The Blind Date
Ok, so a lot of people on my facebook have been asking me, and since it's Monday night I suppose it's about time I spilled the beans about Friday's blind date.
Let me give you the background. After one of my posts here, CPD and ant_queen made a good point that I seem to go for Extroverts and I'm an extrovert and that doesn't seem to mix so perhaps I should be going for more Introverted guys (ie male versions of Ant). CPD took the liberty of suggesting a work colleague to the required personality and physical appearance (according to my description of my 'type') and offered to introduce us.
Thus the blind date was arranged.
So Friday afternoon I hopped a train to Wollongong after work arriving just before 8pm. We had a quick dinner and then popped down to a monthly drumming night that occurs at North Beach which the lucky guy happens to always attend. CPD had cleverly managed a bunch of people to all be going along so the date was not particularly obvious, as the chap in question was none the wiser to the set up.
Now, CPD is rather good at being subtle, Ant knows she's not always good at being subtle... Tam, not so great with Subtle. I had had no more than 3 minutes between being introduced to M* and having Tam in my ear, hanging off me asking me what I thought of him. I did giggle a little bit about her enthusiasm.
Now to be honest, I had a bit of an advantage, I had already seen a photo of the guy and I had already had my initial reactions. Sadly, my introduction reactions weren't an improvement on my initial reaction, which was 'No thanks'. But I had given him the benefit of the doubt and accepted the date to start, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt, knowing he's a rather shy type, that I had to give him a chance to impress.
We all took a seat on a picnic rug and chatted or drummed or listened (we had some of those very quiet friends with us). As time progressed various people got up and wandered away, various topics were discussed, and various, not so subtle friends insisted I move over and closer and closer to M*. We talked about a few different things, but for me there really wasn't a spark.
For me it was like we inhabited different planes of intellect. He's an intelligent and genuinely lovely guy, he's an Engineer, but it didn't match my plane of intelligence and so I didn't find a particularly strong connection to him. I think it's to do with a level of social intelligence I want to connect over, but that may be a struggle if I'm supposed to meet an introvert who is not necessarily able to be so socially aware or experienced.
The drumming night was quite nice, very relaxed atmosphere, very suitable for a secret blind date :) He did open up and became more chatty as I was moved closer and the night wore on. We all headed off to Turkish Delight for an evening sweet, they do chocolate baklava, but I had seker pare and hot chocolate... might as well splurge on such a night eh?
Again, I sat next to M* and chatted a little more, but for me I had to think about what to discuss, it didn't have the easy flow you get when you're naturally attracted to someone. We all finished up about 11pm I think. I commented to Ant and CPD in the car on the way home that he really was lovely, but there wasn't a whole lot of spark on my end. I did say I would certainly consider a second arranged meeting, just to make sure I'm not being a horribly biased and inconsiderate person and all.
Over the last couple of days, many people have asked me about it, so I have therefore thought a lot about it (and have tried not to feel guilty/ disappointed for not being attracted to M*) and I have came up with a description which I think helps define the elusive spark or chemistry (as some friends have claimed that even no spark deserves another 2 dates - do I really have that kind of time?). Anyway, sparks and chemistry, it's not necessarily that desire to jump someone's bones or the Hollywood love at first sight for me. It's more of an interest hook, the desire to know more. To want to know what they'll say next, what they'll be doing tomorrow, when you might next run in to them. All that wondering and interest leads to hoping and excitement, and that's what the spark and chemistry are.
And I'm sure people will argue till they're blue in the face that chemistry can grow over time, but you know what, I've experienced what I've described a number of times over the years, even as recently as in the last few months. It hasn't had to grow, in fact I've been stuck with a few full-blown and as yet unrealised crushes for months now. Guess it makes things hard for any potential date who hasn't provided at least a similar level of interest for me to be hooked on.
And before you ask about these other crushes, no I'm not nearly as brave as you all make me out to be. I quiver at the idea of being blatantly honest with a guy I'm dead keen on because of the potential rejection and humiliation or just plain disappointment of him not being interested back (oh god, I might not provide that interest hook I'm endorsing! The horror!). Even though certainly one of these guys I could afford to be so honest too and the fall out would be minimal... that's a lot of guts and timing I am still trying to fathom and maybe plan such an opportunity.
So I have to admit, having friends screen potential chaps, recommend them and set me up without the pressure of the opposite party *knowing* they're on a blind date, is quite nice, but not necessarily easy.
