the wall is going to break me
i didn't think the adrenaline fueled rush of glorious euphora would subside so quickly; i feel cheated. i wanted the initial rush to last through the night. i barely made it fifteen minutes. as i am prone to, i jumped the gun only to trip on the hurdle beneath my feet. why do i always fuck them so soon? i really am terrified of success on any interpersonal level, it must be so. i couldn't think of a worse time to transgress and cross lines that remain rigid boundaries. life takes place in the daylight, in the eyes of everyone, no where near a bedroom. saturday afternoon, as i left the cafe with hands full of beverages, the man standing in line behind me looked me square in the eye and said "stop giving it away for free." i froze for a moment as i digested the extent of his criticism.
***
it is in my nature to give myself freely. it's the second time i've listened to something like this since fall began. across chapin street, he yelled out "who do you think you are? stupid bitch. i fucked her. guys, i fucked her. maybe she'll fuck you, too." it was almost humiliating.
***
i don't know why i thought this would be different. in essense, i've been playing out this scene with different actors for a good part of the last three years.
***
i've yet to make peace with my demons and i fear for our spiritual health; malicious and superficial energy abounds. i am worried.
***
occupy wall street: fight for our dreams, god knows they need all the help they can get.
1. tax reform, across the board. the system is broken; let's fix it
2. student loan reform; education is a business - let's bring an end to predatory lending practices.
***
now, i must go. we'll talk soon.
***
it is in my nature to give myself freely. it's the second time i've listened to something like this since fall began. across chapin street, he yelled out "who do you think you are? stupid bitch. i fucked her. guys, i fucked her. maybe she'll fuck you, too." it was almost humiliating.
***
i don't know why i thought this would be different. in essense, i've been playing out this scene with different actors for a good part of the last three years.
***
i've yet to make peace with my demons and i fear for our spiritual health; malicious and superficial energy abounds. i am worried.
***
occupy wall street: fight for our dreams, god knows they need all the help they can get.
1. tax reform, across the board. the system is broken; let's fix it
2. student loan reform; education is a business - let's bring an end to predatory lending practices.
***
now, i must go. we'll talk soon.