i feel like i just need to get this out

[maynardsdick]

You'll never get why I brought you two into it, and that it was an accident. An ongoing mistake.
I'll never know why I have these times where I get so angry at you guys.
You'll never understand why I did it, and continued doing it.
I'll never know why you did it, or understand it at least.
You'll never understand how hurt I am and will always be by it.
I'll never get how to solve this mess that only exists in my head.
You'll never get why I can be an asshole about it sometimes.
I'll never understand how much you cared about me and why.
You, it might be hard for you to see that I really did appreciate what you did. It's not what I wanted but I still appreciate it.
I need to figure out how to be comfortable with it ALL the time
and not just some of the time
and I just want you to know if Im upset its usually just because of that and you don't have to ask what's wrong because you'll know
and im so sorry if i bug you so much and I guess why I am writing this down
because as much as what happened happened and its the past i still feel like everyone hates a piece of me for it, and i hate apiece of myself for it, and i hate having to do this not doing it thing,
and some times i have really really hard nights, and i just wish someone would understand