The rules of dating
Over the last couple of days, I have run in to a couple of friends who have read my dating posts. One I know through work (it's always interesting to see who reads my waffle! *waves to various work related people*) and the other I have introduced to you before, is ACoopers4me.
As I've said before, I haven't contacted my recent speed date matches until tonight (more on that to come). And of course, a number of people including the above mentioned chaps, have asked me if I have heard from the speed daters, as they are given my contact details as well.
M* was commenting yesterday that guys no longer know what the rules are, should they call/ email/ contact or is it left to girls now, since we're so forward, liberated, independent and so on.
Today ACoopers4me was saying that he and his girlfriend agreed that, should they ever break up, he would have the easier time of the dating world than she would. That the Good Guys already are or tend to get snapped up quickly, and are generally unavailable to us remaining single girls.
And we can't forget the Dreaded Man Drought leaving girls short changed on the single guy front.
So it's got me thinking about the rules of dating, I'm not sure I know what they are. I know what my rules are, and I know what some of the rules were, but what's to say they are still viable 10 years on? The rules back then used to be more prudish, and based in time ie, don't call for 3 days etc.
So tonight I emailed the 4 guys I matched with from the last 2 Speed Dates. It's been 2 weeks since the first Speed Date and nearly 1 week since the most recent one. So why have none of these guys contacted me? I admit, we only matched as 'friends' so the impetus to contact isn't as great since you get the feeling you're 'nice, but not good enough to date'. I don't know why that company gives you the option to Friend anyway, I already have plenty of friends, and it lets people protect themselves from embarrassment of saying I want to date you by giving the option of 'you're nice... as a friend'.
Now H* from the first Speed Date experience at the theatre, I had his phone number for about a week before I text him. Then he was responsive and offered to friend me on facebook as he is travelling overseas for 4 weeks and we couldn't catch up before he left.
But I want to know, why for 5 out of 5 matches, people who said they'd like to keep in touch with me too, I've had to contact each of them first. It's sensible for the guys I've said Date to who have only said friend to me, for me to contact them. But what if there were guys who said Date to me who I said friend to them? Surely they would want to follow it up and hope for it to upgrade from friend to Date?
Sometimes I think the guys I've matched with were there for free, or discount ticket to even out the numbers, and aren't actually interested in meeting people. It's possible, but it's a pretty negative view. I might just ride with the 'Guys no longer know what the rules are' view for a while... and not think about the 'guys are lazy' possibility.
Speaking of facebook as I was, I have looked each guy up to see if they're there, a couple were, like I said, H* is now a friend on facebook. It's was quite surprising to discover we had 1 friend in common, a guy I used to work with who H* socialises with ocassionally. The first guy I emailed tonight I checked on facebook, and he too had a friend in common (amusingly the common friend is someone I met through ACoopers). The others, well some didn't facebook and the others didn't have any connection to me.
But it did hark back to today's conversation with ACoopers about re-entering the dating world. When he met his gorgeous girlfriend, they met through common friends. I met most of my exes through friends or common interest groups.
This week Bounce pointed me towards 100 Dates, a blog by a Melbourne woman asking online followers to recommend a date for her. I love this idea, I've thought something similar before with 'Win a Date with Kate'. But I find most of my immediate friends don't know any eligible bachelors, or if they do, I already know them... and well... no.
So it's stimulated the thought process. The idea of blind dates and being set up with friends of friends used to be so uncool (as was speed dating and online dating come to think of it), but now I would seriously consider it. Greg has already taken the first steps by suggesting one of his work colleagues, and the more I think about it, the more I know I should just accept the offer.
If I can't trust my friends to point me towards a good bloke, who can I trust? Speed Dating and Online Dating companies only screen by demographics, they don't check if people are a good sort or not, they just let us clients figure it out by trial and error. If I paid for an agency, they have higher levels of screening requirements, but in the end, it still comes down to matching data, not qualitative information.
So the rules used to be that you don't generally set anyone up with a blind date unless they're really desperate.
I'm not desperate, but I'm willing to meet your single, eligible, good men. And I'm sure to have fun, be a pleasant date and probably blog about it. Maybe it it'll just be a learning curve.
But while I think of it, what dating rules do you know of or remember? What rules do you want changed or confirmed or defunct? Perhaps I can also start to redefine what 2010's dating rules are rather than fumble blindly through.
