Arguments
Ok, some of you have seen this and know a lot of what it is, and others of you haven't, so I couldn't have explained everything yet, so if you have any questions about any part of this, feel free to ask me in person, or leave a comment, and I'll do my best to answer it. Everything in the following has been resolved, so don't worry about anything that you read.
So this is a discussion that's been going on in my head for the past few weeks, and it has recently been taken care of.
My two voices
Voice one (stay):
•She’s smart
•She’s funny
•She’s easy to talk to
•She’s fun to be with
•She’s nice
•I think I make her happy
•She’s gorgeous
•I like her a lot
•She makes me happy
•I want to
Voice two (go):
•Us being together hurts some of my friends
•I don’t know how long this will last
•She has a better connection with a lot of her other guy friends than she has with me
•She said that she was going to be single when she goes to college
Arguments:
-Argument one:
When I’m with her everything seems so clear as to which voice I should listen to (voice one), but when I’m not around her, things get a little hazy. By no means do I want things to end, but that’s the problem, after we went to see Happy Feet, we went back to her house. On the way there, we started to talk. I told her that we both know that I’m a realist, and I know that things between us are going to end at some point, at which point she entirely confirmed my suspicion when she said, “yes, when I go to college.” Upon hearing this, I stopped talking for a moment, and I don’t remember what I said after that, just those words are sticking in my mind.
So then, the fact that I don’t want things to end is a problem because she has said that they will. So my problem now is that I’m getting very much attached to her, and I don’t know if I should stop my feelings now, or not. By that I don’t really mean break up with her, but I mean don’t let things go any farther than they are now, kind of like stuffing my feelings in a bottle, and then stashing it away.
Now some of the things that Matt Knee and I talked about are really coming into play, one of them has already been resolved, and that’s the one about Josh, and dealing with her decision if and when Josh realizes how much of an idiot he was and still is. The other being when Lindsay does go to college, and knowing that it’s going to be over. I tried to use this argument when Matt Knee liked her, and not me. However, he had an incredibly good comeback to that one, which is now engraved in my mind. I said “why would you want to get into a relationship, knowing that it’s going to end in a few months maximum?” Like I said, his argument was very good, in response to what I said, he said, “even if it’s going to end in a few months, why not make the time remaining special.” At this point, I had nothing to come back with, because it was a good point, but now that I’m the one faced with this decision, it’s not as easy as I’d thought it was.
The night that we were talking, which was the first night that we were officially going out, we were talking about reasons to and not to go out, and on the list for reasons not to for me, there reasons, one, it would hurt some of my friends and I didn’t want that to happen, and two, it would be over when she went to college. However, on the list of reasons to go out, was “because I want to,” and I thought that one reason, outweighed the other two, that was not the only thing the list though, the list also included everything that voice one had to say. This argument so far is being won by voice one, and that I think is a good thing, at least I think it is, when things end between us, we’ll see if I’m still glad that voice one is winning, but for now, it is without a doubt a good thing.
-Argument two:
What does love feel like is that what I’m experiencing, I can’t say I know for certain, because I haven’t ever loved anyone, besides love that is purely plutonic. I’m not sure, I know that just looking into her eyes makes me smile, and I’m always happier when I’m with her, and I catch myself watching her when we’re watching a movie, when it’s just the two of us, or when we’re in a group. Oh, and those things that she does that she thinks are obnoxious, they’re not, I act like they are, but they’re not, nothing that she does really annoys me, I might think that some of the things she does are weird, but not obnoxious. Often times when we’re just being weird, she’ll say that I loved whatever it is she was doing, and I really do, I don’t just say I do to make her happy, or amuse her. However, I’m not certain it’s so much the action that I love, as it is the person doing the action, and that’s why I love it. Oh, and when I haven’t seen her in a while, I really do start to miss her.
I don’t know, maybe it is, maybe it is love. If it is love, do I tell her, or just keep it to myself?
On the other side, I don’t know if I want it to be love, because I know that’ll just make it harder to say goodbye to her when she breaks things off with me when she goes off to college, which is inevitable, I’m not saying that I’d want her to not go to college to stay with me longer, because that would be stupid of her, not to mention that’s one of the worst things that I could do for her, or ask of her. At any rate, I refuse to say that I love her, even if I do.
This is where the last of the conversations between Matt Knee and I comes in. I don’t remember when, but I do remember I said it. We were talking, and I had said “I know full well that her feelings for me will probably never be as strong as they were for Josh.” It was silent for a moment, and then he said, “don’t be too certain about that, I don’t know what is going through her mind, but don’t jump to conclusions.” I don’t think I said much on that particular subject after that, but I might have, I don’t know.
So what does it feel like, what does love feel like, how do you know when you’re in love, and where do you draw the line between love, and like? That and “do I love her?” I think those are the questions that tie everything together. Oh yes, and the after thought question that continues to tie this together, “how does she feel?” Yes, I think these are the two most important questions that there are, do I love her, and how does she feel about me, those two must be the most important, or at least they are in my mind. Granted I’m sure there are other questions out there that need to be answered, but those two need to be answered before any more questions come up.
One last question:
After all of this, am I and idiot for wanting to still be with her, even when I know in the end it will result in pain?
There is an old saying that says “the heart knows before the brain does.” If this is the truth, and my heart is telling me what I think it is, I think I do, I think I do love Lindsay.
