Coming Down on a Sunny Day Second Interlude
Fandom: Supernatural
Title: Coming Down Second Interlude: I'll Pass as Your Comrade
Author: Maychorian
Characters: Jimmy, Cas, Sammy, Dean, John
Category: Family, Gen
Rating: K+/PG
Spoilers: S4, previous stories in 'verse.
Summary: "What do you want to do with your life?" It had never occurred to Jimmy that he had a choice.
Word Count: ~3000
Author's Note: It's true, I've started writing more Coming Down on a Sunny Day. The rough draft of Book 3 is completed and just needs some editing. It's almost 25k words, which is three quarters as long as the original Coming Down Big Bang was. So yeah, I've been busy, and I have a long way to go. I don't intend to start posting Book 3 until I've finished Book 4, because, like the first two books, they're really just one story.
But this piece here, which I'm calling the second interlude (because I had the first interlude between books one and two), is a stand-alone, so I decided to go ahead and publish it. I hope you like it and will take it as a harbinger for things to come.
The title is from "Cruel War" by Peter, Paul & Mary. Give it a listen-it really is shockingly appropriate.
Second Interlude: I'll Pass as Your Comrade
Macon, Georgia
March 17, 1992
"Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!"
The front door of the trailer crashed open, and the whirlwind of limbs and school papers that embodied Sammy Winchester rushed inside, roaring from one end of the box-shaped dwelling to the other. He paused briefly in each room, turning his head rapidly from side to side, then barreling onward when the object of his quest did not immediately appear.
"Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy! Hey, Jimmy, hey!"
In the closet-sized room that John Winchester had appropriated for his office/den/war room, the patriarch looked up from his maps and books long enough to open his mouth, but Sammy had already slammed the door shut and hurried on before he could get any words out. In the kitchen, Dean barely glanced up from the project he was working on, just long enough to make sure Sammy wouldn't run into him and spoil his steady arm, then went back to what he was doing with fierce concentration. This was going to be the best cake ever, Dean was determined.
"Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy!"
"What, what, what?" The (currently) tallest Winchester son finally stepped in the back door that led into the kitchen, just in time to catch the eight-year-old bundle of exuberance who launched himself into his arms.
Jimmy clutched the boy to his chest for a moment, then set him down again. "I'm here, Samster, no need to go yelling the house down." Jimmy glanced around at the thin walls, partly for humorous effect and partly because it really did seem like any disturbance might bring the entire trailer down around their ears. He looked back at Sammy, beaming all over his face. "What is it?"
"It's your birthday, Jimmy! Happy birthday!"
Sammy waved a paper in front of his brother's face, and Jimmy had to bob his head side to side to catch the colorful words on it. It looked like a school project, construction paper letters glue-sticked to thin white paper. Finally, Sammy made himself hold still enough to actually give it to him, and Jimmy saw that it was a homemade card.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY in rainbow colors was carefully pasted in an arc across the entire sheet, and below was written in colored pencil, a different color for every letter, "Jimmy Winchester is 18 today! Congradulations!" Sammy had good penmanship, and it was all perfectly neat and tidy. A great deal of care and thought had gone into this single piece of paper.
Jimmy accepted the card gently in both hands. It didn't seem possible, but his smile might have grown even bigger. "Thank you, Sammy. This is awesome."
"What about my cake?" Dean straightened up from the counter to gesture at it with the frosting-covered knife in his hand. "Is it not the most awesome cake you have ever seen?"
"It is," Jimmy said. He turned to Dean and nodded earnestly at the cake on the kitchen counter. "It's the best cake I've ever seen."
There wasn't even a hint of teasing in his voice, and Dean nodded, then turned back to put the finishing touches on his masterpiece. The frosting was bright blue and as smooth as a thirteen-year-old with a butter knife could make it. Now Dean was using the knife and the leftover frosting to draw tiny sigils on the plate around the cake in honor of Castiel. No one knew when Cas's birthday was, not even the angel himself, so they celebrated his arrival to the world, and to the Winchester family, at the same time as they did Jimmy's.
"Dad said he might get pizza," Sammy said, tugging on Jimmy's arm. "Is that still gonna happen?"
