Ridiculous.
I can not believe at 2:15 the night before Jimmy's Bite You in the Face Final, I am questioning my life and what I am doing. My best friend from elementary school just found me on Facebook. It is far too surreal...and this woman seems to have everything. She's married, she's living in Seattle in a lovely home (I honestly mean it...I wanted that house), she has a well-paying job with benefits that obviously does not require her to deal with either food or small children. She seems genuinely happy. What does that have to do with anything? Why the hell am I in a studio apartment in Chicago? Alone? Studying for a test that will kick me in the teeth, no matter how much I study? Getting ready to leave for home for only one week because my bank account refuses to acknowledge that I can afford to take even that much time off of work? Auditioning for things shows that won't cast me? Preparing for roles that I may never sing? Sure, I can play the bitter card and say that she has a face like a chipmunk and his father probably married his second cousin which is why he looks the way he does and that all their furniture looks second-hand and that her sister (how embarassing) ended up being the "hot one" in the wedding pictures...but, I won't say that. I will say that I have a studio apartment. I'm happy with this because it doesn't require me to clean...much...or often...which is how I live at this time in my life. I am alone. This means I don't have to concern myself with any of the d-RA-ma that goes hand in hand with the relationship card. I can feasibly take a weekend in Vegas or Paris or New York City with my gal pals without wondering what he'll say or if he'll cheat on me while I'm gone...they all do...bastards. This doesn't mean that I'll do it...but, I can...I'm grown. I thank GOD I'm only going to be home one week, because a) that's all I can stand of my family, b) that's all my family can stand of me, and c) I want to explore Chicago in the winter...now that I'm less scared of the city. Auditioning and rejection are a part of this business. If I didn't want rejection, I should have stayed an architect. My bad. So, I never sing roles that I'm studying...this happens...how often to people change their fach late in life and have to learn an entirely new set of roles that have little, if nothing, in common with their previous studies? This is okay...and somehow I will accept this and realize this is part of my chosen profession. So, I need to just deal with the fact that my found-again friend *somehow* discovered me and has an idyllic life...while I live on Ramen and tuna-fish and study until my eyes beg to be pulled from their sockets and sing until my chords weep for mercy. This is life and this is what I'm doing here. I will deal. That's really all I had to say. Post-semester wrap up will follow either tomorrow or this weekend when I'm home. I gosleep.