So Greg, I accept, set me up.
As I've said before, I haven't contacted my recent speed date matches until tonight (more on that to come). And of course, a number of people including the above mentioned chaps, have asked me if I have heard from the speed daters, as they are given my contact details as well.
M* was commenting yesterday that guys no longer know what the rules are, should they call/ email/ contact or is it left to girls now, since we're so forward, liberated, independent and so on.
Today ACoopers4me was saying that he and his girlfriend agreed that, should they ever break up, he would have the easier time of the dating world than she would. That the Good Guys already are or tend to get snapped up quickly, and are generally unavailable to us remaining single girls.
And we can't forget the Dreaded Man Drought leaving girls short changed on the single guy front.
So it's got me thinking about the rules of dating, I'm not sure I know what they are. I know what my rules are, and I know what some of the rules were, but what's to say they are still viable 10 years on? The rules back then used to be more prudish, and based in time ie, don't call for 3 days etc.
So tonight I emailed the 4 guys I matched with from the last 2 Speed Dates. It's been 2 weeks since the first Speed Date and nearly 1 week since the most recent one. So why have none of these guys contacted me? I admit, we only matched as 'friends' so the impetus to contact isn't as great since you get the feeling you're 'nice, but not good enough to date'. I don't know why that company gives you the option to Friend anyway, I already have plenty of friends, and it lets people protect themselves from embarrassment of saying I want to date you by giving the option of 'you're nice... as a friend'.
Now H* from the first Speed Date experience at the theatre, I had his phone number for about a week before I text him. Then he was responsive and offered to friend me on facebook as he is travelling overseas for 4 weeks and we couldn't catch up before he left.
But I want to know, why for 5 out of 5 matches, people who said they'd like to keep in touch with me too, I've had to contact each of them first. It's sensible for the guys I've said Date to who have only said friend to me, for me to contact them. But what if there were guys who said Date to me who I said friend to them? Surely they would want to follow it up and hope for it to upgrade from friend to Date?
Sometimes I think the guys I've matched with were there for free, or discount ticket to even out the numbers, and aren't actually interested in meeting people. It's possible, but it's a pretty negative view. I might just ride with the 'Guys no longer know what the rules are' view for a while... and not think about the 'guys are lazy' possibility.
Speaking of facebook as I was, I have looked each guy up to see if they're there, a couple were, like I said, H* is now a friend on facebook. It's was quite surprising to discover we had 1 friend in common, a guy I used to work with who H* socialises with ocassionally. The first guy I emailed tonight I checked on facebook, and he too had a friend in common (amusingly the common friend is someone I met through ACoopers). The others, well some didn't facebook and the others didn't have any connection to me.
But it did hark back to today's conversation with ACoopers about re-entering the dating world. When he met his gorgeous girlfriend, they met through common friends. I met most of my exes through friends or common interest groups.
This week Bounce pointed me towards 100 Dates, a blog by a Melbourne woman asking online followers to recommend a date for her. I love this idea, I've thought something similar before with 'Win a Date with Kate'. But I find most of my immediate friends don't know any eligible bachelors, or if they do, I already know them... and well... no.
So it's stimulated the thought process. The idea of blind dates and being set up with friends of friends used to be so uncool (as was speed dating and online dating come to think of it), but now I would seriously consider it. Greg has already taken the first steps by suggesting one of his work colleagues, and the more I think about it, the more I know I should just accept the offer.
If I can't trust my friends to point me towards a good bloke, who can I trust? Speed Dating and Online Dating companies only screen by demographics, they don't check if people are a good sort or not, they just let us clients figure it out by trial and error. If I paid for an agency, they have higher levels of screening requirements, but in the end, it still comes down to matching data, not qualitative information.
So the rules used to be that you don't generally set anyone up with a blind date unless they're really desperate.
I'm not desperate, but I'm willing to meet your single, eligible, good men. And I'm sure to have fun, be a pleasant date and probably blog about it. Maybe it it'll just be a learning curve.
But while I think of it, what dating rules do you know of or remember? What rules do you want changed or confirmed or defunct? Perhaps I can also start to redefine what 2010's dating rules are rather than fumble blindly through.
So Greg, I accept, set me up.