this f@#ckin thing called life
So I don't understand this damn relationship thing. I am pretty sure I can't win. I sometimes think I understand my girlfriend at least a little, but then nope I feel alone and screwing up. This all started because I am too damn compulsive about checking her lj, both out of boredom and out of wishing it were possible to get to know her better.
I don't think she knows how crazy i am about her. I think there is sooo much in her that is worth holding on to, and I don't want to let her go.
I stand in such a tough spot in this relationship. I think about this sooo rarely, but when I do it is a crash. What is the proper amount of commitment for the 'virgin' in the relationship? The Instantly In Love one freaks people out and the Skeptic Patient one is instantly branded as scared of commitment and is to be mocked and ignored by the ladies. So I wonder sometimes if the Smooth Bullshitter still wins.
Rewind- So I liked reading this, I thought I was well appreciated, "You're perfect and you have Rob to tell you that everyday :-P".
But this is what hurts "He's like the most anti-commitment guy I've ever met...lol next to Rob Haha, you wouldn't think I would pass on commenting on this? So, so funny. And truuuue."
It is none of my damn business to read this, but it is public and guys feel like they need to create any edge possible to understand girls, especially the ones they care about.
This is all after being told countless times that things are good again. I sometimes don't know where I stand with her.
I don't think that a relationship w/o love is a meaningless relationship and I don't think it is a lack of commitment. Why mess up on such a big thing and make it hurt so much worse when it doesn't work out. Maybe guys don't have it right but girls don't yet either. Girls want to look for love entirely too much. Maybe I am way off track on this rant and it is all old business but I feel like saying it because I consider the trouble that various friends have had with their loving relationships and I feel (maybe) I have a start of a good idea.
I believe a relationship that asks for so much to be moved on from and forgiven, in the past and the not so distant past, needs to have a longer timeline of commitment.
When a man is really committed:
He has promised to man up and have his girl's back in her: pregnancy, safety, and life choices.
When he doesn't find her crazy for asking every little question that goes through the female mind.
when he has the respect to say, wow this is too serious right now, but lets work it out because I don't want cut and run!
When he will deal with the, I'm ugly days, and the, wow you are ugly, days.
When he will argue until she explains why she is crying, just so he can try to be there.
There is more to this list but not yet.
At what point do I have to end this to protect myself? I don't want to, but I think everyone asks this now and then.
After writing all this I realize that I am somewhat disappointed in myself and a trigger just snapped in my brain and that it maybe has nothing to do with the comment I read, but I also don't feel that I can just suppress it and delete it. This is an overwhelming amount here that even I had to look over. I have so much energy in my head that i can't figure out how to just blow it off.
(Maybe) I am making things harder than they need to be. Whatever, so I am crazy too.
I am in this thing still, I hope it matters.
Meine suesse Biene,
Was soll ich sagen oder machen.
I don't think she knows how crazy i am about her. I think there is sooo much in her that is worth holding on to, and I don't want to let her go.
I stand in such a tough spot in this relationship. I think about this sooo rarely, but when I do it is a crash. What is the proper amount of commitment for the 'virgin' in the relationship? The Instantly In Love one freaks people out and the Skeptic Patient one is instantly branded as scared of commitment and is to be mocked and ignored by the ladies. So I wonder sometimes if the Smooth Bullshitter still wins.
Rewind- So I liked reading this, I thought I was well appreciated, "You're perfect and you have Rob to tell you that everyday :-P".
But this is what hurts "He's like the most anti-commitment guy I've ever met...lol next to Rob Haha, you wouldn't think I would pass on commenting on this? So, so funny. And truuuue."
It is none of my damn business to read this, but it is public and guys feel like they need to create any edge possible to understand girls, especially the ones they care about.
This is all after being told countless times that things are good again. I sometimes don't know where I stand with her.
I don't think that a relationship w/o love is a meaningless relationship and I don't think it is a lack of commitment. Why mess up on such a big thing and make it hurt so much worse when it doesn't work out. Maybe guys don't have it right but girls don't yet either. Girls want to look for love entirely too much. Maybe I am way off track on this rant and it is all old business but I feel like saying it because I consider the trouble that various friends have had with their loving relationships and I feel (maybe) I have a start of a good idea.
I believe a relationship that asks for so much to be moved on from and forgiven, in the past and the not so distant past, needs to have a longer timeline of commitment.
When a man is really committed:
He has promised to man up and have his girl's back in her: pregnancy, safety, and life choices.
When he doesn't find her crazy for asking every little question that goes through the female mind.
when he has the respect to say, wow this is too serious right now, but lets work it out because I don't want cut and run!
When he will deal with the, I'm ugly days, and the, wow you are ugly, days.
When he will argue until she explains why she is crying, just so he can try to be there.
There is more to this list but not yet.
At what point do I have to end this to protect myself? I don't want to, but I think everyone asks this now and then.
After writing all this I realize that I am somewhat disappointed in myself and a trigger just snapped in my brain and that it maybe has nothing to do with the comment I read, but I also don't feel that I can just suppress it and delete it. This is an overwhelming amount here that even I had to look over. I have so much energy in my head that i can't figure out how to just blow it off.
(Maybe) I am making things harder than they need to be. Whatever, so I am crazy too.
I am in this thing still, I hope it matters.
Meine suesse Biene,
Was soll ich sagen oder machen.