Bright Darkness | Chapter Three
Pairing: Jongkey
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Smut, Drama
Summary: Kibum’s current relationship is lacking spice. To safe his relationship, he calls his boyfriend for an intimate phone conversation, but the one at the other side isn’t his boyfriend… It’s a boy called Jonghyun.
Kibum was lying on his bed, intensely focused on his small television screen with his PlayStation controller locked in his hands.
Minho had lent him this new race game, and it was kind of addicting.
So that’s why he was spending his Friday night alone in his dorm room, waiting until he was getting tired so he could sleep.
A loud song was playing on his speakers. Kibum didn’t really know the song, it was something Jonghyun had recommended him the night before. It was something with a loud bass, heavy guitar solo’s and lyrics that he couldn’t really understand. It fitted this nerve-racking race game more than anything.
Jonghyun and Kibum were now accustomed to call now and then, or sending text messages with pictures from where he was drinking something and if he would recommend it to the other.
Jonghyun was his personal twitter wall.
And Kibum enjoyed it a lot.
They haven’t really shown each other a picture of how they look, it just wasn’t important. He sometimes thought about it, he would only picture a stunning man with big eyes (one point his girlfriend loved the most about him) and well build body. Kibum also knew that couldn’t be reality, but it didn’t seem like they would ever meet, so Kibum could dream right?
His relationship with Siwon hadn’t really changed, except for that Kibum wasn’t playing the maid anymore, and the times they spend together became more unique. Still without affection.
When he talked about it with the older boy -Jonghyun was a year older than him- he should just end it. Kibum really wanted to find the strength, but his heart was still attached to him. Still hoping that it could go back to normal somehow.
When Kibum had to wait to load the new level he saw something irritating in the corner of his eye.
Soon enough he found out that it was his phone ringing.
Kibum dropped his controller onto the mattress before reaching out for it. Already smiling when he saw the contact that popped up. -Yes, he started to make contacts in his phone, and Jonghyun was now one of them.-
‘Hello~’ he chirped when he pulled at the green mark.
Kibum didn’t receive an answer. What he did hear was a loud sob.
‘Jonghyun?’ he asked careful. Even looking at the phone again so he was sure he was talking with the right guy.
‘God, are you crying?’ he asked when the noises became clearer.
Loud unsteady breaths where the only answers.
‘What is wrong? Please talk to me!’ he insisted, afraid that he boy lied somewhere in Seoul dying from god knows what.
‘Hyuna…’ he cried.
Kibum felt like a fist was locked around his heart. Afraid that the girl the boy loved so dearly had experienced something horrible.
‘Is she alright?’ Kibum asked full of concern.
‘I bet she is.’ The boy spat out. ‘She’s probably getting fucked right now, so I guess she should be happy.’ Kibum was never afraid for the voice on the other side of the line.
But this time he sounded that he was ready to kill.
‘What?’ Kibum didn’t really understand.
‘She’s fucking cheating on me!’ the man screamed.
Kibum held his hand for his mouth. Shocked by what the elder had told him.
His Hyuna, the girl from gold? The amazing girl that even made a gay guy turn straight for her. The girl Jonghyun was in love with?
‘Are you sure? Didn’t you mess things up?’ Kibum asked. Afraid that he hadn’t.
‘No. I’m sure.’ He cried.
In the distance he heard weird noises. Cars.
‘Are you outside? Where are you?’ Kibum started to panic.
Kibum knew how much he loved the girl, and that the boy was quite emotional. Kibum was a person which always saw the worst case scenarios before the happier ones.
‘Somewhere in the city district, don’t worry.’ The boy said in a somewhat nicer tone than before. He heard him taking a deep breath. ‘Sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt your free evening.’
Kibum shook his head, forgetting the other couldn’t really see him.
‘Should I come by?’ Kibum asked, uncertain of his own question.
‘No.’ was the short word Jonghyun answered. ‘I think listening to your voice is enough, for now.’ His voice was broken.
There was a short silence between them.
Kibum had crawled back to the corner of his bed, the wall giving his head support. He just listened to the soft whimpers formed by the voice on the other side of the line. Even without Kibum calming him, he became more quiet.
‘Are you alright?’ he dared to asked after a few minutes of listening to the others, now more even breathing.
‘I’m better now. Your breath is very calming you know?’ He heard a breathily laugh. ‘Don’t get me wrong though.’ He added soon after.
‘I won’t. But most people find my voice irritating. I tend to be a very talkative person.’ Kibum let the smile break through his sentence.
‘I know that.’ Jonghyun said quiet. The sounds on the background became clearer, Kibum could even hear some people talking. ‘You don’t even notice when I leave for a toilet break.’ Kibum was sure he heard him laughing.
‘Yah! Is that what you do with my precious time?’ Kibum said semi-annoyed.
‘It was only once, though. But when I came back you were still talking like I never left.’ He chuckled.
Kibum laughed with him for a few seconds, before asking something that would ruin the just bettered mood. ‘Where are you going?’
‘I have the strange feeling I have to get myself some coffee in a silent café, and tell you what happened.’ He hummed. ‘I already get stares from people. It is probably very noticeable that I’ve just cried.’ He whispered. ‘But I can’t get home, not now. She will probably be there soon. I don’t want to face her today.’ It sounded like he breathed his last piece of soul out.
The boy said more random sentences. And Kibum let him talking; he never talked to the boy in a state of rejection, so he didn’t know how to calm him. But Kibum already noticed that Jonghyun knew how to do that himself. He had to talk. Talk about what he saw or heard when he walked past something. Or how the soft evening breeze felt on his skin.
‘Do you write lyrics?’ Kibum asked in the middle of a sentence the other was telling him.
‘Yes. Why?’ The boy asked surprised.
‘Just got the feeling. You seem to notice everything, and tell them to me like they are marvelous.’ Kibum said enchanted. ‘You should let me hear something.’ Kibum encouraged.
‘Not when I’m walking on the streets of Seoul. But I will sometime.’ he hummed something soft. ‘I guess you would like it. It’s nothing like the recommendations of music I gave you.’
‘Good. I don’t even know what they’re singing. But I’m playing a race game that suits it perfectly. I was winning this round!’ he said excited.
