Big turn around from my last post
A lot has happened - or NOT happened - since my last post. I wish I could feel how I felt just two short weeks ago.
I got my first rejection letter from a grad school today. The programs are really competitive (200 applicants for 10 spots is fairly normal) but to be cut out in the first wave really hurt. I was hoping for an interview at least. Hopefully things will go better with the other schools, but this was a program that I thought I had a decent shot at, so I guess I can just rule out the top notch programs I applied for. -_- They offered to consider me for their masters programs, but I bet all those spots go to the people they cut in the second wave of rejection letters.
Wisconsin was a mixed experience. The first 6 days were awful and I felt rotten the whole time, but the last three were great.
Now I'm back here today. Today has been pretty sad. I've done nothing but work on applications for more schools (so they can reject me) and wondering why my best friend from Dayton doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
I shouldn't be surprised. My best friends from high school don't talk to me anymore. I moved to Dayton and our friendships ended because for some reason, most people just don't find it worth their time to put effort into a long distance relationship with me. So after I've finally developed my Dayton friendships into something meaningful, I shouldn't be surprised that most of them ignore my messages from afar. It's just more of the same.
At least Jeff still loves me.
I know now that I don't want to move back to Dayton... I need to. I need to be with Jeff. I need to be with those few people who have still sent me messages, letting me know they haven't forgotten me. And I need to be back before those people who have been ignoring me forget about me entirely.
(And not to be a jealous bitch, but Christina was offered two jobs in Dayton today. I'm happy for her, but damn, I really could use one of them! Add another layer of jealousy to Jeff and Georgia who still get to hang out for their band stuff. It feels so weird to know that they're hanging out without me.)
There's nothing for me here. No job since the economic downturn has cut all unnecessary people at Rogers so I can't work there. No friends since the only hs people who still talk to me don't live here anymore. Nothing but me and my cluttered room and rejection letters.
I got my first rejection letter from a grad school today. The programs are really competitive (200 applicants for 10 spots is fairly normal) but to be cut out in the first wave really hurt. I was hoping for an interview at least. Hopefully things will go better with the other schools, but this was a program that I thought I had a decent shot at, so I guess I can just rule out the top notch programs I applied for. -_- They offered to consider me for their masters programs, but I bet all those spots go to the people they cut in the second wave of rejection letters.
Wisconsin was a mixed experience. The first 6 days were awful and I felt rotten the whole time, but the last three were great.
Now I'm back here today. Today has been pretty sad. I've done nothing but work on applications for more schools (so they can reject me) and wondering why my best friend from Dayton doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
I shouldn't be surprised. My best friends from high school don't talk to me anymore. I moved to Dayton and our friendships ended because for some reason, most people just don't find it worth their time to put effort into a long distance relationship with me. So after I've finally developed my Dayton friendships into something meaningful, I shouldn't be surprised that most of them ignore my messages from afar. It's just more of the same.
At least Jeff still loves me.
I know now that I don't want to move back to Dayton... I need to. I need to be with Jeff. I need to be with those few people who have still sent me messages, letting me know they haven't forgotten me. And I need to be back before those people who have been ignoring me forget about me entirely.
(And not to be a jealous bitch, but Christina was offered two jobs in Dayton today. I'm happy for her, but damn, I really could use one of them! Add another layer of jealousy to Jeff and Georgia who still get to hang out for their band stuff. It feels so weird to know that they're hanging out without me.)
There's nothing for me here. No job since the economic downturn has cut all unnecessary people at Rogers so I can't work there. No friends since the only hs people who still talk to me don't live here anymore. Nothing but me and my cluttered room and rejection letters.