"Yep, he already ordered it, and he picked up pop on the way home from work," Dean said with great satisfaction. He could not imagine a better birthday supper than pizza and soda, with cake to follow afterward.
"We should remind him to go pick it up," Sammy said, moving back toward John's office/den. He had yet to remove his backpack or jacket, and Jimmy followed after him, tugging on the strap at the top of his bag.
"Here, let me get that for you. How was your after-school group?"
"Oh, it was awesome," Sammy said, always ready to chat about school, and he was off. Jimmy had succeeded in distracting him from disturbing Dad.
A few minutes later, John emerged from the tiny room on his own, giving Jimmy a grateful nod as he slipped out the door to drive to the pizza place. Jimmy nodded back, releasing a silent sigh. He'd bought John enough time to hide all the really nasty hunting stuff before Sammy poked his head in again and got curious.
Supper was perfect, and the cake was amazing.
X~*~X
Afterward, they piled the dishes in the sink and left them alone. Sammy and Dean went to the living room and turned on the TV, flipping channels in hopes of finding something that would be fun enough for birthday entertainment. Jimmy sat at the table, so full of pizza and cake that he couldn't imagine moving for at least an hour. The angel in his head buzzed gently with pleasure and contentment, having enjoyed the day as much as Jimmy had. Happy Winchesters had that effect.
Dad stood up from the table with a groan and moved over to the fridge to get a beer. After a glance at Jimmy, he grabbed two bottles, opened them both, and brought them back. He set one in front of Jimmy, nudging his cup of lemon-lime soda aside.
"I know you're not twenty-one, but you're man enough to try it," Dad said. "When I was your age, I was going to war. And you're already in one."
Jimmy looked up at him, then down at the beer, frowning thoughtfully. He wrapped his fingers around the cold bottle experimentally at first, then more firmly. Never thought of it that way. Beer as a warrior's reward, Castiel said. Jimmy smiled and reported the sentiment to Dad.
Dad grinned back at him, then gestured with his bottle. "Go ahead, give it a try."
Jimmy lifted the bottle to his lips and took a sip. The cold of the liquid felt nice, but he grimaced at the flavor, yeasty and strong and a touch bitter. He shuddered and set the bottle back on the table, his face screwed up. He looked at Dad with a faint feeling of betrayal. He thought this stuff was supposed to be good.
Dad laughed at him. "Yeah, it's an acquired taste. Keep going."
With this sip Jimmy was more aware of the alcoholic tang underneath. He felt a little dizzy, and he wondered if it was really possible to feel tipsy after two swallows of beer.
Lightweight. Castiel's presence in his mind radiated fondness.
He watched Dad with one eye, the other squinted shut. John Winchester's face was warm with contentment, his eyes far away as he drank his beer, the level of liquid in the bottle decreasing much more quickly than Jimmy's. He was in a good mood, but edging toward nostalgia, Jimmy could tell at a glance.
Jimmy no longer tensed up when the alcohol came out, but he couldn't help noticing how it affected those who drank. He'd gotten too used to watching, keeping a wary eye out. John had never been violent, but Jimmy still kept expecting violence. His intense concentration on avoiding being hit had almost made him miss the other bad effects getting drunk had on John.
But that was all in the past. It had taken Dad years to get his drinking under control, but now he only drank when he was in a good mood, for the pleasure of it rather than to drown himself, and that made all the difference. Still, nostalgia could turn into melancholy, and melancholy could become paralysis. So Jimmy watched.
But that wasn't where Dad's mind was going tonight. Once he got enough beer in his system to make him more loose and comfortable, he raised his head and met Jimmy's eyes again. He smiled, warm and broad, his dark eyes affectionate. "What do you want to do, son?"
"Do?" Jimmy blinked. He hadn't the faintest idea where this was going.
"With your life," Dad said. "You're eighteen today. You'll graduate high school in a couple of months. You have your own car. Not even Cas can stop you from doing whatever you want. What do you want to do with your life?"
"I…I don't know." It had never occurred to him that he had a choice. Jimmy stared down at the table, suddenly overwhelmed.
Dad's voice was still warm, still relaxed and comfortable. "You could go to college. I know you haven't applied anywhere, but you're a smart kid. You could…you could find out where Amelia is going and try there."
