(no subject)
I guess I'm not so great at the trying to be strong thing. Well actually hopefully that's just today. Tomorrow I have to start my new job and put on my happy face and pretend that actually inside I'm not empty. Today has actually been kind of a busy day. Only slept like one and a half hours last night, then went to the airport this morning for one of the most depressing moments of my entire life. Drove back to Essex, actually I don't really remember driving it. I only remember crying. Anyway, it was okay, my parents took me out to choose a laptop, which was great, so this is the first thing I'm typing on the new comp. It became kind of a rush since the other computer is umm.. dead.
I was okay this afternoon, but I couldn't take anybody talking to me about this past weekend. Or the future. So basically it was fine as long as nobody mentioned anything. Everytime they did I teared up, actually even now writing this. Actually now more than anytime because I'm here in bed alone, somehow it feels even more real. But tomorrow I will be fine, outwardly anyway. I can put on my happy face and smile and charm my way through my first day at work, but I'm kind of dreading 5pm... we met every day after work for a long time now, it will be weird... just back home alone.. I don't know. I can do this, I'm a strong person, I don't know why I'm so weak when it comes to this.
In other news, yes my old job is finished and I feel so relieved. So nice not to have to see those people anymore, there's only 3 that I'm really going to miss and that's pretty sad from such a big company. However they did get me a leaving gift, which I was kind of surprised about! It's nice! Gonna spend it wisely (yeh right!!).
I do actually feel good about life (despite what the first 2 paragraphs look like). I have a plan, I know where I'm heading, I know what I have to do. It's kinda scary to actually have to do it. Changing insurances is quite a big deal, I'm looking forward to it, but I'm nervous as well. I don't know if I'm good enough to do the international stuff, I hope I am. I have to be. Failure is not an option for me. So I think I'm going to be pushing myself pretty hard for the next few months, back to really focusing on work because that's the best way to get through everything else that is going on.
So that's it for now, guess next time will be me bitching about yet another job!! Haha no, kidding, hopefully it's gonna go great. I feel a little bit positive.
I was okay this afternoon, but I couldn't take anybody talking to me about this past weekend. Or the future. So basically it was fine as long as nobody mentioned anything. Everytime they did I teared up, actually even now writing this. Actually now more than anytime because I'm here in bed alone, somehow it feels even more real. But tomorrow I will be fine, outwardly anyway. I can put on my happy face and smile and charm my way through my first day at work, but I'm kind of dreading 5pm... we met every day after work for a long time now, it will be weird... just back home alone.. I don't know. I can do this, I'm a strong person, I don't know why I'm so weak when it comes to this.
In other news, yes my old job is finished and I feel so relieved. So nice not to have to see those people anymore, there's only 3 that I'm really going to miss and that's pretty sad from such a big company. However they did get me a leaving gift, which I was kind of surprised about! It's nice! Gonna spend it wisely (yeh right!!).
I do actually feel good about life (despite what the first 2 paragraphs look like). I have a plan, I know where I'm heading, I know what I have to do. It's kinda scary to actually have to do it. Changing insurances is quite a big deal, I'm looking forward to it, but I'm nervous as well. I don't know if I'm good enough to do the international stuff, I hope I am. I have to be. Failure is not an option for me. So I think I'm going to be pushing myself pretty hard for the next few months, back to really focusing on work because that's the best way to get through everything else that is going on.
So that's it for now, guess next time will be me bitching about yet another job!! Haha no, kidding, hopefully it's gonna go great. I feel a little bit positive.