GETTING REAL.
REALLY AWESOME.
Dragon: You screamed like a little girl?
Merlin: Yeah like, six hours ago man. Where the hell have you been?
Dragon: Yeah yeah, I have more important things to do, you know. Places to perch, people to eat.
Merlin: Whatever, just get me out of here.
~TO BE CONTINUED~
...
BONUS PICTURES:
~JAZZ HANDS~
I hope I don't need to tell you that this is a spoiler-ridden hive of scum and villainy.