You could, Castiel said. His sense was subdued now, no longer expansive and vibrating with happiness. He had tamped himself into a corner of Jimmy's mind, hiding his emotions from his vessel. He was trying to create some distance and let Jimmy have his own thoughts and feelings, make his decision without being influenced by the angel in his head.
But Jimmy had been living side by side with Castiel's spirit, crammed up together in the space of one human skull, for too long. He didn't have to feel Castiel's emotions in the moment-he already knew exactly what Castiel was feeling, just because he knew the angel so well. Castiel didn't want to leave the Winchesters, not even for a few weeks, let alone a few years.
But he wanted Jimmy to have the choice.
This time in history is relatively quiet, Castiel said. We've already done a great deal to influence the path head. In the other future, the Winchesters got along well enough on their own until Azazel truly started winding up the machinery to start the Apocalypse in 2005. That's more than a decade away. You could take a few years and go to college.
He could. For a moment, Jimmy allowed himself the fantasy. He imagined going to school at some Midwestern college, Purdue or Northwestern or Michigan State, drifts of red and golden leaves, blankets of thickly fallen snow, cozy sweaters and high-vaulted libraries that smelled of leather and time. He imagined going to classes he actually wanted to take, scribbling down notes as learned professors expounded on increasingly obscure and fascinating subjects. Castiel knew a great deal, and therefore Jimmy did too, but higher learning held vast arenas of literature and art and cultural history that even an angel did not begin to understand. Jimmy could study them, he could delve into the realm of humanity and lose himself entirely, forgetting all about Azazel and demons and violated children and the coming end of the world.
And he imagined Amelia. He imagined taking her on dates, crisp fall evenings when they were both free, walks in spring gardens, small-town soda shops and diners where they could tuck themselves into a corner and talk for hours. He imagined taking classes with her, walking down a sidewalk holding hands, slipping notes to each other like grade-schoolers while the buzz of the lecture continued above their heads. He imagined studying together, lounging on a sofa in a busy student center or crouching in uncomfortable chairs in the back of a musty library.
It would be sweet. It would be like a dream, one that Jimmy had not dared to let himself have.
But then his mind slipped the other way around, like turning a mirror at a forty-five degree angle, and he wondered what he would miss. Dean was already not having the best time in junior high-how would he fare in high school without Jimmy looking after him? Who would drive Sammy to meet his friends for study group? What would Dad do when he needed to take off on a weekend hunt?
They can handle themselves, Castiel said. In the other timeline, Dean had already been looking out for his brother on his own for several years at this point. John can take them to Bobby Singer's when he feels the need to pursue a dangerous hunt. It is not incumbent upon you to serve this family at your own expense. You are allowed to have desires and passions of your own.
"I do," Jimmy said slowly, and Dad raised his eyebrows. It was a non-sequitur, but they'd all gotten used to hearing snatches of speech from Jimmy that had nothing to do with the audible conversation.
Jimmy looked up at his father, though, including him in the discussion. "I could go to college. There are things I want to do. I have interests I want to follow. But what you said is true…. I'm in a war."
Dad grimaced. "I didn't mean…"
"I know," Jimmy said. "You didn't mean that I was stuck in it forever, that I can't take a leave of absence. But… That's kind of the way it is, even though you didn't say it.
"I'm in a war. We're all in a war. It's invisible to most of the world, but it's real, it's happening, and it's the most important thing going, it really is. If I go to college, I'll worry every day. I'll think about you, wherever you are, and fret about demons coming after you without Castiel there to see them coming. I'll worry about you getting killed on a hunt, and Dean and Sammy being stuck somewhere, all alone with no one to take care of them."
"That's not gonna happen. I can take care of the boys," Dad said, unconsciously echoing Castiel's earlier declaration. But Jimmy shook his head before he could go on.
"I know you can. I even know they can take care of each other. But that won't stop me from wondering, and worrying, and stressing out every day I'm apart from you."
"Jimmy…"
"And if something does happen, and I could have prevented it? If we could have prevented it, me or Castiel or both? I'd never forgive myself."
Dad sighed. His beer bottle was empty, and he pushed it aside and reached for Jimmy's, still held loosely in his hand. Jimmy let it go without a fuss. That stuff was nasty. Dad took a long pull, then looked Jimmy in the eyes again, man to man.
