Going It Alone
About eight years ago I remember when an avid hawk lover pointed out that I was "hawk" like. At the time I described myself as sheepish and shy and had more in common with the common mouse than any other creature. She said after watching plenty of animals, and in particularly studying birds of prey, that I had more of the traits associated with a bird, and in particular birds of prey. She sited that how when I'd walk in a room that instead of trying to fit into a crowd, that she felt I would stake out a clear vantage point and survey the room / crowd. True enough. I felt any mouse, rabbit, squirrel, etc. would do so to be familiar with his surroundings, but she pointedly added that my normal haunts weren't in dark corners, but on the very edge of the dance floor action and that my stature did not point to somebody who was interested in being one of many. She said I was too individualistic to be a mammal and she added that I was not afraid of confrontation.
Interestingly enough many of my friends are pagans, and of them most of them have also pointed out that I'm much more avian like.
I've grown to like and appreciate their opinions, as I am envyous of their freedom. Even little birds have something I want ... another dimension on life.
Today it has slowly been dawning on me that I really think differently than others. My mentors / bosses pointed out that my greatest strenght is that I think "outside of the box". Its true. While I have the same instincts of any other "protector" type of personality, I also have only a small interest in playing the part in a public capacity nor in a conventional setting. At today's meeting I was surrounded by a number of engineers and scientists who I actually respect. People who have been able to say things to challenge my world view and get me to consider other alternatives.
Anyhow, as we discussed things I noticed that after our boss (two steps above me ... and frankly a brillant person) would say something, that I was one of three who would actually challenge his ideas with a "I'm not completely sold on this. I don't understand it, and I'd like to first see where you want to go here."
Two observations. I would literally say "see". I don't need to feel ideas. I don't need to hear ideas. I need to see them. My learning and communcation center is visual. (I've taken tests that suggest I'm almost exclusively visually biased.) My other observation was that people actually respected my opinion enough to wait for me to work through and accept whatever idea was being presented.
I also observed that whatever crazy ass idea (and I've had more than any fair share of them) I volunteer isn't just automatically dismissed, but after a while my ideas are directly solicited.
The disturbing part here is the realization that even amongst my peers (whom are hard workers, smart, and creative), that I'm starting to stand apart. I can't deny my thoughts, opinions, and feelings. But I honestly do wonder what it is that I experienced in my life that makes me see the world so differently.
Why am I always the dissenter or the minority?
How much of this is experienced based and how much of this goes beyond experiences and perhaps relates back to a soul or chemical structure? The reason I wonder is I'm curious what the world might be like if I could recreate these experiences or chemical interactions. With everything else going on, I actually believe their is an opportunity here -- a chance to perhaps find an easier way to help people see what I see and in doing so free me up to explore even more.
Right, if I had to work less, I know I don't idle well. I'd have to do something. Be it gardening (which is really about watching plants grow and evolve -- it is a stochastic process) or actual traveling. I so want to visit Poland, Ireland, Hungary, Argentina, and New Zealand.
Interestingly enough many of my friends are pagans, and of them most of them have also pointed out that I'm much more avian like.
I've grown to like and appreciate their opinions, as I am envyous of their freedom. Even little birds have something I want ... another dimension on life.
Today it has slowly been dawning on me that I really think differently than others. My mentors / bosses pointed out that my greatest strenght is that I think "outside of the box". Its true. While I have the same instincts of any other "protector" type of personality, I also have only a small interest in playing the part in a public capacity nor in a conventional setting. At today's meeting I was surrounded by a number of engineers and scientists who I actually respect. People who have been able to say things to challenge my world view and get me to consider other alternatives.
Anyhow, as we discussed things I noticed that after our boss (two steps above me ... and frankly a brillant person) would say something, that I was one of three who would actually challenge his ideas with a "I'm not completely sold on this. I don't understand it, and I'd like to first see where you want to go here."
Two observations. I would literally say "see". I don't need to feel ideas. I don't need to hear ideas. I need to see them. My learning and communcation center is visual. (I've taken tests that suggest I'm almost exclusively visually biased.) My other observation was that people actually respected my opinion enough to wait for me to work through and accept whatever idea was being presented.
I also observed that whatever crazy ass idea (and I've had more than any fair share of them) I volunteer isn't just automatically dismissed, but after a while my ideas are directly solicited.
The disturbing part here is the realization that even amongst my peers (whom are hard workers, smart, and creative), that I'm starting to stand apart. I can't deny my thoughts, opinions, and feelings. But I honestly do wonder what it is that I experienced in my life that makes me see the world so differently.
Why am I always the dissenter or the minority?
How much of this is experienced based and how much of this goes beyond experiences and perhaps relates back to a soul or chemical structure? The reason I wonder is I'm curious what the world might be like if I could recreate these experiences or chemical interactions. With everything else going on, I actually believe their is an opportunity here -- a chance to perhaps find an easier way to help people see what I see and in doing so free me up to explore even more.
Right, if I had to work less, I know I don't idle well. I'd have to do something. Be it gardening (which is really about watching plants grow and evolve -- it is a stochastic process) or actual traveling. I so want to visit Poland, Ireland, Hungary, Argentina, and New Zealand.