I might be going crazy, I kid you not...
This is absolutely serious, I goddam fucking kid you not. I believe that my brain is slipping away, in which the chemicals might be mixing improperly; thus causing me to experience things that I've never experienced. For instance, the other day, I was driving to Austin and I had received absolutely no sleep the night before, or the night before that (as I was with a very dear friend of whom I had missed for so long). Point being, I received no sleep because as soon as I would return to my domicile, my wonderful father would awaken and we would talk for an hour or so, mainly about nothing, but you know. Well, on the way up to Austin (it's about 9.30am) I begin to hallucinate and see things and having imaginary converstations with people that don't exist. I was definitely in a sad state of delerium, I suppose you could say. Or, not. You see, the next night, whilst in Austin, I apparently held conversations with my dear friend Shaun, and remember them not! Perhaps I am losing my memory. AH! One more thing that made me really think that I might be losing it (or in dire need to long, undisturbed sleep) is the fact that at certain times of the day (once when I was at Star Seeds and then again at Spider House) I would hallucinate or rather, have this odd sort of mutated feeling of deja-vu. In all honesty, I am really not sure what to think, but I am not entirely afraid. In fact, I am more so interested in what this all means, and hopefully HOPEFULLY I am not really going crazy, but really just lacking good rest.
I will keep those who frequent this site updated to this odd discovery. So, fear not.. as I don't.
In other news.. I live in Austin again. And how interesting it is to come back. How odd it really is to be experiencing this city, and it's many people. There are times that I think I could really not live here ever again, but being here proves that thought wrong. While there are a lot of fun people here, mainly the musicians and people who amusingly waltz to pretend music in stores like Wal-Mart and HEB, I really find myself in a state of confusion and ultimate culture shock. Texas.. another story, another goddam universe full of concrete super-highways and ultra-elitists who brandish large, conservative handshakes and giddy smiles, which are directed at each other whilst attending the student youth outreach programs at any local Baptist church located on Anywhere St. on Wednesday nights. The cult-kids and outdated hipster-men and women who are late 20-somethings - early 30-something are, nice to look at because they represent something beautiful and yet, something strangely unattainable and exhausting. I've come home to the town that is ruled by film-freaks and EMO junkies. Thass'cool. Let's do this thing. But first, must find sanctuary and peace. I miss that zen-like presence that seems difficult to achieve here.. for some reason. I think it's really just here. Perhaps it's the annoying features of the gradual glocalization of neato-corporations slowly molesting and caresssssing the local scene. Pretty soon, you'll end up seeing 7 Denny's diners peppered all along the Drag. Shoot, you'll even see the gradual acceptence of it too.. How loathing! But, let's try to keep it real.
For the mean time.
Now, to those of you who have seen the other side of the world and lived and enriched their bones with the realities of other cultures and people, much hearty love to you. So, we can relate when I say that under the circumstances, there is most always better than here.