Waaaahmbulance etc.

[mcdanger]

In less than a week this journal will turn three years old. And to celebrate, I'm going to do lots and lots of old-school style bitching. I apologize in advance, but then, I think maybe YOU should apologize for reading my secret diary

Comments

[mcdanger]

First let me say this much, and that's that I HATE writing entries like this. Hate it. You're right, I'm a member of the Irony crowd. That's my social caste, and much as how Emilio Estevez couldn't hit on Molly Ringwald without subtly implying he would wrestle a football into her uterus, I can't honestly express grief without making references to the Breakfast Club to draw attention away from the fact that I'm Really Hurting Deep Down Inside.

But part of the problem is that we live in a society of fucking irresponsible crybabies. You see them everywhere; I don't need to forward you a list of Top 10 wAcKiEsT lawsuits to prove my point. And in my worldview, there are few things worse than people exploiting human frailty to receive fabulous cash prizes. It's one thing to con people into helping Tsunami victims, but in my opinion, it's even worse to feign sadness to receive a free handjob. So when I write stuff like this, I become horribly embarassed. Maybe it's ironic detachment. Maybe it's lack of confidence not in my abilities, but in all honesty. I don't know.

So I write here. It feels good and if someone can comment on it, more power to them. But I DON'T want an army of teenage girls charging on here with

"boyd...

let me just say that you are super sweet!!!!!!

and we all <3 boyd"

or some other permutation on the new cliche of the teenage girl and her overactive Enter key. It's repulsive.

So yeah, I'm an asshole, and that bothers me. A lot. Not as much lately because I've grown to realize that people ought to have some degree of understanding that when I'm depressed, I will lash out. When certain people (i.e. my mom) see me on the verge of tears and obliviously tell me that I need to be up at 8 AM for a court appointment tomorrow so we can discuss just how far Uncle Sam's going to reach up my ass, and by the way could you drive to your dad's house in Royal Oak and move his TV from upstairs to downstairs, I think it looks nicer that way, I become very upset. And then certain parties accuse me of being "nasty", which makes me feel that much better.

Re: Film school. Don't get too jealous. MPI sucks. We are literally on the verge of a (space) mutiny. More on that later. I'm still staring down the barrel of a loaded 200-250 grand, so I can go to pretty much any film school in the world (except New York). We'll have to see how that pans out. More than likely I'll be moving to LA, which is like New York only with better weather, sexier assholes, and according to Michael Moore killer smog monsters.

[mcdanger]

I know the purpose of an on-line journal isn't to generate sympathy from total strangers on the internet, but I used to be in a situation very similar to the one you described in your latest entry (the awful familly situation, the dissapointment with college, the hatred of high school, the loneliness, even some of your more contemptible personality traits). My advice to you is to move to LA. Just move, and stop being so fucking bitter (which is easier said than done). It seems you have a lot of growing up to do, which is very difficult to do when you're surrounded by the environment that shaped you. As you mature and grow out of you whiny and sarcastic personality, everything else will become a lot easier.

Have a good life,

Random lurker on Bullshido