"What about Amelia?"
Jimmy's heart squeezed. That dream of college, of being with her almost every day, made his entire body ache with longing. But he knew now that it was only a dream. The reality would not be nearly so sweet, made bitter and sour by the knowledge that he should be fighting. He should be standing with his brothers and his father.
"She'll wait for me," Jimmy said. "She'll have to. And if she won't… I'll have to learn to live with that."
"No," Dad said softly. "I think she'll wait."
I do, as well, Castiel said. His emotions were slipping out again, warm and sad, lapping around Jimmy's mind like waves on a sunlit beach. He was glad Jimmy had chosen not to go, and also immensely regretful.
Jimmy understood. He felt that way himself.
It wasn't fair. But no one ever said life was fair, least of all a Winchester.
"Everything will wait," he said, straightening in his chair. The decision was made. "When it's over, I'll do everything I want to do. I promise you that."
Dad nodded, strong and sure. "I know you will. And we'll do everything we can to make sure you'll be able to."
We all will, Castiel said.
Promises all around.
"Hey, Jimmy!" Dean yelled. He popped up to beam at them over the counter that separated the kitchen from the living area, his entire face lit up with victory over his successful battle with the TV. "We found Top Gun! Come and watch with us!"
"Best movie ever!" Sammy squealed, and Jimmy laughed.
"Okay, okay, I'm coming." He levered himself up from the table, a hand to his stomach to hold in all the pizza and cake. "Dad?"
Dad gave him a lopsided grin. "Of course I'm coming. I would never miss Goose and Maverick fighting those bogeys."
Jimmy and his dad settled on the broken down couch, Sammy and Dean on the floor leaning against their legs. They watched the best movie of the previous decade, and even Castiel had fun, and Jimmy was completely satisfied with his eighteenth birthday. His life as currently arranged wasn't bad at all. Sure, he had a lot of plans for the future, once the Apocalypse had been well and truly averted, but that didn't mean he couldn't find joy and harmony and even peace in his current circumstances. On days like this, it was kind of easy.
End of Second Interlude
Previous: Where Angels Failed
Next: Book 3, Part 1
Title: Coming Down Second Interlude: I'll Pass as Your Comrade
Author: Maychorian
Characters: Jimmy, Cas, Sammy, Dean, John
Category: Family, Gen
Rating: K+/PG
Spoilers: S4, previous stories in 'verse.
Summary: "What do you want to do with your life?" It had never occurred to Jimmy that he had a choice.
Word Count: ~3000
Author's Note: It's true, I've started writing more Coming Down on a Sunny Day. The rough draft of Book 3 is completed and just needs some editing. It's almost 25k words, which is three quarters as long as the original Coming Down Big Bang was. So yeah, I've been busy, and I have a long way to go. I don't intend to start posting Book 3 until I've finished Book 4, because, like the first two books, they're really just one story.
But this piece here, which I'm calling the second interlude (because I had the first interlude between books one and two), is a stand-alone, so I decided to go ahead and publish it. I hope you like it and will take it as a harbinger for things to come.
The title is from "Cruel War" by Peter, Paul & Mary. Give it a listen-it really is shockingly appropriate.
Second Interlude: I'll Pass as Your Comrade
Macon, Georgia
March 17, 1992
"Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!"
The front door of the trailer crashed open, and the whirlwind of limbs and school papers that embodied Sammy Winchester rushed inside, roaring from one end of the box-shaped dwelling to the other. He paused briefly in each room, turning his head rapidly from side to side, then barreling onward when the object of his quest did not immediately appear.
"Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy! Hey, Jimmy, hey!"
In the closet-sized room that John Winchester had appropriated for his office/den/war room, the patriarch looked up from his maps and books long enough to open his mouth, but Sammy had already slammed the door shut and hurried on before he could get any words out. In the kitchen, Dean barely glanced up from the project he was working on, just long enough to make sure Sammy wouldn't run into him and spoil his steady arm, then went back to what he was doing with fierce concentration. This was going to be the best cake ever, Dean was determined.
"Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy!"
"What, what, what?" The (currently) tallest Winchester son finally stepped in the back door that led into the kitchen, just in time to catch the eight-year-old bundle of exuberance who launched himself into his arms.
