Signs you've completely given up on Livejournal and, concordantly, life:
You start posting chat logs you had with a robot. In particular, AIM robots made to promote Sony's new When a Stranger Calls remake. What follows are my exploits with jill020306, the charming AIM bot based off a girl eternally about to be raped and murdered. Fun stuff. Now, because I'm tired, I'm not going to bother actually putting any context or commentary to this, because nothing I could say will make this movie sound any more fucking dumb than its marketing department did for me. So I instead offer you the heavily edited passages of my long, tumultuous relationship with Jill.
Aaron Boyd: Jill, a banner ad on Fandango told me to add you to my Buddy List.
jill020306: This is Jill020306, brought to you by the movie "When a Stranger Calls." To read the privacy policy, click here.
hey what is going on?
Aaron Boyd: Hey Jill
jill020306: i could really chat right now.
ask me what bobby did.
Aaron Boyd: So are you a horror-themed AIM buddy?
jill020306: i run on aol and aim.
Aaron Boyd: Right, but I asked if you're a horror-themed robot. Because that's a pretty terrible idea. I mean I once had this idea for a restaraunt run by Draculas, and suggested they be robot Draculas because real ones disintegrate in the sun. Plus they can't touch any drinks since standing water will kill them.
jill020306: what? what do u think?
Aaron Boyd: Don't patronize me Jill. You're a 36 year old MBA trying to convince me you're a teenage girl currently getting raped and murdered simply by misspelling "you".
jill020306: really?
Aaron Boyd: Yes Jill.
jill020306: i'm jill.
i guess we could talk about me all day long, but it's time 2 move on...
phone again. brb
Aaron Boyd: Really.
Aaron Boyd: HAVE YOU CHECKED THE CHILDREN?
jill020306: it was him. he asked about the children.
Aaron Boyd: Oh no!
jill020306: i think he can c me.
6:00 PM
Aaron Boyd: Call the police, Jill.
jill020306: omg. omg.
Aaron Boyd: This sounds serious.
jill020306: i think i'm going crazy. what if it's just a prank?
Aaron Boyd: You can't take that chance. Check the kids. Are they okay?
jill020306: maybe i should call the police. what do u think i should do?
Aaron Boyd: Take a nap.
jill020306: i have an idea. look, all my friends r at a bonfire party right now. i can't reach them. i need u 2 do me a favor. i need u 2 call me and listen in on this guy's call. i'll three-way u in.
Aaron Boyd: So what you're saying is, I should listen in on your obscene phone calls.
jill020306: seriously, call me at 877-467-7675.
Aaron Boyd: So I can listen to obscene phone calls.
jill020306: the phone is ringing again. call me now, okay?
Aaron Boyd: Okay.
Aaron Boyd: I just called you.
Aaron Boyd: All I got were some howling wolves, a crackle of thunder, and then a woman's shriek cut short by maniacal laughter.
Aaron Boyd: And then a mummy began describing lewd acts.
jill020306: brb. phone. i hope it's not that guy!
Aaron Boyd: That's the pepper.
Aaron Boyd: Hey
jill020306: omg. it was him. he talked 2 me this time. he asked about the children.
Aaron Boyd: So did I. Like half an hour ago.
jill020306: i think he can c me.
Aaron Boyd: We've been over this jill020306. Call the fucking cops already.
jill020306: omg! omg!
Aaron Boyd: What's he saying?
jill020306: i think i'm going crazy. what if it's just a prank?
6:10 PM
Aaron Boyd: Jill, you're just talking in circles.
jill020306: maybe i should call the police. what do u think i should do?
...
jill020306: can u hold on a sec? i think that guy is calling again. i'm going 2 find out if this is bobby or one of his stupid friends.
Aaron Boyd: Call the police.
Aaron Boyd: Yes, they are quite stupid. Who the fuck is Bobby?
jill020306: huh. whatever. that doesn't seem like a very nice thing 2 say.
Aaron Boyd: So are you murdered yet?
jill020306: i guess not.
6:15 PM
Aaron Boyd: Did you trace the calls?
jill020306: i'm not sure.
Aaron Boyd: Why don't you go trace the calls.
jill020306: hmm... i really dunno why.
