Rejection is imminent

[maymay27]

Arrr, well I am kind of torn. Because I could go on and on for ages about a certain guy who we will refer to, for the protection of the innocent, as Ray. Uh. So..yes, Ray, I've known him for about a year and he's pretty nice, and we were pretty friendly at the end of last year but not enough to keep in touch over the summer, but he is in one of my classes this year, right. I sit in close proximity to him. Seems like he always flirts with me, and that is fine with me since I have liked him nearly as long as I have known him. But I cannot tell if he flirts with me because its me or if its because it is just his nature. People say I should just go for it but I just don't know, I have such low confidence, and I'm worried that if it is knocked down just another peg I will be depressed and all of my activities and school will suffer for a little bit. Of course, if he says yes, I will be one happy camper, right? So I've been thinking about how to ask Ray out, yeah, and I've come to the conclusion that I must do it verbally, even at the risk of humiliation. It seems like such a little thing, but it is so hard for me to do right now. It never really has been, since I started highschool. But now it is like I am back in middle school. But yeah. Another problem is that even if he does say yes, then I won't have an actual date to ask him on, because I am so busy and I generally can't predict my exact schedule, right. So...yeah. Ray is really nice though. He probably does know I like him, but that leads me to thinking, perhaps he just doesn't like me or maybe he would have asked me out by now. Uhh...or maybe he is just waiting for me to take the initiative. Because Ray did help me with a class I was having trouble with. And he stayed an extra half hour when he already had a plan for doing something else. And he gave me a ride home. And he always talks to me in this class I have with him. But...I don't know. Perhaps he does that for everyone. I tend to think that he does.

I guess there is no real way to figure it out until I just ask him. So perhaps I will tomorrow. Then...perhaps not. I don't really know. I think I should. I just don't know.