‘Good for you.’ He said good natured. Kibum heard the sound of a bell, and the sounds of the busy street being closed out. ‘I’m going to place my order. Will be back any second.’ He announced.
Kibum sighed. He often spoke with Siwon on the phone just before he got to work, or when he was just finished. He would never announce it, he would just lay a hand on the speaker and talked with some waiter girl for a few minutes.
Kibum held his phone close to his ear. ‘A hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and sugar, please.’ He heard the man say in the distant. When Jonghyun offered a meaningful ‘thank you’ towards the employee he immediately started to talk to Kibum again. ‘I hope this one is better than the one I bought a few days ago at some shop on the other side of the street. It was way to bitter, even with extra sugar!’
Kibum heard loud noises, and expected that Jonghyun was sitting down somewhere.
‘You like sugar?’
‘Only in my drinks. I try to eat as healthy as possible. But I treat myself every now and then on some delicious hot chocolate.’ Kibum wanted to say something about being it a thousand degrees outside, but Jonghyun was before him. ‘Don’t start about the weather. It’s some ritual I had with my mother. But don’t let me get started on that one too today.’ His mood seemed to go down again.
‘So… are you going to tell me what happened?’ Kibum dared to ask after a few minutes of listening to Jonghyun enjoying his hot chocolate.
‘I had a gig tonight. No, I was supposed to have a gig tonight. Nothing big but it would be great.’ He began. ‘But at the last moment there were some technical problems, so sadly enough we couldn’t play. You know, because all of the guitar amplifiers and-’
‘I know how instruments work.’ Kibum interrupted. He knew when he would let the boy talk about all the small matters they would be talking for hours.
‘So, I texted Hyuna that she could come to my place earlier than planned. But she didn’t response. Nothing weird. I called her a few times and so, no I’m no stalker I- …I just had good plans for this evening…’ the last sentence he started to stutter, voice sinking a few octaves. ‘But she still didn’t pick up. Still nothing weird. But I knew she was at home, so what would be nicer than picking her up so she didn’t have cross Seoul on her own.’ He sighed. ‘So I drove to her home, and rang the bell… a few times. She was home, I could see her shoes through the little window in the door.’ He heard his voice going rasped, was he crying again? ‘She opened it, wearing nothing more than an oversized male shirt. And it was not mine. I saw her face going pale and yeah, then I heard someone calling her from her room… and…’ now there was definitely a sob. ‘I’m not stupid. I ran into her room finding a man in her bed. God!’ he cried softly. ‘It was clear what they had been doing. I’ve never been that angry before. I think I hit him. I can’t remember. How can she be such a bitch?’ he asked desperate.
Kibum had gone all silent while listening. He almost could feel his pain.
‘I… I don’t know what to say.’ Kibum stated. ‘I wish I could help you.’ He sounded almost as desperate as Jonghyun.
‘Just stay on the phone. You’re helping me enough with listening to my problems. God, now I’m crying again. Lucky for me, there is no one on the second floor.’ He tried to chuckle. ‘She said she’s coming to my place to talk about it. I don’t want to see her. I don’t trust myself for not doing something horrible to her.’
‘She deserves something horrible.’ Kibum stated.
‘She probably does. But gosh, I feel so stupid. I loved her! How could it be that I never saw her cheating on someone? Why didn’t I notice?’ He heard a fist on the table. ‘I’ve never been an aggressive person, but I could kill her right now. But on the other side I know that I love her. I fucking love her so much that I’m thinking I should give her a second chance.’ He growled.
‘She doesn’t deserve a second chance. And if you gave her one she sees that you would forgive these horrible things; she would only doing it again.’
‘But maybe it was her first time? Maybe she is shocked enough that she will never do it again?’ Kibum heard an aggressive swallow from his drink.
‘Jonghyun. I wish I could say to you that you had to try again. A girl probably would. But I’m going to say you this; if she really loves you, why should she seek for someone else?’ Kibum tried to speak as confident as he could. But deep in his heart he was afraid for giving the wrong advice. That everything would get okay again between them.
‘If someone really loves you, why should he ignore you?’ Jonghyun spoke quiet. So quiet that Kibum almost didn’t hear it.
‘What are you implying with that?’
‘If you’re right, my girlfriend just proved that she didn’t love me enough. What is your boyfriend saying to you then?’ Jonghyun said sadly.
Kibum stayed silent. He didn’t expect that he had to think about this right now.
‘I’m sorry. You’re being honest to me, I felt like I had to be also. It was playing on my mind. But it’s my problem today. I’m ruing your whole evening.’ His voice sounded hollow. Thinking about the bang he had heard earlier he supposed Jonghyun laid with his head burrowed in his arms on the table.
‘Don’t be sorry. This is where friends are for right?’ he tried to make the other less burdened.
‘Are we friends?’ Jonghyun asked, hopefulness shining through.
‘Aren’t we?’ Kibum asked playful. ‘I don’t talk to persons that don’t interest me for longer than a few minutes. Seen at the amount of phone bills,
I suppose I could call you my friend.’
Jonghyun let out a fast chuckle.
‘Don’t talk about the phone bill, please. I’m trying to forget all the money I have to spend on it.’ He finally heard him laughing a bit. ‘But I’m trying to be serious if I may.’
‘You may.’
‘I think you should break up with Siwon. He’s a douchebag, and way too old for you.’
‘Love doesn’t have an age. And I just want to see where this is going to end. Maybe he’s just in a really busy period. Until then it will just feel like
I’m single already.’ He scoffed.
‘Isn’t that a waste of your time?’ Jonghyun asked.
Gosh, the boy started to get happy to talk about someone else problem. But Kibum felt bad for the boy, so he let him.
‘I don’t have my eyes set on anyone else. And nobody wants me for the time being. It won’t matter if I’m in a relationship now. And we’re together for almost two years, things can’t be as good as the first year.’
‘You’re really wishing he would start to love you again, right?’
‘Who says he stopped?’
‘Babo.’ Jonghyun said serious. ‘This hot chocolate is really better than the concurrents’ one. I think I’m going to stop by more often here.’ Kibum heard him sighing. ‘I guess I’m going to fix my face a little in the bathroom. I just remembered I applied some eyeliner for the gig. That’s why people looked weird at me.’ He chuckled.
