TCWOWS(A)
IAN: Oh yeah, let's do that one real quick...
TIM: No, we can't. I'm not in the right costume.
BRANDON: We have to. It's central to the plot.
TIM: I can't! I'm not in the right character either. Ophelia is a very difficult and complex character.
BRANDON: No, it's easy.
TIM: It's not.
BRANDON: It is. Anybody could play that character. My mother could play that character. That lady right there (pointing to a woman in the audience) could play that character.
IAN: Well let's get her to do it then. This is giving me a headache...
(DAN and IAN go and grab the 'Volunteer' from the audience and bring her onstage.)
TIM: You guys, this isn't fair. C'mon, Ian, I didn't make you do your speech. You can't just bring some bozo onstage to play Ophelia!
IAN: She's not a bozo, and besides, she volunteered. (to Volunteer) Okay, first of all, what's your name?
(She responds)
Do you mind if we call you 'Bob'? It's a little easier to remember. Okay, Bob, this is a very simple scene-
TIM: It's extremely difficult.
IAN: Hamlet has had this relationship with Ophelia, but what with what's been happening with his father and his mother and his uncle and yatta-yatta-yatta, he can't deal with her anymore-
TIM: He's being a prick.
IAN: So he gets all worked up and tells her to get out of his life. He says, "Get thee to a nunnery". Now in our version of this scene, all that Ophelia does in response is, she screams. That's all she does. Hamlet says "Get thee to a nunnery" and Ophelia screams. Okay? Let's give it a try.
TIM: (shoving her slightly as he crosses past her) Good luck.
(A pause while IAN prepares by taking a few breaths and running his fingers through his hair)
IAN: "Get thee to a nunnery!"
(The Volunteer screams-probably not very well)
BRANDON: Did you hear that, Tim? I thought it was really good.
DAN: It was okay.
TIM: No, it sucked, really. I mean, I don't mean to be catty, but you're not an actress, and frankly it shows. You obviously had no idea what was going on inside Ophelia's head.
IAN: Actors use what they call 'subtext' Bob.
BRANDON: Or'inner monologue'.
TIM: Exactly. That's what you didn't have, and as a result your performance was just flat and one-dimensional. But I think you showed a lot of heart! A lot of courage! A lot of-as Shakespeare would say-'chutzpah' and I think we should WORKSHOP this. I think we could really make this a happening moment. In fact (to light booth) Bob? Could you bring up the house lights, please?
(The house lights come up)
(to audience) Cuz I think we should get everybody involved in this. You know, sort of create a supportive environment for Bob here (indicating the Volunteer). Maybe we could get everybody to act out what's going on inside of Ophelia's head. Like, divide everybody up into Ophelia's Id, Ego, and Superego-
DAN: Oh yeah, like a Freudian analysis!
TIM: Yeah, a Floydian analysis!
BRANDON: I get the Id!
DAN: Cool! I'll get the Ego.
(DAN grabs a guy out of the audience and hustles him up onstage)
TIM: (to the guy) Now you're playing the part of Ophelia's ego. At this point in the play her ego is flighty. It's confused...it's an Ego on the run.
DAN: Oh, great! So we'd like you to symbolize this, Bob, by-oh do you mind if we call you 'Bob'?-we'll symbolize this by actually having you run back and forth across the stage in front of Ophelia. Will you give that a try? Right now, just...
ALL: Go, go, go, go, go, go!
(Ego runs)
BRANDON: Okay, now everyone in the front three rows, you're going to be Ophelia's Id. Now her Id is confused, it's wishy-washy, it's awash in a sea of alternatives. So everybody, hands in the air, wave them back and forth, kin of undulate, and say, (in falsetto) 'Maybe...maybe not...maybe...maybe not'. Okay that's good. Save some for later.
IAN: (picking on a less-than-enthusiastic member of the Id) Right. What was your problem? YOU were not participating with the rest of the group. You know what that means, don't you? You're going to have to do it-
ALL: ALL...BY...YOUR...SELF.