Let me give you the background. After one of my posts here, CPD and ant_queen made a good point that I seem to go for Extroverts and I'm an extrovert and that doesn't seem to mix so perhaps I should be going for more Introverted guys (ie male versions of Ant). CPD took the liberty of suggesting a work colleague to the required personality and physical appearance (according to my description of my 'type') and offered to introduce us.
Thus the blind date was arranged.
So Friday afternoon I hopped a train to Wollongong after work arriving just before 8pm. We had a quick dinner and then popped down to a monthly drumming night that occurs at North Beach which the lucky guy happens to always attend. CPD had cleverly managed a bunch of people to all be going along so the date was not particularly obvious, as the chap in question was none the wiser to the set up.
Now, CPD is rather good at being subtle, Ant knows she's not always good at being subtle... Tam, not so great with Subtle. I had had no more than 3 minutes between being introduced to M* and having Tam in my ear, hanging off me asking me what I thought of him. I did giggle a little bit about her enthusiasm.
Now to be honest, I had a bit of an advantage, I had already seen a photo of the guy and I had already had my initial reactions. Sadly, my introduction reactions weren't an improvement on my initial reaction, which was 'No thanks'. But I had given him the benefit of the doubt and accepted the date to start, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt, knowing he's a rather shy type, that I had to give him a chance to impress.
We all took a seat on a picnic rug and chatted or drummed or listened (we had some of those very quiet friends with us). As time progressed various people got up and wandered away, various topics were discussed, and various, not so subtle friends insisted I move over and closer and closer to M*. We talked about a few different things, but for me there really wasn't a spark.
For me it was like we inhabited different planes of intellect. He's an intelligent and genuinely lovely guy, he's an Engineer, but it didn't match my plane of intelligence and so I didn't find a particularly strong connection to him. I think it's to do with a level of social intelligence I want to connect over, but that may be a struggle if I'm supposed to meet an introvert who is not necessarily able to be so socially aware or experienced.
The drumming night was quite nice, very relaxed atmosphere, very suitable for a secret blind date :) He did open up and became more chatty as I was moved closer and the night wore on. We all headed off to Turkish Delight for an evening sweet, they do chocolate baklava, but I had seker pare and hot chocolate... might as well splurge on such a night eh?
Again, I sat next to M* and chatted a little more, but for me I had to think about what to discuss, it didn't have the easy flow you get when you're naturally attracted to someone. We all finished up about 11pm I think. I commented to Ant and CPD in the car on the way home that he really was lovely, but there wasn't a whole lot of spark on my end. I did say I would certainly consider a second arranged meeting, just to make sure I'm not being a horribly biased and inconsiderate person and all.
Over the last couple of days, many people have asked me about it, so I have therefore thought a lot about it (and have tried not to feel guilty/ disappointed for not being attracted to M*) and I have came up with a description which I think helps define the elusive spark or chemistry (as some friends have claimed that even no spark deserves another 2 dates - do I really have that kind of time?). Anyway, sparks and chemistry, it's not necessarily that desire to jump someone's bones or the Hollywood love at first sight for me. It's more of an interest hook, the desire to know more. To want to know what they'll say next, what they'll be doing tomorrow, when you might next run in to them. All that wondering and interest leads to hoping and excitement, and that's what the spark and chemistry are.
And I'm sure people will argue till they're blue in the face that chemistry can grow over time, but you know what, I've experienced what I've described a number of times over the years, even as recently as in the last few months. It hasn't had to grow, in fact I've been stuck with a few full-blown and as yet unrealised crushes for months now. Guess it makes things hard for any potential date who hasn't provided at least a similar level of interest for me to be hooked on.
And before you ask about these other crushes, no I'm not nearly as brave as you all make me out to be. I quiver at the idea of being blatantly honest with a guy I'm dead keen on because of the potential rejection and humiliation or just plain disappointment of him not being interested back (oh god, I might not provide that interest hook I'm endorsing! The horror!). Even though certainly one of these guys I could afford to be so honest too and the fall out would be minimal... that's a lot of guts and timing I am still trying to fathom and maybe plan such an opportunity.
So I have to admit, having friends screen potential chaps, recommend them and set me up without the pressure of the opposite party *knowing* they're on a blind date, is quite nice, but not necessarily easy.