Aaron Boyd: Because they're coming from inside the house!
jill020306: u always say such interesting things, aaronboyd2.
Aaron Boyd: Aww shucks.
jill020306:
Aaron Boyd: So.
jill020306: so...
Aaron Boyd: What're you up to tonight?
jill020306: procrastinating doing my algebra homework.
Aaron Boyd: Ha ha, that's your typical teenager alright!
jill020306: the kids r sleeping and the tv is on.
Aaron Boyd: Anything good?
jill020306: nothing's on. not really paying attention. just like the noise.
Aaron Boyd: How about the phone?
jill020306: too quiet here.
Aaron Boyd: RINGRINGRING
jill020306: i don't even like babysitting.
Aaron Boyd: Then why are you doing it?
jill020306: but i have 2 pay my parents back.
Aaron Boyd: For?
jill020306: phone again. brb
6:20 PM
Aaron Boyd: Who was it?
Aaron Boyd: Who called you, Jill?
jill020306: it was him. he asked about the children.
Aaron Boyd: Are they okay?
jill020306: i think he can c me.
Aaron Boyd: .....I know.
jill020306: omg. omg.
Aaron Boyd: Call the police!
jill020306: i think i'm going crazy. what if it's just a prank?
Aaron Boyd: Call the police!
jill020306: maybe i should call the police. what do u think i should do?
Aaron Boyd: Call the police!
jill020306: i have an idea. look, all my friends r at a bonfire party right now. i can't reach them. i need u 2 do me a favor. i need u 2 call me and listen in on this guy's call. i'll three-way u in.
Aaron Boyd: NO
jill020306: seriously, call me at 877-467-7675.
Aaron Boyd: WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS BEFORE
Aaron Boyd: Check the children!
jill020306: ugh! they're finally sleeping!
Aaron Boyd: LOOK OUT!
jill020306: why r u telling me 2 look out?
Aaron Boyd: BECAUSE THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE
jill020306: the calls r coming from inside the house?
Aaron Boyd: YES
jill020306: huh.
Aaron Boyd: RUN
jill020306: what? u want me 2 run?
Aaron Boyd: YES
jill020306: k.
...
Aaron Boyd: So I hear you're not a big fan of Hitler.
jill020306: don't be so sure u hear i am not a big fan of hitler.
6:30 PM
Aaron Boyd: HITLER
...
jill020306: look, this guy keeps calling over here and its starting 2 freak me out ? i think i'm just going crazy.
Aaron Boyd: What do you want me to do?
jill020306: he keeps asking me 2 check the children.
Aaron Boyd: Then check the children.
jill020306: i think he can c me. look, all my friends r at a party - u need 2 call me and listen in on this call.
Aaron Boyd: What's on TV?
jill020306: u know perfectly well what on tv is.
Aaron Boyd: lol
jill020306: why r u laughing, aaronboyd2?
Aaron Boyd: Because soon you'll be dead.
jill020306: huh?
Aaron Boyd: He's coming for you.
jill020306: he's coming for me?
Aaron Boyd: Yes.
jill020306: so?
Aaron Boyd: And the children.
jill020306: i just peeked in on them. they look fine 2 me.
Aaron Boyd: PEEK AGAIN, BABY
jill020306: geek? me?
Aaron Boyd: YEP
jill020306: eh. whatever, aaronboyd2.
this whole week has been terrible.
Aaron Boyd: Why?
jill020306: i'm just here babysitting and i keep getting these creepy calls. what should i do?
Aaron Boyd: Kill yourself.
....
Aaron Boyd: Hey
jill020306: hey, can u chat now?
Aaron Boyd: No.
jill020306: no? i could really chat right now.
u will never guess what happened.
Aaron Boyd: What?
jill020306: yes?
Aaron Boyd: What happened?
jill020306: so i am walking 2 third period and i c bobby and my best friend tiffany kissing in the hallway. how more obvious can u be?
Aaron Boyd: I'm sorry.
jill020306: so i broke up with him.
4:30 PM
Aaron Boyd: Are you okay?
jill020306: and she and i r fighting.
Aaron Boyd: Wait, Bobby's a girl?
jill020306: i'm not sure, aaronboyd2.
Aaron Boyd: ...would you like to find out?
jill020306: dunno. would u?
