The Power of the Dog
4 Aug 2003 ~ 18 Jun 2017
One month ago today, Bobby died.
Even now, it's still hard for me to say he 'died'. It's easier to say 'he left us', 'he is no longer with us', 'he passed away'.
But to say 'he died' is a very painful thing.
Some part of me probably still can't forgive myself for letting him die. And that's why it hurts to think of him dying.
But the fact was, he was dying. I looked back at his more recent photos before he died.
He was so thin. He was dying slowly on the inside. He was so skinny.
I wonder why I didn't see it before. But then again I did, I knew and I let every thing that happened, happened. And that was just how things were.
13 years just isn't enough.
The Power of the Dog
Rudyard Kipling, 1865 - 1936
There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and Sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.
Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie-
Perfect passion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair
To risk your heart for a dog to tear.
When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
And the vet’s unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find-it’s your own affair-
But … you’ve given your heart to a dog to tear.
When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!).
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone-wherever it goes-for good,
You will discover how much you care,
And will give your heart to a dog to tear.
We’ve sorrow enough in the natural way,
When it comes to burying Christian clay.
Our loves are not given, but only lent,
At compound interest of cent per cent.
Though it is not always the case, I believe,
That the longer we’ve kept ’em, the more do we grieve:
For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
A short-time loan is as bad as a long-
So why in-Heaven (before we are there)
Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?