Kibum laughed with him. - Finding the fact that his imaginary Jonghyun wore eyeliner a little too attractive.-
‘And after that?’
‘I’m going home. Trying to talk to Hyuna. I bet it will be more like screaming, but I’ll try not to kill her.’ He let out a devastated breath. ‘And when tomorrow comes, I’ll probably be a proud single man.’
‘Will you inform me how it went? Only if you want to though.’ He said unsure.
‘Why won’t I?’
‘A moment ago you didn’t know if we were friends.’ Kibum reminded him. ‘I don’t really know where we are standing.’
‘Hmm.’ He heard the other mutter. ‘I guess we are good friends, so far it can go without ever having seen the other.’
‘I approve.’ Kibum smiled. ‘So you will text me or something?’
‘Of course.’ The voice of Jonghyun said, a bit happier than before.
‘Then there is nothing more for me than give you luck. Hwaiting!’ Kibum held his fist up in the air.
‘Thank you. I wish you the best luck with your game.’
They said their last goodbyes before Kibum could let himself fall on the mattress again, staring at his television screen which was paused for way to long.
***After playing the game for more than two hours -not one time he had won, only thinking about how it was going at Jonghyuns’ place. - he turned off the console. Not soon after the loud music died too.
Outside the sun had set long ago.
When Kibum finally laid in his bed, after his long evening ritual of showering, massaging his face and applying a bunch of crèmes, he couldn’t find sleep.
He had tossed and tolled in underneath his blanket. Not understanding how he could be so stressed out for the other, still unknown, boy that probably lived on the other part of town.
Kibum held his breath when he heard the notification tone for a text message.
He didn’t know how fast he could crawl onto his knees, blanket still covering the whole back of his body, and reach out for the mobile on the little night stand.
Kibum saw it wasn’t a text message when he unlocked the screen, it was a voice message.
Impatient he opened it, phone pressed against his ear. - Still sitting upright like a meerkat.-
‘Hi. I didn’t know if you were asleep already. I didn’t want to wake you up. Sorry if I did. But like you advised me, I broke up with her.’ Jonghyun’s voice sounded heavy, raw and really, really, tired. ‘She said it was going on for weeks already. She loves me, at least that was what she told me. But she loved the danger that came with cheating, she knew that when I found out she had to stop. But I told her that I didn’t want someone who cheated. I was right that it got to screaming.’ He sighed deeply. ‘I’ve let her find all her stuff she had lying around here and told her to leave. So no need to see each other for the time being.’ Kibum heard some noises. ‘I’m already lying in bed, very tired. But that’s what happened. I hope your night was somewhat better… Sleep well.’ The boy ended shortly.
Kibum lowered the phone from his ears. He was deeply moved by the others voice. It was so tired, exhausted and overly: empty. It was like not only his love had stopped, but also his life.
Kibum opened his text messenger, typing some words of comfort and if he wanted he could always call him for some moral support.
That night he didn’t get a reply.
***‘I’ve sent you the pictures.’ Kibum chirped through the speaker.
‘Wait a second, this thing is crashing again.’ Jonghyun sighed. ‘Come on, load! I’m going to replace you if you’re not finished in one… Two…’ He bitched at his phone. ‘Finally.’ He sighed.
Kibum heard the tapping on his phone, what meant Jonghyun was finally able to see his pictures.
‘I like the converse more. Where do you even find those?’ Jonghyun replied on his pictures of the different shoes that stood before him.
Two kind of flashy high tops, and one pair converse with huge platforms under it, stood before him on the ground. One of the pairs would be lucky enough to spend the rest of their lives on Kibums’ feet.
‘Just found this alternative kind of store. I guess it’s new, I’ve never seen it before.’ Kibum answered while trying on the converse ones for a last look.
Kibum and Jonghyun both had the thought to go shopping. Neither of them knew it ‘till the time Kibum walked into a department store with loads of shirts. He promised himself he wouldn’t buy more than two today, because his allowance wasn’t really that much. But god, how was he supposed to choose between the ten he had in his arms. So he stalked Jonghyun with pictures and they decided together which ones he should buy. The elder started stalking him with pictures of pants a second later, so they decided it would be more fun when they could speak with each other, so now they had a shop-date.
‘I think I like the converse ones the most too.’ He said while he turned around, looking in the mirror how they looked.
He signed to the girl employee that he wanted these.
‘Ok. I have ten thousand won left. What should I do?’ Kibum asked when he walked out of the store with a new plastic bag together with his already massive collection.
‘I’m just going for bubble tea.’
Kibum’s choice was made at that second.
Bubble tea it was.
‘I’m going for the….hmm.’ He heard the trouble thoughts of the elder. ‘I guess…strawberry? Ice cold with black bubbles.’ This message wasn’t only meant for Kibum.
When the other was enjoying his refreshment, Kibum was still waiting in line.
‘So good!’ he heard the other say relaxed.
It was two weeks after his breakup with Hyuna. The first days were a hell for him, and partly for Kibum. The boy was inconsolable. Kibum could understand it, very much. But he was horrible at comforting people, especially over phone. It felt like he was patting his shoulder from a meter away, only fingertips touching the boy’s shoulder. But Jonghyun said he was over her already. Three days ago, when he was walking through town, he saw her again. Clinging to some other guy. At that moment he lost every bit of good thoughts he still had.
He said one thing was sure. Never a girl for him again.
‘Is it finally your turn?’ Jonghyun asked. ‘Mine is almost empty.’
Kibum rolled his eyes.
‘Thank you for your information. Like I wasn’t thirsty already.’ He sighed, looking at the three persons before him.
‘We aren’t the brightest people, right? Going shopping on a hot day like this.’ Jonghyun noticed.
‘Really!’ Kibum smiled. ‘I actually didn’t took you for someone who liked to shop?’
‘Let’s say, I have the girly habit to spend much money when I’m not feeling well.’
‘I thought you were over her?’ Kibum spoke, smiling at the guy before him that was finally going to give him some refreshment.
‘I am. But I can still feel bad about it right?’ he said. Kibum heard the slurping of the last bit of bubble tea.
‘Of course. I would be also.’ He said when he got his plastic cup which contained a purple substance.
He gave a nod from his head to the man, before leaving out of the row.
