Love me [Sequel to "One More Night" 2/3]
Mir felt queasy. Maybe it was the numerous days of depression catching up to him. Maybe it was his broken heart. Maybe it was the fact that ever since that day, nothing had ever been the same between them. But of course, those were all just maybies, simple theories that had replaced reality. Well, reality being that he was just in too much pain to give a fuck about anything anymore.
It hurt him that Joon had forgotten. After all the time Mir had spent loving him, he had finally gotten one night, just one night when he had Joon to himself, and he hoped, hoped that something, anything would bring him just that much closer to the person he wanted most in the world. But of course, that would make his life perfect and everyone knew that life could never, ever be fucking perfect.
Mir had started to cut. Initially, it was just an experiment. His only aim was to test the words of all those emo kids, who stated that the physical pain distracted from the emotional one. Surely, he never expected it to be true, but unfortunately, it was. Soon, it had become a daily thing, a horrible habit that made everyone cringe as soon as he entered his room, locking the door firmly behind him. It’s like they didn’t know him anymore. No one, well except Mir and Joon, knew what had happened to the boy, and they had no idea what to do with the child anymore. Their day consisted of waking up, having a silent breakfast while watching in pain as Mir looked like he was about to burst out crying over a spoon of cereal (which he never did eat), going out to promote their album and such, and of course, returning home only to have Mir get on with his usual cutting.
They all saw the scars. Sure, he did his best to cover them up, hide them from the curious eyes of the world, but it was hard when you shared a house with four other guys who spent all their free time watching you like hawks. And they were all hurting over Mir, each and everyone, especially Joon. He was in a lot more pain than he showed, since he knew he was the reason Mir was like this, and he despised every single cell in his body for it. He wanted to scream and cry, to run up to Mir and tell him that the forgotten night they had was never really forgotten, to kiss him and tell him he loves him and that everything was okay. But he could not.
He was afraid. Afraid that if he told Mir the truth, Mir would hate him, and completely turn away from any relationship they had. He was afraid that he would lose the one that mattered most to him. Joon knew he was a coward. In the beginning, he had hoped that Mir would just stay angry and shrug it off later, thinking Joon was just drunk and acting along with alcohol, but he was sorely mistaken. Mir had not only stopped talking, but he stopped eating, and worst of all, he stopped smiling. Everyone tried to question Joon on if he knew what had happened to their maknae, but Joon denied knowing anything. Why? Because he was a coward. He was afraid that if they knew the truth, they would all turn again him and start to hate him. And that they would go tell Mir the truth in hopes of cheering him up, and that Mir would hate him. Sure, he could stand losing his friends, but what he could not handle is the flaming hatred he imagined Mir would give him every time their eyes would meet.
“Hey, Mir? You okay?” G.O asked quietly, delivering a soft knock to the sealed door of Mir’s bedroom. No response. “I’m coming in” he said, hearing instant shuffling inside the previously silent room. He paused before entering and took a deep breath before entering, afraid of what he might see. Mir was seated on his bed, reading a book, his sleeves pulled down to his fingertips. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, giving Mir a stern but gentle look.
The younger male looked up and flashed a smile. Even a blind person could tell it was fake. “Nothing’s wrong hyung. I’m fine. Just trying to finish this book. What makes you think anything is wrong?” Mir asked, holding up his book. G.O let out a humourless chuckle. “Mir, your book is upside down.”
The younger male flushed, stuffing the book under his pillow as G.O sat down beside him. “Now, are you sure everything’s okay? You’ve been out of it lately” G.O stated, desperate to get at least something out of the boy. Mir shook his head, giving G.O a sad smile, followed by a stern gaze. “I’m fine. Just stressed lately, that’s all” Mir responded, and leaned back against the wall with a sigh. G.O shook his head. Looks like he needed to take his questioning one step further. “Show me your wrists”
Mir stared at him, jaw hanging open, an expression of pure shock on his face. “My wrists hyung? Why?” he asked, trying to pass off the topic as something ridiculous. However, G.O was smarter than that. Without responding, he took Mir’s arm, careful not to touch any hidden scars, and rolled up the boys sleeve. He cringed, watching as the blood trickled down his frail arm and onto the bedspread. “Its nothing hyung, really” Mir said and smiled, an attempt to make G.O believe his bullshit. Yet again, his pathetic attempt failed.