Jimmy clutched the boy to his chest for a moment, then set him down again. "I'm here, Samster, no need to go yelling the house down." Jimmy glanced around at the thin walls, partly for humorous effect and partly because it really did seem like any disturbance might bring the entire trailer down around their ears. He looked back at Sammy, beaming all over his face. "What is it?"
"It's your birthday, Jimmy! Happy birthday!"
Sammy waved a paper in front of his brother's face, and Jimmy had to bob his head side to side to catch the colorful words on it. It looked like a school project, construction paper letters glue-sticked to thin white paper. Finally, Sammy made himself hold still enough to actually give it to him, and Jimmy saw that it was a homemade card.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY in rainbow colors was carefully pasted in an arc across the entire sheet, and below was written in colored pencil, a different color for every letter, "Jimmy Winchester is 18 today! Congradulations!" Sammy had good penmanship, and it was all perfectly neat and tidy. A great deal of care and thought had gone into this single piece of paper.
Jimmy accepted the card gently in both hands. It didn't seem possible, but his smile might have grown even bigger. "Thank you, Sammy. This is awesome."
"What about my cake?" Dean straightened up from the counter to gesture at it with the frosting-covered knife in his hand. "Is it not the most awesome cake you have ever seen?"
"It is," Jimmy said. He turned to Dean and nodded earnestly at the cake on the kitchen counter. "It's the best cake I've ever seen."
There wasn't even a hint of teasing in his voice, and Dean nodded, then turned back to put the finishing touches on his masterpiece. The frosting was bright blue and as smooth as a thirteen-year-old with a butter knife could make it. Now Dean was using the knife and the leftover frosting to draw tiny sigils on the plate around the cake in honor of Castiel. No one knew when Cas's birthday was, not even the angel himself, so they celebrated his arrival to the world, and to the Winchester family, at the same time as they did Jimmy's.
"Dad said he might get pizza," Sammy said, tugging on Jimmy's arm. "Is that still gonna happen?"
"Yep, he already ordered it, and he picked up pop on the way home from work," Dean said with great satisfaction. He could not imagine a better birthday supper than pizza and soda, with cake to follow afterward.
"We should remind him to go pick it up," Sammy said, moving back toward John's office/den. He had yet to remove his backpack or jacket, and Jimmy followed after him, tugging on the strap at the top of his bag.
"Here, let me get that for you. How was your after-school group?"
"Oh, it was awesome," Sammy said, always ready to chat about school, and he was off. Jimmy had succeeded in distracting him from disturbing Dad.
A few minutes later, John emerged from the tiny room on his own, giving Jimmy a grateful nod as he slipped out the door to drive to the pizza place. Jimmy nodded back, releasing a silent sigh. He'd bought John enough time to hide all the really nasty hunting stuff before Sammy poked his head in again and got curious.
Supper was perfect, and the cake was amazing.
X~*~X
Afterward, they piled the dishes in the sink and left them alone. Sammy and Dean went to the living room and turned on the TV, flipping channels in hopes of finding something that would be fun enough for birthday entertainment. Jimmy sat at the table, so full of pizza and cake that he couldn't imagine moving for at least an hour. The angel in his head buzzed gently with pleasure and contentment, having enjoyed the day as much as Jimmy had. Happy Winchesters had that effect.
Dad stood up from the table with a groan and moved over to the fridge to get a beer. After a glance at Jimmy, he grabbed two bottles, opened them both, and brought them back. He set one in front of Jimmy, nudging his cup of lemon-lime soda aside.
"I know you're not twenty-one, but you're man enough to try it," Dad said. "When I was your age, I was going to war. And you're already in one."
Jimmy looked up at him, then down at the beer, frowning thoughtfully. He wrapped his fingers around the cold bottle experimentally at first, then more firmly. Never thought of it that way. Beer as a warrior's reward, Castiel said. Jimmy smiled and reported the sentiment to Dad.
Dad grinned back at him, then gestured with his bottle. "Go ahead, give it a try."
Jimmy lifted the bottle to his lips and took a sip. The cold of the liquid felt nice, but he grimaced at the flavor, yeasty and strong and a touch bitter. He shuddered and set the bottle back on the table, his face screwed up. He looked at Dad with a faint feeling of betrayal. He thought this stuff was supposed to be good.