The sweet taste felt so good after a day sweating in fitting rooms.
‘Do you have plans for the evening?’ Jonghyun asked when Kibum was setting himself down on one of the benches that were located at the side of the road, facing a park full of people with children.
‘No. Are you going to ask me out?’ Kibum joked.
‘Kind of. I have that race game you recommended me, it has an online function. If you’re just as lonely as me tonight it would be fun to play it together.’
‘I would be honored.’ Kibum said. ‘But actually, I’m busy tonight. Siwon asked me to watch a movie at this place.’
Jonghyun sighed. ‘That sou-…’
Kibum couldn’t hear anything anymore.
He watched a certain couple in midst of all the playing children. But the couple he was watching weren’t children. The couple walked together, walking straight towards Kibum. The man had his arm draped over the back from the girl, hand resting on the small of her hip. Both man and woman were laughing.
‘Kibum…?’
Kibum ignored the voice of his mobile phone. Instead, he stood straight, eyes not leaving the pair before him.
No. not this. They weren’t going to…-
The man pulled the girl closer to his side, head lowering while he attached his lips to the ones of the girl. They stopped walking for a second. The girl laughed happily when they parted, eyes almost closed. They walked further.
Passing Kibum without a single look.
By this time tears were streaming down his cheeks. But what he felt was anger.
He was being used.
Everything that happened next was only going to be remembered in a blur.
Kibum moved from his place, uncapping the plastic cup. He threw the cup, still filled for the half with purple liquid, towards the couple with more power than he ever dared to imagine.
‘So this is why you aren’t fucking me anymore!’ he yelled. Not caring that anybody who walked passed him could hear. ‘You have a little cunt now. That’s it?! You’re fucking girls now?!’
He saw that Siwon told the girl to ignore him, to walk further.
The girl stopped and looked back, eyes meeting with the furious ones of Kibum. She said something to Siwon. Probably telling him that he should face it like the man he was.
‘Kibum…’ The man started.
‘I don’t want to hear it!’ he hissed, choking on his tears. ‘I tried to save our relationship. You saw how much I tried!’
‘You already knew…’ He tried.
‘No! I didn’t knew you were fucking it up so badly!’ He started to scream again. ‘I’ve changed so much for you! I’m not the bitchy one you met two and a half year ago! Not in your presence at least. I tried to not to be as dominant, trusting you even while I knew that there had to be more.’ Kibum swallowed. ‘I’ve trusted you that you would just say it was over. That you didn’t love me anymore.’
‘Kibum. You didn’t want to see it.’ The man stayed calm.
Kibum stood there, shaking in the middle of the street. Realizing what kind of fool he was. He knew it. Even Jonghyun knew it, and he never met him. Kibum felt bad. Disgusted. He had lost his pride when he started to change. Changed to please this person.
So here he promised himself. He wouldn’t change for anyone. Not in the slightest.
‘I’m glad for you. Really. Now you never have to see a dick again. That was why you had such a problem with cock sucking? I hope your little girlfriend knows that you are the lamest person in bed. Really!’ He turned towards the girl. ‘One position. Noting more or less, for two fucking years. Or it was just because I was a BOY!’ The last word was mentioned for the so said man. ‘That would make sense.’
He saw the look on Siwon’s face changing, his Kibum never spoke like this. But that was right; he wasn’t his Kibum anymore.
‘Fucking die in hell!’ He shouted, sticking his middle finger in the air, before turning around, grabbing his bags from the ground.
‘Jonghyun? I let’s play that game. I have enough time to spend.’ He said angrily when he had the phone pressed against his ear again.
‘You go girl.’ He heard Jonghyun laugh.
***‘Kibum, you have to stay on the way if you want to win.’ He heard Jonghyun say through the headphone.
‘I can’t see anything.’ He said while emptying his nose in a tissue.
‘Come on. You’re not the only single person in the room.’
‘You’re happy I broke up with him! You jerk.’ He said a bit loud through the microphone.
‘I’m only happy for you. I’ve heard him talk too now. You’re way too good for him. He didn’t even try to say something! Kibum, you didn’t want to see it.’ He imitated Siwons’ voice. ‘What a loser.’
‘Your girlfriend was a bitch too. But I wasn’t laughing right? I comforted you through all those hard moments.’ He whined.
When Kibum crashed into a flat again, Jonghyun stopped the game.
‘This isn’t going to work.’ Kibum heard he was standing up.
‘Lie down or something. Just relax.’ Jonghyun said.
‘Why?’ he asked suspicious.
‘I’ve told you I write lyrics right? You wanted to hear some… This is the perfect time. Just got my hit list updated with a bunch of Taylor Swift like breakup songs, only somewhat less Taylor Swifty… More Jonghyun. I wasn’t planning on letting these here to anybody. But you need them.’
He heard him tune his guitar. Kibum was endeared by how the boy was trying to make him feel better. So Kibum did what him was told, he lied down onto the ground, body resting on his side, the controller rested beside his head, and knees pulled up against his tummy. He shifted a bit, laying his head on his arm so the headset wasn’t paining him anymore.
‘Ready?’ The boy asked when he finished tuning.
‘Ready.’
The first chords that left his instrument were kind of sad, broken, just like Kibum. When Jonghyun started to sing with his incredible, splendid, voice, the melody started to change to something more hopeful, promising omens for the future. Kibum couldn’t concentrate on the lyrics, his voice was so extraordinary. Kibum had never heard something like this before. People in the music industry had amazing voices, but this was different. Jonghyun had the voice of an angel, so honest and pure suffused with love for his produced tones.
Jonghyun had done it, he had touched Kibum right in the heart with his music. Letting him forget the rest of the world. It was now just him and
the creaky music coming out of his headphone.
‘Kibum?’ Jonghyun’s voice asked softly though the microphone. ‘Are you still there?’
Kibum was there, but at the same time not actually.
Kibum was finally relaxed after a day of tense muscles and a lot of crying. He had fell asleep.
‘I hear you breathing. Did you fall asleep?’ Jonghyun chuckled. ‘At least you’re getting some rest. Sleep well~’ he whispered before shutting down his console.
