I'm Angry Now
Okay, I said in my first post about this that I wasn't going to say anything else. I was wrong. I have something else to say. It's only tangentially related to All This Stuff, but it's important to me. At first this whole thing didn't mean that much to me, just Someone Wrong on the Internet, but I've been reading too much again (that curse of curiosity), and now I am angry. SO ANGRY. It's hard to believe. I almost never get angry.
This will be very personal. And triggery. And long. And there will be curse words, because I am just. So. Angry.
Yes, this is about that wank. If you want to stay out of wank in fandom, don't read those links, and don't read the rest of this post.
To sum up, someone was accused of sexual misconduct at a fan-run convention and was banned. Whether or not the accusations are true is beside the point, though I believe those who say that they heard or gave eyewitness accounts, and I believe that the con organizers acted on complaints given at the time, not rumors from an anon meme two years later (as has been stated multiple times). It started out as a private matter discussed by only a few people (and by a few nonnies at spnpermanon), and it would have stayed private if the person in question had not chosen to air her dirty laundry before her enormous flist in a blatant bid for sympathy and support. And this is where it is not okay, because this person demanded that proof be given, that people accusing her of misconduct be named, that they "Bring charges, or shut the fuck UP." And she used the most confrontational and aggressive language to do it. She also accused the nonnies of "libel, possibly even slander," (LOLOLOL) and threatened to bring the Wrath of Lawyer Down on Us All.
At first it was just this thing going on, you know, off in fandom somewhere. I was upset because some of my flisties were upset. But after reading many, many posts and comments, and screencaps, I'm not upset on anyone else's behalf anymore. I am upset for myself. I am pissed. I am ANGRY.
It's become personal for me now. Because you know what? THIS IS NOT OKAY.
"Bring charges, or shut the fuck UP."
WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK, PERSON. NO YOU. SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.
You were accused of sexual misconduct. Not rape, but misconduct. THERE ARE RULES FOR THIS SITUATION. There are things that are okay, and things that are not. And one of things that's not okay? Demanding to know the names and faces and details of the people accusing you of misconduct. There are SO many reasons for this. I cannot believe that ANYONE with two braincells to rub together would not understand this.
I've made no secret of the fact that I was sexually abused as a child. I've talked about it multiple times, including pretty much the entirety of my Big Bang last year. This summer will be the twenty year anniversary of that experience. Almost twenty years gone, you guys. I still live with it constantly. This shit doesn't go away, not ever.
And you know what was the ONLY mitigating factor in that entire horror? The fact that the boy who mistreated me immediately owned up to it when he was confronted. I told my parents, and I never saw him in the house again. Period. My father later told me that that might have been the only thing that kept him from procuring a gun and killing that kid in cold blood (and my dad is a religious pacifist, for fuck's sake). He was just so grateful that he hadn't dragged me to court, that he hadn't forced a little girl to testify in public about what had been done to her.
Twenty years later, and I still can't imagine looking in that boy's face. He was eighteen at the time, eight years younger than I am now, and I cannot imagine confronting him, even if I could somehow go back in time and meet him as a fucked-up teenager with far less power and support than I have now. The thought makes me cold all the way through my body, fills me with utter dread and loathing. Twenty years gone, and I've done a lot of healing, but I still can't deal with that.
I am NOT saying that this person is guilty of molestation or rape. It has been made abundantly clear that she isn't. But when sexual misconduct is involved, YOU CANNOT FORCE THE VICTIMS TO BREAK THEIR ANONYMITY. It's just not on, you guys. It's just not on.
I warned you this would be personal.
I almost never get angry. It's one of the few emotional hang-ups that I still haven't overcome in my journey of healing. I have never been able to feel anger against the boy who abused me, which is one reason I so admire those who can be angry at the injustices in the world. I wish I could. But this? This makes me angry. I am so, so angry. So I could not be silent any longer. I'm going to unlock my other posts about this issue, too.
"Bring charges, or shut the fuck UP."
This is not okay.
SHUT THE FUCK UP, PERSON. You have no right to demand this. It's wrong, it's incredibly wrong. And congratulations. You have done more to rouse my emotions with this shit than the person who molested me as a child.
