Fic: The Camelot Complex (J^2 for Harlequin SPN)
Yay! This is the first fanfic I've ever fully completed, so I'm embarrassingly pleased with myself and also dead from staying up to write it. I'm sorry to subject people to my unbetaed procrastinatory cobblings, but again, Yay! I declare victory and will now collapse.
Btw, don't read this if fics about real people squick you. I'm specifically ( Read more... )
Btw, don't read this if fics about real people squick you. I'm specifically ( Read more... )
I like the humour in this story, and Jensen's inner voice - he loves Jared and puts up with a lot, and is willing to take whatever he can get in return. So his surprise and happiness when Jared finally declares his love is wonderful.
Having said that (and because you asked for concrit), Jared's turnabout did seem to come awfully suddenly. The way you painted their existing relationship was Jared calling himself straight, calling Jensen his best friend, but then asking Jensen for blowjobs sometime. You have Jared saying at the end that he's sorry for keeping them a secret, but it's unclear whether they were actually together before or not.
I understand that it's really hard to squeeze a long plot narrative into a pretty short fic like this. It just seems that a step is missing there. Maybe it would help if we got Jared's perspective at some point, realising that Jensen means everything to him?
Anyway, I enjoyed reading this, and I hope you write a lot more in future :)
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I totally worried that the tone went too quickly from dark to light, but then I was tired and engaged in excuse-making. Like, it's harlequin. Even rape is explained away by the HEA! It's positively Shakespearean, dude. *shifty-eyes*
Lol. I guess that's what a beta is for, to keep crack the whip when you both know the fic has an issue. Your comments were really great, and spot on for me.
The thing I disliked the most about it was that Jared was so stooopid. This tragic woobie misunderstanding is my least favorite plot point. (I'm looking at you, Romeo and Juliet!) Thanks for picking up on that. Next time, I will--get more sleep--and try not ignore my own inner critic due to laziness.
Hey, congrats on your 1st fic, too. It is really cool to have it behind you, isn't it?
Btw:
I understand that it's really hard to squeeze a long plot narrative into a pretty short fic like this. It just seems that a step is missing there. Maybe it would help if we got Jared's perspective at some point, realising that Jensen means everything to him?
That's a pretty slick way of asking for a sequel. :)
Oh, and thanks for the *nice* stuff you've said. :)
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Yeah, some people react very badly to concrit, so I only offer it when the author seems both sane and receptive!
I totally know what you mean about romance novels and their dodgy plotting - I've read far more of them than I'm willing to admit ;-)
That's a pretty slick way of asking for a sequel
*smiles sweetly* I am nothing if not slick...
to be honest, I was thinking more of you inserting a section from Jared's POV if you ever decide to rewrite the story. But hell, I like the sequel idea even better!
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No plans to rewrite, I'm afraid. And I don't think my next fic will even be in this fandom, sorry, but then there's always a possibility.
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