A/N: So much drama in just one chapter, I'm sorry. I hope you liked the chapter! Next chapter will be one of my favorites! Have a good start of the new week~
Comments are welcomed with open arms <3
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Smut, Drama
Summary: Kibum’s current relationship is lacking spice. To safe his relationship, he calls his boyfriend for an intimate phone conversation, but the one at the other side isn’t his boyfriend… It’s a boy called Jonghyun.
Kibum was lying on his bed, intensely focused on his small television screen with his PlayStation controller locked in his hands.
Minho had lent him this new race game, and it was kind of addicting.
So that’s why he was spending his Friday night alone in his dorm room, waiting until he was getting tired so he could sleep.
A loud song was playing on his speakers. Kibum didn’t really know the song, it was something Jonghyun had recommended him the night before. It was something with a loud bass, heavy guitar solo’s and lyrics that he couldn’t really understand. It fitted this nerve-racking race game more than anything.
Jonghyun and Kibum were now accustomed to call now and then, or sending text messages with pictures from where he was drinking something and if he would recommend it to the other.
Jonghyun was his personal twitter wall.
And Kibum enjoyed it a lot.
They haven’t really shown each other a picture of how they look, it just wasn’t important. He sometimes thought about it, he would only picture a stunning man with big eyes (one point his girlfriend loved the most about him) and well build body. Kibum also knew that couldn’t be reality, but it didn’t seem like they would ever meet, so Kibum could dream right?
His relationship with Siwon hadn’t really changed, except for that Kibum wasn’t playing the maid anymore, and the times they spend together became more unique. Still without affection.
When he talked about it with the older boy -Jonghyun was a year older than him- he should just end it. Kibum really wanted to find the strength, but his heart was still attached to him. Still hoping that it could go back to normal somehow.
When Kibum had to wait to load the new level he saw something irritating in the corner of his eye.
Soon enough he found out that it was his phone ringing.
Kibum dropped his controller onto the mattress before reaching out for it. Already smiling when he saw the contact that popped up. -Yes, he started to make contacts in his phone, and Jonghyun was now one of them.-
‘Hello~’ he chirped when he pulled at the green mark.
Kibum didn’t receive an answer. What he did hear was a loud sob.
‘Jonghyun?’ he asked careful. Even looking at the phone again so he was sure he was talking with the right guy.
‘God, are you crying?’ he asked when the noises became clearer.
Loud unsteady breaths where the only answers.
‘What is wrong? Please talk to me!’ he insisted, afraid that he boy lied somewhere in Seoul dying from god knows what.
‘Hyuna…’ he cried.
Kibum felt like a fist was locked around his heart. Afraid that the girl the boy loved so dearly had experienced something horrible.
‘Is she alright?’ Kibum asked full of concern.
‘I bet she is.’ The boy spat out. ‘She’s probably getting fucked right now, so I guess she should be happy.’ Kibum was never afraid for the voice on the other side of the line.
But this time he sounded that he was ready to kill.
‘What?’ Kibum didn’t really understand.
‘She’s fucking cheating on me!’ the man screamed.
Kibum held his hand for his mouth. Shocked by what the elder had told him.
His Hyuna, the girl from gold? The amazing girl that even made a gay guy turn straight for her. The girl Jonghyun was in love with?
‘Are you sure? Didn’t you mess things up?’ Kibum asked. Afraid that he hadn’t.
‘No. I’m sure.’ He cried.
In the distance he heard weird noises. Cars.
‘Are you outside? Where are you?’ Kibum started to panic.
Kibum knew how much he loved the girl, and that the boy was quite emotional. Kibum was a person which always saw the worst case scenarios before the happier ones.
‘Somewhere in the city district, don’t worry.’ The boy said in a somewhat nicer tone than before. He heard him taking a deep breath. ‘Sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt your free evening.’
Kibum shook his head, forgetting the other couldn’t really see him.
‘Should I come by?’ Kibum asked, uncertain of his own question.
‘No.’ was the short word Jonghyun answered. ‘I think listening to your voice is enough, for now.’ His voice was broken.
There was a short silence between them.
Kibum had crawled back to the corner of his bed, the wall giving his head support. He just listened to the soft whimpers formed by the voice on the other side of the line. Even without Kibum calming him, he became more quiet.
‘Are you alright?’ he dared to asked after a few minutes of listening to the others, now more even breathing.
‘I’m better now. Your breath is very calming you know?’ He heard a breathily laugh. ‘Don’t get me wrong though.’ He added soon after.
‘I won’t. But most people find my voice irritating. I tend to be a very talkative person.’ Kibum let the smile break through his sentence.
‘I know that.’ Jonghyun said quiet. The sounds on the background became clearer, Kibum could even hear some people talking. ‘You don’t even notice when I leave for a toilet break.’ Kibum was sure he heard him laughing.
‘Yah! Is that what you do with my precious time?’ Kibum said semi-annoyed.
‘It was only once, though. But when I came back you were still talking like I never left.’ He chuckled.
Kibum laughed with him for a few seconds, before asking something that would ruin the just bettered mood. ‘Where are you going?’
‘I have the strange feeling I have to get myself some coffee in a silent café, and tell you what happened.’ He hummed. ‘I already get stares from people. It is probably very noticeable that I’ve just cried.’ He whispered. ‘But I can’t get home, not now. She will probably be there soon. I don’t want to face her today.’ It sounded like he breathed his last piece of soul out.
The boy said more random sentences. And Kibum let him talking; he never talked to the boy in a state of rejection, so he didn’t know how to calm him. But Kibum already noticed that Jonghyun knew how to do that himself. He had to talk. Talk about what he saw or heard when he walked past something. Or how the soft evening breeze felt on his skin.
‘Do you write lyrics?’ Kibum asked in the middle of a sentence the other was telling him.
‘Yes. Why?’ The boy asked surprised.
‘Just got the feeling. You seem to notice everything, and tell them to me like they are marvelous.’ Kibum said enchanted. ‘You should let me hear something.’ Kibum encouraged.
‘Not when I’m walking on the streets of Seoul. But I will sometime.’ he hummed something soft. ‘I guess you would like it. It’s nothing like the recommendations of music I gave you.’
‘Good. I don’t even know what they’re singing. But I’m playing a race game that suits it perfectly. I was winning this round!’ he said excited.
