I'm gonna update this thing!
I had this big box of homework to do today. It didn't annoy one iota. I am scared of not being so heavily infatuated with something precious to do. I got my first presspass the other day, at the school; met some people and we had a great time being so incredibly tired of being incredible people. Just kidding. Tired, we were fatigued. I met a cool dude there named Chase, he's from the Copy Editing Dept. His voice creates a sense of home in my gut. I think we'll end up being close friends. At least, I am in the mood for hoping so.
I reconnected with an old friend of mine today. His name was Josh. It is still Josh and I've spoke to him since Christmas time in France. When I was living there under the influence of many dangerous people. No wait.. they were not dangerous. They were really inky with mysterious pleasures. I remember walking along my favorite cemetery in Paris and being so frantically attracted to the sound of people walking all over the chilled pavement. I would walk all along the borders of the gateway leading into the cememtery. Cats would waltz suddenly, dance even, around the tombstones and metal cobwebs. I was there alone. I realized that I'd a lot of alone time, and from time to time, it is pleasantly missed. In Paris, I would often go to the s. germain area, walk along the corners, being lifted from myself and the daily discomforts of too much thought. In the afternoons, I would frequent many different cafes and search until I found one that would be conducive to writing and looking and watching people. If I didn't find one, I would purchase a bottle of wine and go to the park to drink, as it is the custom to do so in Lonely France.
Reflecting on this memory really brings strong emotions back. Emotions of a time in my life where everything was under control, where my fingers were ruled by a black pen, a journal directly in front of me everywhere I would go. I don't do that enough anymore. It's Austin. I've all ready done that. I've sat in cafes across the world, in bars even, writing, drinking, playing with words, and syntax from beyond. I can't do that here, in Austin. It's too embarrassing. It's too colorful with chipped nostalgia in the background. Always there. So many uncomfortable memories in this city.
But, that was so long ago, and I am not that person any longer. It's amazing, how a person, through intense longing for self-control and self-containment, can take on the world if they really just let go of everything and force themselves to look death in the dark eye with a beaming smile. It's interesting to see what kind of a person I once was. Austin is new to me. It's new and blessed and charming and old, so old. I am here. Living. Working. Dreaming. Wanting. Needing. All over again. I have my memories and the future to look forward to. I love you all.
I reconnected with an old friend of mine today. His name was Josh. It is still Josh and I've spoke to him since Christmas time in France. When I was living there under the influence of many dangerous people. No wait.. they were not dangerous. They were really inky with mysterious pleasures. I remember walking along my favorite cemetery in Paris and being so frantically attracted to the sound of people walking all over the chilled pavement. I would walk all along the borders of the gateway leading into the cememtery. Cats would waltz suddenly, dance even, around the tombstones and metal cobwebs. I was there alone. I realized that I'd a lot of alone time, and from time to time, it is pleasantly missed. In Paris, I would often go to the s. germain area, walk along the corners, being lifted from myself and the daily discomforts of too much thought. In the afternoons, I would frequent many different cafes and search until I found one that would be conducive to writing and looking and watching people. If I didn't find one, I would purchase a bottle of wine and go to the park to drink, as it is the custom to do so in Lonely France.
Reflecting on this memory really brings strong emotions back. Emotions of a time in my life where everything was under control, where my fingers were ruled by a black pen, a journal directly in front of me everywhere I would go. I don't do that enough anymore. It's Austin. I've all ready done that. I've sat in cafes across the world, in bars even, writing, drinking, playing with words, and syntax from beyond. I can't do that here, in Austin. It's too embarrassing. It's too colorful with chipped nostalgia in the background. Always there. So many uncomfortable memories in this city.
But, that was so long ago, and I am not that person any longer. It's amazing, how a person, through intense longing for self-control and self-containment, can take on the world if they really just let go of everything and force themselves to look death in the dark eye with a beaming smile. It's interesting to see what kind of a person I once was. Austin is new to me. It's new and blessed and charming and old, so old. I am here. Living. Working. Dreaming. Wanting. Needing. All over again. I have my memories and the future to look forward to. I love you all.