Dad laughed at him. "Yeah, it's an acquired taste. Keep going."
With this sip Jimmy was more aware of the alcoholic tang underneath. He felt a little dizzy, and he wondered if it was really possible to feel tipsy after two swallows of beer.
Lightweight. Castiel's presence in his mind radiated fondness.
He watched Dad with one eye, the other squinted shut. John Winchester's face was warm with contentment, his eyes far away as he drank his beer, the level of liquid in the bottle decreasing much more quickly than Jimmy's. He was in a good mood, but edging toward nostalgia, Jimmy could tell at a glance.
Jimmy no longer tensed up when the alcohol came out, but he couldn't help noticing how it affected those who drank. He'd gotten too used to watching, keeping a wary eye out. John had never been violent, but Jimmy still kept expecting violence. His intense concentration on avoiding being hit had almost made him miss the other bad effects getting drunk had on John.
But that was all in the past. It had taken Dad years to get his drinking under control, but now he only drank when he was in a good mood, for the pleasure of it rather than to drown himself, and that made all the difference. Still, nostalgia could turn into melancholy, and melancholy could become paralysis. So Jimmy watched.
But that wasn't where Dad's mind was going tonight. Once he got enough beer in his system to make him more loose and comfortable, he raised his head and met Jimmy's eyes again. He smiled, warm and broad, his dark eyes affectionate. "What do you want to do, son?"
"Do?" Jimmy blinked. He hadn't the faintest idea where this was going.
"With your life," Dad said. "You're eighteen today. You'll graduate high school in a couple of months. You have your own car. Not even Cas can stop you from doing whatever you want. What do you want to do with your life?"
"I…I don't know." It had never occurred to him that he had a choice. Jimmy stared down at the table, suddenly overwhelmed.
Dad's voice was still warm, still relaxed and comfortable. "You could go to college. I know you haven't applied anywhere, but you're a smart kid. You could…you could find out where Amelia is going and try there."
You could, Castiel said. His sense was subdued now, no longer expansive and vibrating with happiness. He had tamped himself into a corner of Jimmy's mind, hiding his emotions from his vessel. He was trying to create some distance and let Jimmy have his own thoughts and feelings, make his decision without being influenced by the angel in his head.
But Jimmy had been living side by side with Castiel's spirit, crammed up together in the space of one human skull, for too long. He didn't have to feel Castiel's emotions in the moment-he already knew exactly what Castiel was feeling, just because he knew the angel so well. Castiel didn't want to leave the Winchesters, not even for a few weeks, let alone a few years.
But he wanted Jimmy to have the choice.
This time in history is relatively quiet, Castiel said. We've already done a great deal to influence the path head. In the other future, the Winchesters got along well enough on their own until Azazel truly started winding up the machinery to start the Apocalypse in 2005. That's more than a decade away. You could take a few years and go to college.
He could. For a moment, Jimmy allowed himself the fantasy. He imagined going to school at some Midwestern college, Purdue or Northwestern or Michigan State, drifts of red and golden leaves, blankets of thickly fallen snow, cozy sweaters and high-vaulted libraries that smelled of leather and time. He imagined going to classes he actually wanted to take, scribbling down notes as learned professors expounded on increasingly obscure and fascinating subjects. Castiel knew a great deal, and therefore Jimmy did too, but higher learning held vast arenas of literature and art and cultural history that even an angel did not begin to understand. Jimmy could study them, he could delve into the realm of humanity and lose himself entirely, forgetting all about Azazel and demons and violated children and the coming end of the world.
And he imagined Amelia. He imagined taking her on dates, crisp fall evenings when they were both free, walks in spring gardens, small-town soda shops and diners where they could tuck themselves into a corner and talk for hours. He imagined taking classes with her, walking down a sidewalk holding hands, slipping notes to each other like grade-schoolers while the buzz of the lecture continued above their heads. He imagined studying together, lounging on a sofa in a busy student center or crouching in uncomfortable chairs in the back of a musty library.
It would be sweet. It would be like a dream, one that Jimmy had not dared to let himself have.