‘Good for you.’ He said good natured. Kibum heard the sound of a bell, and the sounds of the busy street being closed out. ‘I’m going to place my order. Will be back any second.’ He announced.
Kibum sighed. He often spoke with Siwon on the phone just before he got to work, or when he was just finished. He would never announce it, he would just lay a hand on the speaker and talked with some waiter girl for a few minutes.
Kibum held his phone close to his ear. ‘A hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and sugar, please.’ He heard the man say in the distant. When Jonghyun offered a meaningful ‘thank you’ towards the employee he immediately started to talk to Kibum again. ‘I hope this one is better than the one I bought a few days ago at some shop on the other side of the street. It was way to bitter, even with extra sugar!’
Kibum heard loud noises, and expected that Jonghyun was sitting down somewhere.
‘You like sugar?’
‘Only in my drinks. I try to eat as healthy as possible. But I treat myself every now and then on some delicious hot chocolate.’ Kibum wanted to say something about being it a thousand degrees outside, but Jonghyun was before him. ‘Don’t start about the weather. It’s some ritual I had with my mother. But don’t let me get started on that one too today.’ His mood seemed to go down again.
‘So… are you going to tell me what happened?’ Kibum dared to ask after a few minutes of listening to Jonghyun enjoying his hot chocolate.
‘I had a gig tonight. No, I was supposed to have a gig tonight. Nothing big but it would be great.’ He began. ‘But at the last moment there were some technical problems, so sadly enough we couldn’t play. You know, because all of the guitar amplifiers and-’
‘I know how instruments work.’ Kibum interrupted. He knew when he would let the boy talk about all the small matters they would be talking for hours.
‘So, I texted Hyuna that she could come to my place earlier than planned. But she didn’t response. Nothing weird. I called her a few times and so, no I’m no stalker I- …I just had good plans for this evening…’ the last sentence he started to stutter, voice sinking a few octaves. ‘But she still didn’t pick up. Still nothing weird. But I knew she was at home, so what would be nicer than picking her up so she didn’t have cross Seoul on her own.’ He sighed. ‘So I drove to her home, and rang the bell… a few times. She was home, I could see her shoes through the little window in the door.’ He heard his voice going rasped, was he crying again? ‘She opened it, wearing nothing more than an oversized male shirt. And it was not mine. I saw her face going pale and yeah, then I heard someone calling her from her room… and…’ now there was definitely a sob. ‘I’m not stupid. I ran into her room finding a man in her bed. God!’ he cried softly. ‘It was clear what they had been doing. I’ve never been that angry before. I think I hit him. I can’t remember. How can she be such a bitch?’ he asked desperate.
Kibum had gone all silent while listening. He almost could feel his pain.
‘I… I don’t know what to say.’ Kibum stated. ‘I wish I could help you.’ He sounded almost as desperate as Jonghyun.
‘Just stay on the phone. You’re helping me enough with listening to my problems. God, now I’m crying again. Lucky for me, there is no one on the second floor.’ He tried to chuckle. ‘She said she’s coming to my place to talk about it. I don’t want to see her. I don’t trust myself for not doing something horrible to her.’
‘She deserves something horrible.’ Kibum stated.
‘She probably does. But gosh, I feel so stupid. I loved her! How could it be that I never saw her cheating on someone? Why didn’t I notice?’ He heard a fist on the table. ‘I’ve never been an aggressive person, but I could kill her right now. But on the other side I know that I love her. I fucking love her so much that I’m thinking I should give her a second chance.’ He growled.
‘She doesn’t deserve a second chance. And if you gave her one she sees that you would forgive these horrible things; she would only doing it again.’
‘But maybe it was her first time? Maybe she is shocked enough that she will never do it again?’ Kibum heard an aggressive swallow from his drink.
‘Jonghyun. I wish I could say to you that you had to try again. A girl probably would. But I’m going to say you this; if she really loves you, why should she seek for someone else?’ Kibum tried to speak as confident as he could. But deep in his heart he was afraid for giving the wrong advice. That everything would get okay again between them.
‘If someone really loves you, why should he ignore you?’ Jonghyun spoke quiet. So quiet that Kibum almost didn’t hear it.
‘What are you implying with that?’
‘If you’re right, my girlfriend just proved that she didn’t love me enough. What is your boyfriend saying to you then?’ Jonghyun said sadly.
Kibum stayed silent. He didn’t expect that he had to think about this right now.
‘I’m sorry. You’re being honest to me, I felt like I had to be also. It was playing on my mind. But it’s my problem today. I’m ruing your whole evening.’ His voice sounded hollow. Thinking about the bang he had heard earlier he supposed Jonghyun laid with his head burrowed in his arms on the table.
‘Don’t be sorry. This is where friends are for right?’ he tried to make the other less burdened.
‘Are we friends?’ Jonghyun asked, hopefulness shining through.
‘Aren’t we?’ Kibum asked playful. ‘I don’t talk to persons that don’t interest me for longer than a few minutes. Seen at the amount of phone bills,
I suppose I could call you my friend.’
Jonghyun let out a fast chuckle.
‘Don’t talk about the phone bill, please. I’m trying to forget all the money I have to spend on it.’ He finally heard him laughing a bit. ‘But I’m trying to be serious if I may.’
‘You may.’
‘I think you should break up with Siwon. He’s a douchebag, and way too old for you.’
‘Love doesn’t have an age. And I just want to see where this is going to end. Maybe he’s just in a really busy period. Until then it will just feel like
I’m single already.’ He scoffed.
‘Isn’t that a waste of your time?’ Jonghyun asked.
Gosh, the boy started to get happy to talk about someone else problem. But Kibum felt bad for the boy, so he let him.
‘I don’t have my eyes set on anyone else. And nobody wants me for the time being. It won’t matter if I’m in a relationship now. And we’re together for almost two years, things can’t be as good as the first year.’
‘You’re really wishing he would start to love you again, right?’
‘Who says he stopped?’
‘Babo.’ Jonghyun said serious. ‘This hot chocolate is really better than the concurrents’ one. I think I’m going to stop by more often here.’ Kibum heard him sighing. ‘I guess I’m going to fix my face a little in the bathroom. I just remembered I applied some eyeliner for the gig. That’s why people looked weird at me.’ He chuckled.