Oh, yeah, and anyone who supports her? Go find out both sides of the story, and then see if you still do. And if you do? SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'm angry at you too. I am ENRAGED. It's a rare feeling for me. I am both sickened by it and high on it, and I don't want to talk to you right now.
Maybe this is all I have to say. Maybe not. But that's all for now.
This will be very personal. And triggery. And long. And there will be curse words, because I am just. So. Angry.
Yes, this is about that wank. If you want to stay out of wank in fandom, don't read those links, and don't read the rest of this post.
To sum up, someone was accused of sexual misconduct at a fan-run convention and was banned. Whether or not the accusations are true is beside the point, though I believe those who say that they heard or gave eyewitness accounts, and I believe that the con organizers acted on complaints given at the time, not rumors from an anon meme two years later (as has been stated multiple times). It started out as a private matter discussed by only a few people (and by a few nonnies at spnpermanon), and it would have stayed private if the person in question had not chosen to air her dirty laundry before her enormous flist in a blatant bid for sympathy and support. And this is where it is not okay, because this person demanded that proof be given, that people accusing her of misconduct be named, that they "Bring charges, or shut the fuck UP." And she used the most confrontational and aggressive language to do it. She also accused the nonnies of "libel, possibly even slander," (LOLOLOL) and threatened to bring the Wrath of Lawyer Down on Us All.
At first it was just this thing going on, you know, off in fandom somewhere. I was upset because some of my flisties were upset. But after reading many, many posts and comments, and screencaps, I'm not upset on anyone else's behalf anymore. I am upset for myself. I am pissed. I am ANGRY.
It's become personal for me now. Because you know what? THIS IS NOT OKAY.
"Bring charges, or shut the fuck UP."
WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK, PERSON. NO YOU. SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.
You were accused of sexual misconduct. Not rape, but misconduct. THERE ARE RULES FOR THIS SITUATION. There are things that are okay, and things that are not. And one of things that's not okay? Demanding to know the names and faces and details of the people accusing you of misconduct. There are SO many reasons for this. I cannot believe that ANYONE with two braincells to rub together would not understand this.
I've made no secret of the fact that I was sexually abused as a child. I've talked about it multiple times, including pretty much the entirety of my Big Bang last year. This summer will be the twenty year anniversary of that experience. Almost twenty years gone, you guys. I still live with it constantly. This shit doesn't go away, not ever.
And you know what was the ONLY mitigating factor in that entire horror? The fact that the boy who mistreated me immediately owned up to it when he was confronted. I told my parents, and I never saw him in the house again. Period. My father later told me that that might have been the only thing that kept him from procuring a gun and killing that kid in cold blood (and my dad is a religious pacifist, for fuck's sake). He was just so grateful that he hadn't dragged me to court, that he hadn't forced a little girl to testify in public about what had been done to her.
Twenty years later, and I still can't imagine looking in that boy's face. He was eighteen at the time, eight years younger than I am now, and I cannot imagine confronting him, even if I could somehow go back in time and meet him as a fucked-up teenager with far less power and support than I have now. The thought makes me cold all the way through my body, fills me with utter dread and loathing. Twenty years gone, and I've done a lot of healing, but I still can't deal with that.
I am NOT saying that this person is guilty of molestation or rape. It has been made abundantly clear that she isn't. But when sexual misconduct is involved, YOU CANNOT FORCE THE VICTIMS TO BREAK THEIR ANONYMITY. It's just not on, you guys. It's just not on.
I warned you this would be personal.
I almost never get angry. It's one of the few emotional hang-ups that I still haven't overcome in my journey of healing. I have never been able to feel anger against the boy who abused me, which is one reason I so admire those who can be angry at the injustices in the world. I wish I could. But this? This makes me angry. I am so, so angry. So I could not be silent any longer. I'm going to unlock my other posts about this issue, too.
"Bring charges, or shut the fuck UP."
This is not okay.
SHUT THE FUCK UP, PERSON. You have no right to demand this. It's wrong, it's incredibly wrong. And congratulations. You have done more to rouse my emotions with this shit than the person who molested me as a child.
Oh, yeah, and anyone who supports her? Go find out both sides of the story, and then see if you still do. And if you do? SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'm angry at you too. I am ENRAGED. It's a rare feeling for me. I am both sickened by it and high on it, and I don't want to talk to you right now.
Maybe this is all I have to say. Maybe not. But that's all for now.