(no subject)
i’m going through old blogs and pages, making sure the links work, the images visualize…
“2.17.03
i have an obsession with death. and i have for as long as i can remember. i live in constant fear that every phone call will bring the news. every car ride will end in a crumpled, bloodied mess. i dream about people dying. i watch them drown and cannot save them. i watch them bleed. or fall. i live in constant fear that those i love will be taken away.
and losing chris only compounded this fear. played out my worst nightmares.
it’s a wonder that i’ve been able to be close with anyone. surprising that i haven’t closed myself off from emotions. secluded myself in sorrow. how can i care about people when it only leads to constant obsession?
death will come someday. and i don’t fear it knocking on my door. but please, take me. and no one else.”