Kibum laughed with him. - Finding the fact that his imaginary Jonghyun wore eyeliner a little too attractive.-
‘And after that?’
‘I’m going home. Trying to talk to Hyuna. I bet it will be more like screaming, but I’ll try not to kill her.’ He let out a devastated breath. ‘And when tomorrow comes, I’ll probably be a proud single man.’
‘Will you inform me how it went? Only if you want to though.’ He said unsure.
‘Why won’t I?’
‘A moment ago you didn’t know if we were friends.’ Kibum reminded him. ‘I don’t really know where we are standing.’
‘Hmm.’ He heard the other mutter. ‘I guess we are good friends, so far it can go without ever having seen the other.’
‘I approve.’ Kibum smiled. ‘So you will text me or something?’
‘Of course.’ The voice of Jonghyun said, a bit happier than before.
‘Then there is nothing more for me than give you luck. Hwaiting!’ Kibum held his fist up in the air.
‘Thank you. I wish you the best luck with your game.’
They said their last goodbyes before Kibum could let himself fall on the mattress again, staring at his television screen which was paused for way to long.
***After playing the game for more than two hours -not one time he had won, only thinking about how it was going at Jonghyuns’ place. - he turned off the console. Not soon after the loud music died too.
Outside the sun had set long ago.
When Kibum finally laid in his bed, after his long evening ritual of showering, massaging his face and applying a bunch of crèmes, he couldn’t find sleep.
He had tossed and tolled in underneath his blanket. Not understanding how he could be so stressed out for the other, still unknown, boy that probably lived on the other part of town.
Kibum held his breath when he heard the notification tone for a text message.
He didn’t know how fast he could crawl onto his knees, blanket still covering the whole back of his body, and reach out for the mobile on the little night stand.
Kibum saw it wasn’t a text message when he unlocked the screen, it was a voice message.
Impatient he opened it, phone pressed against his ear. - Still sitting upright like a meerkat.-
‘Hi. I didn’t know if you were asleep already. I didn’t want to wake you up. Sorry if I did. But like you advised me, I broke up with her.’ Jonghyun’s voice sounded heavy, raw and really, really, tired. ‘She said it was going on for weeks already. She loves me, at least that was what she told me. But she loved the danger that came with cheating, she knew that when I found out she had to stop. But I told her that I didn’t want someone who cheated. I was right that it got to screaming.’ He sighed deeply. ‘I’ve let her find all her stuff she had lying around here and told her to leave. So no need to see each other for the time being.’ Kibum heard some noises. ‘I’m already lying in bed, very tired. But that’s what happened. I hope your night was somewhat better… Sleep well.’ The boy ended shortly.
Kibum lowered the phone from his ears. He was deeply moved by the others voice. It was so tired, exhausted and overly: empty. It was like not only his love had stopped, but also his life.
Kibum opened his text messenger, typing some words of comfort and if he wanted he could always call him for some moral support.
That night he didn’t get a reply.
***‘I’ve sent you the pictures.’ Kibum chirped through the speaker.
‘Wait a second, this thing is crashing again.’ Jonghyun sighed. ‘Come on, load! I’m going to replace you if you’re not finished in one… Two…’ He bitched at his phone. ‘Finally.’ He sighed.
Kibum heard the tapping on his phone, what meant Jonghyun was finally able to see his pictures.
‘I like the converse more. Where do you even find those?’ Jonghyun replied on his pictures of the different shoes that stood before him.
Two kind of flashy high tops, and one pair converse with huge platforms under it, stood before him on the ground. One of the pairs would be lucky enough to spend the rest of their lives on Kibums’ feet.
‘Just found this alternative kind of store. I guess it’s new, I’ve never seen it before.’ Kibum answered while trying on the converse ones for a last look.
Kibum and Jonghyun both had the thought to go shopping. Neither of them knew it ‘till the time Kibum walked into a department store with loads of shirts. He promised himself he wouldn’t buy more than two today, because his allowance wasn’t really that much. But god, how was he supposed to choose between the ten he had in his arms. So he stalked Jonghyun with pictures and they decided together which ones he should buy. The elder started stalking him with pictures of pants a second later, so they decided it would be more fun when they could speak with each other, so now they had a shop-date.
‘I think I like the converse ones the most too.’ He said while he turned around, looking in the mirror how they looked.
He signed to the girl employee that he wanted these.
‘Ok. I have ten thousand won left. What should I do?’ Kibum asked when he walked out of the store with a new plastic bag together with his already massive collection.
‘I’m just going for bubble tea.’
Kibum’s choice was made at that second.
Bubble tea it was.
‘I’m going for the….hmm.’ He heard the trouble thoughts of the elder. ‘I guess…strawberry? Ice cold with black bubbles.’ This message wasn’t only meant for Kibum.
When the other was enjoying his refreshment, Kibum was still waiting in line.
‘So good!’ he heard the other say relaxed.
It was two weeks after his breakup with Hyuna. The first days were a hell for him, and partly for Kibum. The boy was inconsolable. Kibum could understand it, very much. But he was horrible at comforting people, especially over phone. It felt like he was patting his shoulder from a meter away, only fingertips touching the boy’s shoulder. But Jonghyun said he was over her already. Three days ago, when he was walking through town, he saw her again. Clinging to some other guy. At that moment he lost every bit of good thoughts he still had.
He said one thing was sure. Never a girl for him again.
‘Is it finally your turn?’ Jonghyun asked. ‘Mine is almost empty.’
Kibum rolled his eyes.
‘Thank you for your information. Like I wasn’t thirsty already.’ He sighed, looking at the three persons before him.
‘We aren’t the brightest people, right? Going shopping on a hot day like this.’ Jonghyun noticed.
‘Really!’ Kibum smiled. ‘I actually didn’t took you for someone who liked to shop?’
‘Let’s say, I have the girly habit to spend much money when I’m not feeling well.’
‘I thought you were over her?’ Kibum spoke, smiling at the guy before him that was finally going to give him some refreshment.
‘I am. But I can still feel bad about it right?’ he said. Kibum heard the slurping of the last bit of bubble tea.
‘Of course. I would be also.’ He said when he got his plastic cup which contained a purple substance.
He gave a nod from his head to the man, before leaving out of the row.
The sweet taste felt so good after a day sweating in fitting rooms.