“Look Mir. You don’t have to smile. You can tell me what’s bothering you. I wont judge you. I just want our old, happy-go-lucky, insane Mir back. Its been like a graveyard lately” G.O muttered, an emotionless smile stretched across his lips. His words struck Mir like a dart hitting the bulls eye of a dartboard. The composure he had been keeping for the past month had finally cracked, and all emotion he had been trying to suppress came spilling out. Mere minutes later, he found himself crying his heart out on G.O’s shoulder, telling him everything that had happened that night. G.O listened patiently, waiting for the boy to finish. As his words came into an end and he collapsed into broken sobs, G.O took that as his cue to speak. “So wait, you and Joon did all… that and he told you he loved you but forgot by next morning?” G.O asked, trying to make sure he had all his facts straight. He was a bit appalled at Mir’s feelings towards Joon but he was speechless at just how far those two went. Mir nodded, trying to control his sobbing, but that wasn’t working out for him too well. “Can I talk to him about this?” G.O asked, and Mir shook his head furiously. “No. I don’t want him to know and blame himself for something he never intended to do in the first place.”
A week passed since Mir confided in G.O. The latter decided to share the news with the rest of them, but he spared Joon the knowledge since he didn’t want to go against Mir’s will. They all spent numerous hours thinking of ways to get those two to talk, but so far, all attempts to get Mir to talk to Joon were unsuccessful. Mir wouldn’t go near him, much less speak a word to him. However, after confiding in G.O his pain seemed to lighten, and he was slowly, very slowly starting to show hints of his old self. However, that didn’t last long.
A few days later, while returning from a visit to his family, Mir got into a car accident. He was alone with the driver and the driver got killed, but luckily, Mir survived, yet his condition was not great. The news struck the members with such astounding force that they went into shock. As Chundoong picked up the phone, it went clattering to the ground as soon as he heard the news. As he shared the news with the others, their reactions were just as strong as Chundoong’s. G.O became completely silent and spent almost an hour staring at the wall. Chundoong was pacing restlessly, waiting for another call to confirm his condition. Seungho sat with a blank expression, like his soul had left his body. And Joon, well, he was in plain hysterics. It started from him cussing to him running around the house not knowing what to do with himself, and ended with him settling on the corner of the couch, just shivering lifelessly.
Suddenly, Joon spoke. And as he spoke, he told them everything, starting with him coming home sober, not drunk and just faking it so he could be with Mir, and ended with him telling them of his cowardice. G.O looked at him wide eyed, while the others all wore dumbfounded expressions. “You WHAT?” G.O yelled suddenly, grabbing Joon by the cuff of his shirt with his fist in the air, ready to deliver a punch. At once, Chundoong was at his side, holding him back. “G.O I know you’re upset but please try to understand Joon. He was only doing what he thought was right, don’t hurt him for it” Chundoong pleaded, and G.O put his fist down. “Fine. But hear me Joon, and hear me well. If Mir survives this, you are going to march over there and tell him nothing but the truth. Got it?” G.O said, his voice causing shivers to run down Joon’s spine. The latter nodded, swallowing the huge knot in his throat. After what seemed like forever, the phone rang again.
Everyone stared at it, unsure if they wanted to pick it up. After all, the news could be the worst. A few moments later, Joon grabbed the phone, slamming it to his ear. As the person on the other line spoke, his whole body seemed to relax. He nodded, said his farewells, hanging up the phone. The others watched, their eyes focused on his every move. “He’s fine” Joon said at last, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. They quickly packed up and made their way to the hospital. Their minds were blank, for even though he may have lived, his situation might be at its worst.
Quickly upon arrival, the group darted to the door. However, before they all could go inside, G.O blocked the door. “Let Joon go first. He deserves to be the first one to see what he has done to Mir” he growled, and Joon reluctantly agreed. He opened the door, hesitant to step inside but G.O shoved him in, shutting the door behind him. Joon’s heart broke when he saw Mir’s condition. He was on the bed with his head wrapped in bandages, his scarred arms wrapped as well, with a tube up his nose. And if that wasn’t bad enough, his face was cut up and swollen beyond recognition, and strangely enough, Joon was overcome with a moment of affection as he looked at his beloved and joy filled him that he was alive.
He cautiously walked over to the bed, careful not to make too much noise. He stopped by the bed, and leaned on the edge. “Mir?” he asked, his voice cracking with emotion. The younger male showed no sign of response even though he was awake. Although this discouraged Joon, he knew he had to do it or G.O would literally murder him. So he sat down and told him everything, while Mir stared blankly ahead. “I know you probably hate me, but I just wanted to let you know, I love you” Joon said, his cheeks flushing a dark red.
At least, the younger male turned to face him, his expression puzzled. “Who are you?” he asked, completely serious.