BRANDON: Now, don't be embarrassed, nobody's watching.
(They make the malingerer do it alone.)
TIM: I dunno, I feel a lot of love in this room. Now why don't we get everybody behind the front three rows to be Ophelia's Superego. This is the final psychological component. The Superego is those strong, moralistic voices inside your head that tell you exactly what to do. They're very powerful, very difficult to shake...some people never shake them in their whole lifetime...sorta like Catholicism. It's a very complex part of the psyche, so-Dan, why dontcha help me out on this.
DAN: (Drawing out his sword) Okay
TIM: Why don't we divide the Superego into three parts? Let's have everybody from where Dan is indicating...
(DAN, indicating with his dagger, slices off the left third of the audience)
...to my left be Section 'A'. Everyone from Dan to here (indicating the middle third of the audience) you're Section'B'. And everyone from here over to my right, you're section...? (He seems to be prompting the audience to respond. They call out 'C') Yeah, it's not too bloody difficult, is it? Now section A is the masculine part of Ophelia's brain, the animus, so to speak. And I'd like you to use Hamlet's line for this. I'd like you to say, "Get thee to a nunnery!" Let's try it. Section A?
(They respond)
BRANDON: Section A, that was awful.
TIM: C'mon people work with me on this. We want it very loud, very strident. Section A?
(They respond)
DAN: Yes! Much less totally pathetic!
TIM: Okay, Section B. You're the voice of vanity, saying, for God's sake, do something with yourself. Put on some makeup or something-(to Volunteer) no offense-really, this is straight out of the Shakespearean text. (back to audience) I'd like you all to say, "Paint an inch thick!" Section B?
(They respond)
Oooh. Section A could learn something from Section B. Okay now Section C, we've saved you for last because you're the most important component of them all, because we're going to use you to draw this into a modern context, because we want Ophelia to be relevant to women of today. So maybe she wants power...but she doesn't want to lose her femininity. She wants to be a corporate executive, but she wants to have babies at the same time. And somewhere deep in her psyche, she's tired of being the waifish hippie chick and she wants to assert herself (He's starting to get carried away) and she just feels like saying 'Look, cut the crap, Hamlet, my biological clock is ticking and I want babies now!' It's that angst-ridden-
IAN: (to audience) So why don't we have you say that?
TIM: Okay, yeah, Section C, we'll have you say..
ALL: 'Cut the crap, Hamlet, my biological clock is ticking and I want babies now!'
TIM: Let's give it a try, shall we? Section C?
(They respond. To Volunteer)
So now, Bob. We're going to get all of these elements in play, the Id, the Ego, the Superego-
DAN: The biological clock-
BRANDON: Maybe, maybe not-
TIM: Now your job as an actress is to take all of these elements, synthesize them within your soul, then, at that moment of truth, we're going to build everyone into a mighty frenzy, stop everything, all attention goes to you, and you let out with that scream that epitomizes Ophelia. Ah, she can't wait. And remember, no matter what happens...
ALL: Act natural.
TIM: Okay, start with the Ego.
IAN: Ready, Bob, on your mark, get set, go!
(The Ego runs back and forth across the stage)
BRANDON: Id, arms up. 'Maybe, maybe not...'
TIM: (building to a mighty frenzy) Section A...Section B...Section C...A...B...C...C...A, B, A, C, BABCA. Okay, STOP!
(ALL INDICATE THAT OPHELIA SHOULD SCREAM. As she does, she is hit with a red spotlight. Her scream ends, the audience goes wild, she bows. TIM is kissing her feet. BRANDON removes TIM'S tongue from her shoes and escorts her back to her seat. The house lights fade out as IAN, DAN, and TIM exit.)
BRANDON: Boy, we really shared something there, didn't we? But we digress. Back to 'Hamlet', Act Three, Scene Two, the famous 'play-within-a-play scene' in which Hamlet discovers conclusive evidence that his uncle murdered his father.
