(no subject)
Originally, when the whole break-up process was starting to be set in motion, I felt it all over -- crying, shaking, the works, entire nervous system reacting to a blow to its main concourse. Over the next few days, as alarm bells continued to ring at odd times and my system attempted to rush to its own recovery, I felt it sporadically -- in my hands and feet, in my throat, settling in my lungs and chest finally and staying there for a long time. When I breathed, I thought of him.
Now, though, I feel him only on the outer edges of my left side -- the tip of my left shoulder, the skin on that side of my neck, my upper arm, the bottom few rungs on the left side of my ribcage. Like a tree pushing constantlyl outward to obscure the scars on its bark. It's the physical feel of him, in those places; I'm not speaking metaphorically. All of the thoughts and images and associations of him -- that's where they live in my body now, that's where I feel things when I think of him.
Not that I think of him less than I did before, or less desperately, just a different quality. Related, no doubt, to the relocation.
Now, though, I feel him only on the outer edges of my left side -- the tip of my left shoulder, the skin on that side of my neck, my upper arm, the bottom few rungs on the left side of my ribcage. Like a tree pushing constantlyl outward to obscure the scars on its bark. It's the physical feel of him, in those places; I'm not speaking metaphorically. All of the thoughts and images and associations of him -- that's where they live in my body now, that's where I feel things when I think of him.
Not that I think of him less than I did before, or less desperately, just a different quality. Related, no doubt, to the relocation.