‘Do you have plans for the evening?’ Jonghyun asked when Kibum was setting himself down on one of the benches that were located at the side of the road, facing a park full of people with children.
‘No. Are you going to ask me out?’ Kibum joked.
‘Kind of. I have that race game you recommended me, it has an online function. If you’re just as lonely as me tonight it would be fun to play it together.’
‘I would be honored.’ Kibum said. ‘But actually, I’m busy tonight. Siwon asked me to watch a movie at this place.’
Jonghyun sighed. ‘That sou-…’
Kibum couldn’t hear anything anymore.
He watched a certain couple in midst of all the playing children. But the couple he was watching weren’t children. The couple walked together, walking straight towards Kibum. The man had his arm draped over the back from the girl, hand resting on the small of her hip. Both man and woman were laughing.
‘Kibum…?’
Kibum ignored the voice of his mobile phone. Instead, he stood straight, eyes not leaving the pair before him.
No. not this. They weren’t going to…-
The man pulled the girl closer to his side, head lowering while he attached his lips to the ones of the girl. They stopped walking for a second. The girl laughed happily when they parted, eyes almost closed. They walked further.
Passing Kibum without a single look.
By this time tears were streaming down his cheeks. But what he felt was anger.
He was being used.
Everything that happened next was only going to be remembered in a blur.
Kibum moved from his place, uncapping the plastic cup. He threw the cup, still filled for the half with purple liquid, towards the couple with more power than he ever dared to imagine.
‘So this is why you aren’t fucking me anymore!’ he yelled. Not caring that anybody who walked passed him could hear. ‘You have a little cunt now. That’s it?! You’re fucking girls now?!’
He saw that Siwon told the girl to ignore him, to walk further.
The girl stopped and looked back, eyes meeting with the furious ones of Kibum. She said something to Siwon. Probably telling him that he should face it like the man he was.
‘Kibum…’ The man started.
‘I don’t want to hear it!’ he hissed, choking on his tears. ‘I tried to save our relationship. You saw how much I tried!’
‘You already knew…’ He tried.
‘No! I didn’t knew you were fucking it up so badly!’ He started to scream again. ‘I’ve changed so much for you! I’m not the bitchy one you met two and a half year ago! Not in your presence at least. I tried to not to be as dominant, trusting you even while I knew that there had to be more.’ Kibum swallowed. ‘I’ve trusted you that you would just say it was over. That you didn’t love me anymore.’
‘Kibum. You didn’t want to see it.’ The man stayed calm.
Kibum stood there, shaking in the middle of the street. Realizing what kind of fool he was. He knew it. Even Jonghyun knew it, and he never met him. Kibum felt bad. Disgusted. He had lost his pride when he started to change. Changed to please this person.
So here he promised himself. He wouldn’t change for anyone. Not in the slightest.
‘I’m glad for you. Really. Now you never have to see a dick again. That was why you had such a problem with cock sucking? I hope your little girlfriend knows that you are the lamest person in bed. Really!’ He turned towards the girl. ‘One position. Noting more or less, for two fucking years. Or it was just because I was a BOY!’ The last word was mentioned for the so said man. ‘That would make sense.’
He saw the look on Siwon’s face changing, his Kibum never spoke like this. But that was right; he wasn’t his Kibum anymore.
‘Fucking die in hell!’ He shouted, sticking his middle finger in the air, before turning around, grabbing his bags from the ground.
‘Jonghyun? I let’s play that game. I have enough time to spend.’ He said angrily when he had the phone pressed against his ear again.
‘You go girl.’ He heard Jonghyun laugh.
***‘Kibum, you have to stay on the way if you want to win.’ He heard Jonghyun say through the headphone.
‘I can’t see anything.’ He said while emptying his nose in a tissue.
‘Come on. You’re not the only single person in the room.’
‘You’re happy I broke up with him! You jerk.’ He said a bit loud through the microphone.
‘I’m only happy for you. I’ve heard him talk too now. You’re way too good for him. He didn’t even try to say something! Kibum, you didn’t want to see it.’ He imitated Siwons’ voice. ‘What a loser.’
‘Your girlfriend was a bitch too. But I wasn’t laughing right? I comforted you through all those hard moments.’ He whined.
When Kibum crashed into a flat again, Jonghyun stopped the game.
‘This isn’t going to work.’ Kibum heard he was standing up.
‘Lie down or something. Just relax.’ Jonghyun said.
‘Why?’ he asked suspicious.
‘I’ve told you I write lyrics right? You wanted to hear some… This is the perfect time. Just got my hit list updated with a bunch of Taylor Swift like breakup songs, only somewhat less Taylor Swifty… More Jonghyun. I wasn’t planning on letting these here to anybody. But you need them.’
He heard him tune his guitar. Kibum was endeared by how the boy was trying to make him feel better. So Kibum did what him was told, he lied down onto the ground, body resting on his side, the controller rested beside his head, and knees pulled up against his tummy. He shifted a bit, laying his head on his arm so the headset wasn’t paining him anymore.
‘Ready?’ The boy asked when he finished tuning.
‘Ready.’
The first chords that left his instrument were kind of sad, broken, just like Kibum. When Jonghyun started to sing with his incredible, splendid, voice, the melody started to change to something more hopeful, promising omens for the future. Kibum couldn’t concentrate on the lyrics, his voice was so extraordinary. Kibum had never heard something like this before. People in the music industry had amazing voices, but this was different. Jonghyun had the voice of an angel, so honest and pure suffused with love for his produced tones.
Jonghyun had done it, he had touched Kibum right in the heart with his music. Letting him forget the rest of the world. It was now just him and
the creaky music coming out of his headphone.
‘Kibum?’ Jonghyun’s voice asked softly though the microphone. ‘Are you still there?’
Kibum was there, but at the same time not actually.
Kibum was finally relaxed after a day of tense muscles and a lot of crying. He had fell asleep.
‘I hear you breathing. Did you fall asleep?’ Jonghyun chuckled. ‘At least you’re getting some rest. Sleep well~’ he whispered before shutting down his console.
A/N: So much drama in just one chapter, I'm sorry. I hope you liked the chapter! Next chapter will be one of my favorites! Have a good start of the new week~
Comments are welcomed with open arms <3