No longer do I think I love her, I know I do.
You know what second voice, go take a fucking dirt nap.
So this is a discussion that's been going on in my head for the past few weeks, and it has recently been taken care of.
My two voices
Voice one (stay):
•She’s smart
•She’s funny
•She’s easy to talk to
•She’s fun to be with
•She’s nice
•I think I make her happy
•She’s gorgeous
•I like her a lot
•She makes me happy
•I want to
Voice two (go):
•Us being together hurts some of my friends
•I don’t know how long this will last
•She has a better connection with a lot of her other guy friends than she has with me
•She said that she was going to be single when she goes to college
Arguments:
-Argument one:
When I’m with her everything seems so clear as to which voice I should listen to (voice one), but when I’m not around her, things get a little hazy. By no means do I want things to end, but that’s the problem, after we went to see Happy Feet, we went back to her house. On the way there, we started to talk. I told her that we both know that I’m a realist, and I know that things between us are going to end at some point, at which point she entirely confirmed my suspicion when she said, “yes, when I go to college.” Upon hearing this, I stopped talking for a moment, and I don’t remember what I said after that, just those words are sticking in my mind.
So then, the fact that I don’t want things to end is a problem because she has said that they will. So my problem now is that I’m getting very much attached to her, and I don’t know if I should stop my feelings now, or not. By that I don’t really mean break up with her, but I mean don’t let things go any farther than they are now, kind of like stuffing my feelings in a bottle, and then stashing it away.
Now some of the things that Matt Knee and I talked about are really coming into play, one of them has already been resolved, and that’s the one about Josh, and dealing with her decision if and when Josh realizes how much of an idiot he was and still is. The other being when Lindsay does go to college, and knowing that it’s going to be over. I tried to use this argument when Matt Knee liked her, and not me. However, he had an incredibly good comeback to that one, which is now engraved in my mind. I said “why would you want to get into a relationship, knowing that it’s going to end in a few months maximum?” Like I said, his argument was very good, in response to what I said, he said, “even if it’s going to end in a few months, why not make the time remaining special.” At this point, I had nothing to come back with, because it was a good point, but now that I’m the one faced with this decision, it’s not as easy as I’d thought it was.
The night that we were talking, which was the first night that we were officially going out, we were talking about reasons to and not to go out, and on the list for reasons not to for me, there reasons, one, it would hurt some of my friends and I didn’t want that to happen, and two, it would be over when she went to college. However, on the list of reasons to go out, was “because I want to,” and I thought that one reason, outweighed the other two, that was not the only thing the list though, the list also included everything that voice one had to say. This argument so far is being won by voice one, and that I think is a good thing, at least I think it is, when things end between us, we’ll see if I’m still glad that voice one is winning, but for now, it is without a doubt a good thing.
-Argument two:
What does love feel like is that what I’m experiencing, I can’t say I know for certain, because I haven’t ever loved anyone, besides love that is purely plutonic. I’m not sure, I know that just looking into her eyes makes me smile, and I’m always happier when I’m with her, and I catch myself watching her when we’re watching a movie, when it’s just the two of us, or when we’re in a group. Oh, and those things that she does that she thinks are obnoxious, they’re not, I act like they are, but they’re not, nothing that she does really annoys me, I might think that some of the things she does are weird, but not obnoxious. Often times when we’re just being weird, she’ll say that I loved whatever it is she was doing, and I really do, I don’t just say I do to make her happy, or amuse her. However, I’m not certain it’s so much the action that I love, as it is the person doing the action, and that’s why I love it. Oh, and when I haven’t seen her in a while, I really do start to miss her.
I don’t know, maybe it is, maybe it is love. If it is love, do I tell her, or just keep it to myself?
On the other side, I don’t know if I want it to be love, because I know that’ll just make it harder to say goodbye to her when she breaks things off with me when she goes off to college, which is inevitable, I’m not saying that I’d want her to not go to college to stay with me longer, because that would be stupid of her, not to mention that’s one of the worst things that I could do for her, or ask of her. At any rate, I refuse to say that I love her, even if I do.
This is where the last of the conversations between Matt Knee and I comes in. I don’t remember when, but I do remember I said it. We were talking, and I had said “I know full well that her feelings for me will probably never be as strong as they were for Josh.” It was silent for a moment, and then he said, “don’t be too certain about that, I don’t know what is going through her mind, but don’t jump to conclusions.” I don’t think I said much on that particular subject after that, but I might have, I don’t know.
So what does it feel like, what does love feel like, how do you know when you’re in love, and where do you draw the line between love, and like? That and “do I love her?” I think those are the questions that tie everything together. Oh yes, and the after thought question that continues to tie this together, “how does she feel?” Yes, I think these are the two most important questions that there are, do I love her, and how does she feel about me, those two must be the most important, or at least they are in my mind. Granted I’m sure there are other questions out there that need to be answered, but those two need to be answered before any more questions come up.
One last question:
After all of this, am I and idiot for wanting to still be with her, even when I know in the end it will result in pain?
There is an old saying that says “the heart knows before the brain does.” If this is the truth, and my heart is telling me what I think it is, I think I do, I think I do love Lindsay.
No longer do I think I love her, I know I do.
You know what second voice, go take a fucking dirt nap.