Another gosh-darned screenplay
Yep,if you thought I was done writing screenplays, you're wrong. DEAD WRONG. I've been working on this one for a couple weeks now, and while I'm not proud of the current result, keep in mind that I've been plowing through this and have done a bare minimum of revising. Mainly, I think a lot of it is too dialogue-driven and heavy-handed. But if you
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The infamous "83rd Day" sequence has been the source of much heated debate between me and me. I think that it's a good primer for Will's worldview, but on the other hand, I think it IS pretty extraneous.
-"WILL
Or I.Q., after he was gunned down by terrorists like in Back to the Future."
I think you mean Doc Brown. Then again, it's been ages since I've seen Back to the Future, so I could be wrong.
I.Q. was a member of the Burger King Kids Club
-"sporting a snazzy leopard-print hearing aid". A student with a hearing aid. Dare I ask why?
Best left to the imagination. But I based the idea on a fellow at my school who weighs about the same, covered in acne, and is GOING BALD. Luckily, he also sports a mullet. So he redeems himself.
-"And on a related note, HOLY GOD."
Cut that line. Or least alter it so that Will is only expressing shock about fatty's choice of reading.
He is.
-Change "I concur" to something like "Yeah". ( ... )
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He is.
I think his dialog for that part resembles soemthing you'd see in a message board and not something you'd hear someone say.
-Is Will supposed to be surprised about Fred's project? If so, why? He was working on it with Fred for several weeks.
No no no, they were only partners for the "getting to know you" game. Don't you remember the first day of high school?
Ah, so "we" was referring to the class as a whole. Nevermind
-On another note, whatever happened to those other screenplays you were working on? Did you ever manage to completely finish one?
"All those others"? You mean McDanger? That was unfilmable. I finished Rusty. I don't know what else you're talking about.
I was referring to the "Requiem for a Dream/Educational shorts" parody you were talking about, along with that one about the ordinary guy who kicks ass in a war and eventually becomes president PRESIDENT RAMBO
-Generic
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1. I repeat, I finished Grapefruit Song. The final version is on here.
2. President Rambo? What the helling hell?
Also, I myself sometimes say things like "On a related note, HOLY SHIT". Just so you'd know. I AM Boyd, after all.
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Well, I liked it. Very Ghost World-y.
I almost wish I was religious just so I could throw a concert and make those fliers.
Best line "The guitar represents my burning desire to play the guitar". I know a kid just like that, minus the premature hearing aid. Instead, his shtick was to never change his clothes - not once - and I live in a very humid place.
Anyway. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Fine holiday fun.
-Shannon
PS. Your haiku(s?) are great. (And I got the Kid's Club thing. Points for me.)
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You can also count that as a plus for your characterization, though: it made me wonder what else happens in these people's lives. Fred's poster scene is great.
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