a dream upon waking...
I'm not sure if the last month was a sweet dream and I'm waking up now, or if now I'm dreaming, because this doesn't feel like it can be real life. Real life is in Paris.
I miss Paris.
Things here are the same, superficially, but I keep catching myself looking for more depth, more beauty, more reality, and it's not there.
It's just after 7 here... just after 8 in Dayton, where Jeff (<3) is... and just after 2am in Paris. Paris is real time.
This morning, I was driving through Place de la Concorde, down the Champs-Elysees, around the Arc de Triomphe... Beauty everywhere. Just 24 hours ago, I saw la Tour Eiffel sparkling.
I miss days when the sun didn't set until 10pm.
I miss our Parisian nights.
I miss Greg, and Amanda, and Pierre who I will never see again.
I miss hearing people speak French all around me.
I even miss stumbling through the language myself.
I will miss the freedom, the love, and the beauty of Paris.
It makes me want to cry.
I've been so emotional the last few days. Part of it is how exhausted I've been, running myself ragged... but I was doing that because I knew the time was counting down to this moment when I would be there no longer.
Yes, there were things that got me, and yes there were parts of here (I don't want to say home) that I missed there, but they have something that does not exist here, something I love that I've always loved and never knew till I was there. Everything here has paled in comparison.
Josh, you are the only person who will read this who will understand. I wish I had the words for this feeling. I wish my pictures and keepsakes could tell the rest of you, who can't know.
I don't want to get over the jet lag, because that means that Paris is over.
Inevitably, I will... I'm taking tomorrow for me, and then I will be here until next Monday. I want to go to a jazz bar with Torrie, to Batman on Imax with whoever will go with me, to Six Flags on Saturday, and Bristol on Sunday. I'd also like to go bar-hopping with my friends who are now 21 like me. And I need a major day in the spa. Details on all of this will have to be discussed later. I'm too overwhelmed right now to respond to all of the emails in my inbox, write all the messages to the people that I need to, make the phone calls, and do the other million things I need to do.
Tonight, I will eat dinner, talk to my Jeffrey, and sleep and dream that I'm still in Paris.
I miss Paris.
Things here are the same, superficially, but I keep catching myself looking for more depth, more beauty, more reality, and it's not there.
It's just after 7 here... just after 8 in Dayton, where Jeff (<3) is... and just after 2am in Paris. Paris is real time.
This morning, I was driving through Place de la Concorde, down the Champs-Elysees, around the Arc de Triomphe... Beauty everywhere. Just 24 hours ago, I saw la Tour Eiffel sparkling.
I miss days when the sun didn't set until 10pm.
I miss our Parisian nights.
I miss Greg, and Amanda, and Pierre who I will never see again.
I miss hearing people speak French all around me.
I even miss stumbling through the language myself.
I will miss the freedom, the love, and the beauty of Paris.
It makes me want to cry.
I've been so emotional the last few days. Part of it is how exhausted I've been, running myself ragged... but I was doing that because I knew the time was counting down to this moment when I would be there no longer.
Yes, there were things that got me, and yes there were parts of here (I don't want to say home) that I missed there, but they have something that does not exist here, something I love that I've always loved and never knew till I was there. Everything here has paled in comparison.
Josh, you are the only person who will read this who will understand. I wish I had the words for this feeling. I wish my pictures and keepsakes could tell the rest of you, who can't know.
I don't want to get over the jet lag, because that means that Paris is over.
Inevitably, I will... I'm taking tomorrow for me, and then I will be here until next Monday. I want to go to a jazz bar with Torrie, to Batman on Imax with whoever will go with me, to Six Flags on Saturday, and Bristol on Sunday. I'd also like to go bar-hopping with my friends who are now 21 like me. And I need a major day in the spa. Details on all of this will have to be discussed later. I'm too overwhelmed right now to respond to all of the emails in my inbox, write all the messages to the people that I need to, make the phone calls, and do the other million things I need to do.
Tonight, I will eat dinner, talk to my Jeffrey, and sleep and dream that I'm still in Paris.