'The Marine,' or Best Picture 2006, or Stolen Diamonds, or "Where the Fuck is my Wallet"
there are so many things i would like to say about this.
you cannot know just how very, very many issues are practically yearning to be addressed- yet essentially, it all comes down to one simple principle.
you must go and see The Marine.
you must. and before you start thinking about how i am issuing this edict because (knowing mccullen) this film probably contains some kind of gay hardcore marine porn fodder, allow me to tell you that Hot Marines is the last thing i might have appreciated about this movie. do not get my 'gay' wrong: i'm as game as the next guy for a jarhead with a thick-ass neck (you know what they say about guys... etc.) but in this case, john cena is beside the point. christ almighty, he's not within eyeshot, earshot, or semi-automatic gunshot of the point. 'What is the point?, you ask? the point is snakes, bulldozers, diamonds, machine guns, alligators, sports cars, jukejoints, diamonds, flammable gas, diamonds, police boats, propane tanks, diamonds, no fewer than thirty MGD product placement shots, an ongoing gag about rock candy, diamonds, and a catfight between a brunette and a blonde. and that is giving nothing away.
where the whole 're-inventing-the-B-movie-by-making-it-funny-and-self-referential' thing failed Snakes On A Plane, The Marine has succeeded.
it rocked me.
it will rock you.
it might even rock you so hard that while you are convulsing with laughter and being shushed by other audience members, your wallet falls from your pocket to the floor, and you notice it, but you don't care, and then you get home and say hey, where's my wallet and then you're like oh, it's on the floor of that theater in that neighboring town that i don't have a car to drive back to so i could pick it up- that is, if one of those disgusting mexicans hasn't already bumped into it with the vacuum cleaner and subsequently used my credit card to buy seventeen lawn chairs, a year's worth of diapers, and nine cans of yellow spray paint for his '94 Geo Prizm.
The Marine. A Chris Bonito film, i guess.
you cannot know just how very, very many issues are practically yearning to be addressed- yet essentially, it all comes down to one simple principle.
you must go and see The Marine.
you must. and before you start thinking about how i am issuing this edict because (knowing mccullen) this film probably contains some kind of gay hardcore marine porn fodder, allow me to tell you that Hot Marines is the last thing i might have appreciated about this movie. do not get my 'gay' wrong: i'm as game as the next guy for a jarhead with a thick-ass neck (you know what they say about guys... etc.) but in this case, john cena is beside the point. christ almighty, he's not within eyeshot, earshot, or semi-automatic gunshot of the point. 'What is the point?, you ask? the point is snakes, bulldozers, diamonds, machine guns, alligators, sports cars, jukejoints, diamonds, flammable gas, diamonds, police boats, propane tanks, diamonds, no fewer than thirty MGD product placement shots, an ongoing gag about rock candy, diamonds, and a catfight between a brunette and a blonde. and that is giving nothing away.
where the whole 're-inventing-the-B-movie-by-making-it-funny-and-self-referential' thing failed Snakes On A Plane, The Marine has succeeded.
it rocked me.
it will rock you.
it might even rock you so hard that while you are convulsing with laughter and being shushed by other audience members, your wallet falls from your pocket to the floor, and you notice it, but you don't care, and then you get home and say hey, where's my wallet and then you're like oh, it's on the floor of that theater in that neighboring town that i don't have a car to drive back to so i could pick it up- that is, if one of those disgusting mexicans hasn't already bumped into it with the vacuum cleaner and subsequently used my credit card to buy seventeen lawn chairs, a year's worth of diapers, and nine cans of yellow spray paint for his '94 Geo Prizm.
The Marine. A Chris Bonito film, i guess.