TIM: No, we can't. I'm not in the right costume.
BRANDON: We have to. It's central to the plot.
TIM: I can't! I'm not in the right character either. Ophelia is a very difficult and complex character.
BRANDON: No, it's easy.
TIM: It's not.
BRANDON: It is. Anybody could play that character. My mother could play that character. That lady right there (pointing to a woman in the audience) could play that character.
IAN: Well let's get her to do it then. This is giving me a headache...
(DAN and IAN go and grab the 'Volunteer' from the audience and bring her onstage.)
TIM: You guys, this isn't fair. C'mon, Ian, I didn't make you do your speech. You can't just bring some bozo onstage to play Ophelia!
IAN: She's not a bozo, and besides, she volunteered. (to Volunteer) Okay, first of all, what's your name?
(She responds)
Do you mind if we call you 'Bob'? It's a little easier to remember. Okay, Bob, this is a very simple scene-
TIM: It's extremely difficult.
IAN: Hamlet has had this relationship with Ophelia, but what with what's been happening with his father and his mother and his uncle and yatta-yatta-yatta, he can't deal with her anymore-
TIM: He's being a prick.
IAN: So he gets all worked up and tells her to get out of his life. He says, "Get thee to a nunnery". Now in our version of this scene, all that Ophelia does in response is, she screams. That's all she does. Hamlet says "Get thee to a nunnery" and Ophelia screams. Okay? Let's give it a try.
TIM: (shoving her slightly as he crosses past her) Good luck.
(A pause while IAN prepares by taking a few breaths and running his fingers through his hair)
IAN: "Get thee to a nunnery!"
(The Volunteer screams-probably not very well)
BRANDON: Did you hear that, Tim? I thought it was really good.
DAN: It was okay.
TIM: No, it sucked, really. I mean, I don't mean to be catty, but you're not an actress, and frankly it shows. You obviously had no idea what was going on inside Ophelia's head.
IAN: Actors use what they call 'subtext' Bob.
BRANDON: Or'inner monologue'.
TIM: Exactly. That's what you didn't have, and as a result your performance was just flat and one-dimensional. But I think you showed a lot of heart! A lot of courage! A lot of-as Shakespeare would say-'chutzpah' and I think we should WORKSHOP this. I think we could really make this a happening moment. In fact (to light booth) Bob? Could you bring up the house lights, please?
(The house lights come up)
(to audience) Cuz I think we should get everybody involved in this. You know, sort of create a supportive environment for Bob here (indicating the Volunteer). Maybe we could get everybody to act out what's going on inside of Ophelia's head. Like, divide everybody up into Ophelia's Id, Ego, and Superego-
DAN: Oh yeah, like a Freudian analysis!
TIM: Yeah, a Floydian analysis!
BRANDON: I get the Id!
DAN: Cool! I'll get the Ego.
(DAN grabs a guy out of the audience and hustles him up onstage)
TIM: (to the guy) Now you're playing the part of Ophelia's ego. At this point in the play her ego is flighty. It's confused...it's an Ego on the run.
DAN: Oh, great! So we'd like you to symbolize this, Bob, by-oh do you mind if we call you 'Bob'?-we'll symbolize this by actually having you run back and forth across the stage in front of Ophelia. Will you give that a try? Right now, just...
ALL: Go, go, go, go, go, go!
(Ego runs)
BRANDON: Okay, now everyone in the front three rows, you're going to be Ophelia's Id. Now her Id is confused, it's wishy-washy, it's awash in a sea of alternatives. So everybody, hands in the air, wave them back and forth, kin of undulate, and say, (in falsetto) 'Maybe...maybe not...maybe...maybe not'. Okay that's good. Save some for later.
IAN: (picking on a less-than-enthusiastic member of the Id) Right. What was your problem? YOU were not participating with the rest of the group. You know what that means, don't you? You're going to have to do it-
ALL: ALL...BY...YOUR...SELF.
