Unexplainables.
I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing, life wise, anyway. I'm not sure if I should press on with my life and leave everyone behind and start over, or if this anchor I'm dragging behind me should continue to be that anchor.
I've had this problem before. But it doesn't have a right or a wrong answer this time.
I want this anchor, I want this life, I want THAT girl. It's as simple as that.
But from all the things I hear from assholes that want to take her from me or the things I think up, I'm not so sure sometimes. I'm not ever sure I can explain it, really.
I'm one of those guys that likes to hear that he's loved, because I don't get loved on very much. I like to know how much I'm needed. Not because I can't look into a matter and read it for myself, I like the way it sounds from someone else. And with this anchor, it doesn't need to be said every once in a while, like I'm used to. It's said, and then it's there for me to remember and continue on. It's a hard transition, not to say whats on my heart, like I'm used to doing in relationships. I'm having to be the pitiful kid in the background who gets looked over all the time, but the prom queen has her eye on the whole time, embarrassed that someone might disapprove of her decisions. I can't help but feel sad over this unexplainable feeling I have. I was in. Totally in. All the way and I was waiting to make it worth her while, but I guess scary kids have things to do first.
No, I don't understand why it can't be the way we talked it out to be, why I can't be that one constant for the rest of her life, right now, no I don't understand why it has to be this way. But until my heart tells me otherwise, I'm going to be in love with this one person, or until she just fucks me over completely, like I'm being told she is.
I don't know what the truth is, or what to believe anymore. I wish people would stay the fuck out of my business and just let me handle it, one to one. I don't do this arena-styled drama thing. I hate the high school temperament everyone has. Why can't I figure this one puzzle out myself? Why can't nosy, jealous mutherfuckers let me get hurt if I'm going to get hurt, if I honestly know what the hell I'm getting into.
Hopefully, I think I'm getting into the best things I've ever had, she's just extremely difficult to get to. And that's fine, because that's what I want. She might not understand it, but I know she feels the same. I don't doubt that. I just don't understand what she's doing or even why, and that's probably why it hurts so much. There's no justified reason for me being the rejected wallflower to the prom queen -
I JUST AM.
And there's not much I can do about it now. I know that much. If I could see her whenever I wanted to, that might change things, but I'm going to be quite a while away, and that puts a hurdle into my plans for us, but hopefully, I can hold on to this feeling, and pull her back to me in the long run.
I may have sounded confident before, but this feeling... It's different. Something about what I want to do with us... I feel like it will be. I'm just a spoiled brat being forced to grow up and wait for Christmas morning like all the other children in the house that knows there is toys downstairs waiting to be played with.
There's a lot I can't explain, and a lot I don't care to explain, and a lot she could explain;
but I don't know when the answers'll start flowing my direction, but while I'm sittin here randomly poppin in and out of my moods, I'll wait for it.
She's worth the pain, worth the tears, and best of all, worth the wait.
I just can't explain why I know this.
And if you're reading along... say something. Please.
I need you to say something. Anything. This is hard for me.
I don't do this well.
I've had this problem before. But it doesn't have a right or a wrong answer this time.
I want this anchor, I want this life, I want THAT girl. It's as simple as that.
But from all the things I hear from assholes that want to take her from me or the things I think up, I'm not so sure sometimes. I'm not ever sure I can explain it, really.
I'm one of those guys that likes to hear that he's loved, because I don't get loved on very much. I like to know how much I'm needed. Not because I can't look into a matter and read it for myself, I like the way it sounds from someone else. And with this anchor, it doesn't need to be said every once in a while, like I'm used to. It's said, and then it's there for me to remember and continue on. It's a hard transition, not to say whats on my heart, like I'm used to doing in relationships. I'm having to be the pitiful kid in the background who gets looked over all the time, but the prom queen has her eye on the whole time, embarrassed that someone might disapprove of her decisions. I can't help but feel sad over this unexplainable feeling I have. I was in. Totally in. All the way and I was waiting to make it worth her while, but I guess scary kids have things to do first.
No, I don't understand why it can't be the way we talked it out to be, why I can't be that one constant for the rest of her life, right now, no I don't understand why it has to be this way. But until my heart tells me otherwise, I'm going to be in love with this one person, or until she just fucks me over completely, like I'm being told she is.
I don't know what the truth is, or what to believe anymore. I wish people would stay the fuck out of my business and just let me handle it, one to one. I don't do this arena-styled drama thing. I hate the high school temperament everyone has. Why can't I figure this one puzzle out myself? Why can't nosy, jealous mutherfuckers let me get hurt if I'm going to get hurt, if I honestly know what the hell I'm getting into.
Hopefully, I think I'm getting into the best things I've ever had, she's just extremely difficult to get to. And that's fine, because that's what I want. She might not understand it, but I know she feels the same. I don't doubt that. I just don't understand what she's doing or even why, and that's probably why it hurts so much. There's no justified reason for me being the rejected wallflower to the prom queen -
I JUST AM.
And there's not much I can do about it now. I know that much. If I could see her whenever I wanted to, that might change things, but I'm going to be quite a while away, and that puts a hurdle into my plans for us, but hopefully, I can hold on to this feeling, and pull her back to me in the long run.
I may have sounded confident before, but this feeling... It's different. Something about what I want to do with us... I feel like it will be. I'm just a spoiled brat being forced to grow up and wait for Christmas morning like all the other children in the house that knows there is toys downstairs waiting to be played with.
There's a lot I can't explain, and a lot I don't care to explain, and a lot she could explain;
but I don't know when the answers'll start flowing my direction, but while I'm sittin here randomly poppin in and out of my moods, I'll wait for it.
She's worth the pain, worth the tears, and best of all, worth the wait.
I just can't explain why I know this.
And if you're reading along... say something. Please.
I need you to say something. Anything. This is hard for me.
I don't do this well.