Exhausted.
The title says it all kids, I'm fucking exhausted. And I've been riding an emotional rollercoaster all week, which is never fun. I've made some new friends who I love talking to, and that makes me happy. But when I'm not talking to them I'm a mess. I'm unhappy, stressed, and I can't sleep at night. Every night this week I've been up until two or three in the morning.
I did order my laptop for school yesterday though, so I'm excited about that. Otherwise, I'm just a mess and falling apart at the seams. I'm not ready for the relationship that I've started so I need to end that. That's making me feel guilty. I've got my dad yelling about getting a job and working on college stuff. He says getting a summer job is more important than college paperwork. I say figuring out where the hell I'm living and what classes I'm taking is more important. >_<
I ended up running out of the house yesterday because I couldn't take it. I pretty much spent the afternoon and evening at her house, came home and went on the computer. Today I get to work with my dad on loans and scholarships for school. Joy. Such emense joy that brings me. Especially since I'll be doing that right after talking to Jeff......I'm really not looking foward to this afternoon.......
But with all this emotional baggage I was able to write a poem today, that at the moment does not have a title. I just finished brushing up on it. Here it's gonna be posted under River.
River
My throat closes up
I choke on my words,
Unable to explain the
knot of emotions in my chest.
So many emotions,
unsure of how to express them.
Where do I start?
What should I say first?
How do I explain myself?
Uncontained emotions well up in my throat,
spilling over my lips.
Like a raging river they
cannot be stopped.
Tripping over my frenzied words
choking, unable to stop the
river of words.
The river runs dry.
I stop.
Unable to continue
I drown in a sea of my own words.
Confusion
Exhaustion
Chaos
Insanity
Turmoil
All of it, inside me.
But you understand every
crazed word I just uttered.
You do not turn away.
Acceptance.
I guess as soon as I get my story back I'll post it. Either this week or the next.
I did order my laptop for school yesterday though, so I'm excited about that. Otherwise, I'm just a mess and falling apart at the seams. I'm not ready for the relationship that I've started so I need to end that. That's making me feel guilty. I've got my dad yelling about getting a job and working on college stuff. He says getting a summer job is more important than college paperwork. I say figuring out where the hell I'm living and what classes I'm taking is more important. >_<
I ended up running out of the house yesterday because I couldn't take it. I pretty much spent the afternoon and evening at her house, came home and went on the computer. Today I get to work with my dad on loans and scholarships for school. Joy. Such emense joy that brings me. Especially since I'll be doing that right after talking to Jeff......I'm really not looking foward to this afternoon.......
But with all this emotional baggage I was able to write a poem today, that at the moment does not have a title. I just finished brushing up on it. Here it's gonna be posted under River.
River
My throat closes up
I choke on my words,
Unable to explain the
knot of emotions in my chest.
So many emotions,
unsure of how to express them.
Where do I start?
What should I say first?
How do I explain myself?
Uncontained emotions well up in my throat,
spilling over my lips.
Like a raging river they
cannot be stopped.
Tripping over my frenzied words
choking, unable to stop the
river of words.
The river runs dry.
I stop.
Unable to continue
I drown in a sea of my own words.
Confusion
Exhaustion
Chaos
Insanity
Turmoil
All of it, inside me.
But you understand every
crazed word I just uttered.
You do not turn away.
Acceptance.
I guess as soon as I get my story back I'll post it. Either this week or the next.