BRANDON: Now, don't be embarrassed, nobody's watching.
(They make the malingerer do it alone.)
TIM: I dunno, I feel a lot of love in this room. Now why don't we get everybody behind the front three rows to be Ophelia's Superego. This is the final psychological component. The Superego is those strong, moralistic voices inside your head that tell you exactly what to do. They're very powerful, very difficult to shake...some people never shake them in their whole lifetime...sorta like Catholicism. It's a very complex part of the psyche, so-Dan, why dontcha help me out on this.
DAN: (Drawing out his sword) Okay
TIM: Why don't we divide the Superego into three parts? Let's have everybody from where Dan is indicating...
(DAN, indicating with his dagger, slices off the left third of the audience)
...to my left be Section 'A'. Everyone from Dan to here (indicating the middle third of the audience) you're Section'B'. And everyone from here over to my right, you're section...? (He seems to be prompting the audience to respond. They call out 'C') Yeah, it's not too bloody difficult, is it? Now section A is the masculine part of Ophelia's brain, the animus, so to speak. And I'd like you to use Hamlet's line for this. I'd like you to say, "Get thee to a nunnery!" Let's try it. Section A?
(They respond)
BRANDON: Section A, that was awful.
TIM: C'mon people work with me on this. We want it very loud, very strident. Section A?
(They respond)
DAN: Yes! Much less totally pathetic!
TIM: Okay, Section B. You're the voice of vanity, saying, for God's sake, do something with yourself. Put on some makeup or something-(to Volunteer) no offense-really, this is straight out of the Shakespearean text. (back to audience) I'd like you all to say, "Paint an inch thick!" Section B?
(They respond)
Oooh. Section A could learn something from Section B. Okay now Section C, we've saved you for last because you're the most important component of them all, because we're going to use you to draw this into a modern context, because we want Ophelia to be relevant to women of today. So maybe she wants power...but she doesn't want to lose her femininity. She wants to be a corporate executive, but she wants to have babies at the same time. And somewhere deep in her psyche, she's tired of being the waifish hippie chick and she wants to assert herself (He's starting to get carried away) and she just feels like saying 'Look, cut the crap, Hamlet, my biological clock is ticking and I want babies now!' It's that angst-ridden-
IAN: (to audience) So why don't we have you say that?
TIM: Okay, yeah, Section C, we'll have you say..
ALL: 'Cut the crap, Hamlet, my biological clock is ticking and I want babies now!'
TIM: Let's give it a try, shall we? Section C?
(They respond. To Volunteer)
So now, Bob. We're going to get all of these elements in play, the Id, the Ego, the Superego-
DAN: The biological clock-
BRANDON: Maybe, maybe not-
TIM: Now your job as an actress is to take all of these elements, synthesize them within your soul, then, at that moment of truth, we're going to build everyone into a mighty frenzy, stop everything, all attention goes to you, and you let out with that scream that epitomizes Ophelia. Ah, she can't wait. And remember, no matter what happens...
ALL: Act natural.
TIM: Okay, start with the Ego.
IAN: Ready, Bob, on your mark, get set, go!
(The Ego runs back and forth across the stage)
BRANDON: Id, arms up. 'Maybe, maybe not...'
TIM: (building to a mighty frenzy) Section A...Section B...Section C...A...B...C...C...A, B, A, C, BABCA. Okay, STOP!
(ALL INDICATE THAT OPHELIA SHOULD SCREAM. As she does, she is hit with a red spotlight. Her scream ends, the audience goes wild, she bows. TIM is kissing her feet. BRANDON removes TIM'S tongue from her shoes and escorts her back to her seat. The house lights fade out as IAN, DAN, and TIM exit.)
BRANDON: Boy, we really shared something there, didn't we? But we digress. Back to 'Hamlet', Act Three, Scene Two, the famous 'play-within-a-play scene' in which Hamlet discovers conclusive evidence that his uncle murdered his father.