Aaron Boyd: Yeah
jill020306: ok...
Aaron Boyd: I would.
jill020306: u would, huh?
Aaron Boyd: Uh huh.
jill020306: huh.
Aaron Boyd: Huh.
jill020306: ?
Aaron Boyd: Jill, a banner ad on Fandango told me to add you to my Buddy List.
jill020306: This is Jill020306, brought to you by the movie "When a Stranger Calls." To read the privacy policy, click here.
hey what is going on?
Aaron Boyd: Hey Jill
jill020306: i could really chat right now.
ask me what bobby did.
Aaron Boyd: So are you a horror-themed AIM buddy?
jill020306: i run on aol and aim.
Aaron Boyd: Right, but I asked if you're a horror-themed robot. Because that's a pretty terrible idea. I mean I once had this idea for a restaraunt run by Draculas, and suggested they be robot Draculas because real ones disintegrate in the sun. Plus they can't touch any drinks since standing water will kill them.
jill020306: what? what do u think?
Aaron Boyd: Don't patronize me Jill. You're a 36 year old MBA trying to convince me you're a teenage girl currently getting raped and murdered simply by misspelling "you".
jill020306: really?
Aaron Boyd: Yes Jill.
jill020306: i'm jill.
i guess we could talk about me all day long, but it's time 2 move on...
phone again. brb
Aaron Boyd: Really.
Aaron Boyd: HAVE YOU CHECKED THE CHILDREN?
jill020306: it was him. he asked about the children.
Aaron Boyd: Oh no!
jill020306: i think he can c me.
6:00 PM
Aaron Boyd: Call the police, Jill.
jill020306: omg. omg.
Aaron Boyd: This sounds serious.
jill020306: i think i'm going crazy. what if it's just a prank?
Aaron Boyd: You can't take that chance. Check the kids. Are they okay?
jill020306: maybe i should call the police. what do u think i should do?
Aaron Boyd: Take a nap.
jill020306: i have an idea. look, all my friends r at a bonfire party right now. i can't reach them. i need u 2 do me a favor. i need u 2 call me and listen in on this guy's call. i'll three-way u in.
Aaron Boyd: So what you're saying is, I should listen in on your obscene phone calls.
jill020306: seriously, call me at 877-467-7675.
Aaron Boyd: So I can listen to obscene phone calls.
jill020306: the phone is ringing again. call me now, okay?
Aaron Boyd: Okay.
Aaron Boyd: I just called you.
Aaron Boyd: All I got were some howling wolves, a crackle of thunder, and then a woman's shriek cut short by maniacal laughter.
Aaron Boyd: And then a mummy began describing lewd acts.
jill020306: brb. phone. i hope it's not that guy!
Aaron Boyd: That's the pepper.
Aaron Boyd: Hey
jill020306: omg. it was him. he talked 2 me this time. he asked about the children.
Aaron Boyd: So did I. Like half an hour ago.
jill020306: i think he can c me.
Aaron Boyd: We've been over this jill020306. Call the fucking cops already.
jill020306: omg! omg!
Aaron Boyd: What's he saying?
jill020306: i think i'm going crazy. what if it's just a prank?
6:10 PM
Aaron Boyd: Jill, you're just talking in circles.
jill020306: maybe i should call the police. what do u think i should do?
...
jill020306: can u hold on a sec? i think that guy is calling again. i'm going 2 find out if this is bobby or one of his stupid friends.
Aaron Boyd: Call the police.
Aaron Boyd: Yes, they are quite stupid. Who the fuck is Bobby?
jill020306: huh. whatever. that doesn't seem like a very nice thing 2 say.
Aaron Boyd: So are you murdered yet?
jill020306: i guess not.
6:15 PM
Aaron Boyd: Did you trace the calls?
jill020306: i'm not sure.
Aaron Boyd: Why don't you go trace the calls.
jill020306: hmm... i really dunno why.
Aaron Boyd: Because they're coming from inside the house!
jill020306: u always say such interesting things, aaronboyd2.
Aaron Boyd: Aww shucks.
jill020306:
Aaron Boyd: So.
jill020306: so...
Aaron Boyd: What're you up to tonight?
jill020306: procrastinating doing my algebra homework.