But then his mind slipped the other way around, like turning a mirror at a forty-five degree angle, and he wondered what he would miss. Dean was already not having the best time in junior high-how would he fare in high school without Jimmy looking after him? Who would drive Sammy to meet his friends for study group? What would Dad do when he needed to take off on a weekend hunt?
They can handle themselves, Castiel said. In the other timeline, Dean had already been looking out for his brother on his own for several years at this point. John can take them to Bobby Singer's when he feels the need to pursue a dangerous hunt. It is not incumbent upon you to serve this family at your own expense. You are allowed to have desires and passions of your own.
"I do," Jimmy said slowly, and Dad raised his eyebrows. It was a non-sequitur, but they'd all gotten used to hearing snatches of speech from Jimmy that had nothing to do with the audible conversation.
Jimmy looked up at his father, though, including him in the discussion. "I could go to college. There are things I want to do. I have interests I want to follow. But what you said is true…. I'm in a war."
Dad grimaced. "I didn't mean…"
"I know," Jimmy said. "You didn't mean that I was stuck in it forever, that I can't take a leave of absence. But… That's kind of the way it is, even though you didn't say it.
"I'm in a war. We're all in a war. It's invisible to most of the world, but it's real, it's happening, and it's the most important thing going, it really is. If I go to college, I'll worry every day. I'll think about you, wherever you are, and fret about demons coming after you without Castiel there to see them coming. I'll worry about you getting killed on a hunt, and Dean and Sammy being stuck somewhere, all alone with no one to take care of them."
"That's not gonna happen. I can take care of the boys," Dad said, unconsciously echoing Castiel's earlier declaration. But Jimmy shook his head before he could go on.
"I know you can. I even know they can take care of each other. But that won't stop me from wondering, and worrying, and stressing out every day I'm apart from you."
"Jimmy…"
"And if something does happen, and I could have prevented it? If we could have prevented it, me or Castiel or both? I'd never forgive myself."
Dad sighed. His beer bottle was empty, and he pushed it aside and reached for Jimmy's, still held loosely in his hand. Jimmy let it go without a fuss. That stuff was nasty. Dad took a long pull, then looked Jimmy in the eyes again, man to man.
"What about Amelia?"
Jimmy's heart squeezed. That dream of college, of being with her almost every day, made his entire body ache with longing. But he knew now that it was only a dream. The reality would not be nearly so sweet, made bitter and sour by the knowledge that he should be fighting. He should be standing with his brothers and his father.
"She'll wait for me," Jimmy said. "She'll have to. And if she won't… I'll have to learn to live with that."
"No," Dad said softly. "I think she'll wait."
I do, as well, Castiel said. His emotions were slipping out again, warm and sad, lapping around Jimmy's mind like waves on a sunlit beach. He was glad Jimmy had chosen not to go, and also immensely regretful.
Jimmy understood. He felt that way himself.
It wasn't fair. But no one ever said life was fair, least of all a Winchester.
"Everything will wait," he said, straightening in his chair. The decision was made. "When it's over, I'll do everything I want to do. I promise you that."
Dad nodded, strong and sure. "I know you will. And we'll do everything we can to make sure you'll be able to."
We all will, Castiel said.
Promises all around.
"Hey, Jimmy!" Dean yelled. He popped up to beam at them over the counter that separated the kitchen from the living area, his entire face lit up with victory over his successful battle with the TV. "We found Top Gun! Come and watch with us!"
"Best movie ever!" Sammy squealed, and Jimmy laughed.
"Okay, okay, I'm coming." He levered himself up from the table, a hand to his stomach to hold in all the pizza and cake. "Dad?"
Dad gave him a lopsided grin. "Of course I'm coming. I would never miss Goose and Maverick fighting those bogeys."
Jimmy and his dad settled on the broken down couch, Sammy and Dean on the floor leaning against their legs. They watched the best movie of the previous decade, and even Castiel had fun, and Jimmy was completely satisfied with his eighteenth birthday. His life as currently arranged wasn't bad at all. Sure, he had a lot of plans for the future, once the Apocalypse had been well and truly averted, but that didn't mean he couldn't find joy and harmony and even peace in his current circumstances. On days like this, it was kind of easy.
End of Second Interlude
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Next: Book 3, Part 1