Spinning
I don't know what to do right now. I am at a precipice. I have a decision to make on the direction I am going to lead this family I have been blessed with. My wife and sons are depending on me. I could end up being farther away from Caleb. I could end up dragging Amanda and Conner far away from the rest of the family. However, even with these possibilities I am struggling with the notion that this may be the best option in the long run.
I am not going to act like I am not afraid. It shakes me to the core to think of being torn away from them. I would not be the first or the last. I know that the work I would be doing would be worthy. I also believe whole-heartedly that I would be saving lives in the long run. This doesn't make the decision easier, but it does give it a bit of a backdrop to go on.
I just need clarity. I need a certainty from the Lord. I know that it is my own shortcomings getting in the way of hearing Him. I believe He made me with a warrior's heart. I believe that He still calls us to greatness much in the way He called Jeremiah. Bloodshed and tragedy are never a good thing. However, if the glory of our King is revealed in the darkness of battle who are we to decide whether it is just.
I struggle with the duality of being a Christian and a soldier. We are called to Love. We are called to Mercy and Compassion. Dietrich Bonhoeffer struggled with the same duality. He did not believe in violence being the solution in World War II, but as the darkness of those days came to full fruition he became aware of one simple fact; evil left uncontested will run wild. Therefore, to be truly compassionate and merciful we must stand against tyranny in the place of those who cannot or do not stand themselves.
This is who I am. I am a Child of Christ, a son of The Living God. I cry for the orphans and elderly suffering in Haiti. I long to save them. I want to hold the precious children that have lost their parents to tragedy. I want to give water to the thirsty and bring knowledge to the uneducated longing to learn. I am also a fierce adversary of those who would subjugate and destroy those with whom they disagree and look down upon. I will not hesitate to kill in order to save. I intend to bring pain to those who relish suffering. I am the servant of a Righteous and Holy God. Do not mistake me for a violent man, for I am not.
I am what I was made to be.
I am not going to act like I am not afraid. It shakes me to the core to think of being torn away from them. I would not be the first or the last. I know that the work I would be doing would be worthy. I also believe whole-heartedly that I would be saving lives in the long run. This doesn't make the decision easier, but it does give it a bit of a backdrop to go on.
I just need clarity. I need a certainty from the Lord. I know that it is my own shortcomings getting in the way of hearing Him. I believe He made me with a warrior's heart. I believe that He still calls us to greatness much in the way He called Jeremiah. Bloodshed and tragedy are never a good thing. However, if the glory of our King is revealed in the darkness of battle who are we to decide whether it is just.
I struggle with the duality of being a Christian and a soldier. We are called to Love. We are called to Mercy and Compassion. Dietrich Bonhoeffer struggled with the same duality. He did not believe in violence being the solution in World War II, but as the darkness of those days came to full fruition he became aware of one simple fact; evil left uncontested will run wild. Therefore, to be truly compassionate and merciful we must stand against tyranny in the place of those who cannot or do not stand themselves.
This is who I am. I am a Child of Christ, a son of The Living God. I cry for the orphans and elderly suffering in Haiti. I long to save them. I want to hold the precious children that have lost their parents to tragedy. I want to give water to the thirsty and bring knowledge to the uneducated longing to learn. I am also a fierce adversary of those who would subjugate and destroy those with whom they disagree and look down upon. I will not hesitate to kill in order to save. I intend to bring pain to those who relish suffering. I am the servant of a Righteous and Holy God. Do not mistake me for a violent man, for I am not.
I am what I was made to be.