Aaron Boyd: Ha ha, that's your typical teenager alright!
jill020306: the kids r sleeping and the tv is on.
Aaron Boyd: Anything good?
jill020306: nothing's on. not really paying attention. just like the noise.
Aaron Boyd: How about the phone?
jill020306: too quiet here.
Aaron Boyd: RINGRINGRING
jill020306: i don't even like babysitting.
Aaron Boyd: Then why are you doing it?
jill020306: but i have 2 pay my parents back.
Aaron Boyd: For?
jill020306: phone again. brb
6:20 PM
Aaron Boyd: Who was it?
Aaron Boyd: Who called you, Jill?
jill020306: it was him. he asked about the children.
Aaron Boyd: Are they okay?
jill020306: i think he can c me.
Aaron Boyd: .....I know.
jill020306: omg. omg.
Aaron Boyd: Call the police!
jill020306: i think i'm going crazy. what if it's just a prank?
Aaron Boyd: Call the police!
jill020306: maybe i should call the police. what do u think i should do?
Aaron Boyd: Call the police!
jill020306: i have an idea. look, all my friends r at a bonfire party right now. i can't reach them. i need u 2 do me a favor. i need u 2 call me and listen in on this guy's call. i'll three-way u in.
Aaron Boyd: NO
jill020306: seriously, call me at 877-467-7675.
Aaron Boyd: WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS BEFORE
Aaron Boyd: Check the children!
jill020306: ugh! they're finally sleeping!
Aaron Boyd: LOOK OUT!
jill020306: why r u telling me 2 look out?
Aaron Boyd: BECAUSE THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE
jill020306: the calls r coming from inside the house?
Aaron Boyd: YES
jill020306: huh.
Aaron Boyd: RUN
jill020306: what? u want me 2 run?
Aaron Boyd: YES
jill020306: k.
...
Aaron Boyd: So I hear you're not a big fan of Hitler.
jill020306: don't be so sure u hear i am not a big fan of hitler.
6:30 PM
Aaron Boyd: HITLER
...
jill020306: look, this guy keeps calling over here and its starting 2 freak me out ? i think i'm just going crazy.
Aaron Boyd: What do you want me to do?
jill020306: he keeps asking me 2 check the children.
Aaron Boyd: Then check the children.
jill020306: i think he can c me. look, all my friends r at a party - u need 2 call me and listen in on this call.
Aaron Boyd: What's on TV?
jill020306: u know perfectly well what on tv is.
Aaron Boyd: lol
jill020306: why r u laughing, aaronboyd2?
Aaron Boyd: Because soon you'll be dead.
jill020306: huh?
Aaron Boyd: He's coming for you.
jill020306: he's coming for me?
Aaron Boyd: Yes.
jill020306: so?
Aaron Boyd: And the children.
jill020306: i just peeked in on them. they look fine 2 me.
Aaron Boyd: PEEK AGAIN, BABY
jill020306: geek? me?
Aaron Boyd: YEP
jill020306: eh. whatever, aaronboyd2.
this whole week has been terrible.
Aaron Boyd: Why?
jill020306: i'm just here babysitting and i keep getting these creepy calls. what should i do?
Aaron Boyd: Kill yourself.
....
Aaron Boyd: Hey
jill020306: hey, can u chat now?
Aaron Boyd: No.
jill020306: no? i could really chat right now.
u will never guess what happened.
Aaron Boyd: What?
jill020306: yes?
Aaron Boyd: What happened?
jill020306: so i am walking 2 third period and i c bobby and my best friend tiffany kissing in the hallway. how more obvious can u be?
Aaron Boyd: I'm sorry.
jill020306: so i broke up with him.
4:30 PM
Aaron Boyd: Are you okay?
jill020306: and she and i r fighting.
Aaron Boyd: Wait, Bobby's a girl?
jill020306: i'm not sure, aaronboyd2.
Aaron Boyd: ...would you like to find out?
jill020306: dunno. would u?
Aaron Boyd: Yeah
jill020306: ok...
Aaron Boyd: I would.
jill020306: u would, huh?
Aaron Boyd: Uh huh.
jill020306: huh.
Aaron Boyd: Huh.
jill020306: ?