A day with Mom
This past Saturday I rode my motorcycle up to La Crosse to pick out a headstone for my dad. My mom offered to come to the appointment with me and we picked out a nice small one, the same color as my grandparents, which will have a nice picture of a deer and trees on it. I should be getting the sketch in a couple weeks to approve before they ‘set it in stone’.
After that meeting we went to the mall and did some shopping and even went to a Kmart that is closing and got some great deals on clothes!
Before shopping though we went and got some breakfast at Perkins. She told me about her new job and how my brothers are doing. I told her about the job I wanted to apply for that weekend and how things are going for me in general.. She was really supportive and said that I need to do what is best for me. It felt so good to hear that from her and it really felt great to be able to FINALLY get everything off my chest..
It was nice hanging out alone with my mom. We don’t get a chance to do that very often. Luckily her new job doesn’t require weekends, so that should make it easier for us to get together in the future. She even sent me a message later saying how glad she was we got to hang out alone for the day, since we don’t get to do that very often.
Interestingly I had to have an argument with Jan before he was okay with me going… Originally we had something on our calendar for that weekend, but it was a motocross event up in the UP of Michigan and we weren’t planning to go to that anyway, and we hadn’t discussed anything else, so I figured it could be a good time to go get the headstone since I’m about 6 months behind on that.. But apparently not? He got so mad at me for asking to do something alone (near last minute) when it was supposed to be a family weekend. Apparently he was looking forward to spending the whole weekend with the family and doing stuff… Although he never mentioned anything to me about it so I figured it would just be another weekend of us just sitting around doing squat. But he was pretty mad and yelling at me, basically saying I’m selfish for wanting any time away.. I asked him if the next weekend would be better, but eventually he just said to do what I wanted, so I did. I think it’s pretty fucked up that I get so much shit about a request to go run an errand out of town and spend a day with my own mother! I’m glad I went.
The boys ended up going to the theater to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2, and then they went out for Chinese buffet. When I got home I was kind of hungry and asked out loud, “hmm..what should I have for dinner??” Jan said, “whatever you want”. In the end I ended up ordering take out from a local restaurant. I ordered an appetizer sampler and a bowl of French onion soup, which I brought home and shared with my kids while dad fell asleep early on the couch. The next day he chewed me out for ordering the food! Why do I think I have to go out and do something just because they went out and did something? (Um excuse me? Isn’t that why you guys went out? Because I went to LAX??) It is not uncommon for them to go out to eat or go to movies without me and I don’t always feel the need to do something for myself. I can’t remember ever doing so actually… despite his insistence this is what I ALWAYS do.. So I got a free breakfast earlier in the day with my mom, and she also purchased some clothes for me and the boys while we were out shopping, but yet I still get chewed out for ordering $15 in take out!
It really makes me upset because I usually always talk to him before ordering/buying things, but just this past week he’s spent almost $80 on take-out pizza, neither time which he discussed with me beforehand… And I took his comment, of ‘whatever I want’ seriously. But to him it seemed to mean I should eat the leftover chili in the fridge..
I’m just getting sick of him talking down to me all the time. I’m going to start standing up for myself more! I’m not just going to take his verbal abuse anymore, it’s not fair, and I don’t deserve it!
The assignment my therapist gave me last week was something like:
- Think about how I am feeling in certain moments
- Think about what boundaries I need to set for myself in that moment
After that meeting we went to the mall and did some shopping and even went to a Kmart that is closing and got some great deals on clothes!
Before shopping though we went and got some breakfast at Perkins. She told me about her new job and how my brothers are doing. I told her about the job I wanted to apply for that weekend and how things are going for me in general.. She was really supportive and said that I need to do what is best for me. It felt so good to hear that from her and it really felt great to be able to FINALLY get everything off my chest..
It was nice hanging out alone with my mom. We don’t get a chance to do that very often. Luckily her new job doesn’t require weekends, so that should make it easier for us to get together in the future. She even sent me a message later saying how glad she was we got to hang out alone for the day, since we don’t get to do that very often.
Interestingly I had to have an argument with Jan before he was okay with me going… Originally we had something on our calendar for that weekend, but it was a motocross event up in the UP of Michigan and we weren’t planning to go to that anyway, and we hadn’t discussed anything else, so I figured it could be a good time to go get the headstone since I’m about 6 months behind on that.. But apparently not? He got so mad at me for asking to do something alone (near last minute) when it was supposed to be a family weekend. Apparently he was looking forward to spending the whole weekend with the family and doing stuff… Although he never mentioned anything to me about it so I figured it would just be another weekend of us just sitting around doing squat. But he was pretty mad and yelling at me, basically saying I’m selfish for wanting any time away.. I asked him if the next weekend would be better, but eventually he just said to do what I wanted, so I did. I think it’s pretty fucked up that I get so much shit about a request to go run an errand out of town and spend a day with my own mother! I’m glad I went.
The boys ended up going to the theater to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2, and then they went out for Chinese buffet. When I got home I was kind of hungry and asked out loud, “hmm..what should I have for dinner??” Jan said, “whatever you want”. In the end I ended up ordering take out from a local restaurant. I ordered an appetizer sampler and a bowl of French onion soup, which I brought home and shared with my kids while dad fell asleep early on the couch. The next day he chewed me out for ordering the food! Why do I think I have to go out and do something just because they went out and did something? (Um excuse me? Isn’t that why you guys went out? Because I went to LAX??) It is not uncommon for them to go out to eat or go to movies without me and I don’t always feel the need to do something for myself. I can’t remember ever doing so actually… despite his insistence this is what I ALWAYS do.. So I got a free breakfast earlier in the day with my mom, and she also purchased some clothes for me and the boys while we were out shopping, but yet I still get chewed out for ordering $15 in take out!
It really makes me upset because I usually always talk to him before ordering/buying things, but just this past week he’s spent almost $80 on take-out pizza, neither time which he discussed with me beforehand… And I took his comment, of ‘whatever I want’ seriously. But to him it seemed to mean I should eat the leftover chili in the fridge..
I’m just getting sick of him talking down to me all the time. I’m going to start standing up for myself more! I’m not just going to take his verbal abuse anymore, it’s not fair, and I don’t deserve it!
The assignment my therapist gave me last week was something like:
- Think about how I am feeling in certain moments
- Think about what boundaries I need to set for myself in that moment